While I am indeed typing, I am not actually smiling.

Although I have been trying to smile all morning…

Jesus, gang. It’s like I get about 4 minutes of respite from the world, and then it plunges back into stress.

A case in point — I discovered yesterday evening that the shift I am filling in for tonight was not described to me in the best possible way. For instance, I think the agency purposely misled me about where the client actually lives because they know I do not like driving long distances and they desperately needed someone to fill the shift.

Had they said he lives “near Utica” I would have absolutely 100% without hesitation said, “No.” Because it’s too far away.

But instead, they said “northern Newark area”, which is an “area” of the town of Newark that I’ve been to many times — full of houses, stores, churches, streetlights. So, no problem.

But last evening, I discovered the client is 40 miles away from me, each way. And way, way, WAY out in the country. Which means, driving home in the absolute pitch darkness, on unfamiliar backroads full of wandering animals for 40 miles.

And I won’t pull up to my house until about 10PM tonight.

Anyway. Of course, my mind immediately goes to the humanity of the situation, or I wouldn’t even have this kind of caregiver job in the first place. The client needs around-the-clock help. He’s in his 90s. He lives alone. He needs companionship and he doesn’t want to die in a hospital, he wants to stay out in the country, at home. And I don’t blame him.

This is one of my favorite views out here — it’s from the terrace of the restaurant at the local golf course, 10 minutes from my house. The view goes on forever. What’s not to love about living in the country, right?

So I understand the whole picture. But I had an emotionally intense week, client-wise. Including yesterday. With my 94-year-old Japanese client. Whom I adore. But it can get very emotional for me — how much my clients appreciate me at this stage of their lives. It matters so much to them — the companionship and the conversation.

And afterwards, I went out to lunch at the Peony Bistro with my girlfriend — and, frankly, I was so worn out that I had to make an effort to have “a nice time”. I was sort of drained.

And when we got our fortune cookies at the end of our meal, this was mine!!!! I nearly collapsed with exhaustion right there in the booth.

Oh, and now it’s snowing….

All right, gang.

Even though I’m trying to stay away from posting news now on the blog, check this out if you missed it the other day.

It’s originally from MJ Truth, and below is the video it came from — and the part about Vietnam, and the fake Gulf of Tonkin attack, lends more and more credence to the MK Ultra garbage that apparently happened to Jim Morrison. (His dad was the Commander of that ship during that “attack” that launched the entire Vietnam War.)

BTW – these “conspiracy theories” have been declassified. Available to the public. (4 mins)

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And a great new Bible series started by Ross K. Nichols.

Discovering the Decalogue Dilemma (1hr 13 mins):

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And now I gotta scoot because, even while I’m typing, Peitor has sent me SIX new files of notes and about 8 texts.

Okay. Have a great Sunday, wherever you are in the world, gang.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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I wanted to update you on that new comedy from Tubi that I posted about recently. “The Z-Suite”.

They are up to episode 3 now and I really like it. It’s pretty funny.

Here is the trailer again. The show is free on Tubi.

Oh, and I needed to re-subscribe to Netflix (again) because Sandra needs me to watch this (all in subtitles) (in my spare time):

We had a little more snow this morning, but not too much. And now rain for most of the day. BUT!! Supposedly, it will be sunny by the time I’m meeting my girlfriend for lunch at the Peony Bistro this afternoon!!

I need this little outing desperately, gang. The stress here just doesn’t quit.

The new patient I was assigned this week by the agency has already cancelled two shifts. Yesterday was one of them.

While this is a loss of money for me, it was kind of a relief to suddenly have the whole day off, because Peitor and I are now in the same time zone (he’s in Montreal) and we have so much to do to get the package together for our TV series proposal. And we get a lot more done when we’re in the same time zone.

For instance, we spent 6 hours yesterday, working on ONE sentence (the logline), and the opening paragraph of the synopsis.

However…

In those intensely focused 6 hours, the agency contacted me FOUR times with shifts they wanted me to take. (I said yes to only one of them, for Sunday evening.) But I hate turning down work so that made me stressed out , too.

And my work with Peitor was running much longer than I’d anticipated, so I missed the funeral home visitation hours of my client who died on Monday.

And now the Dramatists Guild is up in arms about Trump and the Kennedy Center stuff. They sent out a letter to members yesterday, detailing their extremely politicized stand on it — not once mentioning in the letter that the primary show that lost it’s funding was a drag musical aimed at children. Also not mentioning that Trump’s Administration has a problem with using federal funding (i.e. taxpayer money) for drag shows aimed at children — even if the shows might be fun.

Also, they didn’t mention that Trump put Rick Grenell in charge of the Kennedy Center for now, and that Grenell is openly and completely gay.

That might temper everyone’s outrage if they included details like those. So they can’t do that.

Obviously, all this stuff is only fueling the never ending political fire that will now be surrounding “The Guide to Being Fabulous” Off-Broadway, and I have about zero energy for dealing with that.

But the only other option is to bow out and after 12 years of working on this show with Sandra — bowing out is not something I’m interested in doing.

So yesterday was just — oh my god.

But one good thing yesterday — Wayne got back to us with his opinion of the Pilot script. A lot of it he found confusing, because he isn’t into any social media or things like that (he’s 70, now, just fyi). He did say that he found it interesting, and if it came on the TV, he wouldn’t have turned it off or changed the channel. He wanted to know what was going to happen.

So that was good!

This morning, gang, as I was laying in bed after my prayer work and meditation, I was trying to understand how I really felt about all this “drag shows aimed at children” stuff.

If it’s not overtly sexual or eroticized, and if it’s fun and engaging — what is the real harm?

I thought back to my own childhood, and we had things like “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In” on TV, and the cast recording of the Broadway musical “Hair” when I was 8 years old. My parents, our neighborhood, our elementary school was okay with us listening to or watching all this stuff. We had two gay men living together in the house across the street from us, and no one wanted to run them out of town.

(from “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In”)

And while I did not know the label for it yet, I was bisexual from the time I was 6 years old — and then forever onward. I won’t detail all of it here, you can read my previously published memoirs and essays if you feel like it.

But it was never supported by anybody when I was a girl. People thought I was a freak, so I learned to not tell too many people about that part of me that was inordinately fond of girls.

And then, this morning, I remembered an amazing night, back in 1973, when I was 13 years old. It was incredible, gang. I was over at my cousin’s house because our parents were playing bridge. It was already late and she and I were watching “The Midnight Special” on TV …

And what to my wondering eyes should appear — but Marianne Faithfull dressed as a nun, and David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust get-up, singing “I Got You, Babe.”

Granted, I was no longer in elementary school, but I was still young, and that moment blew my mind in the most amazing way. I was thrilled by it. I was glued to the TV.

And then my uncle happened to come into the room and he was instantly furious. Just completely outraged by it but he didn’t make us turn it off.

Still, I had to ask myself this morning, how different was all of that from drag musicals aimed at children nowadays? I don’t know. But isn’t theater supposed to break boundaries and make statements?

What I do know is that not Bowie, nor any of the glitter or glam rock singers, nor Lou Reed & Rachel, ever expected the Federal Government to fund their endeavors with taxpayer money.

That part was really different, wasn’t it?

Anyway. There is a lot to think about it, regarding all of that. The only thing that really saved me back in the 1970s was the music. The entirely un-government-funded music. And I am not overstating that.

Okay. I gotta scoot!!!! I’m off to spend a few wonderful hours with my 94-year-old Japanese client!!

Enjoy your Saturday, wherever you are in the world, gang.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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Why wouldn’t I leave you with this today???? It took place late at night, on Friday, November 16, 1973.

Enjoy, gang.

It does sort of feel like part of a day off.

I don’t have a client until this afternoon. AND (!!) Peitor is currently in an airplane enroute to Montreal, so I did not have 700 files of notes in my inbox this morning!!

I did have 7 texts from him in WhatsApp by 5:30AM, but they did not require me to do anything. Yet. (They will, though.)

The script for the TV pilot is DONE. And we ran it by a long-time, veteran screenwriter in LA, to check for formatting errors (there were a few), but now it is really, truly done, and we can focus on the synopsis and the pitch bible. And we still have 4 weeks to get it all into shape.

So we are on track, but I still feel kind of exhausted. But I guess in a good way.

We’re running the script by Wayne in NYC right now — just to get his impression of the show: would it be something he would watch if he randomly stumbled upon the show on TV?

Wayne despises everything on TV, so if there’s even a glimmer of interest from him, that will be exciting!

AND continuing in the not totally exhausted YET department:

Sandra called yesterday, so we are gearing up to get back to “The Guide to Being Fabulous” both Off-Broadway, and the HBO adaptation.

[Sandra said: “I bet all your projects are going to hit at once and you’re going to be really busy.” I get that feeling, too, frankly and it’s fucking scary.]

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Meanwhile.

Yesterday! Wow, gang.

My 94-year-old Japanese client did indeed wish to go to Peony Bistro for lunch. And the food was fantastic and the restaurant was really pretty inside.

They serve both Chinese and Japanese food, so we had the Japanese food and really, my client was in heaven. Even though he was born in NYC, back in 1930, he did spend many, many years living in Japan. (Including during WWII.) It meant so much to him — not just to have an outing , but the fact that not only was the Japanese food authentic, but also that the restaurant had such great ambiance. That meant a lot to him.

He was in such good spirits. And we laughed a lot. He is still coherent enough to have a great sense of humor. At the end of our meal, they brought us each a fortune cookie, but he said he was not interested in his.

I said, “You don’t want to know what your fortune is?”

“No.”

“You want it to just run into you all at once, when you aren’t even prepared for it?’

He laughed and said yes. So. I opened his fortune cookie for him. Here they are! I thought they were both a little uncanny. Mine was the one about finances:

So, we had just an incredible day. We really did. And I get to go back to that same restaurant on Saturday afternoon, with my Q-following friend!! (I texted her last night to let her know the food was really good.)

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On other fronts.

I did indeed get a membership to the local shooting range, where I took that introductory class back in December. The new client the agency assigned me this week lives very close to the shooting range, so it will give me plenty of opportunities each week to stop in and practice (handguns). So I decided to get the membership.

One of the perks, though, that comes with the membership: I can get a FREE machine gun rental for one entire month. Doesn’t that just wreak of an accident waiting to happen? I cannot imagine even wanting to touch a machine gun. Anyway…

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I guess that’s it for today.

Enjoy your Thursday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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I leave you with this.

I am still sort of reeling from the news about David Johansen (see yesterday’s “Update” post.) And doing the kind of in-home caregiver work that I do — I know how incredibly expensive it is to get good quality care when you are dying. And how awful the quality of care can be in this country when you have to rely on any kind of welfare. It just broke my heart that his daughter had to go to the press and ask his fans to please help, that their money is basically gone.

If you can contribute to his Sweet Relief Musicians fund, it is here.

I know I’ve posted about the New York Dolls on the blog before, but I will repeat: I will never forget being 13 years old, and discovering In Too Much Too Soon in the record department at the local discount store!

What a thrill. I really, really LOVED glam rock back then. And I loved that whole album. (I also loved when he had his Buster Poindexter act in the 1980s.)

While it breaks my heart to know what he is going through at the end of his life now, I feel so blessed to be able to contribute even a little bit every month to help his family help him. There were quite a few years here recently when I could not even afford to feed myself.

So. Here’s one from the New York Dolls, followed by my favorite Buster Poindexter song!! Enjoy, gang.

Today’s a big day, gang.

I am taking my favorite client — the 94-year-old Japanese man — out for lunch today!!

He has been telling me for weeks now that he wants to go out to lunch. He goes out to lunch — and to run errands, and even to church — with his private nurse all the time. So he’s “allowed” to go out.

But today is going to be his first outing with me.

Oddly enough, on Saturday, when I was with him and we were making our plans, he chose Peony Bistro for our lunch destination today! Because it serves Chinese and Japanese food — and it has a bar. (He’s allowed to drink alcohol, just not nearly as much as he would like!)

But Peony Bistro is also where I’m having lunch with my Q-following girlfriend this coming Saturday. Weird, right???

But, of course, today, he might forget what he decided on Saturday and for all I know, he and I could end up at Tequilaville (!!!) where they also have a bar….

We shall soon see! Either way, I’m really looking forward to our outing. But I’m really praying hard to St. Christopher to be all over my car today. I’m a good driver, but you know. I just need to be extra careful.

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If you missed Phil’s live last night — gold-backed currency is indeed coming to the US Treasury, gang. So buy whatever gold (and silver) you can afford. And also remember to keep only enough cash in the bank to pay your bills, and, for now, keep most of your money safe at home.

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Okay. I gotta scoot! I have a quick conference call here with Peitor before I take off for my shift.

Enjoy your Wednesday, wherever you are in the world!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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I leave you with this!! For obvious reasons!!

Tom Waits! “Hang On St. Christopher”. From Frank’s Wild Years. 1987. Enjoy!!

It is such a sunny day here today. Incredible. Blue skies for as far as the eye can see.

Which is a blessing, since I have to leave here soon to drive back to the hospital and say goodbye to my client.

She never made it to rehab. She took a really bad turn over the weekend and is now in the hospice ward, unresponsive and dying.

I mostly want to go pay respects to her husband today. I’m glad I got to see her the other day, when she was perfectly alert and looking so vibrant — even though she was attached to all those machines.

But, as you know, I have been very conflicted about this whole thing because I knew for a fact that she did not want to go on living. So, even though I will really miss her, I’m also glad that she and God seem to have worked it out.

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Well, that Super Bowl game was weird.

I haven’t seen even part of a Super Bowl game in about 30 years, and now that everything on TV is shot in that super-saturated digital color, it doesn’t look or feel the same to me.

[How it used to look when I would watch it with my dad — the Cleveland Browns in 1965:]

And the half-time show was unbelievably bizarre.

I get that it was a White Hat psyop from start to finish, but it was still just weird to watch. I gave up after the half-time weirdness, even though the Eagles were winning.

Some of those commercials were amazing, though. The one with John Denver’s “Take Me Home Country Roads” that celebrated family and leaving the big cities for the country and a more meaningful life. And the one that celebrated fathers. The one where Johnny Cash was singing about Jesus. The one where the NFL players were helping to protect and uplift children, in all walks of life.

Wow, right? I had tears in my eyes a couple of times.

The only commercial I really detested was the one with all those bouncing, happy tits (!!!) only to promote the fear of breast cancer.

Anyway.

Well, my dad is gone. So the football thing is over for me, I guess. And I did hear from Wayne, that he and one of his buddies were indeed going to watch the Super Bowl in that apartment on West End Avenue, just like they’ve done for over 30 years. So that felt kind of nice.

Otherwise, like I’m doing in so many other things in life, it’s time to move on from the Super Bowl.

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Okay, I gotta scoot.

Enjoy your Monday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visitng.

I love you guys. See ya!

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What I will likely listen to while driving the backroads to town….

Yes, I’m going to be watching the Superbowl tonight — streaming it on Tubi, since I don’t have regular TV.

Nothing against Kansas City, but I’m feeling more drawn to Philadelphia. So we shall see.

The only reason I’m even watching the game this year is for sentimental reasons — mostly, my dad, who died last April, was a huge football fan. And, also, when I was married to Wayne, Superbowl Sunday was a big thing in our Upper West Side apartment in Manhattan.

[In this building — on the 10th floor. Wayne still lives there.]

Wayne’s friends would come over early. We’d all order that incredible NYC pizza. There was plenty of beer (of which I was not a huge fan; I was much more into bourbon or red wine). As soon as the game got underway on the TV in the living room, I would go into the guest bedroom (also known as my office, because I was a full-time writer back then!!), and watch something else. Knowing me, it was probably a movie based on something Agatha Christie had penned long ago.

But I always loved hearing the guys in all their excitement out in the living room. I miss that noise.

Okay!

Quite a few people are saying that since Trump is attending the game, there will be some sort of psyop that will potentially threaten his life (fake attempt). Something to do with nukes and a drone. Based on a movie. I guess we’ll see.

Mostly, I’m very eager to see Musk’s DOGE commercials. That should probably be extremely interesting.

Meanwhile….

I have the whole day off and will be going over Peitor’s many many notes on the script (which came through during the night) and maybe even talk with him later today on the phone. He’s still in London, in a studio session, recording his soundtrack for an upcoming film.

And here’s THIS!!

It was the first thing my wee bonny eyes spied on Instagram at 5AM this morning — and my heart zoomed!! It made me exceedingly happy, so I share it here!!

Okay. on that note — I gotta scoot!!

Enjoy your Superbowl Sunday, gang, if you live State-side. Otherwise, just have a great Sunday, wherever you are in the world!!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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I leave you with the music that accompanied the above photo.

One of my Top 5 all-time favorite Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds songs. “Jesus of the Moon”, from their awesome album, Dig!!! Lazarus, Dig!!! 2008.

Enjoy!!

To be fair — yesterday, I was exhausted. But it was a great exhaustion, because I finished those 2 final scenes of the TV pilot script and I was so happy with what I had accomplished.

It took about 6 hours and it was intense. But, wow. I’m so happy.

We’re still going to tweak everything, but now we have a lot of great stuff to work with, that’s already on the page.

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Okay.

I don’t have time to really post today, because I have to leave soon to go see my 94-year-old Japanese client that I absolutely adore.

[How could you not adore him? When I arrive, he’s always still asleep in bed. I go into his room and say, “Good morning.” And his eyes open, and a huge smile breaks out across his face. He reaches his hand out to me, and says, “MARILYN! My angel!” And I say, “Do you want to get up now? I’m making your coffee.” And he says, “YES! I only have 2 more minutes to live!” And then the day begins.)

But I wanted to post about this other sort of incredible thing.

Yesterday, when I was sitting at my kitchen table, getting my dinner ready before I went off to see my evening client, there was a knock on my kitchen door.

It was a girl who lives down the road from me. She’s maybe 16 years old, at the most. And she wanted to use my phone to call her friend.

So I gave her my cellphone and she stood out on my kitchen porch and called her friend. She tried three times. (I saw it on my “recent calls.”)

I don’t really know who this girl is. I know the house she lives in, but I don’t know her name or her family. But last Spring, she came by and did the same thing — wanted to use my cellphone. But that time, she was wearing her pajamas in the middle of the day and wanted to call her mom.

She also seemed to be sort of “wandering” along the road, and maybe even medicated. I let her use my phone three times that day, but then I also went over to the police station, to alert them, in case something was wrong with her and she shouldn’t be out wandering the road in her pajamas.

Well, this year, she’s of course a little older. And she was fully dressed. And seemed totally coherent.

She came back again about 45 minutes later, right when I was really getting ready to head out for my shift, and she wanted to borrow my phone again. And she said, “I need to text my sister, do you have snapchat?”

I told her: no, I didn’t.

So she said, “That’s okay. I’ll just download it onto your phone.”

And she did (!!). And she texted her sister (I know this, because her sister texted my phone later, and her name was “fav sis”.)

Anyway. So strange. I’m just going to leave the snapchat app on there in case she comes back again.

But what I thought was sort of incredible, is that this girl totally trusts me, and she has no clue who I am. I’m just this neighbor lady, halfway down the road, who is absolutely old enough to be her grandmother. Just the thought of how her mind works: Oh, I’ll ask that lady. She’ll help me. And I always do.

Just another thing that I love about this little village in the Hinterlands — tucked away in a valley somewhere, in the foothills of Appalachia.

Okay. I gotta scoot.

Enjoy your Saturday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiting!

I love you guys. See ya!

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Gotta leave you with this again!!!

I am so hoping that whoever buys this TV series, will be willing to license this amazing song for the final scene of Episode One!!!!

Enjoy, gang. Play it LOUD. I sure do.

Alas, that’s not what I’m doing today.

What I am doing — before going to my evening client — is painstakingly revising the final 2 pages of the TV pilot script. Then I will send it back over to Peitor, who will make notes, send it back to me, and then we’ll revise it yet again, together, either Sunday or Monday.

Those final 2 pages are possibly my favorite scenes in the whole show. And to make the scenes work, they just have to be really tight.

Meanwhile…

Peitor is in London right now, working on a film score for an upcoming movie that I can’t wait to see! And in his downtime (i.e., in cafes drinking god only knows what — probably coffee), he’s making even more notes on the entire script.

So, bowling will simply have to wait. (I actually have no clue where there is even a bowling alley out here in the Hinterlands…)

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Wow. So this was really, really helpful.

I don’t know if you ever have to deal with trolls online — I only have to deal with them occasionally, thank God. But oddly enough, when I do, it’s usually on Instagram, when I’ve made what seems to be a perfectly harmless comment on someone else’s post. Then other readers of the post — not the person who posted it — begin a verbal assault that won’t quit.

A case in point was last night. It’s actually sad, the number of screaming young white Leftist females out there who are now completely terrified of life because Trump became President again. (Sadly, part of the Leftist programming agenda — it never occurred to them to be terrified of what was actually going on, which Trump, et al, are bringing to a halt.)

I usually make an attempt to be polite but also stick to my guns, but that only pisses them off more.

Anyway, I finally just turned off my phone last night and let it go, but WOW. They didn’t stop. All through the night and into the morning, more and more angry comments. So, anyway. I found this video perfectly timed for me this morning, and also really helpful. It’s actually very compassionate.

Nigel Watson – (UK/Finland) – DEALING WITH TROLLS (12 mins):

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Well, it is a sunny day today!! Cold, but sunny. So that alone is fantastic.

And tonight, the client I work with — the 99 year-old blind lady who’s had an incredible life — has 3 frisky & quite huge Labrador Retrievers, and 2 wonderful old big black cats. So it’s a nice way to spend a few hours. Plus, I always learn something new from her.

I really enjoy talking with her, even though we don’t share the same views on politics, we just move past that and spend time talking about other things instead. Her mind is still so sharp, gang. At 99 years old. It is something to strive for.

However, every one of her friends, her family members, one of her children and her husband, have all passed on now. She has 2 grown children and a grown grandchild that are still alive, and some younger neighbors who she’s friendly with — but all those people she knew throughout her life, they are all gone now.

I can’t really imagine how that feels and I’m kinda hopin’ I don’t find out. It’s hard enough being 64 and adjusting to my dad being gone. But I guess we’ll see.

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Okay.

Enjoy your Friday, wherever you are in the world!!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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I leave you with this!

I had been eagerly anticipating this new TV show on Tubi, which launched last night. I wasn’t crazy about the first episode, but I’m going to give it a chance and let the show sort of settle into itself.

“Generations clash when the award-winning C-suite at Atelier Ad Agency is canceled and pushed out and the Gen Z social media team is put in charge.”

Here is the trailer, in case you’re interested. (Tubi is free, btw.)

The Z-Suite | Official Trailer | A Tubi Original (1 min):