Yes! I had another great night’s sleep — because I slept in the guest room, again. Closed up, by myself. Thinking I was alone in there, without any cats…

However, I accidentally closed Huckleberry in with me! I had no idea she was under the bed. She went darting out of the room this morning, when I finally got up (4:45 AM). She’d had no food, water, or her litterbox for over 8 hours.

Jeepers!

It’s always something around here these days…

*****************

Anyway!

Yesterday was productive, but not in the way I’d been anticipating.

I heard from the woman at the USDA RD office and she told me, rather cryptically, that I should send in my application now because sometimes they get additional funds at the end of the season and the loans are “first come, first served”.

So I spent most of yesterday getting the paperwork together for the home improvement loan. All I have left to do is to get bids from some local contractors and then I can send everything in — and then wait and see.

After doing all of that, though, I was still able to spend a couple of hours on The Curse of Our Profound Disorder.

I have to say, gang — that is one INTENSE novel. It is so emotionally loaded for me. Reading/editing/revising it just wipes me out.

I don’t know how other readers will respond to it, since they might not have lived a lot of the stuff that’s in that book. It might not be that emotionally loaded for them. (You can read several excerpts from it on my substack page. It is not erotic, so it is not for adults only, but it is raw and sometimes brutal, so it’s for mature readers, but even those readers are advised. (Click HERE and scroll. Most of the excerpts were posted last year.)

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Okay!

A reminder!

Friday, July 18th, is the re-issue of all 3 Grinderman albums — celebrating 20 years (!!!) since the initial formation of the Grinderman line-up (a more raw/primal sound for Nick Cave and some of the Bad Seeds).

You can pre-order all formats and also merch at this LINK. (I especially loved that first album — A LOT. )

From the first album — “No Pussy Blues” Grinderman, 2007. (I love this one!!!)

And tonight!

Nick Cave’s solo tour continues in Italy, with Colin Greenwood on bass. Tickets are still available, but there is only one show left — in Macedonia in late August — that still has tickets available. Everything else is sold out. (Buy tickets here.)

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In other news….

Wayne, my ex-husband in NYC, is currently on vacation in Cambodia! Again! And I’m getting cool little updates from him on WhatsApp.

I can’t even imagine “taking a vacation”, gang. Every time I go anywhere, it’s always work-related in some way. And not at all relaxing.

I would absolutely LOVE to take a vacation… I literally have not had a true vacation since Wayne & I went to Copenhagen in February of 2001.

****************

On the silver front–

Silver dipped a bit yesterday, was back up to $38 this morning, but has dipped down to $37.91 as of right now….so we’ll see, gang.

Everything is absolutely LOADED with psyops right now. Insanity rules all over the place. It’s exhausting. But, you know, we just gotta stay patient.

On a related note — this was interesting. Especially in light of my favorite 94-year-old Japanese client. His father took the family back to Japan in 1933, because he didn’t like the anti-Japan stuff that was unfolding in the US and Britain.

So, it’s interesting that after all these decades, my client can now see that his dad’s views were indeed justified. It brings him a profound sense of relief because, as I’ve noted here on the blog a few times, his dad was a really incredible man who had an amazing life.

Mike King’s Anti-NY Times:

“Months prior to the justified attack upon Pearl Harbor, Japan warned of a ‘liberal’ Jewish-Anglo ‘World Order’ plot to bring the United States into the war under a false pretext.”

My client and I talk about WWII a lot, since he lived through it in Tokyo, as a boy.

******************

And on that note, I gotta scoot and get ready to go see him again!

Have a wonder-filled Wednesday, wherever you are in the world!!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

********************

I have been playing this A LOT in the car!! Really loud. Great driving music!!

The new one by The Rolling Stones and Steve Riley. “Zydeco Sont Pas Salés” from the Clifton Chenier tribute album. Enjoy, gang!!

We got an unexpected rainstorm yesterday, right after I got home from my shift with my favorite 94-year-old Japanese man.

It got rid of the heat but the humidity jumped through the roof and I had such a hard time sleeping last night. I am really wiped out today.

However, the weather is PERFECT today. Not humid at all. The house is really comfortable…

But, sadly, even though Little Blackie seemed better last evening, she took a bad turn during the night and now she is dying — as I type this. She is barely breathing. her body is completely shutting down. Since the weather is better, I brought her back up to the bedroom, so that she could at least be in the vicinity of her kittens as she leaves us.

It seems like it happened so fast. She was okay when I got home from the airport on Thursday evening, but she didn’t have much of an appetite. Friday, she was restless, looking for a cool spot to lie down on. By yesterday, things got a little dire so I moved her someplace a lot cooler, but by then she stopped eating and I had to give her water with a dropper. But she was responsive and was moving around.

Then, this morning, it was bad.

After all the other cats & kittens were fed, I picked her up and carried her outside, where the weather was just beautiful and the birds were singing and the sun was just coming up. I sang to her and she was responsive; she even wagged her tail, but after that — she suddenly went down hill, fast. And, literally as I type this, she is almost dead.

A stray who showed up on my porch last fall, and stayed long enough to survive the winter, then have kittens on my porch, then raise them and nurse them and then wean them up in my bedroom for 3 months, and now — almost gone.

This is what I sang to her this morning, and she seemed to really bounce back for just a few minutes–

**************

Meanwhile, her kittens are not only completely weaned, they are out and about, exploring the upstairs like crazy. Little furry maniacs. And hanging out on the stairway, too, but they haven’t gotten brave enough to actually explore the downstairs yet — where all the other cats are not at all happy to have them in their home.

**************

Anyway.

My shift with my favorite 94-year-old Japanese man yesterday was just wonderful.

He remembered that I had been away in NYC (!!) and he was really happy to have me back. We went out for Japanese food, and he was just very focused and in such good spirits. He was able to have actual conversations with me the whole day.

And judging by the notes left by my replacement caregivers while I was gone, he was a little on the stubborn side last week and was not being very cooperative.

But, I’m back. And apparently he’s happy again. So, of course that made me feel great.

***************

I spoke briefly with Sandra yesterday and she was just as wiped out by the heat in NYC as I had been. It took her a couple days to recover from it, too. It looks like we will likely head back to NYC in late September, but in the meantime, we will have a ton of rehearsals to do on Zoom.

And meanwhile, I have to find someone who will stay over from now on and take care of the cats. My birth mom seemed almost like she wanted to do it, but we’ll see. She does seem to be in really good health right now. So who knows.

She is the only one who I really trust with my cats and my house, but I guess we’ll just see.

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Okay!

On Wednesday, July 16th, THIS resumes! In Italy! And there are actually tickets still available!! You can buy them here.

Nick Cave and Colin Greenwood — Nick’s solo tour of Europe 2025.

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Here’s this:

James Tabor – Is Mark the Earliest Surviving JEWISH Text after the Jerusalem Temple Was Destroyed? (48 mins):

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Phil did a brief livestream last evening. A little bit about current events, and a lot about the value of silver.

All Rise – July 12th, 2025 (1 hr 17 mins):

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And Charlie Ward had an interesting item in his newsletter yesterday. This was definitely true about me!! I started smoking, drinking, experimenting with drugs when I was 12.

“A groundbreaking study tracking over 10,000 children has upended conventional wisdom about addiction, suggesting that brain differences may precede, not result from early drug use….

“Researchers found that children who began using alcohol, cannabis, or nicotine before age 15 already had notable brain differences before their first use. These included larger overall brain volumes and expanded cortical surface areas, characteristics also found in kids who had already started using substances at the study’s outset….

“The study aligns with previous research linking brain structure to traits such as curiosity, risk-taking and impulsivity factors that can raise the likelihood of experimenting with drugs….”

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Okay, I think that’s it for now. It’s such a complicated morning here, gang. And then I have an evening shift with the retired Minister.

I hope you’re having a good Sunday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya.

***************

Also from this morning —

“Could I Have This Dance”

I’ll always remember
The song they were playing
The first time we danced and I knew

As we swayed to the music
And held to each other
I fell in love with you

Could I have this dance
For the rest of my life
Could you be my partner
Every night
When we’re together
It feels so right
Could I have this dance
For the rest of my life

I’ll always remember
That magic moment
When I held you close to me

As we move together
I knew forever
You’re all I’ll ever need

Could I have this dance
For the rest of my life
Could you be my partner
Every night
When we’re together
It feels so right
Could I have this dance
For the rest of my life

Could I have this dance
For the rest of my life
Could you be my partner
Every night
When we’re together
It feels so right
Could I have this dance
For the rest of my life

c – Wayland D. Holyfield, Bob Lee House

Sort of, anyway.

I took some of those freezer-pack thingies from the freezer last night, wrapped them in cotton tea towels and brought them up here for the kittens to sleep on top of and they love them.

So that makes me feel a lot better. They were really suffering from the heat in here.

Luckily, I have a ton of those freezer-packs. I get them whenever I buy something perishable from my favorite local health food store !!!

Also, just to keep the kittens occupied during the heatwave–

I moved a baby grand piano into my room. They love playing on it!! And I get to listen to some really soothing music while I work on the novel…

Anyway.

Yes, it’s fucking HOT. But somehow, I’m dealing with it. I currently have 3 fans in here.

And what’s frustrating is that, the minute you leave this room, the rest of the house is not that bad — 17 open windows, and ceiling fans; the air really circulates. I did my yoga out in the hallway yesterday and it was fine.

I am so tempted to just open the bedroom door and see what Little Blackie would do — would she keep on attacking the other cats, now that the kittens are a lot older? If she does, it’s just too hot right now to deal with the pandemonium that would ensue so I’m afraid to find out.

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Well, yesterday was really something.

I had that new client who is a retired minister. He has cognitive impairment, along with some other intense health issues. But the wife was there the entire time, taking care of him. They were both really nice people.

And of course it broke my heart — the wife’s full-time occupation now is taking care of her husband. They have a beautiful home but since she has no time for anything else, the house is sort of an absolute wreck. (I see that all the time now, too.) And I can’t help but think of what the house was like when they first moved in — when they were younger, celebrated holidays with family, etc. It must have been so beautiful in that house.

And things like that always make me wonder what will happen to my own house as I get older and older; will I stop being able to take care of it?? And then I miss the days when I was younger, whether or not I was married, I always had dinner parties. Always entertained. That part of my life is already over.

So it was another one of those emotionally intense evenings for me, since, as always, God stepped in.

The wife had also studied at a seminary (a very well known one in Ohio), so we had some conversations about Biblical Archeology and other unexpected topics, since all three of us had studied for the ministry in one capacity or another.

Then midway through my shift, she asked if I minded watching the movie, “Fiddler on the Roof.” I was absolutely fine with it! I love that musical — it was a favorite of mine when I was growing up, since it’s a thoroughly Jewish musical.

But I wasn’t prepared for how it would make me feel — the memories it would bring back — watching that movie all these years later. I’ve seen the play many times, but I only saw the film once — with my family, back when it opened in theaters in the fall of 1971 (!!).

A time when my entire extended family was still very, very Jewish. But my parents were already constantly fighting with each other, and I was already getting deep into my own private world. Constantly retreating into it, because my mother’s rage was pretty much off the charts all the time back then.

And yet… all these years later. Just the memory of being in the car with my family, as we drove home from the movie — a movie I had absolutely loved, since I already knew all the songs by heart.

And now, basically everyone in my family is dead. This was over 50 years ago (!!). how does it happen, gang? The flying of time.

I kept these feelings to myself while watching the movie, because I am there strictly for their needs, not to burden them with my own drama.

But when this scene (below) came on — it floored me. I still know this song by heart, and I played it a lot on our record player when I was a little girl but I hadn’t thought of it in years. Not only that, but our family– the entire extended family — always honored the Sabbath by lighting the Shabbat candles back then and saying the Hebrew prayers.

I got really choked up while watching this and I had to of course act like nothing was wrong at all– “Sabbath Prayer”:

And when this song came on — forget about it!! Luckily, it’s just a really moving song, whether or not you’re Jewish, and even the Minister and his wife got a little choked up, too — “Sunrise, Sunset”:

Well, one of the many feelings I was feeling as I left their home last night, was how grateful I was that when my dad died, he had no cognitive impairment at all. He remembered me right up util he went into the coma.

His last words to me on the phone were: “Don’t come today! I’m not feeling very well.”

Later that day, he was in the coma and the hospice nurse was telling me that I’d better get there as soon as possible…

*************

Okay.

Today, I think I will stick around the house, enjoy the oppressive heatwave and work on the novel — and also get some light housecleaning done.

Tomorrow, the Agency would like me to stop in at the rehab and visit those 2 clients of mine who are in there because it looks like they’ll be in there a long time… The shooting range is on the way to the rehab, oddly enough, so I guess tomorrow will be about that.

***************

Oh my god!!

I just turned around and saw this! The poor little things. It is really HOT.

***********

Last night in Hamburg! Several photos this time from the 2nd night of sold out shows. Nick Cave and Colin Greenwood.

The next show is on Wednesday, in Rochefort, France. Tickets are still available for that one. Buy them here.

************

Enjoy your Monday, gang, wherever you are in the world!

Thanks for visting.

I love you guys. See ya!

*************

I leave you with another great one from “Fiddler on the Roof” !!

“Miracle of Miracles”. Enjoy, gang.

“Miracle of Miracles”

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles-
God took up Daniel once again,
Stood by his side and- miracle of miracles-
Walked him through the lion’s den!

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles-
I was afraid that God would frown,
But like he did so long ago, at Jericho,
God just made a wall fall down!

When Moses softened Pharaoh’s heart, that was a miracle.
When God made the waters of the Red Sea part, that was a miracle too!
But of all God’s miracles large and small,
The most miraculous one of all
Is that out of a worthless lump of clay,
God has made a man today.

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles-
God took the tailor by the hand
Turned him around and- miracle of miracles- Led him to the promised land!

When David slew Goliath (yes!), that was a miracle.
When God gave us manna in the wilderness, that was a miracle too.
But of all God’s miracles large and small,
The most miraculous one of all
Is the one I thought could never be:
God has given you to me.

c- 1964 – Jerry Bock, Sheldon Harnick

Wow, gang.

It’s not so much that the heat is off the charts, or anything. It’s that I can’t open my bedroom door, yet, because of the kittens and Mommy-the-Attack-Cat still being in here. So the air just can’t circulate.

The rest of the house is a lot better than my room is – even with all 3 windows open and the turbo fan going full blast in here.

However. I don’t have to be at my new client’s house until 3PM, so I have quite a few hours here to work on the novel. So I’m drinking coffee and trying to keep the brain working. I don’t want to waste the day, melting into a brain-dead heap on the bed.

*************

This was interesting. About the Nazareth inscription — an ancient tablet thought to be an edict by the Emperor Claudius. Even considering it might have absolutely nothing to do with Jesus’ tomb, it is still very interesting.

Ancient Engraving: Jesus’ Resurrection Clue? (12 mins):

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This was from the sold out show last night in Hamburg.

The theater looks like a real architectural gem, but performing in it seems like it would be sort of creepy. Since, like, if anyone opened fire on you there would be absolutely nowhere to run…(It’s a complete circle of the audience surrounding the stage.)

Anyway! Nick Cave is that tiny dot at the piano, “dead” center!

Tonight’s show in Hamburg is also sold out. But as of now, there are still tickets available for Wednesday’s show in Rochefort, France. Check here. (Then you’re out of luck until mid-July, in Italy.)

And here’s this, because I am so tired of life right now, but I still love this song…

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Well, yesterday was kind of amazing, gang. Both of my favorite clients, back to back — and they couldn’t be more different from each other. But it wiped me out.

I spent 3 hours first thing in the morning with that favorite client who is back from Florida and we had another really great time. We did not stop talking. Time flew by again. And she said, “I love your intellect! You have a mind like a steel trap! When I talk with you, I feel the cobwebs coming off of my own intellect. It feels so good to really TALK with someone again.”

And of course that made me feel really good because I feel the very same thing about her (we talk a lot about Christian theology, etc.).

But she went on to say that she wants me to be scheduled with her regularly, but I have no control over that. She has to be the one to call the Agency and specifically request me (which I think she will, but I wasn’t supposed to tell her that because it’s considered taking shifts away from other caregivers). Anyway, I told her I would speak to my supervisor Monday morning and ask if they can please rearrange my schedule to include her.

Which I am definitely going to do, but when I looked at my schedule this morning — except for next week and the week I’m in NYC, my schedule is BOOKED SOLID through mid-August and except for July 4th, she is NOWHERE on my schedule and I just don’t understand why they did that. But also, my schedule is booked solid with clients who have cognitive impairments. Meaning, no conversations of any real depth for the next 2 months…

Even though I care about all of my clients, it gets to be overwhelming — especially when here is this client that I get along with so great who has no cognitive impairment whatsoever.

Well, I’ll see what I can possibly do tomorrow to change that.

****************

Another thing she said that really hit home for me–

She is also good with guns. Her husband was an expert marksman. His rifle collection is still upstairs, and all his medals and honors and plaques are over the fireplace. He taught her how to use a gun a long time ago, and she was surprisingly good at it, too.

I told her about my sudden impulse to go to the shooting range and learn how to use a handgun back in December — and then discovering that I was actually really good at it

Very matter-of-factly, she said, “That was God. You’d better listen. Keep at it.”

And then that feeling I’d been having lately, that I should give up my membership at the shooting range to save money, completely evaporated. I saw this endeavor of mine in a whole new light.

*********

Other than that — this fatigue from the heat and lack of air; this fatigue from constantly caring for people and for cats and for plants and for everything that can be considered a living thing… And missing all the ones who have already passed on…

Yes, I feel just unbelievably tired and, with that feeling, I get tired of living. Like, life just goes on and on and on, and all those things I used to love about living life everyday — the older I get, the more gone those things are.

And then I spend my days with people who are truly in the final chapters of their lives, who have outlived almost everything they knew, and I don’t even know what to think anymore. I just want everything to stop.

However.

I am really happy about where the novel is going. This feeling that it’s a miracle that, 26 years later, I know how this novel needs to end. And that’s exciting. So that keeps me going.

And even though I’m worried about how things will go with the cat sitter and all these cats everywhere while I’m in NYC (and the need to make sure KonTiki gets enough food outside, too, because the raccoons eat ALL of her food at night.)

Anyway, aside from worrying about that, whenever I think about the trip to NYC, and being in the rehearsal room, finally working on “The Guide to Being Fabulous” the way we intended it to be — and NOT being alone, for a change!!!

Well, I get happy about that. So I keep going.

***********

And oddly enough — this just came in:

From Rick Rubin’s substack:

Honor the Inspiration

We honor the inspiration for its own sake, not for any specific outcome.

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And on that glorious note–

I’m going to get back to the novel now.

Enjoy your Sunday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

*************

I leave you with this!

Something beautiful from yesteryear–

Kris Kristofferson, “Help Me Make it Through the Night”. 1969. Enjoy, gang.

We are finally back to some gorgeous weather around here — after a couple of days of rain, thunderstorms, and those ridiculous high winds.

[Picture moi: at 2AM, in my summer nightgown and my raincoat and flip-flops, out in the high winds and driving rain, trying to keep everything on my porches from blowing clear down the road…]

It’s over now!!

However… a heat wave is on it’s way.

Yes. Relentless sun and temps in the mid-90s Fahrenheit for the next several days. But I’ll take it.

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Yesterday was a great day, disregarding the weather.

I spent 5 hours (!!) with that wonderful client who is back from Florida now. She and I had such a great afternoon. I just love the conversations that she and I have. She is so passionate, funny, smart, well-traveled — and she’s 88 and has seen so much of life (she was a chaplain until she retired).

Really, the time just flew. I have no idea if the Agency will be putting her on my schedule again or not. I sure hope so, but we shall see.

(They’re starting me with a new client on Sunday evenings — a retired minister. United Church of Christ. Only minor cognitive issues and his wife will be there the whole time, which always makes the job easier. Should be very interesting.)

When I got home yesterday, it was still early afternoon, so not only was I able to do yoga again, for a change, I was also able to work on the novel for a few hours.

It felt incredible — to just be able to get lost in the writing again.

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Okay. There is not much to post about today. But here’s this!! Yay!

Tomorrow, the tour resumes in Hamburg, Germany. Tickets are sold out. But there’s a show on Wednesday in Rochefort, France that still has tickets available!!

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And I think that is it. I have a phone appointment scheduled with Social Security here in a few minutes. (They’re trying to take all my retirement money away, so you can guess I’m pleased as punch about that!)

After that, I gotta scoot to town and see my favorite 94-year-old Japanese man!!

Enjoy your Friday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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All righty!!!

Yesterday’s driving-back-from-town music!!

I absolutely LOVE this song, gang. Never get tired of it! I have a crystal clear memory of hearing it on the school bus radio in Cleveland, back in 1969. Not that I liked it or didn’t like it when I was 9, but it was such a memorable song….

Anyway!! It’s a great song for driving along those backroads now.

Merle Haggard, “Okie From Muskogee”, 1969. Enjoy, gang!!

“Okie From Muskogee”

We don’t smoke marijuana in Muskogee;
We don’t take our trips on LSD
We don’t burn our draft cards down on Main Street;
We like livin’ right, and bein’ free.

We don’t make a party out of lovin’;
We like holdin’ hands and pitchin’ woo;
We don’t let our hair grow long and shaggy,
Like them hippies out in San Francisco do.

I’m proud to be an Okie from Muskogee,
A place where even squares can have a ball.
We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
And white lightning’s still the biggest thrill of all.

Leather boots are still in style for manly footwear;
Beads and Roman sandals won’t be seen.
And football’s still the roughest thing on campus,
And the kids they still respect the college dean.

And I’m proud to be an Okie from Muskogee,
A place where even squares can have a ball.
And we still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
And white lightning’s still the biggest thrill of all.

We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
In Muskogee, Oklahoma, USA.

c – 1969 – Merle Haggard, Roy Burris