A Day…

I had a hard enough time dealing with thoughts of my friend today and his cancer and how severe it has already gotten, so quickly. It’s heartbreaking for me to think of him living alone there in Houston, with his cat, and not being able to hold much food down and just losing so much weight. It’s got to feel worse than isolating. And he’s the kind of man who just doesn’t want anybody taking care of him or worrying about him. And so I’m trying to figure out the best way to be about all this — what’s best for him, and I don’t really know.

Then, for some strange reason, UPS accidentally delivered a colon cancer kit to my house — to someone who doesn’t live here. It was my address but I’ve never heard of the man. And I couldn’t find a listing for him anywhere in the village except at my address. It felt worse than creepy, you know? I feel bad for the man but at the same time, I just didn’t want it in my house and couldn’t understand why it had been delivered. Obviously, it was a mistake, but it just felt shocking. All this sudden cancer stuff, so close to home.

But on the upside,  I did finalize the details for my birth mom’s trip here. She’ll come on December 9th and stay about 3 days, and she said that she wants to help me decorate the house and the tree, and for me to hold off doing that until she gets here.

I can’t tell you how happy that made me. It’s so strange how elements of my childhood — unrequited things from long ago — are coming back now in this bittersweet way. Plus, I just feel like such a child half the time now. It is so weird. I simply don’t feel like a grown-up at all anymore. It’s hard to describe it. I make jokes about being immature, but it’s not really that. It’s more like my childhood is always right up here with me — never too far away anymore. Obviously, I can take care of myself and all that, but it’s like all this bad stuff from so long ago, or stuff that was so hard on me, sad for me, is coming back around but in a healed way. Like things have healed now. I finally get to really be me.

Well, sad as much of the morning was, my work with Peitor on the micro-script was wonderful today. Sometimes he just makes me laugh so hard. And, actually, I was so tempted to post one of his new songs here to my blog this morning because it is such a lovely, sad, song.  Sort of alternative/ambiance thing. Really beautiful. But you know, he’d put me in front of a firing squad if I did that! Because it isn’t even mastered yet; it hasn’t been released. I’m not at liberty to just share it with the world. But, gosh, it is such a good song.

He had sent me an updated mix of it on Thursday, so I was listening to it again this morning, thinking about my friend and his cancer and all. The song is called “Requiem for the Lost.”

Well, it’s just beautiful. And when I got on the phone with Peitor this morning, I told him again how much I love that song (I love all his music — he’s a film & TV composer, and a songwriter, and primarily a music producer. ) And then he told me about a new TV series he’ll be developing beginning in January and “Requiem for the Lost” and a bunch of other new songs will feature in the series. I can’t discuss his actual idea, obviously, but it was a wonderful concept and I was very excited for him. And then he asked me to collaborate on it with him!

I was just thrilled. Of course, I accepted. So we’ll start working on a new TV series project beginning in January. So I guess I’ll be going to LA more next year, too. Which is all right with me — I love LA. And they have such a cool apartment there in West Hollywood.

Anyway. It was an up & down kind of day.

I made a few minor tweaks to “Hymn to the Dark.” I’m not sure what I’m going to work on next. I might take a tiny break from writing.  I’ve been making some headway in my friend’s new book about his travels in the Netherlands and I’m really liking it. I’m finding it very calming. So we’ll see.

Gonna call it a night now, though. Hope your Friday was good for you, wherever it took you and wherever you are in the world. I leave you with this. It’s sort of in keeping with the feelings around here today. Leonard Cohen’s final — and posthumous — album is out now: Thanks for the Dance. Here’s a video about it. Okay. I love you guys. See ya.

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