The weather is very sunny today but still really cold.
Nevertheless, my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man and I decided yesterday to go out for sashimi & sake today. Now that his private nurse is gone, he hasn’t been out for lunch since he and I went to the golf course last Friday.
When I’m around him, it’s easy to get my energy into a good place and keep things upbeat and happy, so I’m looking forward to going out with him today if he feels up to it. But I have to say, gang, that on a deep level, it feels to me like everything has changed.
The feeling of loss is like a blanket over everything in that house now. He knows something is missing but he doesn’t know what. He also knows that something big in his life has changed forever. He doesn’t remember his private nurse’s name, or who she was, or anything like that — he only knows that there was a girl who used to come see him but that she had to go to the hospital.
His daughter is going to tell him everything when she sees him in person, tomorrow.
Since his daughter has been texting me the last couple of days about her upcoming trip, I finally decided to just text her this morning and ask her if she’s planning to put her dad into a nursing home soon. I want to start getting the hanging flower baskets for his back deck, but it’s a lot of money to spend if he won’t be there much longer.
We’ll see what she replies. But I’m thinking that I already know what she’s going to say.
*************
On a happier front…
It looks like Rasha’s mom and her little baby will be staying here, to take care of Rasha and all the other cats, while I’m in NYC.
This is such a relief to me. I’ve been worried that all these cats now — including Rasha, who is still unwell — will be too much for my birth mom to really handle, even though she’s happy to do it. (My birth mom is 79 now.)
I feel so much better about this arrangement, though. Because the girl knows full well that Rasha is sick, since Rasha is her cat. It’s not going to be any sort of unhappy surprise for her.
And I also talked to a friend of mine yesterday about her and her husband staying here the last weekend of September, when I go to North Carolina for James Tabor’s conference thingie. They had offered to cat-sit before, so she’s thinking they probably will.
And by September, Rasha’s mom should be in her own place and able to take Rasha back. So that is potentially another huge relief.
Now all I want is for my birth mom to just come out here and visit for a few days, just to hang out again. To smoke and drink beer (her, not me).
What I would really like her to do at this point is answer her phone... she’s not a really big phone-answering kinda gal.
**************
Anyway.
So there’s good stuff going on and sad stuff going on. But meanwhile, here’s this!
If you’re too young to know that Patti Hansen used to be not only a top super model in the late 70s, early 80s, she also had a reputation for being a real party girl!! (To me, she always just seemed like a down-to-earth girl from Staten Island.) It did not surprise me a bit that Keith fell in love with her.
Anyway! Here they are in 1981, and Patti does not seem to be in any way intoxicated!!
And here’s this!
Keith smoking in 1972, maybe overdoing the guitar thing a little bit…
**********
And here’s this!
Nick Cave!
I’m thinking “just out of the shower” but not 100% sure:
I’m also thinking the reason my really cool Tom Petty zippo lighter has not arrived yet is because they sent it to Nick Cave!! (Not 100% sure on that, either, just thinkin’…)
**********
And that’s it.
I guess I better get moving here and plan on having a great day, come what may!
Enjoy your Saturday, wherever you are in the world.
Thanks for visiting.
I love you guys. See ya!
*********
Let’s close with this!
Something else that reminds me of the old New York…with the old skyline and everything.
“The Critic” is also free now on Tubi!! I loved this show. I’d forgotten all about it! (From 1994-95.) Enjoy, gang.
Yes! An unlit Pall Mall (aka “fake Chesterfield”) with it’s filter mercilessly snapped off!!
And me, sitting at my desk!!
It means I’m focused and getting some writing done!!
(Me, not smoking at my desk, back in 2019!!)
You can tell this is an old photo because I don’t have gouges on my chin curtesy of my delightful cat!!
Meanwhile–
I was going to disturb you last night with the following happy update, but I decided to wait until this morning, when you were awake–
1954 Powder Blue Pickup reached #25 in Historical Erotica last night!!
The sale is indeed over today, and so the eBook no longer has “sales rankings”. (Darn it.)
However, I still have access to the sales reports and I want to continue to THANK YOU!! –because it keeps on selling!!!
Yay!!!
She is just being used as a visual emphasis. Not only is she too young to read yet, she’s way too young to read 1954 Powder Blue Pickup! Nevertheless, she’s still really happy because she knows it’s waiting for her in her happy future…
**********
Okay.
Things continue to be a little strange with my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man. His daughter texted me at his house yesterday, letting me know she was not going to be able to call him and will tell him, in person on Sunday, about his nurse being in a coma and near-death.
Meanwhile, we decided that it would be best coming from her, so I haven’t said anything to him. Still, he knows something is off. He knows he hasn’t seen the nurse in a while, that she’s been sick, but that’s about all he can process. He can’t even remember her name now.
I still get the feeling the daughter is planning to put him in a nursing home, but she hasn’t said anything to me about it.
I have sort of released my desire to somehow make everything go differently in this. It’s really the only way I can handle anything and still act like everything is okay when I’m around him.
Taking it the proverbial one day at a time. Just being in the here & now with him. And just being his friend. And when I gave him his little vodka cocktail yesterday, he told me again that he loved me and again, he said, “Thank you for showing me what a wonderful life I’ve had.”
And then he also added: “The spirit is more alive than the physical.”
So I think something’s up, but I have to just let life and/or death happen.
*********
All righty!
I don’t want to tarry here, because I want to finish writing that nearly-finished short story today.
So let’s get to the “here’s this’s”!
Here’s this!!
From the Franz Kafka Museum.
And I have to say that I have read everything he ever wrote, including every collection of letters he wrote that were posthumously published and which are all staggering and amazingly honest. And most of his stories and novels were published by his friends after he died (he was only 40 when he died from tuberculosis, and he was not a well-known writer yet). I just love this man’s beautifully neurotic mind; but the whole idea of anything being “Kafkaesque” did not come into being until long after he died. And we would not have ever known his work if his friends hadn’t stepped in and ignored his wishes at the end.
***********
And here’s this!
Sun Studios!! The birth place of rock & roll records!!
************
And here’s this!!
Some rare finds, indeed!
Keith, smoking while holding a guitar!
From NYC 1975 — only a handful of weeks before I got to see the Rolling Stones onstage in Cleveland for the first time!!
And some other place, some other time (1988)!!
Photo by Neal Preston
*************
Okay.
Nick Cave sent out another one of those Red Hand Files yesterday, wherein he answers many readers questions with “irreverent answers”! (I’m guessing he is hard at work on writing those new song lyrics and can’t really spend time right now on lengthy replies!!)
Anyway, this wasn’t necessarily my favorite question, but I identified with the reply a lot!!
Q: “On the song ‘Carnage’, there is a lyric ‘sitting on the balcony reading Flannery O’Connor with a pencil and a plan’, that really resonates with me. Now I am reading Flannery O’Connor. Any more recommendations?”
A: “If you are reading Flannery O’Connor, be sure to read her short story A Good Man is Hard to Find. If you enjoy Flannery O’Connor, read William Faulkner – As I Lay Dying is a great place to begin.”
I adore Flannery O’Connor!! And that short story is a really great one. A couple of years ago, while I was vacuuming, I noticed that on one of my bookshelves, Flannery O’Connor’s short story collection is right next to Nick Cave’s novel And the Ass Saw the Angel!! So I have never moved them apart!!
Photo taken this morning
I also love William Faulkner and have read all his novels — although Sanctuary was sort of an intense one. (Oh, and if you’re new to the blog — back in 2001, my then novel-in-progress, The Curse of Our Profound Disorder, was a finalist in the William Faulkner Writing Competition in New Orleans. I was so thrilled by that!!!) Anyway.
Also from this morning:
And here’s this! A song I love!! (mentioned above.) “Carnage” by Nick Cave & Warren Ellis, 2021:
Meanwhile–
You can read the above-mentioned Red Hand File in full HERE.
*************
And now I better scoot and I am so hoping that today remains stress-free, distraction-free, and full of an easy flow of joy and wonder!!
I guess we shall see…
Have a great Thursday, wherever you are in the world.
Thanks for visiting.
I love you guys. See ya!
***********
Let’s close with this.
Another — but very, very different — song that I love.
Morgana King, “It’s A Quiet Thing.” 1965. Enjoy, gang.
Well, at least for now, the Agency has added NO ADDITIONAL shifts or hours to my schedule. So it’s looking like they have found other caregivers to help out at my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man’s house.
Today will be, well, I don’t know if “interesting” is the right word. But his daughter will be calling him from Seattle while I’m at his house today, to tell him that his private nurse — the nurse who has been a constant presence in his home since about 2018 and taken such great care of him — is dying and will never be coming back.
I don’t know how he will process it. I really don’t. It might go right over his head, at first. But eventually it will register with him. Ultimately, I know he will say that she’s gone to a better place. But how he will actually feel about it — I just don’t know. We’ll soon find out.
Yesterday was rough for me, but today, at least so far, I’m better. One thing about this job — death is part of it. But this one really came out of left field.
****************
This morning, gang. Wow. Actual royalties in my checking account from Amazon!
And also!! After having been banned for 5 years, and back on sale for less than a week–1954 Powder Blue Pickup is ranked #41 in Historical Erotica!!!!! Thank you so much, gang. This just makes me so happy.
The eBook is still FREE on Amazon Kindle, with or without Kindle Unlimited. But I think that ends today. I’m actually not sure. But the eBook is HERE.
1954 Powder Blue Pickup is absolutely for Adults Only. Thank you!!!
*************
Tomorrow is my day off. And once again, I am hoping to complete that short story that still only has about 400 more words to go.
I think back on my life, and up until that scam-demic and the lockdowns, I spent so much time every day, getting my writing done. And now, it’s like whacking my way through an emotionally draining jungle of distractions, just trying to get even an hour to write each day, where my brain and heart are focused.
I come up with weird thoughts, like: Am I not getting enough coffee? You know, I cannot figure out how to get back to my old life. I have so much new writing I want to do. Not just to finish the short story that’s been hanging on forever (which is under a deadline now), but I really, really want to get down to writing the memoir about my life in the 1970s.
To the point where I say to myself, Please, God, don’t let me die before I have a chance to write that book!!
Not to mention, an almost-complete erotic memoir, Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse, and the half-finished erotic novella, Novitiate ’66. And the not even halfway started non-erotic novel, Down to the Meadows of Sleep. And the almost finished non-erotic flash memoir about my childhood years being raised by a narcissist, In the Shadow of Narcissa. And 3 barely started scripts for streamers that have nothing to do with Sandra. And 2 plays.
All this stuff on my desk.
Anyway. On we go. At least it’s finally getting better!
***************
Okay.
Here’s this!!
Keith.
Wow, did this make me smile. I don’t think I need to explain why:
And not-so-smiling, but boy, do I remember Keith in 1978!! Keith had finally kicked heroin after the horrible drug bust in Toronto, in ’77.
Keith in South Salem, NY, 1978:
And here’s Keith looking really seriously sleepy (?) at the Excelsior Hotel in Rome, in 1984:
Photo by Luiano Viti
Just because he quit heroin finally, didn’t mean he quit doing other stuff. I remember when my best friend Valerie in Brooklyn was working for Mica Ertegun in the early 90s and doing some specialized painting in Keith’s house in Connecticut, she used to tell me that he’d go down to his basement recording studio at, like, 8 in the morning, with a glass of Vodka and Orange Crush…. something like that.
Anyway….
*************
Here’s this!
A wonderful blast from the past!
Nick Cave and Blixa Bargeld in 1985!
And from the not so distant past at all!
Nick Cave decides to take John & Yoko’s advice and “Give(s) Peace A Chance”!
*************
Here’s this, while we’re at it —
****************
And I think that’s it because I gotta get ready to head to town and see what this day with my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man is going to bring.
Have a wonder-filled Wednesday, wherever you are in the world.
Thanks for visiting.
I love you guys. See ya!
****************
Let’s close with this, while we’re still at it.
From the Oldies FM Radio Station on the retro boombox next to my bed this morning.
From John & Yoko’s final album together, Double Fantasy. Which was released two days after I arrived in NYC (released November 17, 1980), and I remembered looking at the album cover displayed in the window of a record store in Midtown Manhattan and just feeling so happy to see John Lennon looking so happy (and sounding so happy, finally).
My very first hero, gang. I really was so happy for him.
When I was 11, his massive interview in Rolling Stone Magazine introduced me to a new side of Bob Dylan that I’d never seen, to Brian Jones and the Rolling Stones, helped me see Elvis in a whole new way, and tons of other musicians and types of music.
I loved music. By then, at age 11, I played violin, piano, and guitar. (In fact, music was what made me want to go live in NYC in the first place, back when I was only 7 years old.)
Then Lennon was assassinated a couple of weeks later, on December 8, 1980. Jesus. NYC in the 80s was just so intense.
Anyway. When this came on the radio this morning right as I was getting out of bed, my whole adult life went walking across my brain. (And of course, it only made me want to write about it…)
“Watching the Wheels” from Double Fantasy, 1980. Enjoy, gang.
A grey Tuesday morning here in the Hinterlands. It’s supposed to get sunny later. We’ll see.
But my overall mood — I’m really battling an entire brain full of grey rain.
Yesterday afternoon, my wonderful day off came to a screeching halt when I got a phone call from Seattle. It was my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man’s daughter. She has never called me before — she rarely even texts me. She had awful news — and she was just as shocked by the news as I was.
Her dad’s private nurse — who has been with the family for 6 or 7 years now (she was the private nurse for his 2nd wife when she got ill), and who has had “health problems” for the last week or so, is dying.
As in — in hospice already, in a coma, with only a few days left to live.
I had no clue she had cancer. She’s about 20 years younger than me, and always seemed full of energy and life.
So, not only am I stunned that I will never see or speak to her again, but it also sounds like I’m going to be needed to pick up more responsibilities — time-wise — with my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man, and even though he matters so much to me, I am just not prepared to take on anything else. I’ve been aiming all my energy and attention at the writing projects.
We shall see.
I immediately called my supervisor at the Agency yesterday and asked her to please start lining up some additional caregivers for him. But since this is catching us all out of the blue, I might have to pick up some extra hours until the schedules can be arranged. I will find out more later today. But I have been praying, gang, that they find people right away, even though, obviously if they need me, I won’t say no.
The daughter is flying in from Seattle on Sunday, just for 2 days, and she hopes to take her dad to say goodbye to the nurse, if she is still alive by then.
I’m also worried that with the nurse gone now, and since she oversaw his meds, his doctor appointments, his trips to the barber, his lawncare service, etc., there’s even more reasons for the daughter to put him in a nursing home now.
I’m really trying to just sort of ignore everything I’m feeling and just see where everything falls. I think it’s called avoidance, but it’s almost the best I can do right now.
After all these years of watching it sort of float out there in limbo, it really makes me feel so happy to see people have access to it again.
If you missed my post yesterday, I believe the eBook edition is free to download all this week, with or without Kindle Unlimited.
**************
That’s really kind of it for my brain right now, so here are few “here’s this’s”.
The beautiful Charlie Watts at Villa Nellcote in 1971, during the recording of an album that certainly changed my 12-year-old life forever: Exile On Main St.
And I’m not kidding you when I say that I actually have the very same creamer that’s on the table there. It’s by Johnson Brothers/Wedgewood Group. Back then, the dishes were made in England. (I have the whole set, service for 8.) (I’m a dish-a-holic, if you’re new to the blog. I live alone and yet have more fine china than you can possibly imagine.)
************
A very early shot of Keith! 1963:
And then a few years later… he switched out wearing the watch for a pair of handcuffs:
And here’s Keith with Robbie Shakespeare and Sly Dunbar, the greatest reggae rhythm duo that ever lived:
************
Oh!
Here’s Cuddles McGee this morning, looking out the bedroom window:
***********
And some more wonderful old photos of Nick Cave.
A multi-patterned Nick in London, 1989:
I don’t know where or when or photo-by-whom, but I love this:
And this one is by Mike Owen:
**********
And that’s it for now.
My best friend Valerie in Brooklyn and I had a great phone chat yesterday — before the call from Seattle came in.
We are aiming to start the mini-podcast of “Marilyn’s Room” in mid-May. And we’re hoping to have 2 if not 3 episodes out there before I leave for NYC in mid-June. We might even try to do a mini-podcast from my hotel room in NYC, or someplace where we can be in the same room together while we tape it.
That’s the plan, anyway. (And wow, did she tell me a really fun story from the early 80s that she’d never told me about!!! It involved Debbie Harry!!)
So even though I’ve known Val since 1983, there are still great stories for me to hear, too!
*********
Okay.
I gotta put on my “I’m happy and here to help you” face and scoot to town to see my clients for today.
Have a terrific Tuesday, wherever you are in the world, gang.
Thanks for visiting. (And for buying my books. It means so much to me.)
I love you guys. See ya!
*********
Let’s close with this.
The awesome Debbie Harry, onstage with Blondie — 1978!
I’ve been having a really nice morning out here in the Hinterlands, and now my brain is actually putting in an appearance, too!
So it should be a nice day-off.
Yay!
Before I forget — it looks like the eBook edition of 1954 Powder Blue Pickup is totally FREE to download this week, with or without Kindle Unlimited. The link is HERE.
And that said — a continued thank you to all of you who have continued to purchase the book!! I just appreciate it so much.
I was actually glancing through the book last night for the first time in a few years, and I just want to say that I don’t remember writing all that filthy dirty stuff!!!
Actually, I do remember.
I remember every moment of it because the Muse was in high gear throughout the writing of that book. (I originally wrote it for Black Lotus Books, and they designed the cover, which I love. But the company soon closed down when they couldn’t get a distributor.)
Anyway, whenever I’m working on a novel, I always have an unlit, unfiltered cigarette in my mouth — usually a Pall Mall, because they are the closest thing to a Chesterfield that is still in circulation.
I haven’t smoked a lit cigarette in about 16 years. Luckily, I never had a real smoking habit. I was what was called a “social smoker” — I smoked when cocktails or wine were lurking about.
Anyway, I remember NOT smoking an entire pack of unfiltered Pall Malls while writing 1954 Powder Blue Pickup (whenever a cigarette got too soggy, I tossed it out) and I remember the Muse being a sort of palpable presence throughout that book. Which is the very best feeling when you’re trying to write something under a deadline.
All these years later, though — skimming through it last night. Man. Non-stop sexual shenanigans!!
ME (thinking): “Christ! Did I really go there??”
Yes, I really did.
What’s in those Pall Malls?!
**************
Okay!
Since it’s my day-off, I’ve got a load of laundry going. And at some point, I need to walk over to the dollar store and buy a can of coffee.
I usually buy hoity-toity fairtrade coffee from somewhere in Central America that “is characterized by balanced acidity, distinct tasting notes (chocolate, nutty, fruit), and a clean finish”, etc., etc.
But I ran out this morning. I guess my brain was elsewhere when I did the grocery shopping in town on Friday. And I absolutely need my coffee in the mornings, so I’m not going to get picky. (The dollar store actually has an interesting brand of coffee from Vietnam. It tastes, well, interesting.)
Other than that, despite living in a veritable cat sanctuary these days, I am hoping to have a totally relaxing day. And I really hope it includes finally completing that short story that STILL only needs about 400 more words… we shall see.
Not me! Since this gal appears to be smoking a lit pencil…
**************
This just in!!
Ronnie Wood has added a show in Barcelona on Saturday, September 12th! Buy tickets HERE!
***********
And this also just in!
“The Original Series Soundtrack for Jo Nesbo’s Detective Hole by Nick Cave & Warren Ellis is out now on digital and streaming services.”
I have already added it to my library on Amazon Music, but haven’t listened yet.
Even though the series is streaming now on Netflix, when I read stuff like this:
“We loved working on this adaptation – Harry Hole’s murky, morally complex world has been brought to life in all its darkly brutal glory, and it was an honour to work with the legendary Jo Nesbø.“ – Nick Cave
Methinks that I will likely be skipping the series itself. Just gonna listen to the music part.
“In Soviet-occupied Prague, a young female photographer embraces wild nights of rebellion, desire, and resistance to conformity. Through thousands of her raw and candid photographs and personal diaries, I’M NOT EVERYTHING I WANT TO BE traces her twenty-year quest for freedom and self-acceptance.”
I started watching it last night, but since it’s all in subtitles, my eyes kinda wore out, but I’m hoping to finish it tonight.
**********
And meanwhile–
Here’s this!!
A lovely photo of George Harrison, almost smiling in Los Angeles:
***********
And a few of Keith!!
Keith, with a guitar, smoking. I don’t know where or when:
Keith, with a guitar, not smoking, I don’t know where or when, but it probably only lasted a minute — the not-smoking part, I mean:
And Keith, not smoking with his dog, his Bentley, probably London, probably 1966, etc.:
***********
And last but certainly in no way least!!!
Nick Cave!! Smoking and multi-tasking onstage in Melbourne, 1990!!
And here’s this upbeat little ditty. Excuse me, here’s the above-mentioned song!
“The Carny”
And no-one saw the carny go And the weeks flew by Until they moved on the show Leaving his caravan behind It was parked out on the south east ridge And as the company crossed the bridge With the first rain filling the bone-dry river bed It shone, just so, upon the edge Away, away, we’re sad, they said
Dog-boy, atlas, half-man, the geeks, the hired hands There was not one among them that did not cast an eye behind In the hope that the carny would return to his own kind And the carny had a horse, all skin and bone A bow-backed nag, that he named “Sorrow” Now it is buried in a shallow grave In the then parched meadow
And the dwarves were given the task of digging the ditch And laying the nag’s carcass in the ground And boss Bellini, waving his smoking pistol around Saying, “The nag is dead meat” “We can’t afford to carry dead weight” The whole company standing about Not making a sound And turning to dwarves perched on the enclosure gate The boss says “Bury this lump of crow bait”
And then the rain came hammering down Everybody running for their wagons Tying all the canvas flaps down The mangy cats growling in their cages The bird-girl flapping and squawking around The whole valley reeking of wet beast Wet beast and rotten hay Freak and brute creation Packed up and on their way
The three dwarves peering from their wagon’s hind Moses says to Noah “We shoulda dugga deepa one” Their grizzled faces like dying moons Still dirty from the digging done And Charlie, the eldest of the three, said “I guess the carny ain’t gonna show” And they were silent for a spell Wishing they’d done a better job of burying Sorrow
And as the company passed from the valley Into higher ground The rain beat on the ridge and on the meadow And on the mound Until nothing was left, nothing at all Except the body of Sorrow That rose in time To float upon the surface of the eaten soil
And a murder of crows did circle round First one, then the others flapping blackly down And the carny’s van still sat upon the edge Tilting slowly as the firm ground turned to sludge And the rain it hammered down And no-one saw the carny go I say it’s funny how things go
c – 1986 – Nick Cave
***********
And I believe that is it!
Have a great Monday, wherever you are in the world!!
Thanks for visiting.
I love you guys. See ya!
************
I leave you with this!
Late-night listening music!!
I just love this song, gang.
From Tom Petty’s first solo album, Full Moon Fever — which recently turned 37 years old!!
“A Face in the Crowd,” 1989. The original official video. Enjoy, gang.
“A Face In The Crowd”
Before all of this ever went down In another place, another town
You were just a face in the crowd You were just a face in the crowd Out in the street, walking around A face in the crowd
Out of a dream, out of the sky Into my heart, into my life
And you were just a face in the crowd You were just a face in the crowd Out in the street, thinking out loud A face in the crowd
Out of a dream, out of the sky Into my heart, into my life
And you were just a face in the crowd You were just a face in the crowd Out in the street, walking around A face in the crowd
A face in the crowd A face in the crowd A face in the crowd
The weather is perfectly splendid, for one thing! Which means I will get to go outside later and take a walk and just see all the stuff that’s turning green and blooming all over the indescribably peaceful village today.
**************
As far as miracles go…
Now that I’ve transferred The Muse Revisited Collection from Smashwords over to Amazon Kindle, the eBooks are actually selling again. And not the “free downloads with Kindle Unlimited” but actually selling.
I find this astounding. But in a good way! (The collection has been available for well over a decade, and it is a collection of my erotic fiction from 1997-2009). (Yes! That means that the “newest” piece in the collection is 17 years old already…)
I am going to try to move A Man In Her Arms & Other Stories over to Kindle, as well. Both in print and eBook. I say “try” because I have to start the formatting from scratch with that one, and sometimes that stuff makes me a little looney — it used to be so much easier in olden times.
But I am also going to see if Amazon will let me re-publish 1954 Powder Blue Pickup with Kindle, as well. We’ll see how it goes this time.
Back when I first released it, in late 2021, I was up to my eyeballs in 5gw stuff and Amazon was doing some seriously destructive shit to my career and they were remarkably effective at it.
But now that that seems to be over, I’m gonna try to slide 1954 Powder Blue Pickup back in there and see if it sticks this time.
I love that book so much and it gets more and more difficult for people to find it.
*********
Another miracle!
If you google my name with The Curse of Our Profound Disorder, now Barnes & Noble comes up!!
They have not carried my books in, like, forever.
I used to have a really, really GREAT relationship with B&N. You used to be able to walk into any B&N in the English-speaking world, and find all of my books for sale there.
And their online bookstore used to carry everything, too.
But now that — what was once — the really burgeoning world of literary erotica has been almost thoroughly erased, BN.com has carried maybe 2 or 3 of my books that are still with traditional publishers.
Anyway, when I saw B & N come up on Google this morning, I was once again really, really thrilled with my decision to go with a private PR firm for my new novel.
**********
And speaking of the new novel–
Yesterday, I was able to drop off an advanced review copy to the bookstore in Granville, Ohio, that said they will carry my book (!!).
And I was also able to stop in at the old train station, where I used to be the night manager, and lend my dear friend Wendy a review copy, as well. She is helping me brainstorm the whole book launch party thing in September.
It was such a thrill to see her face light up when she saw me walk in to the station, carrying my book! And she gave me a big hug and was just so excited for me.
You know, in the old days, when I actually had people in my life and not just cats, I would have gone to some great restaurant and celebrated.
So it felt really great to hand the book to Wendy. Plus, she is planning on buying the book from the bookstore in Granville in September. And she also said that a couple of the customers from the station who remember me from the old days are really excited about the book, too, and will be buying it at the Granville bookstore, too.
So that makes me feel really, really great, because the owner of the bookstore will get to make some sales.
*********
And in other miracle-news!
I paid all the bills this morning and I still have money left over…
**********
All righty!
On a somber note–
Today is the anniversary of the death of Johnny Thunders, who died on this day in 1991.
About 8 years ago, Wayne made us both T-shirts: “Johnny Thunders for President”. So in honor of Johnny’s passing, we are both wearing our T-shirts today.
Here’s me in mine:
RIP, Johnny Thunders.
*************
I would have posted this yesterday, if I hadn’t had a weird morning.
They ran the opening ceremony in NYC live on Instagram, so it was really cool to watch it happen:
************
And over the weekend, Patti Hansen and her daughters and 2 of her grandchildren did a special Mother’s Day ad campaign for Burberry, and yesterday, Patti, Alexandra, and Theodora posted a bunch of photos and videos on Instagram. (Theodora is currently pregnant with her second baby.)
Patti and Alexandra, with comments from Alexandra and Theordora:
Alexandra with her 2 kids
Theodora with her neice
And on a related note–
A great photo of Keith from the 1980s, taken by Ronnie’s then-wife, Jo Wood:
And just proof, in case you needed it, that Keith has been able to play the piano for a really long time now:
He sent out a Red Hand File this morning, wherein he discussed the various podcasts he has time to listen to and some of the books he’s had time to read!! (You can read about those HERE.)
He also said that he is:
“… looking forward to reading Andy Beta’s biography of Alice Coltrane, Cosmic Music, which I’ve just ordered. Thanks for the recommendation, Peter, I had no idea it had come out (I’ve sent a copy to Warren too).“
And apparently Warren received his copy quite speedily as he already posted this today:
And Nick added:
“…I am back in my office writing lyrics at the moment and am particularly in need of quiet, so that the words can find their way – and so that I have something to sing when I go into the studio next week with Warren to begin what may, in some far-flung future, when all the stars align and the planets clap their hands in joy, amount to the next Bad Seeds record.”
The only thing I am completely certain of about today is that I will take a walk later, do some yoga, and VACUUM!!!!
Other than that, we’ll just see what unfolds. (Oh, and BET+, the streamer channel, has announced that they are closing down on June 11th, so that sort of makes the “TV proposal” life a little interesting around here…)
Anyway.
Life seems really fluid right now, so I have no idea what is likely to happen at any given moment.
Enjoy your Thursday, wherever you are in the world.
Thanks for visiting.
I love you guys, See ya!
*************
I leave you with this!
From my retro boombox next to my bed this morning!
I have always loved this song, from the first moment I heard it, and as fate would have it — it was a huge hit on the Top 40 radio when I went to visit my birth dad in Fallon, Nevada for the first time (1989).
He and I were standing in my stepsister’s living room — I was meeting her for the first time, too — and this song came on her radio.
I quietly thought to myself at that moment that I would never forget that moment, ever, and would think of it every time I heard that song.
And 37 years later, that turned out to be completely and entirely true.
Love and Rockets, “So Alive”, 1989. Enjoy, gang.
"So Alive"
I don't know what color your eyes are, baby But your hair is long and brown Your legs are strong, and they're so, so long And you don't come from this town
My head is full of magic, baby And I can't share this with you I feel I'm on a cross again, lately But that's nothing to do with you
I'm alive, huh, huh, so alive I'm alive, huh, huh so alive
Your strut makes me crazy Makes me see you more clearly Oh, baby, now I can see you Wish I could stop Switch off the clock Make it all happen for you
I'm alive, huh, huh, so alive I'm alive, huh, huh so alive
I don't know what color your eyes are, baby But your hair is long and brown Your legs are strong, and they're so, so long And you don't come from this town
My head is full of magic, baby And I gotta share this with you I feel I'm on top again, baby That's got everything to do with you
I'm alive, huh, huh, so alive I'm alive, huh, huh so alive Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo Ooh
c- 1989 - Daniel Gaston Ash / David Jay / Kevin Haskins
The official Press Release for The Curse of Our Profound Disorder went out over the weekend and I am absolutely thrilled with the results thus far.
The book doesn’t officially come out for 5 more months, so I will keep you posted with how the PR goes as the month of August winds down.
But as of right now, I couldn’t be happier. It got picked up by a few press wires in the UK and a bunch in the US.
And from there, it even got picked up by the Cincinnati Enquirer! (If my dad were still alive — he lived in Cincinnati — he would have been really thrilled.) (Yes, the very same city where I absolutely hated going to college — I dropped out after the first quarter — was the very first significant site to pick up the press release for my new book!!) (Makes having gone to college there for 3 agonizing months totally worth it!!)
Me! In college! Just add copious amounts of bisexual sex… yes, 1978 looked good on me!
I find this next part very interesting — today, if you enter my name and the book’s title into Google, the AI description absolutely nails the fucking book! It astounds me. Because, you know, no one has read the book yet. Just me, Wayne, and the publisher — Valerie hasn’t finished reading it yet. Review copies have not gone out anywhere.
Here is the Google AI description, in part:
Key aspects of the novel: Protagonist: Jemima Callahan, who is born to a teen mother and is the illegitimate daughter of a town preacher.
Plot: Chronicles Jemima's journey from a troubled childhood with abuse in foster care to her life as a young woman surviving on the streets, and eventually finding a new direction.
Themes: Coming-of-age, trauma, identity, generational pain, survival, and societal taboos, particularly around sexuality.
Central conflict: Jemima's search for her father, Reverend Parker Peabody, and the hope that he will live up to the idealized image her mother created.
I’m really just happily amazed by the whole process. I am so glad I hired that PR firm.
************
Okay, for some reason, I am getting a really late start here this morning, although the second load of laundry is already underway.
It is, of course, my day off. And the first day off wherein ALL workmen and repair guys have completed all the upgrades to This Old House (& barn) and so the day is completely and utterly mine.
And it is a gorgeous day here, although it is really cold. I had to cover up the rose bushes last night so that the frost wouldn’t kill them.
Anyway, I’m not sure why my brain seems to be lagging here this morning, but I am hoping (really) to get some writing done today. I still have that one short story that needs about 400 words before it is complete.
************
Anyway–
Here’s this!
Piccadilly Circus, in London, as it looked in the mid-1970s!
This was exactly how it looked when I made my first trip to London, in 1976. And yes! I was 16. And yes — since it was the 1970s, why wouldn’t I have had copious amounts of booze and then some sex with a Greek taxi driver in his taxi, late in the August evening, just off of Piccadilly Circus??? While my mom was waiting back at the Kensington Hotel…
(I am absolutely not kidding you, gang — if you weren’t alive in the 1970s, you just wouldn’t understand this! Anyway…)
**********
And here’s this!
I have no idea how he got his hair to do this, but I’m guessing he encountered electricity in some way?
Warren Ellis, end of tour!!
Warren, saying goodbye to that room with the view…
*********
And here’s this!
The last known photo of George Harrison and John Lennon together — in Los Angeles, in the mid 70s:
***********
And here’s Keith!!
Having no problems in NYC in 1988! (Press promo for his first solo album, Talk Is Cheap.)
Photo by Timothy White
************
Here’s Keith again. Only with Mick, in 1967! Just sort of hanging out, I guess.
***********
And here are these!!
Two more classics of Nick Cave!!
Nick, not smoking while wearing shades and standing near a peace lily!
Nick, smoking, while not wearing shades and not standing near a peace lily!
I could stare at this photo all the fucking time, but I’m already having enough trouble getting anything fucking done around here…
********
And with that!!
I guess I will get back to that laundry now, maybe do some vacuuming, and then focus on some short story writing!!
I hope you have a great Monday, wherever you are in the world.
Thanks for visiting.
I love you guys. See ya!
********
I leave you with more breakfast-listening music!
Still have the Best of Sam Cooke CD in the kitchen juke box!
I love this song. It is so “yesteryear”! I find it sort of addicting, it just feels so nice and so non-threatening.
“Having A Party”. Sam Cooke. 1962. Enjoy, gang.
“Having A Party”
We’re having a party dancing to the music played by the DJ on the radio the cokes are in the icebox the popcorn’s on the table me and my baby, we’re out here on the floor
So listen, Mr. DJ keep those records playing ’cause I’m having such a good time dancing with my baby
Everybody’s swinging Sally’s doing that twist now if you take request, I…. I got a few for you play that song called Soul Twist play that one called I Know don’t forget the Mashed Potatoes no other songs will do
Let me tell you Mr., Mr. DJ why don’t you keep those records playing ’cause I’m having such a good time dancing with my baby
Having a party–yeah everybody’s swinging–oh we’re dancing to the music–yeah on the radio–oh we’re having a party–man everybody’s swinging–yeah dancing to the music–yeah on the radio–say it one more time
We’re having a party–yeah everybody’s swinging–oh we’re dancing to the music–yeah on the radio (song fades and ends)
Okay, so not only are all 3 volumes in The Muse Revisited collection now re-published on Amazon Kindle (available for sale in the next day or so), but I also got the official press release for The Curse of Our Profound Disorder (I hired a small PR firm in NYC). And here it is! I really love it.
THE CURSE OF OUR PROFOUND DISORDER BY MARILYN JAYE LEWIS EXPLORES A FEARLESS COMING OF AGE JOURNEY THROUGH TRAUMA, IDENTITY, AND TABOO
An unflinching literary novel that confronts generational pain, survival, and the search for the truth in a fractured world.
New York, NY — April 16th, 2026 — Acclaimed author Marilyn Jaye Lewis delivers a bold and emotionally charged narrative in her forthcoming novel, The Curse of Our Profound Disorder, set for release on September 11, 2026. This deeply introspective work introduces readers to Jemima Callahan, a young woman shaped by abandonment, hardship, and a relentless desire to understand her origins.
From the very beginning, Jemima’s life is marked by instability and stigma. Born to a teenage mother under controversial circumstances and raised in the shadow of small town judgment, she inherits not only her mother’s story but also her struggles. As her mother’s mental health deteriorates, Jemima is thrust into the foster care system, where she endures further emotional, physical, and psychological challenges that test her resilience and shape her worldview.
At its core, The Curse of Our Profound Disorder is a coming of age story that does not shy away from difficult truths. Lewis crafts a narrative that examines the intersection of trauma, sexuality, belief, and identity. Jemima’s journey unfolds through a series of encounters with complex and often unconventional characters, reflecting the unpredictable nature of survival on the margins of society. Her path eventually leads her to an unexpected opportunity working for a lawyer, offering a fragile sense of stability while reigniting her longing to uncover the truth about her father.
The novel’s emotional depth is driven by Jemima’s internal conflict and her mother’s haunting philosophy that passion and divinity are intertwined. This belief influences Jemima’s understanding of love, self worth, and purpose, adding a provocative layer to an already powerful story. As she searches for Reverend Parker Peabody, the man she believes to be her father, Jemima must confront whether the truth will bring healing or further fracture her sense of self.
Lewis was inspired to write this novel as an exploration of how early life experiences shape identity and the ways individuals seek meaning despite adversity. Her storytelling is both raw and poetic, offering readers a deeply human portrait of endurance and self discovery.
This book will resonate with readers who appreciate literary fiction that challenges societal norms and explores complex emotional landscapes. It speaks to those interested in stories of resilience, identity, and the enduring quest for belonging.
Marilyn Jaye Lewis is an established author known for her fearless approach to storytelling and her ability to illuminate difficult subjects with honesty and depth. Her work often centers on unconventional lives and the emotional truths that define them.
The Curse of Our Profound Disorder will be available for pre order through major retailers and is published by Parisian Phoenix Publishing. The book is now available — secure your copy here: https://www.amazon.com/Curse-Our-Profound-Disorder-Coming/dp/1957863633/ref=sr_1_1?sr=8-1
For review copies, interview requests, or additional information, please contact: Marilyn Jaye Lewis Email: marilynjayelewis@protonmail.com
If I can get any energy whatsoever happening here today.
I am so fucking tired.
And I really hate when I’m so wiped out on a day off.
But we’ll see how it goes.
However.
THIS was so awesome. The sales rankings for pre-orders of The Curse Of Our Profound Disorder on Amazon US last evening, after the first 24 hours — thanks everybody!!
If you want to pre-order the print edition on Amazon US, you can do it HERE.
************
I keep forgetting to post this link, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the upcoming new album by the Rolling Stones. (The link came from the RollingStonesBrasil channel on Instagram.)
Apparently, yesterday was the anniversary of Allen Ginsberg’s death:
*************
And also from yesterday, Ross K. Nichols’ Sunday School.
“This session carefully examines the resurrection stories of the Hebrew Bible, tracing the clues left by the biblical writers. What emerges is an often-overlooked pattern and a trail that leads somewhere quite unexpected, offering a fresh and thought-provoking look at a familiar theme.”
Raising the Dead: In Search of Its Source (1 hr 15 mins):
***********
And another re-post from James Tabor yesterday:
Jesus’ Final Week: A Post-Easter Wrap-Up (52 mins):
*************
Also from James Tabor.
But this has nothing to do with Easter. It has more to do with Christianity before (and during) Paul.
“… who were the Ebionites? Were John the Baptist, Jesus, and James part of a “stream” of faith and piety that traced back to the Dead Sea Scroll group, and down through a so-called “Christianity,” before, during, in contrast to the message of the apostle Paul? I explore what they believed, how it differs from later mainstream Roman Christianity, We explore what happened to them, down into the later centuries, including their influence on earliest Islam.”
The Forgotten Ebionites–Found at Last! (45 mins):
***********
And here’s this!
A couple of masterpieces sighted at the Louvre in Paris only a few days ago!!!
Keanu and Mona:
************
More rum aficionados at the recent launch of Johnny Depp’s new brand of rum, Three Hearts Rum (drinking only, no smoking allowed):
Getty Images
*************
And let’s take a quick moment for a mini quiz!
Which of these Stones is probably stoned???
**************
And here’s this.
Another trip down Memory Lane!
2 photos of Nick Cave by Bleddyn Butcher.
The first — right before Nick had spinal surgery in Brazil, to have that growth removed:
And second — this ended up not requiring shoulder surgery. The extra head was actually attached to some guy who walked away:
**********
And that’s all I have for today, gang. I am just so fucking tired.
I’m finishing up a load of laundry here (you probably think that all I do is laundry, but you’re mistaken. I do other stuff, too. I do, like, 1,794 other things.).
I hope to get some writing done today, but honestly, I just don’t know. It depends on if the brain wants to put in an appearance or not. But the good news is that, since I’m taking that webinar on Sunday, I only have 4 shifts this coming week, so, yay! I feel confident that the brain will return at some point!
And this afternoon, I’m supposed to have a chat with Valerie in Brooklyn! That always perks me up.
And for right now, I want to take some time to just stop, and think about stuff that makes me happy. (I think there are, like, 3 things that make me happy. I’m going to try to focus and remember what those things are.) (I might go outside and take a walk. Sometimes that helps me remember everything…)
Meanwhile, enjoy your Monday, wherever you are in the world!
Thanks for visiting.
I love you guys. See ya!
**********
I leave you with this!
Last night’s listening-by-candlelight-while-lying-in-bed music!! (And pretty soon, the candles will be gone until Fall, because it’s getting later and later now before the sun actually sets!)
But this was beautiful. I hadn’t actually listened to this song in ages.
Bob Dylan. “Lay Lady Lay”. 1969. From the album, Nashville Skyline. Enjoy, gang.
Lay Lady Lay
Lay, lady, lay Lay across my big brass bed Lay, lady, lay Lay across my big brass bed
Whatever colors you have In your mind I'll show them to you And you'll see them shine Lay, lady, lay, lay across My big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay Stay with your man awhile Until the break of day Let me see you make him smile
His clothes are dirty, but his His hands are clean And you're the best thing That he's ever seen Stay, lady, stay Stay with your man awhile
Why wait any longer for the world to begin? You can have your cake and eat it too Why wait any longer for the one you love When he's standing in front of you?
Lay, lady, lay Lay across my big brass bed Stay, lady, stay Stay while the night is still ahead
I long to see you in the morning light I long to reach for you in the night Stay, lady, stay Stay while the night is still ahead
For some inexplicable reason, I slept in until 5:38AM today!!
And of all the mornings to oversleep — the kittens’ birthday today and Easter Sunday!
But a good time was had by all. The Happy Birthday breakfast (or “Happy Easter”, if you didn’t turn 1 today!):
4 out of the 6 pictured here have a birthday today!
And it’s Billie Jo’s birthday today, too, but she likes to eat off by herself in the family room, so that other ravenous cats don’t steal her food! (She’s the one who was born without her 2 back feet.)
And apparently my 14-year-old cats, who had birthdays on St. Patrick’s Day and who spend most of their time in the guest bedroom upstairs, liked their Easter breakfast just fine!!
And then the birthday toys came out in the kitchen!
And Kon Tiki and 3 of her furry friends joined us for Easter breakfast today, out on the kitchen porch. In the dark. Serenaded by a bunch of singing birds — and the sound filled the whole village.
We also had a wonderful — and really big!! — ‘possum join us for breakfast out there, too!
All before the sun came up.
And oddly enough, even after oversleeping, I’m still exhausted! Cannot imagine why…
But it was a beautiful morning.
*************
And Happy Easter, if you celebrate it, gang.
James Tabor re-posted this last night. It’s difficult to listen to, if you are sort of viscerally attached to Jesus of Nazareth, the man (as I am). But it’s worth watching because of all the archeological /historical stuff. (And by “Mafia”, Tabor is referring here to the family of High Priests in Jerusalem at that time, who were hellbent on first mortifying and then executing Jesus.)
Jesus Archaeology # 13 Killing Jesus–The Mafia Backstory (29 mins):
************
Yesterday was strange.
My favorite 95-year-old Japanese man’s week-long visit with his daughter was a success. But by yesterday, I knew he was exhausted and was very patiently waiting for it to be over. (She flew back home late yesterday afternoon.)
He even said as much to me — that he wanted her to go — when he and I were alone in his bedroom.
I found that part to be sort of astonishing, since his brain doesn’t work too great in the “here & now”. Yet he had enough mental faculties to express himself to me very quietly, without being rude to his daughter.
The problem was that he doesn’t like people to clean his house and his daughter would not stop cleaning. She cleaned EVERYTHING. All week long.
I understood where she was coming from emotionally, and she knew that all the cleaning was upsetting her dad, but she felt compelled to “take care of him”, in that sense.
Yesterday sort of reached the pinnacle, since it was her last day. And I spent my entire shift being cheerful and chatty and patient and supportive with each of them — trying to balance the energy between those two so that everything would stay peaceful.
Plus, she had confided in me that she is enrolling him in Hospice now, which is of course her decision and I understand why it makes sense to her, but it was really startling to me. (I’ve been with him several days a week for the past 18 months; his physical health is perfect. )
Anyway.
It was a relief to get out of there.
And from there, I went to do all the grocery shopping. Even though the stores were kind of crowded, since it was the day before Easter. But it kind of helped me clear my head.
And then, in the parking lot, while heading to my car, pushing my bags of groceries in the grocery cart, a woman who looked to be about 80, in complete distress, called out to me: “Please, please! Can you help me?”
ME (leaving my cart and going to her): “Yes I can.”
Without even knowing what she needed help with. It was just that call of distress from someone in need. Off I went.
I did eventually move my grocery cart over to my own car, and luckily what she needed help with, I was able to fix for her. (A problem with her car.)
And as I drove away, I was just sort of stunned. I was really glad that I’d been able to help her, so that she could drive herself home and feel safe and probably collapse…
…while I drove home to take care of 17 abandoned and/or rescued cats. In my 125-year-old home that through some miracle of grace, I manage to keep in really good shape…
What the fuck has my life become, right?
I was fucking exhausted.
And as I pulled up to my house, the neighbors across the road — the one who had dug my car out from under 4 feet of snow a few months ago — had no less than 10 pickup trucks parked along the side of their house. Happy guys outside, tinkering with the trucks. Kids running around, laughing, playing with toys. Obviously getting ready for Easter.
It was breathtaking, all the activity over there. And that was what I had always wanted, always assumed I would somehow have — a huge family, right?
I really, really appreciate it. (You can pre-order the print edition on Amazon US here, but it is available for pre-ordering at pretty much all online bookstores.)
************
All righty!
Here’s this.
I’m not familiar with this photographer, but apparently she has passed away. Here are a couple of her photos, though. One of Richard Hell, and one of Iggy Pop:
***********
And here’s this!
A classic photo of Keith — it’s hard to see it here, but he’s wearing his “Marilyn” t-shirt:
And here’s this — no, not being taken off to jail, just being escorted through the crowd!
***************
And in honor of Easter!
A classic photo from yesteryear — of Nick Cave and a bunny!!
********
And I believe that is it for now!
I have my shift later today with the retired Minister and his lovely wife and cat. I guess it will be an interesting way to “celebrate” Easter.
And then not only do I have tomorrow off, but also my best friend Valerie in Brooklyn and I are planning on having a catch-up chat on the phone!! Yay.
Okay. Enjoy your Easter, or have a good Sunday if you don’t celebrate Easter, wherever you are in the world.
Thanks for visiting.
I love you guys. See ya!
************
Let’s close with this.
This is a video that I play a lot on my phone for my favorite 95-year-old Japanese man. He loves this song (and this video).
The classic from Louis Armstrong, “What a Wonderful World.” Enjoy, gang.
Marilyn's Room 