Weirdest Dream, Ever!

I overslept just hugely this morning. I didn’t wake up until almost 8 o’clock. I had been having a seemingly endless and very weird dream.

I dreamed that the Chinese government had somehow made my blog radioactive to children and it was up to me to somehow warn children who might be visiting my blog to not touch any links, otherwise the children would become radioactive.

It was an extremely difficult thing to try to figure out how to do — protect all these unseen children from all over the world who might accidentally visit my blog and click on something. But it was of dire importance. And I took it really seriously. I was working with some scientists in a brightly lit white laboratory, who were trying to come up with some type of implantable code that could undo the radioactivity within my blog, but also try to save children in the meantime.

Oh god, right? Really relaxing, peaceful sleep going on there…

Some of you readers who are new to the blog perhaps don’t know that about 15 years ago, I was looking at 5-15 years in a federal prison and something like $35,000 in fines because I had founded an  erotic authors association and had then begun an online publishing company specifically to publish hardcore erotic books from our members that no other traditional publishers would touch; and there was a new federal law, under George Bush, Jr., that made it an imprisoning offense  to publish any of this kind of stuff online without creating hugely expensive barriers to keep children off the site. (Anyone under the age of 18.)

I did not think it was constitutional to keep anyone away from reading those books if they wanted to. I didn’t think it was my job to determine what young people could or couldn’t read. (It’s so weird to think this actually happened back then, when you see all the things kids can easily access online nowadays — but of course, this is just what the Government was hoping to avoid and people like ME(!!), along with a bunch of my colleagues across the States, fought the law and eventually made pure unadulterated porn widely available to children everywhere!!)

Anyway. It wasn’t funny back then because I seriously did not want to go to prison, and I had already worked with & for other publishers and producers who had gone to federal prison on obscenity charges and had been wiped out financially.

I’m guessing that maybe somewhere in my subconscious, something connected to that was happening in my dreams last night. I don’t really know. But it was just one of those relentless, godawful dreams where it was up to me to try to do something completely impossible. (I still don’t care what children read, but I don’t want children to become radioactive for any reason whatsoever.)

You know, back in the late 1990s, when a production company hired me to write for a really cool adult multimedia project they were producing (DADAhouse), it was illegal to ship porn movies that had explicit anal sex in them to various cities in the Deep South. If you had produced a movie with anal sex in it and it got shipped to any one of those cities, you could go to prison — and some video producers up north actually did serve time for that.

Also, back then, it was illegal to produce movies or make photographs of anyone involved in a BDSM practice that showed any type of sexual intercourse or sexual gratification being derived from the BDSM thing. So you could show people suffering or being tortured in some way, as long as they weren’t depicted as getting off on it sexually. You could go to prison for that, too, back then. Which was why stories about that stuff — BDSM & actual sex — were always wildly popular, because that law didn’t apply to the written word — only to images.

Only 20 years ago — and so much has changed, hasn’t it? And everybody I’m sure knows by now, that a story I wrote in 1988, based on my own self as an 11-year-old girl who had been totally in love with an older neighbor-girl who had been my babysitter (and I cannot help that I was just this wildly imaginative, oversexed little girl), anyway, a story based on me and my own mind got me into very deep water with the FBI. I eventually rewrote the story as “Daddy’s Girl” — same story, really, in a way — I just made all the girls in it of legal age. (I won’t say what the title of the other story was, but I will say that if you see a story for sale online that alleges to have been written by me and there is a little drawing next to it of a young girl holding a flower — don’t click that link!! If you do, the FBI is going to pay you a very nasty little visit…)

Okay! Well! It seems like my morning here isn’t going much better than my dreams went…

On a cheerier note — there was a really cool photo all over Instagram this morning  of Nick Cave backstage with Elton John in Melbourne last night (or some night really close to last night — I still can’t figure out the time zone stuff and what day it might be over there).

Oh, and I’d like to thank one of my fellow bloggers in England for pointing out that I might not like having spiders in my bedroom if I lived in Australia… Point taken!! (I remember truly icky stories my first husband used to tell me about growing up in Singapore and the types of enormous insects that would get into his room at night and scurry across the ceiling over his bed…)

But this is Ohio!! Our insects here are of humble size and weight…

Another happy thing — it is snowing here right now! And it’s cold enough that it isn’t going to melt any time today. (And right this minute, a freight train is barreling past so I’m not sure if I could be happier than I am right at this moment…)

And that company in France which sells me all that stuff that keeps me looking light-years younger than I actually am — sent me more new products to try! One, a sort of mask that, if used twice a week for 5 minutes, will make me look “radiant.” We’ll see. I don’t actually ever have anyone telling me that my skin needs to look more radiant than it already looks…

But they also sent me this “nutri-plumping lip balm.” Not crazy about that name. I’m guessing it sounds better in French. However, it’s made for ladies of a certain age (of which I am one), who have thinning lips (I have always had thin lips so I’m not sure they can get thinner); anyway, it’s supposed to plump up your lips.

It actually does work — kind of. I can feel a difference but I don’t think it’s actually noticeable. But it doesn’t sting and burn like the old lip-plumper glosses used to. Those old lip-plumping glosses had one of the same ingredients in it that Viagra used to give guys erections. So me and my girlfriend (who shall remain nameless but who currently lives in Brooklyn…) would put that gloss on certain little places on our female bodies to see if they, too, would plump up and get more erect!! It worked!! But it also stung and burned like crazy and you couldn’t just wipe it off…

I guess the only thing that was better than being a weirdly oversexed young female creature was having a girlfriend who was as weirdly oversexed as I was. We were really blessed in that regard, I think — to have found each other at all. We were mostly out of our minds but we had a lot of fun.

Okay. Off I go. I need to get some actual work done here today since yesterday was a complete bust in that department. I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday, wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting. I’ll leave you with a song that was hugely popular when me and the Brooklyn gal first started hooking up.  Play it LOUD, gang! Otherwise it won’t work correctly. All righty. I love you guys. See ya.

“Modern Love”

I know when to go out
And when to stay in
Get things done

I catch a paper boy
But things don’t really change
I’m standing in the wind
But I never wave bye-bye

But I try
I try

There’s no sign of life
It’s just the power to charm
I’m lying in the rain
But I never wave bye-bye

But I try
I try

Never gonna fall for
Modern love walks beside me
Modern love walks on by
Modern love gets me to the church on time

Church on time terrifies me
Church on time makes me party
Church on time puts my trust in God and man

God and man no confessions
God and man no religion
God and man don’t believe in modern love

It’s not really work
It’s just the power to charm
Still standing in the wind
But I never wave bye-bye

But I try
I try

Never gonna fall for
Modern love walks beside me
Modern love walks on by
Modern love gets me to the church on time

Church on time terrifies me
Church on time makes me party
Church on time puts my trust in God and man

God and man no confessions
God and man no religion
God and man don’t believe in modern love

Modern love walks beside me
Modern love walks on by
Modern love gets me to the church on time

Church on time terrifies me
Church on time makes me party
Church on time puts my trust in God and man

God and man no confessions
God and man no religion
God and man don’t believe in modern love

Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love
Modern love walks beside me
Modern love walks on by
Modern love walks beside me
Modern love walks on by
Never gonna fall for
Modern love
Modern love

 c – 1983 David Bowie

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