Well, oddly enough — and as difficult as it is to believe — I had absolutely nothing to say yesterday. Isn’t that weird?
So I didn’t blog.
I took a break from booty core yesterday, too. Just because my muscles were worn out. What has it been, like, 10 days or something? I still can’t believe the difference. But I’m also thinking: Oh man, I’m going to have to do these exercises for the rest of my life. If I want to keep walking across the floor, that is.
But, seriously, I hadn’t realized that simple things had gotten even a little bit difficult. I just wasn’t aware. I did my yoga and things seemed fine. But now, when I bend down to pick up something simple like a cat food bowl — it’s just amazing how easy it is on my knees. It’s just effortless. And of course my posture is better, and now I can’t believe what a difference the better posture has made in my neck!
Which reminds me that, late last night, just as I was falling to sleep, the man who died that I was in love with, came to visit. Just like that. He was just “there.” In spirit. Just saying hello. It made me feel so happy. And I told him that I missed him so much but that I was doing really good now. Just so good. And I am, gang. I really am. And then I fell right out. Just gone. Sound asleep. So I don’t know if I went off with him to some other dimension, or what.
But, anyway, he always used to tell me that he was worried about my neck. He was really concerned about the angle of my neck in bed all the time because he didn’t want to accidentally break my neck. I didn’t want him to break my neck, either (!!), but it was just absolutely regular sex. To me, it was impossible to imagine that it would break my neck. And it sort of made me feel a little old, you know? That he worried that my neck might be that fragile. (And it also made me wonder, like: have there been a lot of women in your past that you’ve had intercourse with and it caused them to break their necks? But it did make me feel old when he said that.)
And then, this past summer, when I got the new laptop, it’s much larger than the other one I had and I found I was suddenly having severe neck issues. So I focused on certain yoga stretches that helped a lot, but now with booty core, my posture has improved so much that my neck is really strong now. It’s just so weird that all of this strengthening has happened in such a short time. But then it also makes me see that I’m going to have to keep doing this forever. (And it actually is hard work, gang, so I’m super happy about that!) Anyway. I’ll mix it up with the yoga, but I’m thinking now it will be more core stuff with less yoga, and not the other way around.
Well, that was some sort of extreme digression, there. I didn’t know I was going to go into all that. (Oh, but since I’ve gone off on a tangent, I’ll also mention that the hair serum stuff really, really works. It’s incredible stuff. But I’m gonna have to use that now, too, for the rest of my life. ) (At this point, though, I’m thinking it will probably be best to live to be about 61 and a half and not 104, otherwise, it will be just too much stuff to try to keep track of around here.)
Actually, last night, when I got out of the shower and was using all 723 million of my various stay-youthful products, I was beginning to wonder what would happen if I lived, say, another 40 years and the company in France went out of business or something. Oh my god, I didn’t even want to think about it! If they went out of business, I would get old, like, overnight. I’ve been using their products now for over 20 years!
Okay, well. I overslept this morning because I was having these endless, endless dreams. They were weird, sort of unpleasant, even bordering on nightmarish. And it literally went on for hours, because I would wake up for a moment and see the time, and then be out for another hour and a half. So it really was going on forever. And the weirdest part was that in every single dream, there were only women. Just women, women, women. And all kinds of women, of all different ages. Some of them I cared about and some of them unnerved me and some of them outright upset me. But so weird, to just dream on and on like that, only about women.
And the dreams took place in hospitals, and in parking lots, in public buildings, auditoriums, subway stations, apartment buildings — everything. And only women, everywhere.
The best dream was when I was in the front seat of a car with two other women. It was night time and we were just sort of relaxing there together, sort of stretched out on each other in this front seat — the stars were out. It was sort of magical. I know that the woman to the right of me was Blaire (of Blare N. Bitch fame, out in LA now). I don’t know who the 3rd woman was, but we were all just happy and blissed out. But during that wonderful dream, the cats woke me!! Darn cats!! Because, the other women in the other dreams — I’ll tell you, I was not really digging them.
Sort of weird that it came on the heels of that awesome dream about the bird and freedom and the male energy from the other night. And then to be stuck in hours-long dreams about women. Who the hell knows what’s going on with me, but it seems like something is.
Oh, I saw the young deaf boy again and he told me that he told his mom he was bisexual and that she was really supportive of him. He was so happy, you know? And I was so happy for him. As I was walking away, he stopped me and he said, “I hope you find someone to love.” Which was so sweet. But I’ve got it going on, you know; I’m intensely in love (from afar) with one man who is totally unavailable and intensely in love with another man who is totally dead. So no worries here!
But, actually, I am really happy, regardless. To “love,” itself, is the thing.
Okay, so I’m gonna get moving here! As I said, I overslept this morning. Hugely. I have tedious paperwork stuff to do for Abstract Absurdity Productions before my phone meeting with Peitor tomorrow. And God knows, I have Booty Core to do!! And I’d also like to get a little writing done, too. So, onward!
Thanks for visiting, gang! I leave you with the song I was playing nonstop yesterday – yes, that very same day wherein I didn’t blog at all! A very, very favorite song from my wee bonny girlhood — I tell you, I just loved this song! Glen Campbell, “Gentle On My Mind.” A huge hit song from, like, 1967. (And, honestly, gang; I really do believe that songs like this are what helped me develop into this sort of person who is just, well, I guess really independent when it comes to love. Is that the way to say it?)
I can recall so clearly, a car trip I was on with my family. I was 7. My dad always played the AM radio when we were in the car. I was sort of curled up in the backseat, because we didn’t have to wear seat belts back then. My older brother was next to me, but I don’t remember what he was doing. But I was always just so day-dreamy. Always a million miles away in my mind. And this song came on the radio, and I remember my whole heart just melting and mind opening right up; my whole soul just soaring. I loved this song so much.
And I still do, apparently!
Okay! Have a super cool Monday, wherever you are in the world!! I love you guys. See ya!
“Gentle On My Mind”
It’s knowing that your door is always open
And your path is free to walk
That makes me tend to leave my sleeping bag
Rolled up and stashed behind your couch
And it’s knowing I’m not shackled
By forgotten words and bonds
And the ink stains that are dried upon some line
That keeps you in the backroads
By the rivers of my memory
That keeps you ever gentle on my mind
It’s not clinging to the rocks and ivy
Planted on their columns now that bind me
Or something that somebody said
Because they thought we fit together walking
It’s just knowing that the world will not be cursing
Or forgiving when I walk along some railroad track and find
That you’re moving on the backroads
By the rivers of my memory
And for hours you’re just gentle on my mind
Though the wheat fields and the clothes lines
And the junkyards and the highways come between us
And some other woman’s cryin’ to her mother
‘Cause she turned and I was gone
I still might run in silence tears of joy might stain my face
And the summer sun might burn me ’til I’m blind
But not to where I cannot see
You walkin’ on the backroads
By the rivers flowing gentle on my mind
I dip my cup of soup back from a gurglin’
Cracklin’ caldron in some train yard
My beard a roughening coal pile,
And a dirty hat pulled low across my face
Through cupped hands ’round the tin can
I pretend to hold you to my breast and find
That you’re waiting from the backroads
By the rivers of my memories
Ever smilin’ ever gentle on my mind
c – 1967 John Hartford