Yesterday was — I don’t know — a challenge?

I don’t want to say it was a bad day. But I’m hoping today will be better.

Things with my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man were quite beautiful, but he is still declining. But he is making such an amazing effort to communicate with me. Things he wants me to know before he “goes upstairs”. It is such an incredible spiritual gift.

Today, I have decided to ask him if I can have his Bible. He doesn’t read it anymore but he cherishes it. It was given to him by a friend of his in NYC — his mechanic, actually — back in October of 1951.

I feel 100% absolutely certain that his family will simply throw it away when the time comes. And that would break my heart. So I’ll see what he says. But I want to make sure he understands that I want to take it and not bring it back.

Meanwhile — our sashimi and sake went splendidly yesterday. And here were our fortunes. The top one was his — and he read it and nodded his head, and said, “Yes.” (Mine, below that, was sort of the story of my life.)

**************

Okay.

So the New Testament Conference began last evening — this year’s topic is the Historical Jesus. And as you know I have been really looking forward to it, since that is probably my most favorite topic of all time.

But I was so disappointed in last night’s opening speaker — Elaine Pagles, whom I usually love. I just felt like her presentation was about the theological Jesus — known as Jesus Christ — and not about the historical Jesus at all (Jesus of Nazareth). I found it so frustrating.

I was actually even a little depressed when it was over because my hopes had been so high.

Today’s speakers are happening primarily during my shift, so I won’t be able to access the replay until they release it in a couple of days.

And the same goes for tomorrow — James Tabor’s presentation will be during my shift with the retired Minister and his wife.

But on we go.

***********

I was also really frustrated with Phil’s livestream last night.

I’m reasonably sure he’s still doing this on purpose– because of new followers, people who are just starting to wake up to what’s really going on out there in the world. And he probably doesn’t want to scare them off.

But I just find it so frustrating. I miss the days when he could just come out and say stuff.

However, if you missed it, here is the replay.

***********

And Here’s this!

From this morning, when I was having my coffee in bed — and this doesn’t count Saffie, who was at my left shoulder, and Cuddles, who was at my right shoulder (those are my legs down in the middle of all that):

*************

If you want to contribute to a fundraiser for BigCityLit Magazine in NYC, you can visit here:

“The eclectic online literary journal BigCityLit has been publishing outstanding poetry, short fiction, and creative nonfiction from a diverse community since 2000. The founders, Nick Johnson and Maureen Holm, had carried the entire financial responsibility of keeping the journal afloat. Now that they are both gone, we are appealing for renewed support.

With the money you donate, the editors will be able to pay for webmaster fees, domain renewals, web hosting, and the maintenance of the website….”

************

And I think that’s it for today.

I’m hoping to get some work done on the novel tomorrow, before heading out to my shift with the retired Minister and his wife.

Even a paragraph would be nice, since it’s a new chapter and I’m almost at the end of the novel. So a paragraph would at least give me a sense of where it’s going. Well, I know where it’s going, I just don’t know yet exactly how I’m going to get there!

But as of now, I have 3 days off this coming week. So I hope to take full advantage of that and be planted at my desk.

**********

And that’s it for now.

Enjoy your Saturday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

**********

I leave you with this!

I decided to play the playlist of songs I was listening to in 2022!!

Quite eclectic, I must say!!

I’ve decided to post the Top 3 songs I was listening to that year, because they could not be more different from one another. But I love ALL of these songs, still! Enjoy, gang.

At the top of the playlist!!!

“Fleeting Love” 2008, from B-Sides & Rarities Part II (2021), Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds:

Followed by Trini Lopez singing, “If I had a Hammer”, 1963:

The Seekers singing “Georgy Girl” 1966!!

Well, not out there in the world, it isn’t, but here in the remote reaches of Crazeysburg, things are actually great.

(And before I forget, Phil is supposed to be live tonight at 8PM eastern, with intel. But check here later to confirm. ) (Although, things are actually going pretty great out there in the world, too, if you’ve got your discernment goggles on!!)

Okay!

I passed with flying colors with the nurse, yesterday. She was only here for about 15 minutes, since I have no long list of Specialists, no meds, no surgeries, etc. She just had to take my vitals.

Actually she said that my feet looked really great (!!), which surprised me — since I’ve been pounding around on them for 65 years already — including about 30 years of concrete in NYC. So now I have a new appreciation for my wee bonny feet!! Yay!

And now I don’t have to see her again for another year.

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Okay!

Today begins general ticket sales for this!

You can buy tickets here!

And here’s this!!

I have always loved this shirt!! (Although I think it was actually more of a greenish color.)

************

Tonight, the New Insights into the New Testament Conference 2025 begins officially at 6:30 PM Eastern time, with the opening speaker– and I cannot wait!!

Dr. Elaine Pagels!! I absolutely loved her work on Gnosticism, gang. Wow.

Tonight, she “…will explore how early Christian writings shaped ideas about good and evil in ways that continue to influence Western thought. Her lecture will highlight the profound ways these ancient texts grappled with suffering, morality, and divine mystery.”

I’m guessing I will be glued to the Zoom screen on my laptop.

And at the risk of going on & on about this “Time” thing lately — I kinda can’t believe she is 82 already. Where does the effing time go, gang???

***********

Well, I have decided to risk it and wait one more week before taking my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man back to that fantastic clubhouse at the golf course with those spectacular views, because I think the autumn leaves will be just perfect next week.

I hope I don’t regret it, but I think they will be better next Friday than they are today. (Here’s hoping they don’t all just suddenly blow away…)

So today, it’s back to this place instead! Yay!

Whoops!!! That’s Keith Richards on the Orient Express. My mistake!!

No, we will be going HERE!

But hot sake will be served with the sashimi, so it will still be pretty darned fun!!

(And yes, I know. It all hinges on how his condition is when I get there this morning. We shall see and then go with the flow.)

***********

Okay, I got next to nothing done on the novel yesterday (minor tweaks only). Mostly because I am beginning Chapter 14 and I have absolutely no clue what comes next. I need a good chunk of uninterrupted time to sit and stare, and yesterday was not that day.

I did manage to get in a quick walk, in between rain showers. And then I also got to do some yoga, study some French with my new boombox, and study another lecture in the Protestant Reformation series.

But, more importantly, I had a chance to catch up on the phone with Valerie in Brooklyn!! And that is always a high point, no matter when it happens.

*************

Okay.

Brand new song from the Original Alice Cooper Group! “See You On the Other Side” dedicated to their late bandmate, Glen Buxton, from the new album The Revenge of Alice Cooper:

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And that is it for now. I gotta scoot!

Have a fabulous Friday, wherever you are in the world!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

************

I leave you with this.

From my wild & wonderful world of wandering the night-time streets of NYC in 1984 — while wearing my prized Sony Walkman!!

More from Lou Reed’s New Sensations album, “Turn to Me,” 1984. Enjoy, gang!!

“Turn to Me”

[Verse 1]
If you gave up major vices, you’re between a hard place and a wall
And your car breaks down in traffic on the street
Remember, I’m the one who loves you, you can always give me a call
Turn to me, turn to me, baby, turn to me

[Verse 2]
If your father is free-basing and your mother turning tricks
That’s still no reason you should have a rip
Remember, I’m the one who loves you, you can always give me a call
Turn to me, turn to me, turn to me

[Verse 3]
When your teeth are ground down to the bone
And there’s nothing between your legs
And some friend died of something that you can’t pronounce
Remember, I’m the one who loves you
Hey baby, you can always give me a call
Turn to me, turn to me, turn to me

[Verse 4]
You can’t pay your rent, your boss is an idiot
And your apartment has no heat
And your wife says, “Maybe it’s time to have a child”
Remember, I’m the one who loves you and you can always give me a call
Turn to me, turn to me, turn to me

[Verse 5]
When it’s all too much you turn the TV set on and light a cigarette
And then a public service announcement comes creeping on
And you see a lung corroding or a fatal heart attack
Turn to me, turn to me, baby, turn to me

[Outro]
I’m just a phone call away
Turn to me, turn to me, hey, turn to me
One tenth of a dollar
Turn to me, baby, turn to me
(Turn to me, turn to me, turn to me)
(Turn to me, turn to me, turn to me)

c – 1984 Lou Reed

Which is good, because I’m exhausted.

And I took a look at my schedule so far for October and almost fainted. Unbelievable amount of hours each week, and only one day off per week.

So I emailed the Agency around 6:30AM to just give them a general heads up that I cannot possibly do that many hours…

Here’s hoping it changes before the schedule is finalized.

So.

Even though today is my big day off (!!), I got out of bed just sort of exhausted from all of this stuff.

But I really liked the new client (and his wife) that I had yesterday. I liked them both so much, which was why I actually checked my schedule this morning in the first place — to see if they were going to be added to my shifts on a regular basis. (They are new to the Agency.)

And then I discovered that — oh, contraire! — there is no room in my schedule for either of these new clients that I’ve had recently that I really like. (And also no room in my schedule for the retired Chaplain that I just adore, and soon enough, she will be heading back down to Florida until next summer.)

Well, anyway.

It was that kind of morning, even though it’s my day off and I have the whole day to myself. I had to struggle to not feel defeated by all the randomness of this caregiving job.

***********

Okay.

So far, this is the ONLY official photo of Nick Cave receiving the Honorary Doctorate today:

However, they did send out a reminder about this:

“Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds will play Preston Park in Brighton on Friday 31 July 2026 – their only UK show of the year.  The fan presale begins this Thursday 25 September at 10am – if you haven’t already signed up, it’s not too late to register for early access to tickets:

Register NOW.

Tickets on general sale 10am Friday 26 September.”

**************

Another announcement–

The 37th Annual Lambda Literary Awards will be virtual, and are being held Saturday October 4 from 10am to 7pm EST.

“Your ticket includes virtual access to the 37th Annual Lambda Literary Awards Ceremony as well as a day packed with readings and panels featuring our finalists.”

Buy tickets HERE.

Also:

“If you’re local to Seattle, join us for a livestream viewing party with our new Executive Director Jozie Clapp at Charlie’s Queer Books. Reach out to us at donors@lambdaliterary.org if you’d like to hear more about how to attend.”

**************

And I think that might be it for today.

I need to finish up the laundry and get focused on The Curse of Our Profound Disorder.

If anything comes up later, I’ll be back.

Meanwhile, have a terrific Tuesday, wherever you are in the world!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

*************

I leave you with this!

Yes, more breakfast-listening music.

Still from the soundtrack to Pack Up the Plantation LIVE 1985, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers do a GREAT version of their 1976 hit, “American Girl”.

By the time I was a teenager, this song was truly part of the anthem of my whole life. I still love this song and I’m guessing it would be the most appropriate song to play at my funeral/memorial (still undecided on the burial vs. cremation thing).

Anyway. 1985. Killer version!!

Followed by TP & the HBs closing their show with the song at the Hollywood Bowl back on September 25th, 2017. Tom died 7 days later. So “American Girl” was the final song he sang in public.

“American Girl”

Well, she was an American girl
Raised on promises
She couldn’t help thinkin’ that there
Was a little more to life somewhere else
After all, it was a great big world
With lots of places to run to
And if she had to die tryin’
She had one little promise she was gonna keep

Oh yeah, all right
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night (Make it last all night)
She was an American girl

Well, it was kind of cold that night
She stood alone on her balcony (Ooh)
Yeah, she could hear the cars roll by
Out on 441 like waves crashin’ on the beach
And for one desperate moment there
He crept back in her memory
God, it’s so painful when something that is so close
Is still so far out of reach

Oh yeah, all right
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night (Make it last all night)
She was an American girl (Ooh)

c- 1976 Tom Petty

Today, before I leave for my shift, I’m officially taking all the summer decorations off the porch and putting out the fall stuff.

I don’t have much fall stuff — maybe, like, 2 things. But it is definitely time to put the summer stuff back into the barn until next year.

And just FYI — I am the ONLY person left in my entire neighborhood who still has her summer stuff out on her porch! Everyone else has long ago switched to fall.

***********

Okay.

Yesterday was much more intense than I was expecting. Even though my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man’s family was, indeed, gone, they left PILES of junk all over the place, and did not order a special bulk pick-up truck to come haul it away.

My client was more upset yesterday than he’d been all week. I was a wreck by the time I got home yesterday. I was just so emotionally worn out from all of it.

Anyway.

We did find this yesterday, and it cheered him — 2 photos of the USS General Gordon, the ship that my client came back to the States on in 1948, when he was 17 years old. After the war, the ship was used as a passenger ship between Japan and the US. My client’s father had bought him a one-way, first-class ticket when the war was over, so that my client could move back to NYC and start his life. My client has wonderful memories of being 17, and on that ship, not knowing what was in store for him in the US, but he was really, really excited.

**************

And here’s this!

This overwhelmed me and actually kind of made me feel a little discouraged.

In anticipation of my new boombox arriving soon, wherein I will be able to study French from my old cassettes instead of relying on the language apps on my phone —

These are only the cassettes, books, study materials that are actually on the book shelves in my room. This doesn’t count what I still have in storage .

And when I skimmed through the text book that accompanies the “French in Three Months” cassettes above, I was so disheartened to see just how much French I actually used to know!!

I used to do business with French publishers a lot, so I used to actually need to know French. But I have always loved the language, since I was a little girl, when my Grandma first taught me how to sing “Frere Jacques” and taught me some simple French words. (She also taught me a little bit of Yiddish!!)

I have studied French, officially, since I was about 9 years old, back in Cleveland, and then I never stopped. (And even when I was confined to the mental hospital for 6 months at age 15, my mother arranged for a French tutor to come visit me once a week, anything to try to keep me engaged with living.)

And, you know, this doesn’t count that I also studied Chinese (Mandarin), and Hebrew. I used to really know these languages (and these alphabets), too.

It’s overwhelming, reacquainting myself with how much I used to know that I’ve essentially forgotten.

And this doesn’t count the brief times I studied Spanish, Italian, and German, and Portuguese.

That feeling of: where did the time go? And also the feeling of: Why keep bothering?

However. I will.

*************

Okay, here’s this.

It sort of took my breath away because I looked at it and realized: that was where my heart was; that’s where my heart has always been. This weird photo is my whole life.

It looks so strange from this angle, and yet, even from this angle, I know it so well:

*****************

And here’s this!!

This is a pre-cursor to tomorrow, which is Nick Cave’s birthday:

And then on Tuesday, this happens:

So, I’m guessing we will have more “official” Nick Cave photos then!

***************

Okay.

After finding those letters, and the photo, from Jack Red Eagle the other day, and thought that I could not be any more astounded by my own life–

While yet again looking for something entirely different yesterday evening, I found a folder that had all the letters my birth father had written to me.

He did not write many because usually we talked on the phone. A lot. In fact, he was always making these rules about how we had to stop talking long distance (which was expensive back then) and write letters instead. But that never lasted long.

Re-reading this specific letter yesterday, blew me away. And what’s interesting about the envelope is that he didn’t put my last name. I was still a professional singer back then and I went by “Marilyn Jaye.” My birth dad was so proud of my songwriting. He was also a songwriter, guitar player and singer (blues/country). I also like how he wrote “Suite 5” when that was truly a hellhole apartment!

This whole idea of “Time” and how it has really been getting to me this past year, well, finding those letters from my birth father is just a prime example of what I can’t process:

I first became obsessed with finding my birth dad when I was 12. It took me 17 years to find him. I knew him after that for 10 years before he died, and now he has been dead for close to 27 years. And that relationship was the most important journey of my entire life.

I just don’t get it. “Time” and what it is. (Although I am doing better about reminding myself to focus on “NOW” and allowing for how the past shaped the now, and to find joy in that.)

**************

Okay!!

I guess I’ll get outside and get the summer stuff into the barn. And try to do a little writing before heading out to see the retired Minister and his lovely cat! OOPS! Of course, I meant WIFE!!

Enjoy your Sunday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiitng.

I love you guys. See ya!

************

In keeping with everything fucking with my head these days–

I’m still listening to the 3-CD collection of Tom Petty live radio broadcasts (Transmission Impossible), but this morning, I switched to the 1st CD.

I hadn’t heard it in a long time. In fact, someone I loved very dearly, also named Tom, was still alive and in my life — and also a huge Tom Petty fan — the last time I listened to it.

I was literally sitting at the breakfast table, eating my breakfast when this particular song came on, and so many memories of the “old” Tom just flooded me. And the song lyrics always captured what we were about. Even though it’s an old song, I vividly remember the first time he and I heard Tom Petty’s version, together. And how in love we were. (For 2 months, before he died.)

I started to cry right there at the breakfast table this morning.

He’s been gone 7 years this month. When the fuck did that happen?

This is an old Dave Clark Five song, by the way. From 1965. TP & the HBs knock it out of the park.

Okay. Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, “Any Way You Want It”, 1987, Live at the Coliseum. Enjoy, gang.

“Any Way You Want It”

Any way you want it
You can call me any day, hey, hey, hey
Any way you want it
You can always hear me say, hey, hey, hey

It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
Any way you want it
That’s the way it will be

You don’t want money
You don’t want a diamond ring, hey, hey, hey
You say you want my lovin’
More than any other thing, hey, hey, hey

It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
Any way you want it
That’s the way it will be

Any way, any way you want it
That’s all right by me
Any way, any way you want it
That’s the way it will be

Any way you want it
You can call me any day, hey, hey, hey
Any way you want it
You can always hear me say, hey, hey, hey

It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
Any way you want it
That’s the way it will be

Any way, any way you want it
That’s all right by me
Any way, any way you want it
That’s the way it will be

Any way you want it
You can call me any day, hey, hey, hey
Any way you want it
You can always hear me say, hey, hey, hey

It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
It’s all right (it’s all right)
Any way you want it
That’s the way it will be
That’s the way it will be
That’s the way it will be
That’s the way it will be

c – 1965 Dave Clark