Yep, we’re gonna give it a go. Try to see if this week’s version of Tuesday will not be a day from Hell.
Diane is here. She spent the night. Shortly, we will attempt to get in the sporty Honda Fit and go retrieve her car from the auto body shop that is far, far, FAR, so FUCKING FAR away!!! I’m hoping that now that I actually know where it’s located, and since she will be in the car with me, last week’s descent into madness will not return.
You know, also re: last Tuesday (post is below). After giving it some honest thought – because, actually, all week, I couldn’t stop thinking about how mean I had been to my friend – I realized that what I put in my post was not true. It wasn’t that the mean thing I’d said was out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying. The truth was that I knew exactly what I was saying. I knew it was mean and manipulative, and I said it anyway because I was feeling incredibly insecure, and then I only REGRETTED saying it because he wouldn’t let me off the hook and it started this huge bunch of awfulness between us, and by nightfall, he didn’t want to be my friend anymore and I had to beg him to re-think that and I apologized profusely for being such a bitch. He did forgive me, thank god. But he also did say he forgave me about 20 times before I actually felt like he meant it.
Needless to say, after really looking at it, I did feel just terrible about me and my damn mouth. And my relentless insecurities. And what it started with someone I really love.
Not sure why, suddenly, I’ve started to be so honest with myself. I really like various other versions of myself a lot better. But I guess, in the long run, it’s best to just be honest and try like hell to change.
My conference call with Peitor went so great. He gave me really good insights into how best to handle the stage adaptation of the Helen LaFrance piece for Sandra. It will be much more challenging for me as a writer, but it’s a type of writing I’m better suited for. So we’ll see.
But during our conversation, I told Peitor about what’s been happening with me and my mouth (other things happened last week having to do with things I actually did say by accident that were not good, including but not limited to, telling a supervisor at my much-needed part-time job: “fuck you.” And that truly was a mistake. I did not expect that to come out of my mouth, I was just so stressed. And I was, like, “Oh my god, oh my god, I take that back, I take that back, I take that back!!!”) Anyway, Peitor said, “Wow, Marilyn, you’re sort of like a garden hose; fix one leak, and the water springs out somewhere else.” Too funny, and too true.
On Sunday, I not only renewed my vows to Christ in Holy Communion – you know, to try to not be the lamest excuse for a minister on planet Earth. We’ll see how that goes. But I also made incredibly great progress on the revisions I need for the CLEVELAND TV pilot.
In response to all this, though, I am taking all of next week OFF. Just gonna stay home and work on the novels. Get some rest. Steer clear of all my fellow human beings for a few days. And then hopefully re-emerge all bright and new.
On that happy note, have a terrific Tuesday, wherever you are in the world. I gotta scoot and go get Diane’s car. Thanks for visiting! See ya.