Man, sometimes my brain is just amazing. I never, ever used to forget things like people’s birthdays. But nowadays, it’s more unusual when I do remember one.
That said, though, this time I really outdid myself. On November 3rd — that was 17 days ago — I texted a friend and former business partner in NYC, asking her what her birthday was because I knew it was in November but couldn’t remember which day and I didn’t want to forget her birthday this year. She texted back “Nov. 20th.” And 17 days later… absolutely clean slate in the brain. I didn’t remember her birthday until I woke up this morning.
You know, I just don’t understand how my brain works (or doesn’t) sometimes. I wonder just how self-involved I’m capable of getting. I guess we’re only going to find out now as time keeps barreling along.
I found this little tidbit of information interesting: I’ve had over 10,000 visitors to the blog this year. I don’t actually keep track of stuff like that anymore because I consider this just my private little blog, tucked away in a corner of the blogosphere now. But I saw the numbers this morning when I was sorting through some of the widgets in the back-end of the blog. If someone were to have just randomly asked me how many people had come to my blog this year, I really would have said “maybe a few hundred.”
I guess you don’t want me to be your accountant or anything.
Well, I made good progress with “Hymn to the Dark” yesterday, until I got the news from Sandra about our other play finally getting a firm date for production (plus she posted a photo on Instagram of our director and one of the producers). Then I just couldn’t concentrate on anything at all after that.
I am really excited but it is also going to be a huge amount of work — not just that specific play (an original musical about Sandra’s life) which still needs massive revisions; but the year, in general, will be a huge amount of work because both plays are moving forward, in different phases, at the same time, again.
I’m happy about that, because each project can help drive the other. But it’s clear that I’m just going to have to really pace myself. I still want to finish Girl in the Night, as well as In the Shadow of Narcissa — which I’ve decided I want to present as chapbook-sized flash fiction. (And I don’t want to forget about Thug Luckless, either. Because he’s a cool character with plenty of post-apocalyptic porn potential!! Yay!!)
I woke up at 2 in the morning, with an old song of mine in my head — a song I wrote in 1981 that I used to really, really love and I tend to forget about it, since I never did any demo of it with the band. I have a demo of just me and the backup singer and my guitar, but nothing more. It used to go over really well live, so it was just always in the line-up and I never saw a need to demo it. But I just love that song. (Titled “Saturn’s Got Moons Enough for Mars and Venus” — it’s an upbeat swing tempo, with a ton of words about astronomy and archaeology and dinosaurs, and it’s of course about a love gone bad, and it has a really catchy chorus. It really does.)
Eventually, when I’m finally able to afford to go into the studio in LA and record my album (with Peitor producing again — after only 35 years), I want to try to remember to include that song! I really do just love it. I drifted back to sleep, sort of singing it in my head, and I had a dream that the chorus was so long that when it was printed out on paper, it weighed 5 pounds.
This is of course not true, but what an interesting dream. I’m sure it means something very important.
I texted my birth mom yesterday, to see if she wanted to come visit between Thanksgiving and Christmas — I usually don’t call her on the phone because she still makes me nervous, even after all these years. Something in the back of my brain still worries that she’ll pick up the phone and finally say, “What do you want? I gave you up for a reason now please just leave me alone.” (Sadly, I actually have an adoptive mother who’s more like that: “I adopted you for no reason whatsoever now please leave me alone.”) (Here’s an actual quote from my adoptive mom: “What part of leave me alone did you not understand?”) (I guess that whole part there about leaving you alone…)
Anyway. My birth mom texted back, “Yes, I’d love to.” It just made my day. So now I have an added reason to get into that huge storage closet and get out the many, many, MANY boxes of Christmas stuff! And it will officially be not only my first Christmas in the new house (because last year I was so despondent with loss and grief, and with trying to keep it all a secret, that I was off with various church people who were trying hard to keep me from killing myself. I’m very grateful that they were successful). But it will also be my very first Christmas with my birth mom.
Even though I’ve known her now since I was 25, we’ve never been together for Christmas. And when I was a little girl, I always missed her terribly at Christmas. I had to keep that a secret, too, of course. (When you have to keep secrets that are really sad, I think it just makes it that much harder to bear them and more isolating.) So this is indeed a dream come true for me. My own house, my own tree, my own mom.
Okay. I’m gonna close and get to work here. I’d leave you with that song I wrote back in 1981, because I was singing it to the cats at breakfast this morning and they seemed to really like it, but I have no digital file of it whatsoever. And I don’t want to leave you with just the lyrics, because the chorus alone weighs 5 pounds!
So I’ll leave you with this. My mom at 5 years old, and me at 5 years old. I really just can’t tell you how much it means to me that she is in my life, and that she wants to be. Thanks for visiting, gang. Have a super Thursday, wherever you are in the world!! I love you guys. See ya.