Wow, gang.

It’s not so much that the heat is off the charts, or anything. It’s that I can’t open my bedroom door, yet, because of the kittens and Mommy-the-Attack-Cat still being in here. So the air just can’t circulate.

The rest of the house is a lot better than my room is – even with all 3 windows open and the turbo fan going full blast in here.

However. I don’t have to be at my new client’s house until 3PM, so I have quite a few hours here to work on the novel. So I’m drinking coffee and trying to keep the brain working. I don’t want to waste the day, melting into a brain-dead heap on the bed.

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This was interesting. About the Nazareth inscription — an ancient tablet thought to be an edict by the Emperor Claudius. Even considering it might have absolutely nothing to do with Jesus’ tomb, it is still very interesting.

Ancient Engraving: Jesus’ Resurrection Clue? (12 mins):

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This was from the sold out show last night in Hamburg.

The theater looks like a real architectural gem, but performing in it seems like it would be sort of creepy. Since, like, if anyone opened fire on you there would be absolutely nowhere to run…(It’s a complete circle of the audience surrounding the stage.)

Anyway! Nick Cave is that tiny dot at the piano, “dead” center!

Tonight’s show in Hamburg is also sold out. But as of now, there are still tickets available for Wednesday’s show in Rochefort, France. Check here. (Then you’re out of luck until mid-July, in Italy.)

And here’s this, because I am so tired of life right now, but I still love this song…

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Well, yesterday was kind of amazing, gang. Both of my favorite clients, back to back — and they couldn’t be more different from each other. But it wiped me out.

I spent 3 hours first thing in the morning with that favorite client who is back from Florida and we had another really great time. We did not stop talking. Time flew by again. And she said, “I love your intellect! You have a mind like a steel trap! When I talk with you, I feel the cobwebs coming off of my own intellect. It feels so good to really TALK with someone again.”

And of course that made me feel really good because I feel the very same thing about her (we talk a lot about Christian theology, etc.).

But she went on to say that she wants me to be scheduled with her regularly, but I have no control over that. She has to be the one to call the Agency and specifically request me (which I think she will, but I wasn’t supposed to tell her that because it’s considered taking shifts away from other caregivers). Anyway, I told her I would speak to my supervisor Monday morning and ask if they can please rearrange my schedule to include her.

Which I am definitely going to do, but when I looked at my schedule this morning — except for next week and the week I’m in NYC, my schedule is BOOKED SOLID through mid-August and except for July 4th, she is NOWHERE on my schedule and I just don’t understand why they did that. But also, my schedule is booked solid with clients who have cognitive impairments. Meaning, no conversations of any real depth for the next 2 months…

Even though I care about all of my clients, it gets to be overwhelming — especially when here is this client that I get along with so great who has no cognitive impairment whatsoever.

Well, I’ll see what I can possibly do tomorrow to change that.

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Another thing she said that really hit home for me–

She is also good with guns. Her husband was an expert marksman. His rifle collection is still upstairs, and all his medals and honors and plaques are over the fireplace. He taught her how to use a gun a long time ago, and she was surprisingly good at it, too.

I told her about my sudden impulse to go to the shooting range and learn how to use a handgun back in December — and then discovering that I was actually really good at it

Very matter-of-factly, she said, “That was God. You’d better listen. Keep at it.”

And then that feeling I’d been having lately, that I should give up my membership at the shooting range to save money, completely evaporated. I saw this endeavor of mine in a whole new light.

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Other than that — this fatigue from the heat and lack of air; this fatigue from constantly caring for people and for cats and for plants and for everything that can be considered a living thing… And missing all the ones who have already passed on…

Yes, I feel just unbelievably tired and, with that feeling, I get tired of living. Like, life just goes on and on and on, and all those things I used to love about living life everyday — the older I get, the more gone those things are.

And then I spend my days with people who are truly in the final chapters of their lives, who have outlived almost everything they knew, and I don’t even know what to think anymore. I just want everything to stop.

However.

I am really happy about where the novel is going. This feeling that it’s a miracle that, 26 years later, I know how this novel needs to end. And that’s exciting. So that keeps me going.

And even though I’m worried about how things will go with the cat sitter and all these cats everywhere while I’m in NYC (and the need to make sure KonTiki gets enough food outside, too, because the raccoons eat ALL of her food at night.)

Anyway, aside from worrying about that, whenever I think about the trip to NYC, and being in the rehearsal room, finally working on “The Guide to Being Fabulous” the way we intended it to be — and NOT being alone, for a change!!!

Well, I get happy about that. So I keep going.

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And oddly enough — this just came in:

From Rick Rubin’s substack: