Tag Archives: not writing

Mustn’t Tarry, Lots To Do!!

I’m going to be very brief here right now! Today is going to be mostly about yard work! Yay! Finally.

And I’m going to try to get rid of all that poison ivy and Virginia Creeper without ending  up in the emergency room — I’m super allergic to both of those  plants.

I will try to post here later today. Meanwhile, I wanted to share the first sample of the cover art for the new novel,  The Guitar Hero Goes  Home.  Valerie still has some minor changes she’s going to make to it, but you get the basic idea. I’m very happy with it!

Okay. See ya later, gang. Thanks for visiting!!

An Awesome Adventure

Yes! I left home this morning! I drove into town and bought groceries.

My breathing is better than yesterday, so this makes 3 days in a row when I haven’t gone in reverse with this virus. I’m still trying not to push my luck, or anything. But it was great to go into town and buy food.

AND!!! On the drive home, I saw an eagle! I don’t know if it was a golden eagle or a young bald eagle, because they sort of have similar coloring. It was sitting high up in a tree that didn’t have any leaves yet. And I was driving by on the highway, so it was just impossible to really tell. But, boy, was it an eagle! I was so excited.

And then, when I got home from the store, a neighbor came by and asked me if I wanted him to cut my (still horrible) grass. He charges less than my usual lawn guys, who still haven’t gotten back to me about when they’re coming out here. I texted them yet again. So we’ll see. I might be saving money on lawn care this summer.

AND!! I found an Amish guy who can likely fix the roof of my barn!!

Honestly, do days get better than this?? I don’t think so.

Last night, I heard from both Sandra (the actress in NY that I write theater projects with) and the director of Tell My Bones, who is here in the Hinterlands until the end of August. And it looks like we are going to be doing the staged reading of the play on Zoom, rather than waiting indefinitely to mount it in real life in NYC. So that is a huge switch-a-roo, But on we go, right? I’m just trying to stay adaptable.

The last time I made the drive into town was before I got the virus, back when the dogwoods were all in bloom. Well, now it’s the fruit trees everywhere, blooming. And around this part of Ohio, there are a lot of crabapple trees, which I just love.  There are a number of different varieties, but they essentially look like this, in case you’ve never seen one (and the older trees get really huge; not tall but really wide):

Prarifire Crabapple Trees for Sale – FastGrowingTrees.com

I just love them. And today, they were everywhere.

Oh, and the gas price in town is now $1.49 a gallon. I have no idea what the heck that price even means, you know? It just keeps getting cheaper. So I stopped and got gas for the car, too.

Okay. Well, I’m super hungry and my morning is now entirely gone so I’m going to go down to the kitchen and make some lunch!

I hope you guys are having a great Thursday, wherever you are in the world. I might check in again later, I don’t know. Meanwhile, thanks for visiting. I leave you with my “driving to town song” from today. It’s from the 2003 Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds album, Nocturama — which I don’t hate. It has a number of songs on it that I really like, including this one (I actually love this one) — “He Wants You.” So enjoy. Stay healthy. Stay socially distant!! Don’t watch the news more than once a day! And keep wishing for those things your heart desires, because they come true!! (I mean, honestly, when was the last time you wished for an Amish guy to fix the roof of your barn and then found one??!!) (And other beautiful desires come true, too.)

Okay. I love you guys. See ya!!

“He Wants You”

In his boat and through the dark he rowed
Chained to oar and the night and the wind that blowed
Horribly ’round his ears
Under the bridge and into your dreams he soars
While you lie alone in that idea-free sleep of yours
That you’ve been sleeping now for years

And he wants you
He wants you
He is straight and he is true
Ooh hoo hoo

Beneath the hanging cliffs and under the many stars where
He will move, all amongst your tangled hair
And deep into the sea
And you will wake and walk and draw the blind
And feel some presence there behind
And turn to see what that may be
Oh, babe, it’s me

And he wants you
He wants you
He is straight and he is true
Ooh hoo hoo

© 2003 Nick Cave

My Phone Has Promised Me A Wee Little Icon of Sun!!

The sun has just now sprung from behind some clouds that have been hanging around, raining on us, for a couple of days now. According to my phone, with it’s long line of sun icons scrolling horizontally across the screen, we’re gonna have sun all day today.

I sure hope so. I could use some.

First, I want to mention that Bob Dylan dropped another new song during the night. This one titled, “I Contain Multitudes.” I have only listened to it once so far, and I was doing something else while listening to it, so I can’t really give an opinion yet, but it did have some startling lyrics, especially near the end. You can, of course, listen to it yourself wherever you stream your music, and decide for yourself. Why wait for me to be in my right mind? After all, that could be a long wait!

Yesterday was a very strange day. I was supposed to work with Peitor on Abstract Absurdity stuff, and right before I expected him to call, he texted me a really, really funny little cat video. And I mean, it was really funny. I texted him back. Then waited for his call. And he never, ever called.

I’m guessing he was not in the mood to work so I let it alone.  I have no idea if he’ll want to work today or not.

Today, I am ambivalent. I’m just gonna let the day come however it wants to. I might stream that benefit concert tonight, at least for a little bit to see what it’s like. But honestly, even though they’re comparing it to the Live Aid concert back in 1985, it doesn’t feel to me like it’s anything close to that. I could be intensely jaded now — lo, these decades later — but it feels more to me like a bunch of really famous people getting tired of sitting at home like everyone else.

And guess what? 35 days into my quarantine, and 15 days into the incomparable virus experience — I’m going to the dollar store today! To run an errand!! From everything I have been able to discern online from the Health Department — from no one who knows for sure — after waiting 8 days after the symptoms of the virus are over, it is safe to go outside, but still practice social distancing, etc.

(I actually love social distancing, gang. I am one of those introverted writers who actually prefers that 98.2% of all people everywhere maintain a noticeable distance from me. I can’t help it. But if you’re part of those 1.8% of all people everywhere that I actually adore, then I get extremely upset when you are not constantly in my field of vision.) (Oh, and I’m not kidding.)

Last evening, I watched some short subject films on Short of the Week. Doing my weekly research on that site, and I watched an animated short that I had meant to watch last week and forgot. Oh my god, was it good!! An animated, sci-fi, coming of age , quasi- space exploration story called, “Finding Uranus,” by Ivan Li. It is completely adult content, in the best fucking way. I totally loved it. (If you use a translator to read this site, “Finding Uranus” is a play on words: it’s partly about going into outer space to find the planet called Uranus, but it is actually about a young guy jerking off to a virtual reality thing that turns him into a tiny astronaut that goes off into space and then up exploring into some gigantic star constellation-gal’s anus.)

Well, it was too cool. It might be offensive to you, but it might not. You can watch the vimeo of it here. It’s animated and about 7 minutes long. (The guy who made it is still only in art school or something scary like that.)

I also voted yesterday! Yes, because of the State going into lockdown right before the Primary election last month, no one was allowed to vote, so my ballot to vote from home arrived yesterday. A Primary election means that you can only vote within your chosen Party.  And since I live in such a sparsely populated county, there was basically only one person running for each office within my chosen Political Party, so it felt a little superfluous — but hey, I voted! Plenty of Suffragettes suffered horrific atrocities and indignities to secure the Vote for Women, so I’m gonna vote. And I did. But it is really weird now — I’m so much older than a lot of the people running for political offices, so I was voting for people with names like Mollie and Cindy. I mean — that’s so weird. I felt like I was voting for 6-year-old girls.

Anyway. I’m sure that Mollie and Cindy will have everything all over Muskingum County under complete control.

I went to sleep kind of depressed last night, because of the combined issues of wanting to get back to my desk and really work, but not having enough energy or brain power to really do that yet, and also being someone who identifies way too personally with my work, so when I go this long without working/creating/writing, I start to lose my ability to understand who I am.

So I thought it best to just go to sleep and reset myself emotionally. But I awoke at 2:30am, feeling intensely sad. And I just couldn’t shake it, and at the same time, I couldn’t really understand it. Because, even though I am having to stay in bed a lot right now, still, my life is just so incredibly good. It didn’t make sense to feel so sad.

And I laid there like that for over an hour, and then suddenly got on Instagram and saw that someone I care about very much had just posted something and did in fact seem to be extremely sad — he seemed overcome with dealing with too much loss today, all across the board, really. And then I realized: Oh my god, that’s why I was so sad. And it broke my heart because there is absolutely nothing I can do, you know? I cried a little bit. That feeling of emotional impotence, when someone you love is suffering, far, far away. There’s nothing you can do to change anything. And anything you want to try to say just seems too obvious, you know?

I finally forced myself to get out of bed and feed the remarkably happy cats, and I tried to tell myself that at the core of us, each of us, is Spirit, and Spirit — that great Creative Source, whatever it actually is — is a foundation of energy that is pure, positive love. And so at least I have to believe in that, right? That love somehow makes sense of everything for all of us, at some point. Somehow.

And so then I felt like listening to Elvis — “I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You.” So I played that while feeding the cats (and myself), and it was so odd because one of the cats — Lucie — who is so emotional and so docile and so beautiful, was making these  intense expressions that seemed to be in response to Elvis’s singing. I know she really wasn’t doing that, but it was just sort of uncanny. And she made me smile.

Okay. I’m going to get my Saturday underway over here. I hope my journey to the store is uneventful and yet eventful at the same time — in all the best “I’m finally out of my house during a pandemic”kind of  way.  I hope the sun really does stay out all day today. I hope I don’t have to yet again spend most of this day in bed. I hope I lighten up on myself and stop worrying about never writing again.

Today would have been the start of the European leg of the Ghosteen tour for Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds — in Lisbon. In honor of that postponement, I leave you with my favorite Mark Kozelek song, “I Love Portugal.”

I, in fact, love so many songs that Mark Kozelek has written — including a killer and very, very accurate, heartbreaking song about Ohio, called “God Bless Ohio” — but I still keep coming back to this acoustic version of “I Love Portugal” as my favorite. And I think it’s actually quite appropriate, on several levels, for today. So I leave you with it, along with its 17 hundred million lyrics. Enjoy, gang. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya.

“I Love Portugal”

In my hotel where the band is staying
I’m on dessert but what I’d give to not get on that plane
Woke to the sound of birds calling and I wanna water the flowers in the garden
And the maid scooting her tray around the echoey hall
I just want to stay in Porto today, that’s all
‘Cause when I’m here there’s a sense of calm
People living day to day and enjoying the moment
Last night we found a cozy place and we listened to fado music and we ate steak
And bacalhau and caldo verde
Then we went and got gelato and we drank iced lattes

And the fans have always shown me love (shown me love)
And so have my friends Vasco, Miguel, and Nadia, and Monica (Nadia and Monica)
I can’t complain, I get to visit every year
Last night my driver said my music brought him to tears

I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
I love Portugal
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
I love Portugal
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
I love Portugal
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
I love Portugal

Was listening to Mahavishnu Orchestra’s “Liala’s Dance”
As I drifted off into rare afternoon nap
Yesterday, one shot in Minnesota, one in Baton Rouge, and then retaliation in Dallas
Someone shot and killed five cops
And the cops came back and killed that sniper with a robot
But all was peaceful here at the Seculo Hotel in the Bonfim neighborhood of Porto
Now I’m on my way to Zürich at Gate 35
TAP operated by Swiss Airlines
I miss my quiet day in Porto, sleeping and listening to the many birds sing
And the shoe store that I wanted to shop in
Was closed and, man, it pissed me off
As we drove by twice on the way to soundcheck and on the way to the hotel that night

I’m gonna return some day, I know it (some day)
I’m gonna buy me a home looking over the river in Porto (river in Porto)
Gonna get me a plate of melon and prosciutto and grilled sardines, a cup of coffee, and a bowl of gazpacho (bowl of gazpacho)
The USA can’t pull the guns from the trolls of the country I live in
Can’t get a grip on gun control
If we’re gonna live with a president who’s a huge fucking asshole
Then believe me, baby, I’m gonna buy me a home in Portugal

I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
Where the people don’t walk
I love Portugal
They just stroll
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
Where the people go to bars, relax
I love Portugal
And listen to fado
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
Where I feel at peace from my
I love Portugal
Head to my toe
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
Particularly I love the city of Porto
I love Portugal

At the Rothaus, Room 301, in Zurich
The Bern show is cancelled tomorrow night due to violence and a bunch of crazy shit
It’s found its way into the venue
I’m not going to sing about it
I’m just gonna read the statement from the promoter to you

“Dear Mark, Dear all at Sun Kil Moon
I have really, really, really bad news. We’re deeply afraid but see ourselves in circumstances that unfortunately urge us to have to cancel. The Sun Kil Moon show at Dachstock Reitschule, Bern, the open space in front of our house Reitschule, Bern is causing increasing troubles with violence and sexes. An organized drug dealer and the [?] we decided to shut the place down and its ongoing activities. For a while, at least ten days, or maybe longer and find a way of how to deal with our society’s problems erupted in front of our house, creating a rather explosive atmosphere at times in front of our house. We’re very sorry that due to this reaction the show with Sun Kil Moon will have to be cancelled. As we’re in general enforcing this temporary shutdown, apologies for any inconveniences to you, I know your band just got into town. Of course we’re gonna pay full agreed guaranteed fee as well as covering your hotel for 12/7/16. Also tickets will be reimbursed, it can be used to see your show tonight in Zürich. We strongly hope you reschedule your concert in Bern next time your band is touring in Europe. Reitschule remains closed until further notice. Again, my deepest apologies, but it’s totally out of my control. Let me know if you need any more info
Sincerely, your promoter at Breathing Hope.”

I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
And the sparkling Douro River estuary
I love Portugal
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
And when I die I want some of my ashes spread there
I love Portugal
And skip the Hail Mary
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
I’m gonna back next year and I’m gonna find that same shoe store
I love Portugal
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
It’s gotta be somewhere between the venue and the Fnac bookstore
I love Portugal
I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
And it doesn’t have a goddamned thing to do with football
I love Portugal

I love Portugal, I love Portugal, oh, oh
I love Portugal
I love Portugal

© 2017 Sun Kil Moon

Just When You Think You’re Cats Are Good for Nothing….

One of them brings you tea in bed!

Yes, I know — don’t say it!! I can give my cats the virus…. So, no, I haven’t actually allowed them to bring me any tea.

I’m feeling noticeably better this morning. However, it’s the same darn thing: As soon as I start moving around, go downstairs and get the breakfast, etc., I get worn out again. All I can really safely do is lie on my back and scroll through Instagram endlessly. Or prop myself up on more pillows and read either Love in the Time of Cholera or THIS (which arrived on my kitchen porch yesterday!!):

 

 

 

 

 

This book weighs a ton, though. So I actually have to sit up to read this one. It is quite entrancing, I have to say.  (This is the companion book to Nick Cave’s art exhibit that will open at some point soon in Copenhagen. I am finding the book very, very, very interesting, indeed.)

And then, when I lie on my side, hug my various pillows and stare in the direction of my night table, I can continue to stream movies on my iPad! Last night, I began watching Patrick Melrose (2018), which stars Benedict Cumberbatch. It originally ran on Showtime, which I didn’t subscribe to so I didn’t get to see it, but now it’s streaming free on Amazon. So I’m watching it. It is really well done but very intense. Pushes many, many, many of my childhood/young adult buttons (frightening parents, suicidal tendencies, massively out of control drug abuse), but so far, I’m handling it. It really is very well done.

Well, today is Holy Saturday. And tonight is the Easter Vigil. I have no plans to do anything at all but lie in bed and do the various aforementioned things, as well as sleep a lot. But it’s kind of good, you know, because all this enforced downtime and alone-time gives me a whole lot of time to ponder things, and that’s probably my favorite thing on Earth to do! So, as long as I’m still breathing okay, I won’t complain.

(I am kinda wondering what’s gonna happen when I run out of food, though. Although Kara texts every day, to see if I need anything. I just hate to have her go out into the virus to buy me stuff and then drive for a total of 50 miles just to drop it all off on my porch. I guess we’ll see. Within the next few days, I am going to run out of food.)

All righty, that’s it for now. I’m going back to bed. I hope you are having a good weekend, wherever you are in the world!!Thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys. See ya!

 

 

 

 

 

What An Interesting Night

First of all, if you honor Good Friday in some way, I hope it is a meaningful day for you and that the next 48 hours help you find your way to things that you might not even know you’re seeking.

On another note…

Last evening was really something around here. Another heavy wind kicked up from out of nowhere and not only carried off more pieces of my neighbor’s privacy fence, but it also took an entire strip of roof off of my barn (!!!!). And all I could do was stand there at my kitchen window and watch it happen and then look at it lie there in the intensely overgrown grass of my insane backyard.

I’m sort of praying that a group of Amish men come trotting by in their horse-drawn buggy and say, “Hey, can we fix that barn for you?” (FYI — Amish people are really, really good at building barns…)

Oh, Lordy.

Anyway, I got really sick yesterday evening, too. The breathing problems came swooping back, worse than ever, and just hung around for several hours.

Late afternoon, I suddenly found that my appetite had returned and I was really excited about that. So I went downstairs and actually cooked myself some dinner. Then ate it. Then washed all the dishes and put them away… and then discovered that I had completely worn myself out by doing that and could no longer breathe.

And then right at that moment was when my dad called to see how I was doing and he got so panicky, listening to me trying to talk/breathe, that it only alarmed me more.

I do those breathing exercises to help keep my lungs from getting pneumonia, so I did those every hour, but other than that, I tried not to move for the remainder of the night and then  managed to sleep for 7 uninterrupted hours.

I’m much better right now but, obviously, I can’t keep getting out of bed until I’m really back to normal. Plus, now, every single person I know — all of whom mean well — but they keep warning me that I can give the virus to my cats.  Yes. Every single person keeps telling me that I can give the virus to my cats!! And that alone freaks me out and is exhausting to hear because it’s not like I can get up enough energy to clean at this point, you know?

But anyway… I am feeling better right now.

I was hoping to do Holy Communion today. It doesn’t take a lot of energy, but apparently, even a little energy is too much right now. If I can’t do it today, I sure hope that by Sunday, I can. Here is my Communion kit, in case you’re interested! The outside, and the inside:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love this kit. I haven’t taken Communion in a while, though. It was starting to feel too automatic, so I stopped. (OMG — Nick Cave is in there!! Too funny. He is, like, everywhere, isn’t he??)

All righty, gang. Have a Good Friday, wherever you are in the world, okay? Thanks for visiting. I’m going back to bed now. I love you guys. See ya.

A Windy, Grey Day

After having a couple of really lovely hours yesterday evening — up in the 70s Fahrenheit, sunny, warm, gorgeous — the temperature is plummeting now, down to the 40s. And it is now cloudy, windy and grey.

But it’s okay, because God knows, I’m not going anywhere.

I can’t tell yet if I feel better today. I’m breathing better, but I am ridiculously tired. My main complaint remains the short battery life of my blue tooth speaker.  The hard-wired speakers for my iPad are down in the kitchen. And up here in bed, I rely on a cute little blue tooth speaker that, while aesthetically pleasing because it is a pretty frosted pink color with a really pretty blue light, it in fact cost me all of five dollars and, you know, needs re-charging quite frequently and, of course, the outlet is a mile away from the bed.

I have finished watching all the episodes of DCI Banks, and am now working my way through the most recent Agatha Christie re-makes from the BBC. And even though this current batch of remakes are my least favorite adaptations of Agatha Christie novels that I have ever watched, they still draw me in because the acting and the sets are incredible, but  — truly — as if on cue, the very moment the episode reaches its zenith of suspense, the little speaker shuts off and needs to be re-charged.

It’s actually funny, its that reliable.

Anyway. So I’d already watched The Pale Horse before I got sick, then I watched The ABC Murders — and even though I love John Malkovich just generally, it was my least favorite Poirot adaptation of all time. There was way too much bloody murder and lurid sex in it! I know — normally lurid sex is a deeply wanted commodity, but not in Agatha Christie, for godsakes!! It’s like an affront to the senses. I really found it incredibly annoying, although the very same scenes in some other writer’s TV-movie adaptation would have been really desirable and I would have thought: Wow, that scene was really well done (because, actually they were really well written, dark and troubling sex scenes, just not for Agatha Christie…).

And now I am watching Ordeal By Innocence (2018), which, so far, is the best of the lot.  I am trying to pace watching it with my constant need to sleep, so that the blue tooth is re-charging while I am doing the same!

All righty. That said, I need to go collapse in bed again. I leave you with another John Prine song, Spanish Pipedream (aka Blow Up Your TV), from off his debut album in 1971. (John Prine died late Tuesday night from complications with COVID 19. He was 73.)

Even though the song is really old, I identify with this particular song a lot at this stage of my life — and not because I identify with strippers, or Vietnam War draft-dodgers on their way to Canada, or with peaches, or having lots of children. I identify with this song because when I moved out here to the country and bought what I consider to be my first true home ever, I gave up my ministry. And I also got rid of my TV service.

Before I moved here to Crazeysburg, I had my little black shirt with the white collar, and I used to work a lot with the elderly, make home Communion visits to the housebound (or in nursing homes), and counsel people, mostly for grief & loss.  But I knew that the path I was on with Jesus was leading me farther and farther away from what “regular” Christians needed from me as a minister — and that is putting it mildly.

Out here in the middle of nowhere, with no more formal ministry of any kind —  I have done a whole lot of communing with Jesus privately, wherein I don’t have to answer to any established dogma.

So I love how the chorus of this song sort of  reflects what I personally went through when I moved out here to the country. It’s such a joyful song.

All righty. Thanks for visiting, gang. Enjoy your Maundy Thursday (Jesus’s Last Supper) wherever you are in the world!! I love you guys. See ya.

“Spanish Pipedream (Blow Up Your TV)”

She was a level-headed dancer on the road to alcohol
And I was just a soldier on my way to Montreal
Well she pressed her chest against me
About the time the juke box broke
Yeah, she gave me a peck on the back of the neck
And these are the words she spoke

[Chorus:]
Blow up your TV throw away your paper
Go to the country, build you a home
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches
Try and find Jesus on your own

Well, I sat there at the table and I acted real naive
For I knew that topless lady had something up her sleeve
Well, she danced around the bar room and she did the hoochy-coo
Yeah she sang her song all night long, tellin’ me what to do

[Chorus]

Well, I was young and hungry and about to leave that place
When just as I was leavin’, well she looked me in the face
I said “You must know the answer.”
“She said, “No but I’ll give it a try.”
And to this very day we’ve been livin’ our way
And here is the reason why

We blew up our TV threw away our paper
Went to the country, built us a home
Had a lot of children, fed ’em on peaches
They all found Jesus on their own

© 1971 John Prine