Most Amazing Feeling of Freedom

I was gone from the house yesterday for about 14 hours. It was around 11 PM when I pulled into town, took a right on Basin Street, drove a couple blocks down to my house on the corner, pulled up along the side of my house, onto my off-street parking and discovered —

OMG! My fence was already gone!!

It was supposed to come down today, but yesterday they decided it was a 2-day job, so they started early.  Most of the fence is now gone.

What an amazing feeling it was.  It was a clear night, too. Tons of stars out, and for some reason, having that fence gone made it feel like the sky went on forever.  This was probably just how I was feeling inside my soul, because the fence was nowhere near tall enough to hide the sky.

God, it feels so incredible to have that fence gone.  It was so ugly. Plus, I am just not a fence kinda gal.  I think it’s a psychological thing, plus I don’t have a dog so I don’t need one.

Now, of course, I’m focused on all the work that needs done to the horse & buggy barn, but that will have to wait until spring. I have 2 other smaller jobs outdoors that need to be done before winter comes. But, God, it feels so good.

Re: my little barn, though (see yesterday’s post), I think it’s really amusing that my neighbors have begun parking their car there – on my property.  They have street parking in front of their house, and they also have a driveway in front. In back, they have a large garage – he’s a drummer, so their garage is now a music studio – but there’s enough space outside his garage to park his pick-up truck. And now they are also parking in my parking space in back.

They also did some roof repairs recently to the roof of their garage, and left all the junk from it in a pile in my space in back there, as well. I also have a pile of fireplace-type logs at the side of my house, in front – right up next to the fence, that I don’t want, and I’m perfectly happy to have anyone come take the wood. But I noticed that last week, they put a fire pit in their backyard and now a lot of my logs are gone.

I actually think it’s funny. Like, have you even noticed that I live here?  Of course, once the rest of the fence is gone, it might be more difficult for them to convince themselves that everything on the outside of my no-longer-there-fence belongs to them. I guess we’ll see.

They’re cute, you know. So young. A husband & wife with 2 very young blonde girls, and then other musicians and their wives hang around, also.  They play this Death-Metal type music, not my thing at all, but I love the fact that they are musicians. They smoke a lot, out on their side porch, and they also smoke pot on Friday & Saturday nights – which I also think is cute. And all of this stuff just wafts up in through my open windows, day and night. Including their conversations, their laughter; the little girls crying occasionally, or getting exuberant.

I’m guessing that they have no clue that they are absolutely, utterly sharing my world.

You know, I’m the kind of person who really wants you to have my stuff if it’s going to make your life better somehow. I have had to let go of so much in my life that I know for sure, everything I have is just stuff.  I have only a couple things, of sentimental value, that I would really not want to part with if I don’t absolutely have to, so, you know, take my logs, take my parking spot, put your leftovers into my space, fill my open windows with your lives. None of it really matters in the long-run.  I like watching you be alive – for me, it’s a joyful thing. And I’m always saying little prayers for them that their lives end up being really, really nice. It’s so hard to be a musician, and be married and try to raise a family, own a home.

They’re really blessed that they can manage it. Probably 30 years from now, they’ll look back and say, “Wow, how did we do that?”

Meanwhile, I’m trying to just streamline. For me, it’s all about the writing and finally being free. My life has just been so stupidly hard.



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