Outta My Fucking Mind!!

Honestly.

Yesterday wound up being a not very good day for me, energy-wise.

Yes — even though it was Bastille Day and we should have been rejoicing over those 7 people who were liberated from the Bastille prison in Paris 300 years ago! My mood just kept tanking.  I had to do battle with depression all day yesterday, yet again.

You know, I looked up some stuff about what raises serotonin levels, since I seem to have a sort of permanent problem with this lifelong depression. And it turns out that — yes! — my intensely boring diet is packed to the brim with everything that’s good for raising serotonin levels.  Plus, I work out.

So.

Then I looked up the various things that lower serotonin levels, and I do none of those things.

But then I read that childhood abuse and trauma “is associated with low serotonin transporter binding in vivo in a major depressive disorder.”

Meaning: creating a permanent problem.

That was really cheery fucking news! But you know, I am one of those people that seriously hates being held captive by shit like this. So that, of course, kind of depressed me, too.

Then, since I clearly was not going to get a break from it all on my own after having been battling it all day and, come hell or high water, I wanted to get a good night’s sleep and be in a better place today, I took 1/18th of a piece of a Tylenol PM, and it helped me sleep great. However, I woke up to my usual happy coffee this morning, and the caffeine colliding with what was left of the diphenhydramine HCI (from the Tylenol PM) in my system, has given me the most amazing case of intensely overactive jittery nerves.

So, yes — everything’s going splendidly!! (And I’m now awaiting the huge amount of protein I just ate to kick in and combat the nerves…)

But this means that I got nothing productive accomplished yesterday. But, I’m not depressed today so I’m planning on having a much better day today.

I need to write up a synopsis for The Guitar Hero Goes Home, so that I can send the manuscript off to receive its — hopefully–  stellar back cover blurbs, and then I want to start working on that flash/memoir piece for possible publication in an upcoming anthology. So I am very hopeful that today will be a really good day.

The Nick Cave web site sent out a note from Nick Cave today, about the upcoming Idiot Prayer: Nick Cave Alone at Alexandra Palace. It was quite cool! You can read it here. And, of course, buy tickets here (this is a streaming event through the DICE app. You don’t actually go anywhere except possibly to your kitchen to get snacks!!)

And on that promising note, I’m gonna scoot here, gang. Get this day underway. I hope you enjoy your Wednesday, wherever you are in the world.  Thanks for visiting!! I leave you with absolute utter silence today, only because I’ve been too depressed to listen to music. However, I feel confident that will change! All righty. I love you guys. See ya.

2 thoughts on “Outta My Fucking Mind!!”

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