It was allegedly my day off.

Allegedly, I was going to drop the Honda off early at the dealership, then have the rest of the day to get ready to work with Sandra yesterday afternoon.

The Honda did get done — and it looks great and it’s ready for our little road trip to see my birth mom next week.

However — because they were short-staffed with drivers yesterday, it took THREE trips to the dealership, before it was all over. (30 miles, each way). A total of 7 hours when it was all said & done.

But the day started off like I was on some other planet.

I woke at my usual 4AM and I was in a very strange headspace. Even though, physically, I felt totally fine, I had the distinct impression that I was going to die. Meaning, right then; yesterday morning; before even getting out of bed.

I was even talking to God. You know: “Please. I know that most of my life is behind me, and I don’t have a lot left to stick around for these days, other than all the cats, but I am NOT ready to die yet. Please.” The feeling of imminent death was so profound.

The strange feeling lingered through breakfast, right up until I was getting ready to walk out the door and head to town — when the Agency called to tell me that my wonderful client, the one who lives in that really enormous, love-filled split-level home in the hills behind the Bryn Du mansion…

She died. Early yesterday morning.

While it was not totally unexpected, I was sad to hear it, but at least it explained the feelings and, after that , the feeling of imminent death went away.

But it is so intense — how connected I am to my clients.

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Well, during the interim when I was not at the Honda dealership, I decided to just quickly vacuum the kitchen floor… (which turned into vacuuming the family room, the dining room, the stairs, the upstairs hallway, the upstairs bathroom, my bedroom, the guestroom….)

And then I also did a couple of “quick” loads of laundry (blankets and throws that were covered in cat hair).

And then I decided to “just quickly” switch out the old TV for the new flat-screen one in the family room…

I got it done, but it took forever. And it turned out the new HD TV wouldn’t recognize the VCR at all, so I wound up keeping the 25-year-old TV set, but moving it up to the guest room.

WOW, that fucker was heavy. And I know one thing for certain — that old TV is never coming back down those stairs, unless someone else moves it.

But the old TV looks rather cool up in the guestroom, because the guestroom has really old furniture in it (mid-century wedding furniture that I inherited from relatives 20 years ago). Now the guest room looks sort of like a hotel room circa 1992 or something.

I have decidedly fond memories of hotel rooms from that era!! So I am looking forward to hanging out in my guestroom and watching old movies on the old TV set and getting lost in some sort of distant halcyon swoon. (And if you’re among the many who spent time in hotel rooms with me back then, please feel free to come visit!!)

Anyway. It was a ton of physical work, dealing with those TVs and moving stuff around. And cleaning the house and doing laundry. I was exhausted by the time Honda called and said that my car was ready (sort of, as it turned out)…

And in the super brief interim of getting my car back and then taking the car BACK to Honda, because the maintenance light came on, saying the front tire pressure was low (again) — I decided to make a “really quick” dash into the grocery store…

By this time, I had already texted Sandra and we agreed that the phone conversation was not going to happen until Monday. So I have an additional 3 and a 1/2 days to get my creative brain in gear and pull those notes together for our new project.

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By the time the day was over and the evening was approaching, I was so fucking exhausted, gang. But I was in a sort of beautiful headspace, thinking about my now-deceased client, her incredibly loving family, that love-filled home. I truly felt honored to have spent time with them at all.

Oh, and when I was with my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man on Wednesday, my supervisor once again stopped in unannounced. This time, to give me a pin — and chocolates! — for having done over 1000 hours of caregiving service. (And although it probably feels like it to you, the entire 1000 hours was not spent with my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man…)

And I’m heading back out there today, but it is very cold and rainy, with those super high winds that I just adore, so we won’t be going out for sashimi and sake until tomorrow…

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Meanwhile.

I did not take advantage of having my new TV in the family room last night, because I was just too worn out.

Instead, I went upstairs shortly after dinner, lit some votives, got in bed and resumed listening to an audio version of St. Augustine’s On the City of God —

And I thought about my beautiful client, the wonderful life she had, and how strange it had felt that morning when I was certain that I was dying…

And I slept for seven solid hours. And I’m still really tired, but every time I walk past my guestroom now, I get a little thrill just thinking about how fun it’s going to be to hang out in there and watch old movies!! You know, when I have some free time…

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Okay.

While there was some cool footage of Keith playing at a benefit last night for FTD awareness (Frontotemporal Degeneration Dementia), I couldn’t find any photos. Just videos.

So I have nothing to share from Instagram today!!

But here’s this! My all-time favorite photo of Keith. So “all-time-favorite-y”, that I have it on my wall twice! (2 different sizes.)

Keith in Los Angeles, in 1969:

I don’t know if this is my “all-time favorite” photo of Nick Cave, but I also have this photo on my wall twice!! (2 different sizes.)

And that’s it, gang.

I’m gonna head down to the kitchen now and just try to get some energy before heading to town, hoping like heck that my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man is still, you know, with us.

Enjoy your Friday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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In honor of the many hotel rooms I have known–

I woke up singing THIS this morning.

I absolutely LOVED this song when I was 14. And this exact version, too — by Shirley Bassey! (I know. I have always had eclectic tastes in music.)

And now that I listen to this song as an oldster — I haven’t been 14 in over 50 years — I am a little blown away by that girl I used to be. (Which is why it gets so hard for me to write that darned memoir of my life in the 1970s!)

Anyway, enjoy, gang!! In spite of all things, I sure did.

Shirley Bassey, 1970, “Yesterday When I Was Young”.

“Yesterday When I Was Young”

Yesterday, when I was young
The taste of life was sweet as rain upon my tongue
I teased at life as if it were a foolish game
The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame

The thousand dreams I dreamed
The splendid things I planned
I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand
I lived by night and shunned the naked light of day
And only now I see how the years ran away

Yesterday, when I was young
So many lovely songs were waiting to be sung
So many wayward pleasures lay in store for me
And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out
I never stopped to think what life was all about
And every conversation I can now recall
Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all

Yesterday, the moon was blue
And every crazy day brought something new to do
I used my magic age as if it were a wand
And never saw the waste and emptiness beyond

The game of love I played with arrogance and pride
And every flame I lit too quickly, quickly died
The friends I made all seemed somehow to drift away
And only I am left on stage to end the play

There are so many songs in me that won’t be sung
I feel the bitter taste of tears upon my tongue
The time has come for me to pay for yesterday
… when I was young

Yesterday, when I was young
So many lovely songs were waiting to be sung
So many wayward pleasures lay in store for me
And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see…

c – 1964 Charles Aznavour, Georges Garvarentz