Tag Archives: The Curse of Our Profound Disorder

I’m not complaining!!

I love having my life back!!

I love sitting at the laptop all day and working on the novel — it’s been a long time since I was able to sit and focus like that (since COVID, actually, after which, everything in my life changed).

It takes some adjusting, though, to be closed up in my room now with 4 extremely frisky kittens and a Mommy-cat, in such high humidity — and not be able to even open the door.

But it’s temporary. It’s all temporary, in fact, when you think about it… Life.

Anyway.

Once I get back from NYC, I can focus on letting the kittens get out and roam the house a little. But I was informed that I can’t get Little Blackie spayed until at least one month after the kittens are completely weaned.

So on we go. Until then, we’re all in this room together.

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Oh! Here’s one nice thing the kittens did for me yesterday, while I was having a quick chat on the phone with Sandra about the play!!

They relieved me of that pesky Himalayan salt lamp that I absolutely LOVED!

Looks so much nicer now than it used to look, doesn’t it, gang??

Anyway. Just a long line of things that I have to let go of around here, between the kittens and the foster cats. (I can’t tell you how many times a day I find myself saying , “You didn’t just do that, did you?? Oh my god!!”)

But onward.

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Before I forget, my eBooks that are published on Smashwords will once again be FREE to download during their Summer Sale for the month of July.

This will include: Freak Parade, and The Muse Revisited Volumes 1, 2, & 3.

eBooks only and on Smashwords, only. And these titles are absolutely for Adults Only. Thank you!!

I will remind you when July 1st rolls around.

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So, I have my plane ticket to NYC . Out hotel rooms are booked. The rehearsal space is booked and the rehearsal schedule has been sent to all involved. And I’ll be seeing Wayne probably a couple of times while I’m there, and Valerie from Brooklyn will be meeting me for dinner on Tuesday, July 9th.

The cat-sitter has been confirmed and doubly confirmed. I have THREE new sundresses — plus a couple more that are almost new.

AND I’ve reserved about 7 trillion Uber rides.

So it’s safe to say that I’m ready and the trip to NYC is right around the corner, gang. And the much beloved play, “The Guide to Being Fabulous” officially starts its journey to Off-Broadway.

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Okay, here’s this!!

From the photographer Peter Anderson’s Instagram account — Nick Cave, back when he was with The Boys Next Door:

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And, honestly, that is really it.

I have to see my favorite 94-year-old Japanese man today — it’s Sushi-Sashimi day, if he’s up to it!! So I gotta scoot.

Enjoy your Wednesday, wherever you are in the world.

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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Another one from Steve Earle!

“Hillbilly Highway”, 1986. From the album Guitar Town. Enjoy, gang.

“Hillbilly Highway”

My granddaddy was a miner, but he finally saw the light
He didn’t have much, just a beat-up truck and a dream about a better life
Grand mama cried when she waved goodbye, never heard such a lonesome sound
Pretty soon the dirt road turned into blacktop, Detroit City bound

Down that hillbilly highway
On that hillbilly highway
That old hillbilly highway
Goes on and on

Now he worked and saved his money so that one day he might send
My old man off to college, to use his brains and not his hands
Grand mama cried when he said goodbye, never heard such a lonesome sound
Daddy had himself a good job in Houston, one more rollin’ down

That old hillbilly highway
That old hillbilly highway
That old hillbilly highway
Goes on and on
On and on, on and on, here it goes

Granddaddy rolled over in his grave the day that I quit school
I just sat around the house playin’ my guitar, and Daddy said I was a fool
My mama cried when I said goodbye, I never heard such a lonesome sound
Now I’m standin’ on this highway and if you’re going my way

You know where I’m bound
Down that hillbilly highway
On that hillbilly highway
That old hillbilly highway
Goes on and on

Hmm, yeah, that’s the road I’m on

Hillbilly highway

Hillbilly highway

c- 1986 Steve Earle, Jimbeau Hinson

“Handling it just fine!!”

The humidity is just god-awful around here today, gang. The heat’s not so bad, but being closed up tight in this room — even with all the window’s open, there’s just no AIR!!

But it’s my final day off until next Monday, and I want to get this novel DONE as soon as I can, so I’m just going to deal with it.

Me SOMEONE dealing with it just fine…

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Before I forget!!

Wow, did I have a wonderful time with my client yesterday. (I hadn’t seen her in 8 months.)

She was in great spirits. She looked fantastic. We had a whole afternoon of great conversations, and as I was leaving, she said, “It was so great seeing you again! I had such a nice afternoon.”

That kind of thing just makes my day, gang.

And being back in her home again — wow, what a feeling. She lives way out in the country and her home is a HUGE old farmhouse (14 rooms), built in 1839. Surrounded by hills, trees, a small lake, a couple of small barns. And the house is absolutely filled with love — you can feel it the moment you walk into it. She and her husband were married 63 years before he died (during COVID, but not from it), and they lived on that property the whole time and raised a really happy family there.

It was just so great to be back there, with her.

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And for whatever reason [HINT: novel-in-progress} I am feeling really wiped out emotionally today.

Although, while I was doing all that driving yesterday, I started to get little inspirations — primarily that there needs to be a Part 3 . A very short Part 3.

And I know what needs to happen in it and I felt really excited about that.

But meanwhile, I am working on completing Part 2. It feels so strange to just pick up the story where I left it, 26 years ago…

And Part 1 is 152 pages long and, in essence, takes place during one day — the protagonist’s 24th birthday. But, of course, it’s full of flashbacks, memories, thoughts.

Part 2 is similar — it takes place 2 years later, on the evening where the protagonist has to turn over the funeral urn with her lover’s ashes in it to his brothers, and then flashbacks, memories, and thoughts ensue for 100 more pages.

So I’m guessing what I have here is a novel that will be about 300-ish pages, that unveils a young woman’s lifetime over the course of 2 specific days. Well, 3 — since there will be a Part 3.

It takes so much weaving and weaving and weaving, and making sure you aren’t leaving any lose threads.

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Okay, enough!!

Here’s this!!!

One of several great photos posted to Instagram by Marlon Richards’ wife on Father’s Day:

Keith and Marlon Richards

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And here’s this!

The decision was finalized last night, at about 9PM, while I was lying in bed, chatting on the phone with Sandra!

We’ll be staying at this hotel in NYC in July:

The Empire Hotel, across the street from Lincoln Center.

And our rehearsal studio is only 4 blocks away, so it should be a really great trip.

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From James Tabor —

Mystery Solved–Here’s How the Shroud of Turin Was Produced! (2 hrs):

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And I think I better get started around here today!!

Have a terrific Tuesday, wherever you are in the world!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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As promised!

Another great one from Steve Earle.

I think this song was probably everybody’s first exposure to his music, back in 1986. Well, it was his first single released, anyway, and it was a huge Billboard hit.

I loved this song!

“Guitar Town,” Steve Earle. Enjoy, gang!!

“Guitar Town”

Hey pretty baby, are you ready for me
It’s your good rockin’ daddy down from Tennessee
I’m just out of Austin bound for San Antone
With the radio blastin’ and the bird dog on

There’s a speed trap up ahead in Selma Town
But no local yokel gonna shut me down
‘Cause me and my boys got this rig unwound
And we’ve come a thousand miles from a Guitar Town

Nothin’ ever happened ’round my hometown
And I ain’t the kind to just hang around
But I heard someone callin’ my name one day
And I followed that voice down the lost highway
Everybody told me you can’t get far
On 37 dollars and a jap guitar
Now I’m smokin’ into Texas with the hammer down
And a rockin’ little combo from the Guitar Town

Hey pretty baby don’t you know it ain’t my fault
I love to hear the steel belts hummin’ on the asphalt
Wake up in the middle of the night in a truck stop
Stumble in the restaurant wonderin’ why I don’t stop

Well, I gotta keep rockin’ why I still can
Got a two pack habit and a motel tan
When my boots hit the boards I’m a brand new man
With my back to the riser, I make my stand

Hey pretty baby, won’t you hold me tight
I’m loadin’ up and rollin’ out of here tonight
One of these days, I’m gonna settle down
And take you back with me to the Guitar Town

c- 1986 – Stephen F. Earle

Everything from now on is gonna be weird!!

My life has just gotten so strange, gang. But not in a bad way.

It stems mostly from joy. So much beautiful stuff in my world right now, but the “weird” part is that I had to get old before any of this could happen.

Well, most of it.

This first thing has nothing to do with age — the Agency texted to say that my favorite client, the woman who is now back from Florida and who has all those Theology Degrees from Yale Divinity School, has an open shift for today and did I want it?

Yes!! Thank you!!

So, even though it’s my day off, and even though I will also be seeing her on Thursday, I was more than happy to get started seeing her again as soon as possible.

So I’m spending the afternoon with her today, for the first time in 8 months. She has physical issues, obviously, or she wouldn’t need a caregiver round-the-clock, but it’s her mind that I really, really love. So we will soon see how it goes!

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Okay!

It is, of course, the novel-in-progress that is primarily consuming my life right now. And after working on it yesterday (The Curse of Our Profound Disorder) I realized two important things:

  1. I absolutely could not have written this novel if I had started it today because I wouldn’t have had any clear memories of most of the stuff that is the crux of this book.
  2. I couldn’t have COMPLETED the novel 26 years ago — when I first began writing it. Because I needed to get this far in life to be able to stand back and discern how it needs to end.

And since I believe both of those statements to be true, it makes me wonder “who” is really behind this novel? Me? A younger me? An older me? A “me” that’s set apart from anything physical that ages at all?

It’s a really profound feeling, whatever it’s pointing to. And in a way, it almost feels like I was in a whole other realm of existence these last 26 years, and now I’ve suddenly “come back”.

Whatever is going on here, it is a really beautiful thing. It gives me a chance to look at my entire life in a different way.

And, oddly enough, there is an undercurrent to the novel that is similar to “The Guide to Being Fabulous.” Even though, that play, is the story of Sandra’s life, not mine.

I can’t really put my finger on it yet, but there is just something really beautiful going on here, creatively, with both of these intense projects, after all these years, landing on my plate again at once.

[There is a new excerpt from The Curse of Our Profound Disorder on my substack page today, if you are interested. Mature readers only.]

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Nick Cave sent out a really beautiful Red Hand File this morning. He answers a few different questions this time, but all of them address that quality of being human in some way. I really loved it. It’s hard to really quote from it without reposting the entire thing! But here’s this:

“…Certain music has the ability, at least temporarily, to fill that void, making us feel whole and less abandoned. We feel complete when we listen to music we love, while being guided towards the goodness of things…”

You can read it in full HERE.

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Okay. That’s really it for now. I want to get a few things done before heading out to my client.

I hope you enjoy your Monday, wherever you are in the world!!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys, See ya!

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After posting that video yesterday of Joan Baez singing the Steve Earle song, “Jerusalem”, it reminded me of how much I used to love Steve Earle’s music!! I used to play his CDs all the time in NYC!!

I am conflicted, though! Which one to post here??? So I will probably post a few of them this coming week.

For now — “The Devil’s Right Hand”, from the album Copperhead Road, 1988. How many times have I played this song in my wee bonny lifetime??? I have no clue!! What a great song.

Enjoy, gang!!

The Devil’s Right Hand”

‘Bout the time my daddy left to fight the big war
I saw my first pistol in a general store
In a general store, when I was 13
Thought it was the finest thing I ever had seen

Asked if I could have one someday, when I grew up
Mama dropped a dozen eggs, she really blew up
She really blew up, I didn’t understand
Mama said, “The pistol is the devil’s right hand”

The devil’s right hand, the devil’s right hand
Mama said, “The pistol is the devil’s right hand”

My very first pistol was a cap and ball Colt
Shoot as fast as lightnin’, but she loads a mite slow
Loads a mite slow as I soon found out
It can get you into trouble, but it can’t get you out

So then I went and bought myself a Colt 45
Called a Peacemaker, but I never knew why
Never knew why, I didn’t understand
Mama said, “The pistol is the devil’s right hand”

The devil’s right hand, the devil’s right hand
Mama said, “The pistol is the devil’s right hand”
The devil’s right hand, the devil’s right hand
Mama said, “The pistol is the devil’s right hand”

Well, I got into a card game, in a company town
Caught a miner cheating, I shot the dog down
Shot the dog down, I watched the man fall
Never touched his holster, never had a chance to draw

My trial was in the morning, and they dragged me out of bed
Asked me how I pleaded, “Not guilty, ” I said
“Not guilty, ” I said, “You’ve got the wrong man”
Nothing touched the trigger but the devil’s right hand

The devil’s right hand, the devil’s right hand
Mama said, “The pistol is the devil’s right hand”
The devil’s right hand, the devil’s right hand
Nothing touched the trigger but the devil’s right hand

My mama said, “The pistol is the devil’s right hand”

c – 1983- Stephen F. Earle

Happy Dad’s Day, Everybody!

Unfortunately, it is rainy and humid today in the Hinterlands, so dads around here are not going to get to do what they do best!! (i.e., work really hard out in the blistering hot sun all day, then cook over a blazing fire…)

Here is a photo of my dad that I really love. It hangs on the wall in my family room.

This was taken of him before he got sick, right after he moved into his new Senior Living apartment building, after my stepmom had passed away:

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And this has nothing to do with Father’s Day, but it will finally explain to you why printers were created!

Bobbie Jo and Calico just now

Today’s going to be a big day for them — I’m moving the kitten playpen thingie out of the bedroom. Mostly, I want them to get used to it not being in here anymore, even though they love climbing all over it. But it will be easier for the cat sitter to feed them and clean up after them, without the playpen getting in the way.

Meanwhile, all 4 of them have already started trying to get out of the room the minute the door is open. But as soon as they encounter one of my full-grown curious cats out in the hall, they come running back in.

But we’re getting there… They are 9 weeks old already. They need to explore. My main concern is still Little Blackie (the mom) getting out and attacking my other cats, so I’m taking everything a moment at a time.

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Well.

Yesterday was sort of a weird day for me. And it all stems from my novel, The Curse of Our Profound Disorder.

As I read over it, I’m astounded that it essentially needs no revising, and there have been an absolute minimum of typos. Clearly, I had already spent a ton of time editing it, 26 years ago.

And even though I certainly remember that I wrote this book, I have no recollection of actually sitting at my desk in our apartment at 777 West End Avenue–

Our apartment was the 5th building in on the left — the shorter building

— and literally writing it. Whereas, I have clear memories of every aspect of writing or editing all of my other novels and books (a total of 38, including stories I wrote specifically for other editors’ books).

So I find it really odd that I have no memories like that for The Curse of Our Profound Disorder. I can remember submitting it to the various writing competitions back then and how happy I was when it would win something (it actually won something in each competition I entered it in).

But, as I said in a recent blog post, it is a little unnerving to read over it and readily see who certain characters were based on, and which events were from my own life, and which from other girls I knew — often a very long time ago.

What made yesterday difficult was coming across a few passages where I was clearly contributing my own feelings, about something that had happened to me, to one of my characters. So it was like unexpectedly encountering myself in a novel that I don’t remember writing.

And yesterday was the 50th anniversary of me having seen the Rolling Stones in concert for the first time and, even though it was a HUGE event in my life, I found that I was unable to really even think about it yesterday — because a couple of weeks after the concert, I had my first suicide attempt and was then committed to the mental hospital.

And so all of the characters in my book, and all of my experiences of my early life, have been converging. Some of it is devastating.

Meanwhile, I’ve also been listening to Exile on Main St. — a lot. Which is kind of the soundtrack to all of this stuff, since it was my first Rolling Stones album and it absolutely blew me away. (The summer I turned 12.)

It’s hard to pick a favorite song from it now, there are so many I love, but I remember clearly that when I very first bought it and started listening to it on the record player up in my room, this was the song I loved the most. I played it over and over and over:

When I listen to it down in the kitchen now, while either making breakfast or dinner, I still remember every single word (to every song) — and it seems sort of amusing to me that I knew all these words when I was twelve (!!), for Christ’s sake. Although I really didn’t understand, yet, a lot of what they were singing about.

I sure do now.

And, obviously, I also have memories of my own life now. And now I know, from experiencing it, how (mostly) unhappy it was.

And then I wonder to myself what it would have felt like at the age of 12, if I knew I’d be listening to this same album alone in my kitchen when I was 65, still knowing every word…

Anyway, yesterday, a lot of this converged. And then add to it that I knew today was going to be Father’s Day.

And The Curse of Our Profound Disorder deals a lot with who I was and what life was like before I finally found my birth father (at age 28).

The novel is fictionalized — but not too much.

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It is fascinating to read it and I am determined to just not flinch and let it all see the light of day, finally.

And it helps SO MUCH, knowing that a publisher (a woman, no less) is out there, waiting to read it. Wanting to like it. And also wanting to see it reach the light of day.

It’s an incredible incentive. An incredible feeling. So I keep at it, from the moment I get home from my shifts in the late afternoons, up until the early evenings, when I sort of collapse and make dinner — and listen to the Rolling Stones and remember my whole effing LIFE…

Well, yesterday, after I closed down the laptop for the evening, feeling sort of jumbled up inside, a little raw, but also really glad that I was doing this, I quickly checked my phone before heading downstairs and there was an unexpected email from the publisher, simply saying that she is really looking forward to seeing the whole manuscript.

Which, of course, makes everything feel like it finally makes sense.

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In case people are wondering — I won’t go into it on the blog — but 2 weeks ago, I left the TV project behind. It had become just an enormous amount of nonstop typing, it wasn’t creative for me, and I had no life left and no time for the play or the novel, which both need my complete creative attention.

So I do feel right now that everything in my world is finally making sense.

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Okay!

I think that’s it for now!!

Even though Nick Cave is Australian and lives in England, so it isn’t officially Father’s Day over there, I was going to include a photo of him with his sons. but trying to find a photo that included all 4 of them just became sort of really sad.

So here’s this!! Nick Cave with his grandson, Roman!

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And of course, here’s this! Although there are quite a few more babies in the bunch now!

Keith’s family

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Okay!

Enjoy your Sunday — or Father’s Day — wherever you are in the world!

Thanks for visiting.

I love you guys. See ya!

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I’ll skip the daily feature for today, but I leave you with this!!

James Tabor posted this video to his private group several days ago.

Joan Baez’s version of Steve Earle’s song, “Jerusalem.” Beautiful. Enjoy, gang.

“Jerusalem”

I woke up this mornin’ and none of the news was good
And death machines were rumblin’ ‘cross the ground where Jesus stood
And the man on my TV told me that it had always been that way
And there was nothin’ anyone could do or say

And I almost listened to him
Yeah, I almost lost my mind
Then I regained my senses again
And looked into my heart to find

That I believe that one fine day all the children of Abraham
Will lay down their swords forever in Jerusalem

Well maybe I’m only dreamin’ and maybe I’m just a fool
But I don’t remember learnin’ how to hate in Sunday school
But somewhere along the way I strayed and I never looked back again
But I still find some comfort now and then

Then the storm comes rumblin’ in
And I can’t lay me down
And the drums are drummin’ again
And I can’t stand the sound

But I believe there’ll come a day when the lion and the lamb
Will lie down in peace together in Jerusalem

And there’ll be no barricades then
There’ll be no wire or walls
And we can wash all this blood from our hands
And all this hatred from our souls

And I believe that on that day all the children of Abraham
Will lay down their swords forever in Jerusalem

c – 2002 – Steve Earle