I spent all day yesterday working on the pre-publication stuff for The Guitar Hero Goes Home and here’s something really interesting that you might want to make note of:

If, two years ago, you thought you were going to write your novel really quickly and then just toss it up on Amazon’s Kindle & Create Space and so you used a manuscript writing template from Amazon that was in Beta-testing mode and then life went on and on and men you loved died and it was horrible and it took a year to finish writing the very short novel and by then you thought you’d send it around to small presses because the responses you were getting to separate chapters of the novel were extremely positive and so, a year later, when not a single small press replied to you, you decided to publish it yourself, as a small press and not necessarily as a Create Space press, and so you went through the process of attempting to format your manuscript as a non-Amazon POD…

And you then  discover that the Amazon Beta-testing template never made it to Alpha and it no longer exists and your manuscript is now locked into that template and you cannot remove it!!!!! Try as you might!!!

And even though it doesn’t look like it’s stuck in that template it actually IS…

And even though you try every way you can think of to try to trick the manuscript into thinking it is in fact no longer stuck in that Beta-testing template, and you run it through the manuscript processing machine, you realize that it has in fact tricked you, AGAIN, and it is still stuck in the template.

And so you stare hard at your computer screen for just a really long time and say things like, “Fuck, this can’t be possible” and “I am not retyping this whole fucking manuscript!” and “Shit, fuck” — stuff like that.

And then Valerie doesn’t return your texts or your calls and you have not only a lot of stuff to relay to her about the cover design, but you also wish to tell someone/anyone how insane this fucking non-removable template is and that you want to shoot yourself and you want someone/anyone to say how bad they feel for you!

(She did eventually text me back, but it was long after I was done fucking with that manuscript for the day.)

Anyway. Round 2. Guess who’s publishing The Guitar Hero Goes Home as a Create Space press? Because the template at least meets the measurements they need for the pages to print correctly.  Funny, right? The best laid plans of mice and men just lead you right the fuck back to where you were when you started writing the novel 2 years ago.

Just amazing.

Okay!! That said — I’m planning on having a really great day today, even though I will be once again spending the entire day trying to get this novel one step closer to publication. We shall see how that goes!! And if it goes poorly, at least Valerie has promised to call mid-afternoon today, so I will have someone to loudly complain to if need be!!

Well, that’s kind of it around here, gang.  My day was rather narrow in scope yesterday. I did watch one more episode of Endeavour, and another episode of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, so I was at least in heaven last evening!! (But (heavy sigh) only one episode of Endeavor left. Then a whole year must pass before the next one…)

I hope you have a great Wednesday unfolding for you, wherever you are in the world!! Tropical Fuck Storm dropped a new single last night, “Legal Ghost.” (This is a slightly different version of a song that Gareth Liddiard and Rui Pereira released in the 90s.) I leave you with that today!!  Enjoy! And thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya.

“Legal Ghost”

She said come in, wipe your feet
I walked in off the street
Into her room yeah it looked pretty bad
She made me read the report
And after all her contortions
I met her legal ghost, her legal ghost, her legal ghost

They went and burned his body
And then they burned his clothes
Yeah but it doesn’t really matter who you sleep with now, you’ll always sleep alone
So it may as well be me, I got nowhere to be
I’ll probably hang around
Yeah just you, me, us two, and your legal ghost
Your legal ghost

For once the cops ain’t calling for ya
But ya know that kid she can’t stay with ya
And see only thing you’ve got coming is just the spaces that are left by all the things that go
Like your legal ghost, your legal ghost, your legal ghost

It doesn’t really matter who you sleep with now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter who you speak with now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter who you talk to now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter where you walk to now you’re just a legal ghost
A legal ghost
You are a legal ghost

Ah but don’t the walls seem harder now?
Ain’t the corners just a little darker now?
Now your faith has failed you
Even a paper trail
Leads to your legal ghost
Your legal ghost
Your legal ghost
Your legal ghost

It doesn’t really matter who you sleep with now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter who you speak with now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter who you talk to now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter where you walk to now you’re just a legal ghost
A legal ghost, you are a legal ghost

It doesn’t really matter who you sleep with now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter who you speak with now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter who you talk with now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter where you walk to now you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter if you hang around you’re just a legal ghost
It doesn’t really matter if you stay in town you’re just a legal ghost
You know I know that you know you are a legal ghost
You are a legal ghost, a legal ghost, a legal ghost

© 2020 Gareth Liddiard