Yes, I Will Endeavor to be There!!

Well, PBS informs me that my favorite show (and now the only show I watch on television – or actually I stream it on my iPad) returns with a new season tomorrow!

That’s right, Endeavor starts up again tomorrow!! I cannot believe it’s been a year already! (Which means it’s been a year since I’ve actually watched TV!)

I have no idea how I’m going to find time to watch/stream it but I will. I just love that show.

Loyal readers of this lofty blog no doubt recall that Grantchester was also a huge favorite that I would drop everything for, but I’m not clear on whether or not it’s returning, plus that last season they did (2 years ago now) was not my favorite one. It was really going in a direction I wasn’t crazy about.

Of course, if I had time, I would watch every single British crime/mystery show out there. There are a ton that I have watched & really loved, but these days, I just don’t have time to even watch one show.  But Endeavor is just too cool. I will somehow make time to watch that.

Okay. If you went looking for Chapter 24 from Blessed By Light, I had it up for several hours yesterday (and thank you to those readers who responded to it) and then I pulled it back down because I’m still working on it. Plus, now that it’s getting towards the end of the novel, I have to stop posting it. Because it’s giving away the ending.

I am supposed to work on scripts with Peitor over the phone here this morning, but in a highly uncharacteristic move, he didn’t reply to my text yesterday to confirm. So we’ll see. I know for sure he’s back in Los Angeles, though. He had a birthday the other day and posted lovely, smiling, tanned & happy photos of it on Facebook. So he can’t hide from me… I know he’s out there!

All right, gang. For some reason, I am absolutely exhausted again. I think it could be emotional.  My morning “Inner Being journaling” is revealing some more interesting stuff about how my mind works. And I tell you, it is a full time job trying to change how I react to my own thoughts, you know? On paper, it sure sounds easy. Doing it, however, requires just a constant vigilance. Thoughts come so quickly and just proceed merrily down a familiar groove. Staying on top of it all and trying to herd those thoughts down a new path that is more beneficial to my mental health is like trying to keep track of 2000, 3-week old kittens all day, you know?

And when I’m not actually talking to someone, physically — you know, in person, a living human being and not just texting them  — it’s a lot harder to keep track of all these free-flowing thoughts I have. A lot of them go unnoticed by me until they are well underway and starting to shut me down (emotionally, I mean) because I am always alone.

Texting, though, is just so darn easy, isn’t it? I kind of hate that so many of my relationships now center around texting because I’m not truly interacting with people.  And when I’m not truly interacting with human beings, it is so much easier for my mind to do all that weird shit it sometimes does to me when I’m alone. (I think it’s happening more right now because I’m stressed from so many projects going on at once.)

And yet… Without texting, I wouldn’t be able to keep in touch with anyone at all, you know?

I was working on Blessed By Light yesterday while texting with one of my nieces, which made me have to text my sister (her other aunt – my niece is my brother’s daughter) to ask her a question about what my niece was texting me about, and then my sister and I started texting about a woman she is seeing now (my sister is a total butch dyke kind of gal and so her sex life is of the utmost interest and importance to me! I must drop everything if she needs to reveal something lurid!!) And I kept hoping that I wouldn’t accidentally send a lurid text meant for my sister to my somewhat young niece instead. Although my niece is gay, too, and seems to be into butch gals, too – I’m basing this solely on, you know, meeting the gal she lives with. However, I would not want to find out what my niece is actually into by accidentally texting her something I would only say (rudely) to my sister.

And I did all of that while I was, indeed, working on Blessed By Light. I couldn’t possibly have done that if either of those women were right here, talking to me in person. I would be tearing my hair out and shouting, “Leave me alone! I’m trying to write!!” So at least I do have texting. It keeps me sort of in touch with the outside world.

Well, anyway. The point is that I’m exhausted. So I’m just gonna sit and stare and drink coffee for awhile until I see which direction my morning is gonna go in. See if Peitor is gonna call or not.

Have a great Saturday, gang. Wherever you are in the world! I leave you with this odd song. Not that the song is so odd, but it’s an odd choice to suddenly remember and want to listen to.

It’s from the 1991 Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers album, Into The Great Wide Open.

This was in that little era when Tom Petty was incredibly sexy.  I mean, clearly, I always thought he was sexy. But from, like 1987 to 1991, he was sort of off the charts sexy. He was in his late 30s- early 40s.  Having hit after hit after hit – as a solo artist, with the Traveling Wilbury’s, and with the Heartbreakers.

He seemed really happy in this period, too. So that was probably making him just really sexy.  As the 90s went on, even though his songwriting kept evolving and going into these amazing places – he was really growing as a musician in the 90s – he clearly was getting less and less happy as the decade went on, until he was a heroin addict by the end of the 90s and living alone in that weird chicken shack thing.

Even though I can listen to the album Echo, and I really, really love it even though it’s an intensely sad album; I can’t watch any of the videos or live concert footage that comes from that whole heroin era of his. Even though he sings great, plays great, and the songs are really good, the light is out of his eyes for sure and I can’t stand to watch that. He just looks lost.

Anyway. This is from an album that had nothing to do with unhappiness at all.  That amazing song & HUGE hit, “Learning to Fly” came from this happy album. This particular song is one of those hypnotic ones, rhythmically. A great song to drive around to, as the video sort of shows. “All the Wrong Reasons.” Listen & enjoy!! Thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys. See ya!

All The Wrong Reasons

Trouble blew in on a cold dark wind
It came without no warning
And that big ol’ house went up for sale
They were on the road by morning
Oh, the days went slow, into the changing season
Oh, out in the cold, for all the wrong reasons

Well she grew up hard and she grew up fast
In the age of television
And she made a vow to have it all
It became her new religion
Oh, down in her soul, it was an act of treason
Oh, down they go for all the wrong reasons

Where the sky begins the horizon ends
Despite the best intentions
And a big ol’ man goes up for sale
He becomes his own invention
Oh, the days go slow into the changing season
Oh, bought and sold, for all the wrong reasons
Oh, down they go for all the wrong reasons

c – 1991 Tom Petty

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