Well, All Righty, Then!!

Okay, I have to say that for whatever inexplicable reason, some of the Alexander McQueen women’s wear Spring/Summer 2020 Pre– Collection (whatever the heck that is supposed to mean) made it into my field of vision  and I actually loved it. (Except for the shoes and the tapered waist — I hate a tapered waist.)

Still. How fucking weird is that? The designer with whom I have the least patience… It was in the vein of a man’s suit, which is what I was just talking about the other day.

I guess it just goes to show you that, not only do Chesterfield cigarettes come back around — meaning that what you’ve lost can return to you. But also, something you are used to disparaging can suddenly surprise you.

Indeed, life is interesting when you remember to release things, to let things go. It makes room for other things to come into your awareness, right?

Okay, yesterday, the work with Peitor was so fun.  We got some good work done on the script — still in the process of going shot by shot through Scene 3, sort of a key and quite dynamic 90-second scene in our 8 minute film! A lot hinges on it being believable, even while its premise remains absurd.

At one point, I said: “Oh, I found all those notes we were looking for a few months ago! It turns out, I saved  them to a really weird file. I have no idea why I put them there. But I was searching for something else at the time, so I just left them there and now I can’t remember where I saw them!” Meaning that the notes we need on a second project are still irretrievable. “Why the heck did I do that?”

And he replied, “Just common idiocy.” And I laughed so hard, that then we were off and running with ideas for another project, of course titled, Common Idiocy. And we ended up laughing so hard over it, that we were both crying again. And then that underscored the rest of our work for that session. It was just so fun. I really needed to laugh like that.

I just love “Lita’s Got To Go.” (The current micro-short project.) It is so darn serious and even a bit disturbing. The shots and mood in the first couple scenes are heavily informed by Polanski’s Repulsion, which of course is not funny at all. And each shot is so precise and  full of uneasiness (Bauhaus), and yet the whole thing is basically arbitrary and leads nowhere. It’s just so funny.

Well, to us, anyway.

It does seem like it was a good thing for him to go off to London (and Paris) for the holidays, because Peitor just seemed a million times lighter yesterday. I didn’t bring up the new TV series because, frankly, I’m so fucking busy right now. I’ll just wait until it comes up again and then make room for it in my brain at that point.

Today, I want to work on crafting a sort of “stand alone” section for Thug Luckless. Something that would be part of the novel overall, but that would be suitable for publishing  as an excerpt on its own. I don’t ever write that way — I either write a short story or a novel. I don’t try to craft both at the same time. But this morning it occurred to me that I’d like to try doing that with Thug. It could open up how I’m looking at him, because I just have so many ideas circling who I think he is and what goes on in his world (even though all he actually is is an AI sex robot). So bringing part of it into tight focus could prove really informative for me.

“Captivity,” Letter #6 for Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse, is still gestating. I wrote 2 pages and then had to pull back from it. The energy was going nowhere. I don’t want it to be too much of a narrative. So I need it to kind of re-assemble itself in my brain.

Life is so strange, isn’t it? It’s just moment upon moment upon moment, and it always feels like it’s got a forward momentum of some kind, yet it doesn’t actually go anywhere. Everything sort of seems the same every time you wake up. And then eventually, everything’s just different.  I was thinking about that when I came out of meditation this morning.

I want so many things to change in 2020. I guess “come to fruition” is more like it, but I do want this sense that my life is lived in captivity to just leave me. By captivity, I think I mean fear and habit and that drifting thing my mind always does.

I can be in the middle of working on something, then I’ll get up from my desk, an unlit cigarette stuck in my mouth, I’ll sit down on the side of my bed and stare out the window and just drift for a while, you know? Wonder why I’m alive. What life actually is. What does it mean to be physical rather than nonphysical. I’m really just a focusing mechanism; a tuning mechanism; a mass of electro-magnetic-chemicals — this idea that I’m more important than that is sort of an illusion. My body is astounding but what I believe its purpose is, is just an illusion…

This kind of stuff takes up a lot of my brain space. And then when  I stop doing that, I’m writing highly erotic weird stuff that people seem to enjoy reading. You know, words get onto the page. I read it over and then  wonder: How’d that get there? Meaning, where does it come from? I’m tuning into something; focusing on something. God only knows what. But it does sort of define who I am — the words I choose to put onto a page. Whatever that means, right?

And the days fly by… and then suddenly, everything’s different.

And on that note, gang! I’m gonna take a look at Thug Luckless. See what sort of artificial life I can bestow upon him. I hope you’re having a nice Saturday, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya.

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