Tag Archives: Blessed By Light by Marilyn Jaye Lewis

There’s Only So Much You Can Do!

In this heat, I mean.

Besides  flooding yourself with caffeine on ice and doing everything in your power to not light up a Pall Mall cigarette. (I have a whole pack here because that’s what my mom smokes.) (Nicotine makes my brain work GOOD, gang! But makes the rest of me feel like shit later…)

My brain was completely locked down from all this heat by noon yesterday, and it never got better. I could almost think, but not enough to keep switching between 2 different versions of the script for Tell My Bones and try to get a firm grip on the revisions I needed to make to the play overall.

My brain was like a swamp, replete with all the lovely things that swamps  entail.

And that’s not the best way to undertake writing a play that will win a Pulitzer Prize! (Still, if the swamp/brain route is the only available way, then you gotta pray that everything else in the running that year is way, way, WAY less good than your swamp-ridden play…)

It was so frustrating.

However. I did get some really good input from a publisher re: a potential good home for my new novel, Blessed By Light. So that was cheerful!

And this morning, even while Peitor is back in Los Angeles, he still has his hands full with really pressing, disturbing, tedious familial obligations, so we once again cannot work on developing the script for our tiny yet delightful Abstract Absurdity Prods.  Which I guess is good, because I need to have the revisions of the play completed by Tuesday morning.

Which means, of course, that I’m gonna spend my entire birthday working on the play. But it will only be 93 degrees Fahrenheit on Monday, instead of 97 degrees. And instead of ungodly amounts of humidity, we will have ungodly amounts of humidity with torrential thunderstorms.

So, you know. Sure am looking forward to that!

Still. All that whiny stuff said. It is nowhere near as bad in here as last summer, before all the new insulation got installed. So most of my histrionics are just for show.

I got a really pretty birthday card from my father and stepmom yesterday. (My adoptive dad — the one who had the profound delight of raising me). It was really sweet. And it said that I was the kind of daughter who brought sunshine wherever she goes.

It cracked me up! I know my stepmom has to have been the one to pick that card out, right?  Even though she is confined to a wheelchair and in a nursing home, and ravaged by years of MS, her mind is still sharp & she is really sweet.  And there is just no way, ever, in a bazillion years, that my dad would correlate me with “sunshine” in any way, shape, or form.

If it was really my dad choosing the birthday cards, it would say something like: I’m Almost 90 and I Cannot Believe I Have Survived All the Joys of Knowing You for This Long; OR, No One Spews the ‘F’ word Like You Do, Darling Daughter! OR, As Another Birthday Comes Around for You, Darling Daughter, I Think Back on All the Years and Wonder What the Fuck I Did to Deserve You, I was Having Such a Good Time ‘Til You Showed Up.

You know, sentiments like that. (I only wish I was kidding, gang.)

Anyway. It was a cute little card and it perked up my spirits in the dreadful heat.

Today, I am going to split whatever energy I can find for my brain between working on the play and writing query letters to 3 publishers. It’s a really interesting adventure this time around, because I love my new novel but I also know that it’s really unusual. So I honestly have no clue with which publisher it will be a good fit.  My queries so far have been, “I have no clue if my writing is suitable for you at all but do you think you might like to see it?”

THEM: “Well, when you put it like that — I might!”

It’s an adventure! A literary adventure. Of which I have had many in my illustrious career.

(Including, but not limited to, on the eve of supposed-to-be receiving a 6-figure advance for my delightful, award-winning novel Freak Parade, the owner of the (large, very well known) publishing house, announced at a production meeting: “We are not publishing this filth and I would never publish this filth, even if my life depended on it!”) (Sadly, again, I only wish I was kidding.)

Okay, gang. My music-listening in this heat has gone in 2 distinct directions. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds when the caffeine is spiking, and then Jr. Thomas & the Volcanos when the heat & humidity swells back up and smothers me again.

So I leave you with those two listening options today!

(And for some reason — methinks a financial one — no lyrics are online for Jr. Thomas songs.) (And of course, I am aware that all these “free” music and “free” lyrics online, robs musicians and songwriters of a ton of royalty money that they used to get back in the Dark Ages. But all the music I listen to every day, is either a CD I paid for, or is something I stream that I also paid for. I can only hope that you guys do the same, but I’m thinking that a whole heck of a lot of people don’t really pay for music at all anymore. Which really does suck.)

Anyway. Have a great sunny Saturday, wherever you are in the world!! Thanks for visiting! I love you guys. See ya!

“Midnight Man”

Hold that chrysalis in your palm
See it split and change
It won’t do you any harm
It’s just trying to rearrange
It was born to live a day
Now it flies up from your hand
It’s beautiful
It’s the one they call
Your ever-loving man

Wolves have carried your babies away
O your kids drip from their teeth
The nights are long and the day
Is bitter cold beyond belief
You spread yourself like a penitent
On the mad vibrating sand
And through your teeth
Arrange to meet
Your midnight man

Everybody’s coming around to my place!
Everybody’s coming around to my place!
Everybody’s coming around!
O baby don’t you see
Everybody wants to be
Your midnight man

Don’t disturb me as I sleep
Treat me gentle when I wake
And don’t disturb me as I sleep
Even though your body aches

Even though your body aches
To serve at his command
Between the walls
She still adores
Her ever-loving man

Close your eyes, sleep in him
Dream of your lost sons and daughters
Me, I’ll raise up the dorsal fin
And glide up and down the waters

I’ll glide up and down the waters
Then I’ll walk upon the land
And call ’em out
The ones who doubt
Your midnight man

Everybody’s coming around to my place!
Everybody’s coming around to my place!
Everybody’s coming around!
Don’t did you see
Everybody wanna to be
Your midnight man

It’s early in the morning
And I don’t know what to do
It’s early in the morning
And I can’t believe its true
As I lay in the moment
And it’s happening again
Well, I called you once, I called you twice
Ain’t I your midnight man

Everybody’s coming around to my place!
Everybody’s coming around to my place!
Everybody’s coming around!
They want you, they love you, they need you
To be, your midnight man

Everybody’s coming here
Everybody’s coming here
Everybody’s coming here
To be your midnight man
To be your midnight man

c – 2008 Nick Cave

Another Wonder-Filled Evening in Crazeysburg!

I’ll be brief because it’s been a long day.

A long fabulous day! And I’m tired!

Plus, recently, my new coffee cup – the one that loves me, or I should say, has that very loving quote on it by F. Scott Fitzgerald that makes the cup appear to love me. Well, recently, the cup reminded me that I never finished watching “Z: The Beginning of Everything” on Amazon Prime because I moved to this house  in the middle of it and then forgot all about it.

So I’m trying to make myself stop working in the evenings and watch that show in its entirety.  In other words, be like a normal human being (sometimes).

However, as I indicated earlier today, I am indeed going to be doing 2 new blog-related things every week. I am launching a new blog that is an intimate memoir-in-progress, titled In the Shadow of Narcissa. You can look at it here, but there is only a photo there right now.

If you were raised by a narcissist, or deal in any personal way with a narcissist, you know what a scarring psycholgical nightmare that can be.  It’s not going to be a nightmare about the horrors of being raised by a narcissist. It’s about how my mind helped me creatively survive being raised by a narcissist and how that childhood shaped me into the delightfully erotic and neurotic creature I am today!  I will probably post there twice a week.

However, I’m also going to be taking excerpts from those posts, condense them down considerably, and publish them at the Edge of Humanity Magazine once or twice a week, as well.

So I am excited and I will keep you posted about all of that.

I am also very excited to announce that an excerpt from my new novel, Blessed By Light (an excerpt that none of you have read yet, I might add) will be published in an upcoming issue of the Exterminating Angel Press Magazine.

So I am just very, very excited, gang. On all fronts.

But now I am just very, very exhausted, so I’m gonna close down the laptop and actually step away from my desk!! And I’m gonna go downstairs and watch F. Scott Fitzgerald convince Zelda (she is, in fact, the “Z” who is the beginning of everything) that he is going to marry her, even though she’s beginning to worry that he’s just a weak alcoholic and not committed to being a great writer.

Okay! Thanks for visiting, gang. I hope your evening is swell, wherever you are in the world and whatever you’re doing in it! I leave you with what I was listening to this afternoon on my “lunch hour” (or 20 minutes, or whatever I actually allow myself!). New from Texas Hippie Coalition, “Why Aren’t You Listening?” From their album High In the Saddle.  Okay. I love you guys! See ya!

“Why Aren’t You Listening”

The song has been sung
The deed has been done
God has not come
Why aren’t you listening?

Deep inside I deal with struggle
As you’ve seen my mind gets muddled
And though I seem complicated
It’s the reason I’m so hated
And though some may find me frightening
Others say I’m quite enlightening
And though you may find it shocking
I am still alive and rocking

The song has been sung (I’m still singin’)
The deed has been done (We’re still breathin’)
God has not come (I’m still believin’)
Why aren’t you listening?

I hear you say you want to kill me
And still deep down I know you feel me
I try to cut through all the static
Still I feel a little panic
Please address my mental illness
And please tell me that you feel this
And though you may find it shocking
I am still alive and rocking

The song has been sung (I’m still singin’)
The deed has been done (We’re still breathin’)
God has not come (I’m still believin’)
Why aren’t you listening?
Why aren’t you listening?

It doesn’t have to be mystical
Just as long as it’s spiritual
No need for the ritual
Just as long as it feels magical
It doesn’t have to be mystical
Just as long as it’s spiritual
No need for ritual
Just as long as it feels magical

You’re still singin’
We’re still breathin’
I still believe in
Why aren’t you listening?

The song has been sung (I’m still singin’)
The deed has been done (We’re still breathin’)
God has not come (I’m still believin’)
Why aren’t you listening?
The song has been sung (I’m still singin’)
The deed has been done (We’re still breathin’)
God has not come (I’m still believin’)
Why aren’t you listening?
Why aren’t you listening?

C- 2019 Texas Hippie Coalition

Absolutely 100% For Real, Done!

I finally finished the final edit, final re-write, final everything on Blessed By Light and it is done, gang.

I am just so pleased with it. I have the best Muse ever, and I just feel so blessed. What a strange little book it is but I really, really love it.

And continued thanks to all of you who keep downloading the eBooks at Smashwords. At this point, I know it’s people who probably aren’t even coming to this blog, unless of course, you all like to download the exact same books over & over & over.

But, still, thanks.

In fact, I remember the long ago days when each of those stories in those erotic “Muse” collections was brand new, and I would finish  writing one of them — it was always a great feeling. And a really great feeling when the story got sold.

The thrill of getting that letter from a publisher that said, “We are happy to inform you…” (Back then it was actual letters, not emails.)

In fact, I only wrote one short story – a really early one – that didn’t eventually get sold, gang. So if you are still new to your own writing career, just hang in there and keep believing in yourself. It all eventually comes to pass.

(And eventually the letters became, “Dear Ms. Lewis, We know how busy you are, but we are writing to ask you if you’d be willing to contribute” etc., etc.)

So, yeah, it’s a beautiful world!!

Okay, I’m gonna go collapse for a few minutes! Thanks for visiting!!

I leave you with my current favorite song for my Muse! (Honestly, I can’t stop playing this song, gang. I think this is gonna go down as the best year in my life.)

Yes! Onward!

Gang, I hope you had a happy 4th (if you live State-side, that is)!

As I posted yesterday, around these parts – Crazeysburg, specifically – we’re having our 4th on the 5th. Which, of course, irritates me because I’m long past the holiday mood and am headlong into a regular day here.

However, I only live one block from where all the merriment will ensue soon, so I’m guessing I will be forced to at least spiritually participate, since all my windows are open.

Anyway. As grumbley as I am about it not happening on the actual 4th, I know I will enjoy the fireworks tonight because I have that clear view of them from my kitchen porch.

Speaking of the kitchen porch, and thus speaking indirectly of the spider who lives out there and builds those extensive webs (see some other post from the other day, only God knows which one). Last evening, I went out to the porch to water the flowers and I saw a little beetle stuck in one of the webs.  He was perfectly alive and the spider hadn’t done anything about it.

This happens from time to time, and when it does, I carefully remove the insect from the web and set it free.  I did this to the beetle and his little legs grabbed onto my finger and he did not want to let go.

I tried to set him down in the grass and send him on his merry beetle way, because I am a gal who has things to do & people to see! But he just wanted to stay put on my hand and not go anywhere. I even tried scooting him on to a blade of grass, to use it as a transport to the actual lawn, but he would have none of it. He kept avoiding the blade of grass and staying put on my hand. And the bottoms of his feet were kind of sticky or something like that. I mean, I could feel that he had a real hold on me and wasn’t going to budge.

It was actually quite endearing. But I really did have to go back inside and, yes, go sit back down at my desk, so I finally was able to move him down onto the grass. And for several minutes afterward, I could still feel the pressure of his little feet on my hand.

It was so cool. But then I wiped down all the old webs to try to keep that from happening again. If the spider is still around, I know he had new ones back in place by sundown. I haven’t actually checked yet.

But, speaking of my desk…

So, yes, as I posted yesterday, during the night on Wednesday, all the final edits for Blessed By Light finally arrived and I was prepared for yesterday to just be a final read-through of the novel so that I could sign off on it in my head and focus on the play.

I had a brief email exchange yesterday morning regarding my revisions for Chapters 1 & 2, and while the editor felt they were working just fine, I in fact did more revisions to those chapters yesterday, along with minor revisions on chapters 3, 4, 5 & 6! And I know I am going to do some tweaking to Chapters 7 & 8 today.

But that really is going to be it. From Chapter 9 onward, the novel moves into a different tone, because the 2 main characters are more securely into their relationship, so the tone changes.   But I just wanted elements of that tone to be in there from the beginning of Chapter 1, so that’s what I worked on all day yesterday. For about 10 hours.

I knew there weren’t going to be any fireworks yesterday, or anything, so it didn’t really feel like a holiday to me anyway.

Still, I did acutely notice that my life is so different nowadays from what it was in NYC. It didn’t matter which holiday it was back then, Wayne & I always cooked and baked and bought a ton of booze and fine wine and had an apartment full of noisy, happy people. Always. That’s just how we were.

And I still have all the stuff that goes along with cooking and baking for tons of people – I have a really good-sized kitchen here in the depths of Crazeysburg. I have lots of cupboards, tons of storage.  And every single nook & cranny is full of things made for cooking and baking and God knows I have a ton of dishes, too.

So, I couldn’t help but be reminded of all that, as I went down to the kitchen for my 4th of July dinner last night, and it was an orange, 3 pieces of broccoli,  and one of those “green” smoothies that’s full of all sorts of things you don’t want.

But I’m actually okay with it. Things change. I am definitely someone who needs change.  When I left NYC, aside from an impending divorce, I was ready to leave. NYC was morphing into something I didn’t really enjoy anymore.

I was on the phone with my Uncle yesterday and he kept laughing about it, you know: “What is going on with you? Why are you living there? Why are you staying there? It makes no sense! Did they take your passport? Are you unable to get out?”

But I’m really, really happy here, for the first time ever in my life. I cannot explain it. And loyal readers of this lofty blog no doubt recall that I had to beg the realtor to show me this house. I had to beg two realtors, in fact. I brought it up 5 times.

ME: “I want to go out to Muskingum County and at least look at that house.”

THEM: “No you don’t.”

ME: “Why??!! It sounds perfect for me!”

THEM: “It’s not. It’s a mess of a house. Been on the market almost 2 years.”

But when I finally persuaded a realtor to take me through it, she couldn’t believe how much work had been done to the inside of the house in the 2 years it had been languishing on the market.

Anyway. It was the perfect house for me. And I bought it. And I’m ridiculously happy here, even though everyone who knows me – from my wee bonny girlhood days in Cleveland, onward – equates me with an intensely urban environment.

But it is a great house for writing in. It’s so incredibly quiet here.

Okay, well! I see there is a new Red Hand Files newsletter from Nick Cave in my inbox, gang! So I think I will close this and read that and then get back to work around here!!

Oh, one other thing that happened yesterday – how easy Amazon makes my world!

I was typing away, and a little thing popped up in the bottom corner of my laptop screen. It was Amazon, alerting me that I might want to buy White Lunar right away, because it was on sale! (White Lunar is a soundtrack collection by Nick Cave & Warren Ellis from a number of years ago.)

Amazon usually tells me to buy things I already own, but I don’t actually own this CD collection yet. Truthfully, I don’t know that I was actually planning to own it, although I do own another one of their soundtrack CDs that I really love.  I can’t remember now which one it is, but it’s that Depression-era country sounding type thing. I really love it.

So I just clicked a little button and the entire purchase was completely done and I just went right on typing revisions of the novel.

And that is one reason why I have so much fucking music in this house! It’s so darn easy!

Okay, gang. I leave you with this version of Lou Reed’s Walk on the Wild Side as performed  by a now-defunct Australian band, Yves Klein Blue.

I was turned onto this cover of the song yesterday morning, on the a1000mistakes blog site out of Australia, and I just love it!! Enjoy your Friday wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya!

Happy Independence Day!!

Do all kinds of independent things today, gang, okay??!!

I am not a jingoist kind of gal, or anything, so this is my only annual homage to the 4th of July:

The smallest coffee cup in my house that is not meant for espresso!

The only good thing about this coffee cup is that it is so small, I have to constantly go back down to the kitchen to refill it. So it’s a good “exercise mug”!! (It actually doesn’t look as small as it really is from this angle.)

You’ll note in the background there – my tickets to see Nick Cave in NYC! I decided the only way I would ever remember to bring them with me was to have them in plain sight every single solitary day for something like 4 or 5 months.

Speaking of Nick Cave (and correct me if I’m wrong, but I think I’m always speaking about Nick Cave…), I had a dream about him last night that was so strange.  He sent me 2 emails and inside each email was a window – an actual window like you would have in your house. And each window was in the shape of Australia. (Don’t ask me how actual windows can arrive in an email.)

The dream was strange enough to wake me up at around 3am and try to figure out what the heck it could mean. (I have no clue.)

I don’t dream about Nick Cave often, but when I do, there is always that duplicate thing happening – meaning 2 of the same thing. (Oh, and when I dream about him, he’s always wearing a white shirt and a black suit.) (I know, clearly, my issues with his suits extend to unfathomable psychological depths.) (And when I dream about other people, I never notice what they’re wearing at all, and I doubt that if I dream of them more than once, they’re wearing the very same thing every single time.)

Anyway. In dreams, baby!!!

Well, lest you think anything I ever plan to do on any given day ever pans out….

No! The final edits for Blessed By Light did not arrive until very late last night, when I was already asleep. So I was not able to do that final read-through of the novel yesterday. I will likely do it today, even though it’s a holiday.

I did do a bunch of stuff with the new laptop yesterday, though, so that is finally up and completely running.  It has great speakers! I’m still not using it as my main computer, though, because the novel is in a WORD Add-in app that I’m not going to transfer to the new laptop.

Even though those novel-writing apps are cool to use, I have found that as soon as I need to send a chapter, or the whole book, to someone, I have to reformat the whole darn thing or nobody can read it correctly because the file arrives weirdly at their end.

So that app’s going, but everything else transferred and I am now a Brave New Girl with a fully updated laptop.

The other thing I wasted a ridiculous amount of time on last evening, was I tried to join a new dating site.  One of those sites that is strictly for bisexuals or bi-curious’s looking to hookup, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the L word. (No!! Not lesbian! I am indeed speaking of love right now, and about how I don’t actually want it.)

Bi-curious, I have found, is generally a married woman who’s cheating her brains out, or a married woman whose husband has an agenda that he deeply wishes you to participate in.

True bisexuals are harder to find than you would think, so I’m not too terrifically picky. However, I did have the most ridiculously difficult time setting up my little profile! It kept wanting to use my private email address as my user name!!

You can probably readily see why I might shy away from a thing like that!

But also, it kept telling me that I couldn’t use my private email address as my user name!! And then wouldn’t let me change it. And I couldn’t set up my entire profile without changing that user name problem.

Even so, as I was attempting to set up my profile,  you know, realizing that I’m looking for a bisexual gal who is a vegetarian, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t do drugs, and wants NSA hookups with no LTR — you know. I mean, there are about 14 people who live out here in the Hinterlands. And I seriously know in my bones that none of them are gonna fit this description. Plus, I know I only have about 5 minutes of free time every 3 weeks.

I felt completely confident that I was setting myself up to fail. However, I kept trying to make the darn thing work because I was just in that insistent sort of mood. You know: I wanted a girl! Who doesn’t drink or smoke or get high or eat animals or want to spend more than 5  minutes with me every 3 weeks!!

Finally , I broke down and started a Tech Help ticket to try to make my private email address as my user name go away. And immediately they replied, letting me know that they would look into my problem within 48 hours

Well, in 48 hours, god knows I won’t be thinking about dating anybody anymore because I’ll be up to my eyeballs in revisions of my play. So that was an evening well spent!

Oh, and then I discovered that the fireworks around here this year won’t be until tomorrow. Well, that totally sucks because I really only appreciate 4th of July fireworks on the 4th of July. By tomorrow, my mind will be on a whole new path, even though fireworks will be filling the sky in plain view of my kitchen porch. (They do that weird scheduling thing because all the little towns around here try not to conflict with other towns’ fireworks, including the event in the main city, which draws millions of people.)

Well, anyway. Onward, gang!! It’ll still be a really nice Independence Day for me!


I leave you with this fun video from the Another Man Magazine site in the UK. The band is Wild Daughter and the song is “Mr G.”  It’s highly stylized gay fetish, which is always fun on the 4th of July!

All righty! Have a wonderful day, wherever you are in the world!! Thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys! See ya!

Solar Celestial Insanity!

How ’bout that solar eclipse yesterday, gang??!!

Wasn’t it cool? I saw it by way of Brian May‘s Instagram feed. (If you’re too young to know who he is, he was the lead guitarist for Queen.) He is very much into celestial occurrences of all kinds and posts incredible footage of stuff that goes on in the heavens while it’s happening.

So that was my experience of the solar eclipse!

Apparently Instagram is now the center of my life here on Earth.  I can take a break from vacuuming the house, sit on the corner of my bed, sweating profusely in the indescribable heat & humidity, and watch a live feed of the solar eclipse in Santiago, Chile, courtesy of Brian May while he pauses an outdoor rehearsal somewhere in preparation for a tour with Queen (Adam Lambert playing the Freddie Mercury role).

Instagram certainly encapsulates the whole fucking world, doesn’t it, gang?!

My other experience of the solar eclipse yesterday was a pronounced intensity in one of my key relationships. That’s all I’m gonna say about that, though. It is sufficient to simply state that everything is back on track & on we go.

Edits for Blessed By Light are still coming in, so I wasn’t able to completely finish that yesterday. I’m hoping that today will be all about reading the novel again from Page 1 and making sure I have all the edits addressed and just see how I feel about the whole book (again).

To me, it feels like an homage to every older man that I have ever loved. And yet I already know for certain that it rubs feminists the wrong way, and I just have to wonder, honestly, why is that?  He’s a man with a mind of his own.  I wonder why that’s so off-putting to some women?

I was talking to my wonderfully other-worldly friend Kara about this the other day, and she said that when it comes to literature, it’s a good thing to have a character that brings out strong feelings in a reader, either way. I liked her take on that so I’m gonna go with that one.

BTW, we had seriously intense weather here yesterday evening. Kara lives about 25 miles from me, but it’s still out here in the Hinterlands, and she texted me this cool photo from out by where she lives:

Storm brewing last evening in the Hinterlands

My dad called me on the phone last evening, in the middle of the torrential downpour with thunder & lighting and tornado sirens going off. And I was discussing with him this situation about the guy in my new novel, and also about how the book has a lot of sex in it but not as much as my readers usually prefer, and that I expect it to sell on a small press in a narrow market, that it’s not the kind of novel that will be a bestseller or anything.

And he said,  “You never know, Marilyn. This book could sell better than you’re thinking; the timing could be right. It could become a cult favorite or something.” And he said this during a torrential downpour, thunder & lighting, tornado sirens screaming outside my open windows, AND this is a man who has always gone to great lengths to assure me that every single thing in my whole entire life is always gonna suck.

So the whole entire conversation was just surreal. It was very nice for him to be on my side, for a change. But it was just surreal.

Anyway. That weather. Wow.

It began with a sudden gust of very high winds around 6pm. Really high winds. It was slamming doors inside my house and blowing stuff around, and outside it was bending trees way over and just very intense. No rain yet, or anything, but very threatening skies as brooding clouds came trampling in.

I was upstairs in my guest room, lowering the windows and across the street from me, on the grassy corner where the train tracks are, a young guy – couldn’t have been more than 17 — long blonde hair, really scraggly facial hair, shirtless, wiry & muscular, a couple tattoos on his arms, torn & faded jeans, sneakers.  In short, incredibly cute. He was just standing there, looking up at my enormous maple tree blowing in the wind and then looking at everything all around him, his face an expression of joyful jubilation over just being alive in all that intense, high wind.

He was just standing there, taking it all in, really joyfully. And I fell totally in love with him in that instant, you know? Life.

God, I love boys. And boys in summer, especially.

Okay, well. Since I didn’t get all my edits until very late last night, I spent the day doing laundry, vacuuming, getting the house a little bit in order. So that kinda felt good, even though it was stupidly hot while I was doing all that.

I fell asleep last night in the thunder & lighting and all that wild insanity, and yet awoke really joyfully this morning at 4:53am.

I was awash in all that lovely Eros again and I leave you today with the song I was unexpectedly singing – out loud – when my eyes opened onto the dark & still-rainy morning!

Have a great Wednesday, wherever you are in the world, gang. I love you guys! See ya!

“I Could Have Danced All Night”
(from “My Fair Lady” musical)

Bed! Bed! I couldn’t go to bed!
My head’s too light to try to set it down!
Sleep! Sleep! I couldn’t sleep tonight!
Not for all the jewels in the crown!

I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I’ve never done before

I’ll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight

I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced,
All night!

I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I’ve never done before

I’ll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight

I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced,
All night!

c – 1956 Frederick Loewe, Alan Jay Lerner

Wow! Thanks, Gang!

And I am not being at all sarcastic when I say, “Thank you so much for downloading all those eBooks yesterday, for FREE!”

(God knows, I wouldn’t want to be encumbered with all those royalties, or anything, had you chosen to pay cash…)

Of course, I’m just kidding! Loyal readers of this lofty blog no doubt recall that this same thing happened during the Christmas week last year, when all my eBooks were available as free downloads and the thousands of eBooks that were downloaded for free during that one week made my head spin. It astounds me that so many people still want to read the old erotica, paying or not.

Actually, I do want to take a moment to thank those readers who bought Twilight of the Immortal on Amazon in June! For some unknown reason, that book got a little popular again! I really appreciate that, gang. I love that book.

And there is sex in that book, too, you know.  You needn’t fear that it is 600 pages of no sex. There is, indeed, sex in it. Just not graphic erotica. Nothing explicit. Plus, it’s a lot of girl/girl sex, and a little bit of guy/guy sex.  (Mostly Rudolph Valentino getting a blowjob from a young Mexican guy – a prostitute who works out of a call house off Sunset Boulevard.) (Okay, I just gave that away! But you still might want to read it for yourself and experience the exquisiteness of my use of language!)

(And for those readers who took issue with my insistence that Rudolph Valentino was bisexual – there is a great book from several years ago, a biography of Samuel Steward titled, Secret Historian, written by Justin Spring, that corroborated what I put in my own book before Secret Historian even came out. Samuel Steward details an episode of oral sex he had with Valentino in a hotel room — in Ohio!! — in July of 1926. A month before Valentino died. I’m not going to go into all those details here, but I will say that Secret Historian is an incredible book, gang, and not just because it mentions this Valentino episode. But because it is ALL about the life and experiences of an incredible sexual renegade (Samuel Steward was also “an intimate friend” of Thornton Wilder’s, among just a ton of other people – Gertrude Stein, etc.)  from the days when gay sex was still very much illegal in America. I highly recommend the book if you’re interested in that kind of secret history.)

Anyway. I digress! Thank you recent purchasers of Twilight of the Immortal. I appreciate it so much.

As well, I appreciate non-purchasing readers of anything I’ve ever written!!

Yesterday’s mail brought me something really unexpected and just so sweet.  Foun Kee, my first husband, sent me a gift for my upcoming birthday, along with a little handwritten note. It really just made my day. It was wrapped in newspaper – the color ad insert from the local grocery store out there (he lives in Seattle), so it was interesting to see what people eat and what they pay for it in Seattle!

Yesterday evening, however, took a very dark and horrible downward turn!

Yes! I decided it was time to tackle the set up of the new laptop. OMG! If you think I used the ‘f’ word a lot just for no reason at all, you should hear what happens when I have 3 solid hours of very good reasons to use it!!

And the darn thing is still not completely set up because I still have to migrate all my files from the old laptop to the new one. Plus it was 90 degrees in here while I was trying to do all that. I was down at the kitchen table, and streaming episodes of Endeavour again, so at least that part had a sort of psychologically calming effect.  But, man, that stuff makes me so nuts.

And it makes me want to hold on to my current laptop as long as I possibly can! But then I remind myself that this happens every single time I get a new laptop and eventually I come to terms with the new one and all harmony is restored to my writing life.

And curiously enough (at least to me, anyway) – on my current laptop, I chose a photo of Tintern Abbey in Wales as the screen background. And on the new laptop, I chose a photo I took myself of Basin Street this past fall — on Halloween, actually:

Basin Street in the early fall.

It’s enormous as the background of my new laptop. And I realized I must be truly happy here, gang, if I want to look at this every time I start my computer…

Okay, I’ve scoured the Internet to try to get a copy of one of the photos taken of Nick Cave & Kylie Minogue onstage at Glastonbury the other day, but I cannot find the exact one I want — which is on Instagram and I can’t get it off of there. But I did find a decent one from the BBC, so allow me to steal it and paste it here!

Related image

You know, being an American girl through and through, I have no real clue who Kylie Minogue is. Obviously I do know that she’s a popular singer from the world beyond America, but I primarily know this because she sang that duet with Nick Cave a million years ago, and then put in a stunning appearance in the back seat of his car in the film 20,000 Days on Earth. Also, there was a really funny episode of The Vicar of Dibley many years ago (all the episodes are funny), about getting Kylie Minogue to perform at their community fair thing. (You can actually watch it here, gang. If you’re not familiar with this old British TV show, it was so fucking funny.) But that is the extent of what I know about Kylie Minogue – except that she & Nick Cave looked incredibly blissed out and happy to be singing together again. (I think they might have done other things together, a million years ago, but don’t quote me on that or anything. I wouldn’t want to have another one of those “Valentino in a hotel room” type of arguments on my hands!)

All righty, gang. I’m gonna get this day underway. I think it’s going to be all about the final editing of Blessed By Light and then finding it in myself to really switch gears and re-direct my focus to revisions on the play, finally. (I know, I keep saying that.)

Have a terrific Tuesday, wherever you are in the world!  Thanks for visiting, and thank you, again, for downloading all the eBooks. I really do appreciate the continued interest in my earlier stuff.

I leave you with a little peace of heaven. I love Jane Siberry. If you have never seen/heard her perform live (and this specific song, too), you are missing a transcendent experience. She truly sings like an angel – like something right out of heaven. And then of course, I probably don’t have to tell you how KD Lang sings. Thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys! See ya!

Calling All Angels
Santa Maria, Santa Teresa, Santa Anna, Santa Susannah
Santa Cecilia, Santa Copelia, Santa Domenica, Mary Angelica
Frater Achad, Frater Pietro, Julianus, Petronilla
Santa, Santos, Miroslaw, Vladimir and all the rest
A man is placed upon the steps and a baby cries
High above you can hear the church bells start to ring
And as the heaviness, oh, the heaviness, the body settles in
Somewhere you can hear a mother sing
Then it’s one foot, then the other as you step out on the road
Step out on the road, how much weight, how much?
Then it’s how long and how far and how many times
Oh, before it’s too late?
Calling all angels, calling all angels
Walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone
Calling all angels, calling all angels
We’re tryin’, we’re hopin’ but we’re not sure how
Oh, and every day you gaze upon the sunset with such love and intensity
It’s ah, it’s almost as if you could only crack the code then you’d finally understand
What this all means
Oh, but if you could, do you think you would trade in all
All the pain and suffering?
Oh, but then you’d miss the beauty of the light upon this earth
And the, and the sweetness of the leaving
Calling all angels, calling all angels
Walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone
Calling all angels, calling all angels
We’re tryin’, we’re hopin’ but we’re not sure how
Calling all angels (calling all angels), calling all angels (calling all angels)
Walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone (walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone)
Calling all angels, calling all angels
We’re tryin’, we’re hopin’, we’re hurtin’, we’re lovin’
We’re cryin’, we’re callin’ ’cause we’re not sure how this goes


c – 1991 Jane Siberry