Just For Old Time’s Sake…

That is a photo of where I went to Divinity School. Home of one hundred year’s worth of Evangelical old-style camp meetings  by the river. I loved that school and those people. I really did. I left when they wanted me to begin my ministry by being the Youth Minister.

I left for 2 reasons. One: I knew that what I really believed about Christ was not something they would want getting anywhere near their children. And two: I figured it would just be a matter of time before someone’s parents googled me and then they really wouldn’t want me being anywhere near their children.

From there, though, I moved on to a more urban environment and got my counseling from intensely forward-thinking, pro-gay-and-everything-else ministers in a cathedral setting. Old stone pews, beautiful stained glass windows. Incredible choir. (They were the ones who gave me my Pastoral Care & Hospital Visitation training in hopes that I might become a Chaplain. I learned so much from them — I learned so much from them about the business side of being a minister and all that it entailed (a mind-numbing amount of stuff). But where the Progressives differed from the Evangelicals was that they didn’t accept my belief that Christ could literally heal people and they were waiting for me to outgrow that.) (I didn’t.)

Anyway. Not sure where that little digression came from, right off the bat.

So.

It’s a beautiful — but very chilly — day here today. I’m not feeling as good as I felt yesterday but I still feel pretty good, all things considered. I’m going to try to do a little Abstract Absurdity Productions work with Peitor over the phone this afternoon. We’ll see how that goes. I still get really tired when I do too much talking, but I miss that feeling of connection and of working. (Although Peitor texts me everyday, it’s still not the same thing.)

I’m feeling a little depressed today. Feeling overwhelmed by my  projects that have lost momentum (the 2 plays with Sandra, and the micro-short films with Peitor). I’m trying to remind myself, though, that I don’t have to regain that ground all in one day, and also that the entire world lost momentum on their various projects…

I’m trying to just be realistic. Not a word I really take too well to, though, even in the best of times.

I think part of it is because I feel almost back to normal so it’s frustrating to not just be back to normal. And I’m also someone who feels guilty about just lying around in bed. So if I’m not feeling totally sick, it’s hard to allow myself to keep lying around in bed.

So that’s my big complaint for today, I guess. Party-Pooper mode was bound to hit me at some point.  [party poopernoun:  a person who throws gloom over social enjoyment. Or, in this case, social-distancing enjoyment. — Ed.]

I’m going to close now and get back in bed. Maybe later I will feel better and then post again! Have a good Tuesday, wherever you are in the world, gang. I leave you with what I’ve been listening to.  I love you guys. See ya.

“Underneath The Stars”

Underneath the stars I’ll meet you
Underneath the stars I’ll greet you
There beneath the stars I’ll leave you
Before you go of your own free will

Go gently

Underneath the stars you met me
Underneath the stars you left me
I wonder if the stars regret me
At least you’ll go of your own free will

Go gently

Here beneath the stars I’m landing
And here beneath the stars not ending
Why on earth am I pretending?
I’m here again, the stars befriending
They come and go of their own free will

Go gently
Go gently

Underneath the stars you met me
And Underneath the stars you left me
I wonder if the stars regret me
I’m sure they’d like me if they only met me
They come and go of their own free will

Go gently
Go gently
Go gently

© – 2003 Kate Rusby

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