Si! Li Prendo Tutti!

Yes! I’ll take them all!

I like to imagine what sort of scenario would elicit this response from me in Italian.  Or in any language, for that matter.  Whatever those things are that I want all of, I bet they’re going to make me really happy.

Honestly, I actually almost never want anything, anymore. Probably because I’ve moved too many times. “Things” just make me imagine having to pack them, move them, unpack them… Things exhaust me now. Even my beloved dishes.

I actually have service for 8 in the Lenox Imperial pattern  — which is an indescribably similar pattern to another set of fine china I have that serves 12 — and I keep the Lenox china, service for 8, on the floor of my bedroom closet.

Because I have no room for it.

But I cannot part with it.

Because it was Gus Van Sant Sr.’s wedding china!

Honestly, would you part with that? Even though there’s no reason on Earth why you need it? Or any possible scenario you can imagine where you would use it, since it now requires that you have to go get it from the floor of your upstairs closet when you have complete service for 12, and two other different complete services of fine china for 8, down in your dining room?

Yes, I wasn’t kidding when I said I had a problem with dishes.  (And I left a ton of dishes behind when I left Wayne.)

But honestly. Gus Van Sant Sr.’s wedding china? How could I have refused that when he offered it to me?  Even though, when his sister-in-law in Kentucky was kind enough to allow me to stay in her lovely home when I went to Kentucky to interview Helen LaFrance, I saw some of the missing cups & saucers from Gus’s set in her china cabinet; I still needed to have his wedding china (minus the couple cups & saucers).

And, yes, it took every ounce of good manners that I could muster to not ask his sister-in-law if I could have those cups & saucers back because they were now, technically, part of my china.

And, yes, if you invite me to stay in your home, I will peruse your china cabinet. Assuming you have the kind of cabinet with glass doors . I’m not likely to do it if you’re watching me, though, so the key thing is to not stop watching me if I’m staying in your home.

(And, yes, if you invite me to dinner, before there’s any food on my plate, I will turn the plate over, whether or not you’re watching me. Not because I want to know how expensive your china is or isn’t; but because I’m addicted to knowing the name of the pattern of any dish that comes anywhere near me. I’m so serious; I’m addicted.)

However, dishes are a pain in the ass to pack and to move and to unpack. And I love my dishes almost as much as I love my books & records & CDs. So acquiring anything else again, ever, just doesn’t appeal to me. So when that sentence came up in my Italian lessons yesterday, I couldn’t help but wonder what on Earth I would ever want all of ever again.

And I suspect that’s a sign that I’ve gotten old…

I’ve posted here before about how my addiction to dishes & to vintage crystal bar ware used to drive Wayne nuts. And I mean, really nuts.

We used to love to drive up to the mountains and stay in cabins in the woods over long weekends. And those little mountain towns in NY State and in Pennsylvania always have the very best antique stores.

But I can still see the expression on his face. And I wasn’t doing it just to piss him off, either. I would see this amazing stuff in these antique stores and be absolutely unable to resist buying them.

HIM (always, without fail): “Marilyn! Where are we gonna put this stuff? We have no more room.”

ME (always, without fail): “I don’t know, but look at the amazing detail in this design!”

But, you know, all these many moves later (I’ve moved 5 times since we split up), I have now come to the clear understanding that I am capable of reaching a point where I have too much stuff. Dishes, in particular.

As an aside, I do keep thinking about that comment I posted yesterday, wherein he once told me that he wanted to push me down the stairs. I know it had nothing to do with dishes, but I have no recollection of what it was I had done. It seemed like there was always just a multitude of choices; always just a bunch of stuff I was doing that got on his nerves.

But that specific comment — you know, I’m not someone who holds grudges; I really can let things go. But that comment I thought was just so mean that I never forgot it. It just astounded me.

But anyway. On we go, right? And I am really curious to find out how he came to be listening to one of my very old songs while in a cafe in Nepal. I don’t think he ever even knew that song.

Okay, well, I made a little progress on this truly difficult segment of the play today, but still not enough. I’m not sure what’s holding me back. I need an emotional depth to the scene that I am just not finding words for yet. I decided to stop getting so frustrated with it and maybe that will help it just come of its own accord.

We’ll see. But this rushing onward of time, this ending-of-the-summer business has got me really stressed, too.  I wake up most days really calm and happy and so certain that today will be the day that I have my breakthrough, and then by the end of the day, I’m stressed all over again. Today, I texted the director for his input. I’m guessing he’ll have more clarity than I have regarding why this scene isn’t working yet.

Meanwhile, tomorrow Nick Cave’s Conversations resume in Finland, so I’m excited! (I’ve actually always wanted to go to Finland. It’s one of the few places left in the world that I still want to go to that I haven’t gone to.) (I used to want to go to all sorts of places, but now, after the Exeter, England airport incident regarding my overall illustrious pornography career, I have that fear of going through Customs now.) (But I’d love to go to Finland anyway, and also to Lapland and see the Northern Lights.)

Okay. I’m gonna close and enjoy Sunday if I can. Hope you’re enjoying it wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with this just because I’m feeling a little disillusioned with the past today.  But I’ll get over it. I love you guys. See ya.

“Icy Blue Heart”

She came on to him like a slow moving cold front
His beer was warmer than the look in her eye
She sat on the stool, and said, What do you want?
She said, Give me a love that don’t freeze up inside
He said, I have melted some hearts in my time dear
But to sit next to you, Lord I shiver and shake
And if I knew love, well I don’t think I’d be here
Askin’ myself if I had what it takes
To melt your icy blue heartShould I start to turn what’s been frozen for years
Into a river of tears?

These days we all play cool calm and collected
Our lips could turn blue just shooting the breeze
But under the frost, he thought he detected
A warm blush of red, and the touch of her knee
He said you’re a beauty like I’ve never witnessed
And I’ve seen the northern lights dance in the air
I’ve felt the cold that can follow the first kiss
And there’s not enough heat in the fires burning there
To melt your icy blue heartShould I start to turn what’s been frozen for years
Into a river of tears?
To melt your icy blue heart

c – 1992 John Hiatt

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