Yes! This window is dirty!!

I’m probably gonna say that a lot while I’m in Italy. But who cares? It’s fun.

I also know how to say that the floor is dirty. And that we are a large family! (I also learned the Italian word for “parents” (genitori) and it kept making me laugh because it sounds dirty and I’m immature!)

And I’ve learned how to say that I build houses, and you build houses, and she/he builds houses, and we build houses.

I’m not sure what exactly I’m gonna be doing at this Writers Retreat in Perugia, but it sure sounds like I’ll be busy…

Anyway.  If you want to come build houses with me at Villa Monte Malbe next year, and also maybe write some stuff, be sure to let me know!

Okay.

Thanks, everybody, for all the nice comments on the excerpt of Blessed By Light from yesterday evening. I appreciate it.  It’s funny how many of you are awake in the world while I’m sound asleep.

Although, I didn’t stay sound asleep. I was up at 3am and, basically, I stayed awake for 2 hours before just giving up and getting out of bed.

Everything was beautiful, you know? But I was thinking about stuff.  You know, I’ve lived my entire life without a net, and suddenly at 3am this morning, after almost 59 years of doing it, it suddenly felt frightening. All this living of life without a net.

I usually don’t lie awake worrying. Especially in this house, and in this town – and especially in summer, with all the windows open, and all of nature outside having its place in the world of creation, or however you want to say that. And I usually feel like I’m woven into the very fabric of BEING. And I feel safe.

And then lately I usually have this wave of Eros washing over me, too, and that always makes me feel so alive.

But last night, I woke up and felt completely different, isolated; like it was my very first day on the planet and I had no clue what I was doing here. I felt 100% entirely alone. I have no idea why. It was frightening. But I managed to keep my thoughts skirting around it. I didn’t allow myself to dwell on it too much.

But I spent 2 hours , just lying there, trying to go back to sleep.

This is something weird. It just this morning occurred to me that both of my ex-husbands have birthdays that are in June. Don’t you think I would have realized that a lot sooner than today? And I’ve been divorced from both of them for, like, forever. I think that’s so weird. I think about so much fucking stuff all the time, but a simple thing like that – that I married 2 men who both had birthdays in June – escapes my notice for decades.

Some really, really good news from yesterday: the lawn guys are going to start hauling away the enormous dead oak tree starting next week! They say it will take 4 trips (meaning 4 weeks), but they’re ready to do it. I am so incredibly happy about this, gang. I’ll be able to get in and out of my barn! And my neighbors are gonna be flabbergasted.

Okay, the breakfast-listening music today was “Light Years” from the new album I Am Easy to Find by The National.

I really like this song, but I don’t like the video at all. I don’t like videos that force you to see a certain visual story, or to approach a song a certain way. When I listen to the song with no video, I think of this cool imagery and emotions, and stuff. The video doesn’t let you do that.

However, I don’t like the “live” versions of this song that are already on YouTube, so I’m leaving you with the Official Video. I’m not gonna tell you to close your eyes, or anything, because it’s up to you how you want to live your life & listen to your music!!

Okay. I’m gonna get back to Blessed By Light. It’s really winding down. I’m on Chapter 24 and I can’t imagine it’ll go much longer than 30 chapters. Thanks for visiting, gang. I  hope Wednesday is good to you, wherever you are in the world. I love you guys. See ya!

“Light Years”

You were waiting outside for me in the sun
Laying down to soak it all in before we had to run
I was always ten feet behind you from the start
Didn’t know you were gone ’til we were in the car

Oh, the glory of it all was lost on me
‘Til I saw how hard it’d be to reach you
And I would always be light years, light years away from you
Light years, light years away from you

I thought I saw your mother last weekend in the park
It could’ve been anybody, it was after dark
Everyone was lighting up in the shadows alone
You could’ve been right there next to me, and I’d have never known

Oh, the glory of it all was lost on me
‘Til I saw how hard it’d be to reach you
And I would always be light years, light years away from you
Light years, light years away from you
Light years, light years away from you
Light years, light years away from you

c – 2018 Aaron Dessner