Since it is SO beautiful out today, I took another walk over to the cemetery. I tried to take better photos this time.
These are a couple of the founders of this town, along with Eliza, one of the wives that I mentioned the other day, who all feature largely in my novel-in-progress Down to the Meadows of Sleep: The Hurley Falls Mystery.
If you’re not familiar with this particular title, all of the dead residents of the cemetery (the founders) are alive & well in the town’s afterlife and they try to help the people who are currently alive & living in the town solve a murder.
I’m on my kitchen porch, blogging on my phone, so here’s hoping the photos post correctly!!
(PS: Cold weather is coming back tomorrow, so I’m going to really try to enjoy this beautiful evening. See ya! I love you guys!)
John Wimmer, one of the founders of the town, with a whole lot of the beautiful town behind him there! Those will all be green cornfields soon enough!Eliza, Sam’s much younger wife. She died at age 36 — in my novel, they were eternally in love with each other, which is why she only outlived hm by 13 years.A better shot of Sam’s crypt than the one I took the other day. He was the main founder and the man my town is named after.Another shot of Sam’s crypt, along with my lovely shadow!!
Yes!! I went out first thing this morning — drove into town to go to the market as soon as it opened, so that I could get my week’s groceries without having to shop with too many people in the store.
(Ohio is on Stay-At-Home orders, which means we can go out for essentials but that’s it.)
And when I got back home, this time I paid attention to everything I touched before I washed my hands, so that I didn’t go through some sort of paranoia attack all day about whether or not I had washed every single solitary thing that might need washing…
And I’m hoping to do only one load of laundry today — instead of worrying that I didn’t get every single thing that my clothing might have touched when I came in the door.
In short, I hope to have a nice day.
The weather here is unbelievable!! We did not get all the rain that was predicted — which is good because Wakatamika Creek has already become a veritable lake, flowing all over the bottom land. (It doesn’t affect the town, because the creek always floods and that bottom land always eventually absorbs it. In the nearly 200 years the town has been here, I guess they figured out not to build anything at all anywhere near that creek…)
Anyway. It is gorgeous outside. Most of the windows are open, which is such a relief for me, because I am allergic to cats and I have 7, so fresh air is just like the best thing that God invented, ever.
I am on Day 15 now of my quarantine. We still have no confirmed cases of the virus in Muskingum County — and here is something that actually pisses me off: Ohio has stopped reporting how many people test negative for the virus. The last time they reported the number, several days ago, it was close to 20,000 people who didn’t have it. They only report now how many people have it and how many people have died from it. Which just totally skews everybody’s understanding of what is going on.
And when questioned why they stopped releasing the numbers, they let it be known that the nearly 20,000 who didn’t have it, did not even include the amount of negatives coming from the private testing sector. The State itself (not the private sector) is testing 500 people a day! And 1400 people have tested positive (that includes those who have recovered and 28 who have died). So who knows how many tens of thousands of people in Ohio don’t have the virus?
It just feels so manipulative and political, doesn’t it? (If you don’t live in America, you probably can’t get a real sense of how many politicians want to blame Trump for absolutely everything imaginable, even if it means having to “misrepresent” or downplay the facts. It just gets ludicrous.)
The Health Department here in Ohio also seems to be relying on a forecasting formula that the Federal Government has stated is outdated now because the forecasts did not match what is actually happening in Italy. It just feels so controlling — try to make everyone feel hysterical so that they no longer trust the Federal Government.
It is just so hard to know what the heck is going on anymore, so it’s still best to just stay inside and wash.
And speaking of Italy — that Instagram photo I posted last evening (lower left of this page if you’re on a computer) is of Pope Francis giving the Urbi et Orbi blessing in a deserted St. Peter’s Square last night. Isn’t that one of the most amazing sights?
And speaking of the Pope… I spent yesterday catching up on some back issues of Biblical Archaeology Review (which has nothing to do with the Pope, just the Bible). What a cool magazine. But so hard to spell!! (I’m guessing that the next Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds album will have both the words “Archaeology” and “Apocalypse” in it so that I can go out of my fucking mind trying to spell it…) (See various references to my inability to spell the word “Apocalypse” as well as the 2004 double-album title Abattoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus.)
I love Biblical archaeology. I love the stuff they discover, and how it helps us re-frame what was handed down in the Bible (for instance, before contemporary times, women had a very different way of interpreting what is written about Eve in Genesis because they relied primarily on Genesis 1 and let that inform how they interpreted Genesis 3 — meaning, in short, they believed that Eve was the spiritual equal of Adam and also that Adam was standing right next to Eve during that whole serpent thing, so, um …) (Also, the King James Version of the Bible misinterpreted the word for “pupil” to mean “apple” so the saying “apple of his eye” actually reads “pupil of his eye.” I just love stuff like that!)
And I especially love it when archaeology supports what is written in the Bible. I love all that ancient historical stuff. Oh — and I ordered a scholarly book from Amazon yesterday that’s a couple years old already, but it re-examines Judas’s role in what happened to Jesus, along with the role of the Jewish High Priests, and it apparently redirects the blame to Herod. That the High Priests were providing shelter to Jesus from the Romans during Passover, and that Herod intercepted that.
(Folks, you really, really gotta closely examine that relationship between Herod and Jesus at every turn. Something really, really bad was going on there. We’ll probably never really know what. But it has something to do (I think) with the Romans having appointed Herod King, when that was not the way the Hebrews accepted a “King.” And all the John the Baptist stuff is connected there, too.)
This all fascinates me, personally, because I am working on a one-man play (titled In the Days of the Flesh) about the (fictional) Gospel According to Caiaphas, which exonerates him from what happened to Jesus.
And here we are today! I’m gonna go eat my lunch now and get this day underway. (And, btw, the market was completely stocked with absolutely everything.) I hope you are having a good Sunday, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting!! (Oh, and another by the way!! Dylan’s new song, “Murder Most Foul,” already has 2 million views on YouTube — and that’s not counting my endless listenings because I bought the song immediately, so I stream it.)
I’ll leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning, “Casa Dega,” which I only listened to halfway, because the windows were open and I realized that the birds were singing and I preferred listening to them!! But anyway, this is not the version I listened to, but I like this one because it captures Tom Petty live in 1978, when he still had that awesome attitude he had when he was young. (He’s 28 here.) Enjoy, gang!! I love you guys. See ya.
“Casa Dega”
Well the clouds roll by in the big blue sky
As the sun beats down on Casa Dega
And the moon pulls the tide and the tide brings night
But night is more than just night in Casa Dega
Oh
Baby I think I’m starting to believe the things that I’ve heard
‘Cause tonight in Casa Dega I hang on every word
She said to me as she holds my hand
And reads the lines of a stranger
Yeah, and she knows my name, yeah she knows my plans
In the past, in the present and for the future
Yeah, baby now I think I’m starting to believe the things that I’ve heard
‘Cause tonight in Casa Dega I hang on every word
Then she said…
Oh
And you almost pay the price of a whisper in the night in Casa Dega
Time rolls by, night is only night, can I save ya?
Yeah, yeah
Alright
It’s more than just a night
Alright
Yeah, yeah
Well, so far, it’s only been mild rain so no more of my bathroom ceiling has landed on my bathroom floor.
(Btw, I don’t have an actual leak in the roof — there is a seam between where the roof meets the side of the house that needs re-sealing, and when extended torrential rains come with high winds, the water blows down in through that seam and then collects in the ceiling in my downstairs bathroom, and then — voila! Ceiling meets floor! Well, at least the plaster lands on the floor; it’s not the actual ceiling. But it does make a big fucking mess and now the ceiling needs re-plastering, too.)
Anyway, it is incredibly lovely here in Crazeysburg right now. The sun is up and the birds are singing and the temperature is mild enough to have several of the windows open already. The cats are quite happy with this development! But by midday, we are supposed to get more rain…
If you follow my Instagram feed, you will no doubt have noticed that my joyful new coffee cup arrived yesterday!! “I like pretty things and the word Fuck”. (You can see a photo of it down on the left there, if you’re on a computer, that is.) A woman artist, named CynthiaF, created this coffee cup design. She has many designs, in fact, that are quite flowery and that prominently feature the word “fuck” and they all make me laugh. But this one just really spoke to me, gang! (Other close favorites are: “Yippee Ki Yi Yay, Motherfucker!” and “Fuckity fuck fuck” and “She believed she could but she was TOO FUCKING TIRED so she didn’t” — that last one is a play on a popular girl-empowering slogan: “She believed she could so she did.”)
I’m gonna wait until after Easter to use my flowery new cup, though.
Also in yesterday’s mail, I got a collection of old photographs that my dad wanted me to have. I absolutely love photographs. Actually, even if I don’t even know the people in the photos — I love photographs.
Here is one that really startled me, though, gang. And not really in a good way. I remember this tree really well. This is back in Cleveland, summer 1968. I don’t remember the photo being taken. I think it’ s a sort of wistful picture of my older brother. Although I don’t remember him ever having bangs! (aka “fringe”) And I love the fact that he climbed that tree barefoot.
What startled me, though, was how sad I looked. And it’s obviously a candid shot; I’m not trying to look one way or another. And looking at the photo yesterday only reminded me of how intensely intense my whole fucking childhood was, because every single moment of it was determined by the unpredictable, wildly-swinging moods of my adoptive mother. I hate to say that I’m glad it’s over — there is so much about my childhood that I loved. But I guess I’m glad it’s over — all the relentless stress of it.
Me and my older adopted brother, summer, Cleveland, 1968
And speaking of the 1960s in America… WOW, is that new Bob Dylan song, “Murder Most Foul,” amazing, gang. I don’t know how many times I’ve listened to it already. It is just chilling.
I’m guessing you need to be a Bob Dylan fan to like the song, and maybe you need to be of a certain age or era, to fully appreciate the many, many cultural references. And maybe you even need to be an American to get all of the horrific references to the conspiracy behind Kennedy’s murder. Still, it is just a staggering song. After my first listen (the song is 17 minutes long), I felt like: Okay, I guess I can die now because this is the scope of my whole life, summed up, right here.
It really felt that way.
I know a lot of people hate Americans. And I personally know a number of Americans who hate Americans and America, even though they still live here. But I have always loved being an American, even with all its turmoil and all its terrible things. I still love America. And “Murder Most Foul” really captured for me the paradox of that love.
But one of the truly exciting things for me was that the song “Nature Boy,” by Nick Cave & the Bad seeds, is referenced in the song. I was so fucking thrilled. They are now part of that landscape for all time.
So. Abstract Absurdity work did not happen yesterday. It just never got off the ground. Which is okay. We have time. There is no need to force it, you know, when emotions are high there over the virus stuff.
I got a text from Sandra yesterday that new pages of revisions on our other play will be coming my way starting today. (The Guide to Being Fabulous, which is now back to its original title of Hiding in Plain Sight. Although I kind of get the feeling that a third, as yet unknown, title will ultimately be chosen. We will find out!!)
But I’m excited to get back to work on this play. It is still set to go into production later this year in Toronto — of course, the timing will now hinge on how long everything in the world is held captive by this virus. Eventually, though, the world will get back to normal, and, as they say, the show will go on! And I, for one, am living for that moment!!
All righty, gang. I’m gonna get started here. Still not sure what I want to work on regarding my own stuff. We’ll see. (And now I really look forward to the evenings around here because I am really enjoying those reruns of DCI Banks!)
So things here are good. Tomorrow I need to go back into town, though, to go to the market. So we’ll see if I have another paranoia attack over everything I touch when I get home. (The county where the market is located has 3 confirmed cases of the virus now.) Regardless, I’m guessing tomorrow will be all about washing, washing, washing!! But today will probably be a nice, quiet one.
All righty. Thanks for visiting! I hope good things are coming your way today, wherever you are in the world. I leave you with “Nature Boy,” from the 2004 hard-to-spell double-album, Abattoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus, by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. If you’ve never heard it before — enjoy! (I guess, if you have heard it before, enjoy it again!!) Okay. I love you guys. See ya!
“Nature Boy”
I was just a boy when I sat down
To watch the news on TV
I saw some ordinary slaughter
I saw some routine atrocity
My father said, don’t look away
You got to be strong, you got to be bold, now
He said, that in the end it is beauty
That is going to save the world, now
And she moves among the sparrows
And she floats upon the breeze
She moves among the flowers
She moves something deep inside of me
I was walking around the flower show like a leper
Coming down with some kind of nervous hysteria
When I saw you standing there, green eyes, black hair
Up against the pink and purple wisteria
You said, hey, nature boy, are you looking at me
With some unrighteous intention?
My knees went weak,
I couldn’t speak, I was having thoughts
That were not in my best interests to mention
And she moves among the flowers
And she floats upon the smoke
She moves among the shadows
She moves me with just one little look
You took me back to your place
And dressed me up in a deep sea diver’s suit
You played the patriot, you raised the flag
And I stood at full salute
Later on we smoked a pipe that struck me dumb
And made it impossible to speak
As you closed in, in slow motion,
Quoting Sappho, in the original Greek
She moves among the shadows
She floats upon the breeze
She moves among the candles
And we moved through the days
and through the years
Years passed by, we were walking by the sea
Half delirious
You smiled at me and said, Babe
I think this thing is getting kind of serious
You pointed at something and said
Have you ever seen such a beautiful thing?
It was then that I broke down
It was then that you lifted me up again
She moves among the sparrows
And she walks across the sea
She moves among the flowers
And she moves something deep inside of me
She moves among the sparrows
And she floats upon the breeze
She moves among the flowers
And she moves right up close to me
[UPDATE: Wow. Bob Dylan’s new song, “Murder Most Foul,” is incredible, gang. See below.]
Yes, gang! Here I am again. When I awoke this morning, I decided: What the heck — it just looks like more rain, so I think I’ll just stay home today!
My goodness. It is starting to feel a little endless.
I don’t mean any disrespect to any of my readers who might have the virus. I know for sure that a couple of you are quarantined in Europe with family members who do have the virus. So I don’t mean to be disrespectful of what any of my readers are going through. However, here in Muskingum County, we still have no confirmed cases of the virus (and a couple of the counties next to us that are also primarily farms do not have the virus), but of course the numbers from the urban areas all over Ohio go up daily and there are pockets of hysteria caused by the TV news media.
And here where I live, even while we’re also on Stay at Home orders, absolutely everything is exactly the same as it was.
So the strangeness of it all can get unbearable — the numbers of people getting sick, the amount of people dying, the news trying to get people to panic, it seems, since they don’t focus on any of the thousands of people getting tested here who aren’t sick — or even the daily listings in the online newspaper from the nearest city, how many people die there every day who don’t have the virus. You know, people are just dying anyway.
And still Crazeysburg is absolutely the same as before. It is hard to process.
So, I slept ten hours last night. That is just unheard of for me. I usually sleep about 5 or 6 hours. But I am trying not to get depressed. So, every time I awoke and felt those creepingly bad thoughts at the edges of my brain, I forced myself to go back to sleep and not let my brain go in that direction.
It seems to have worked. I’m in a much better frame of mind here this morning! And even though I overslept, I can’t really tell myself that “the day is half gone” because tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow [Is that one of the best soliloquy’s of all time??!! — Ed.] will more than take care of any time I think I might have lost by oversleeping this morning.
And all that oversleeping gave me the chance to have a really strange dream about Nick Cave — over and over and over. I kept bringing him the same 3 bottles of white wine. One at a time, I mean. One at a time, I kept bringing him 3 bottles of white wine. I don’t know what kind of wine it was — they were each in a Bordeaux-shaped bottle. Still corked. Ice cold and sweating. One time I actually brought an ice bucket. But other than that, it was just on repeat, forever it seemed.
I personally don’t like white wine. Plus, I’m not sure that he even drinks anymore in real life. So I have no clue what was going on with that endlessly repetitive dream. But there you have it: my rest-filled night.
Today is an Abstract Absurdity Productions day. I hope. It didn’t go so swimmingly on Tuesday. Our phone meeting lasted less than 2 minutes. And even while I am prone to exaggerate, I am not exaggerating at all about that. It was quick and brutal and awful.
So here’s hoping today is better. I really don’t want to go for the entire quarantine not working on Abstract Absurdity stuff with Peitor. But I also want to give everybody all the space they might need right now, since everyone in the big cities has so much more on their plate right now than I do.
Plus, I also need to find a way to turn off the many voices in my head these days, because it is really interfering with me being able to write anything at all worth keeping. The words come but they don’t feel very inspired, so I don’t keep them.
It’s something I really want to start working on, beginning today — tuning in to words that can be productive and creative right now, since God knows, I’ve got all the time in the world to work on everything.
If you’re a Bob Dylan fan, he dropped a new song during the night. I haven’t heard it yet. It is called “Murder Most Foul” and is available on all streaming platforms. It’s about the Kennedy assassination and is apparently 17 minutes long. I will check it out momentarily.
Meanwhile, I guess I will get started around here. I hope the day is good to you, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with something appropriate for all this rain we’re getting here, as well as a sort of reminder that we’ve been through Hell before and we’re still here. Okay? (The great multitude of lyrics are in the video.) All righty! I love you guys. I might check in again later. We shall see!
I got a chance to talk on the phone with Sandra at length today, so that was nice.
She’s back in Rhinebeck now and has begun to work on the revisions of our other play. It seems to be undergoing a title change (again), from The Guide to Being Fabulous, back to Hiding in Plain Sight. I understand why she wants the name change (the play is a musical about her life and the overshadowing specter of the play is her transgender stuff.) I like either title, though.
Anyway, she has started the revisions and that will involve me here soon, too. I guess I have nothing but time, right?
The virus cases here in Ohio have of course increased — up to 867 today. Over 17,000 people here in the State have now been tested. Sadly, 145 of those confirmed with the virus work in the healthcare industry. (There are close to 12 million people who live in the State, so who knows when it will level off.)
Still no confirmed cases here in Muskingum County. And where my dad lives, while they have 18 cases down there, he has people doing all his grocery shopping for him & stuff, so he doesn’t go out at all.
It started out being another really pretty day again here today. After I did Booty Core, I decided to go take a walk. Not to be morbid, but the graveyard is my favorite place to walk. It’s an active cemetery but it’s almost 200 years old, and all of the founding father’s of the town are buried there.
Here is a photo I took with my phone of the founder’s grave thingy. It’s the only above-ground crypt type thing in the graveyard. (It’s a terrible photo, as usual. Sorry.) Samuel Frazey died on March 6th 1840. He was 61 years old. (He had a really young wife, named Eliza. I don’t think that’s what killed him, though.)
By the time I reached the cemetery, it was already becoming cloudy out and now it’s getting ready to rain — and apparently will for several days. So here’s hoping the rest of my bathroom ceiling doesn’t come down!
And even though the day is basically over now, I am just now sitting down at my desk to get some writing done. Then probably some more DCI Banks later tonight.
Well, the birds are singing and daffodils are in bloom all over the town. So here’s hoping we will all get through this soon enough.
On Brian May’s Instagram feed just before (he’s the lead guitarist for the band Queen), he recorded all the people in Britain applauding from their windows — they were clapping for all the healthcare workers all over Britain. Instagram is so cool.
Okay. I hope you’re doing good, gang, wherever you are in the world tonight. Take care of yourselves. I love you guys. Thanks for visiting.
I realize that I have an over-zealously filthy imagination, basically 24/7 — but does that photo above look a little on the lurid side to you?
It does to me. Jesus.
I spent most of the afternoon cleaning my house yesterday, and so I was going to regale you with something chaste and in really good taste (you know, sort of like moi) and, until that provocatively positioned gal scrubbing floors on all fours caught my eye, I was going to go with something like this and try to pass her off as me:
I realize you don’t fool that easily, but I was still going to try… And please don’t tell me that the gal on all fours looks a lot more like me than the chaste gal in the intensely straight flowered apron does, because then you will only hurt my feelings and from there, we will go nowhere fast.
All righty!! Well, if you’re joining me yet again, I accidentally posted this post too soon!! Yes — it went out to about 400 people before I could stop it.
But here I am again.
I hope that was not an indicator of how the rest of my day will go.
So, yes, I did spend the afternoon cleaning my house yesterday. And I had no less than nine windows open. It was such a beautiful day here. So sunny. Warm. Totally Spring. The cats were incredibly joyful with those windows open.
You know, I am always really aware of how sad the cats get when Autumn comes for real and I have to close all the windows for the duration. But it wasn’t until yesterday that I really saw the immediate difference the seasons make in the cats: Because of the open windows, they didn’t sleep the whole day away yesterday. They were perky and alert and just so joyful. So happy. Hanging out together by the open windows in the family room. All their little tails up straight & tall. It was so cool to watch it. And in the evening, they hung out by the open windows in the kitchen — I was in there streaming DCI Banks at the kitchen table, so it was almost like they were hanging out with me. (But, alas, I don’t fool that easily, either.)
Today is going to be another really gorgeous day. So I’m looking forward to it. It helps with the quarantine stuff when I can actually step outside and look up at the sky, you know?
Some more good news — my friend who works for NASA in Houston, who has been battling cancer for several months now, has finally begun to put on some weight. Still 2 more weeks before he will know if the radiation/chemo therapy worked. But it’s a relief that he’s finally been able to at least put on some weight. We’ll see.
Other good news is that there were no new confirmations of the virus here in Ohio during the night. (Of course, alas, the day is still young.)
And still no cases of the virus at all in Muskingum County.
So, yes, I cleaned yesterday and I didn’t write. I did think about writing, a little bit. And I’m not sure what I’m going to do today. I think I’m just going to let life dictate to me where it wants to go. (I’m not really good at this, but I’m learning.) (There are a lot of things I’m not really good at, actually, and so I’m trying to listen to Life a whole lot more than I ever did.)
And yesterday, I also heard from a number of people from all over the place — just checking in to see how I was, which was so nice. Plus, my dad called me! Which is weird, of course, because I’m the one who calls him every day now.
But if you recall this blog on Tuesday, you might recall that I was having a really bad day, for a number of reasons. And my phone call to my dad on Tuesday included me going off with the “F” word a lot, about various personal things and stuff even about my last marriage, oddly enough. I actually couldn’t stop — I was a real cavalcade of the “F” word during that phone call on Tuesday. I was just so angry about so much stuff.
So my dad called yesterday to see if I was feeling better, which was really nice. And I actually was. I felt worlds better yesterday.
Just trying to get a grip on everything, you know? With or without this pandemic — although the pandemic sure brings things into tight focus, doesn’t it? In fact, nowadays, I hear from my first husband constantly — he emails me something like 5 or 6 times a day now from Seattle. Sometimes more. Sometimes it’s terrible news stories, but usually they’re upbeat funny little emails. They perk me up, for sure. He has a dry and very gentle sense of humor. He always has. His unusual sense of humor was what first attracted me to him. (And then his enormous capacity for quiet compassion was the next thing…)
I don’t understand life, at all, you know? I understand all of the choices I’ve made, and why I made them when I made them. And I don’t really have any regrets. And things that maybe I used to regret, I see now that there was no reason to have regrets because the decision wound up being the right one, in hindsight. But still. I don’t know. Life is just weird. (And I’m not just talking about my marriages, I’m talking about all the major decisions I’ve ever made.) (I remember every single fucking one of them.)
Okay, gang. I’m gonna close this and give some thought to what to do today. I’ll write something, probably, but I don’t know what. I hope things are good where you are, that you’re keeping everything at bay. Thanks for visiting. I didn’t listen to any music at breakfast this morning, so I’ll leave you with my housecleaning music from yesterday afternoon!! Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Playback CD #4: “The Other Sides”. Songs they never released on any studio albums. All righty! Enjoy. I love you guys. See ya!
“Psychotic Reaction”
(Recorded live, with Heartbreakers’ drummer Stan Lynch on vocals)
I feel depressed, I feel so bad
‘Cause you’re the best girl that I ever had
I can’t get your love, I can’t get a fraction
Uh-oh, little girl, psychotic reaction
And it feels like this!
I feel so lonely night and day
I can’t get your love, I must stay away
I need you girl, by my side
Uh-oh, little girl, would you like to take a ride, now
I can’t get your love, I can’t get satisfaction
Uh-oh, little girl, psychotic reaction
You know, this morning, in my Inner Being dialogue journal thingy, my Inner Being informed me that there was no actual blueprint for my day.
This probably seems insane to you — that my Inner Being would even take the time to tell me something that seems like a no-brainer to anyone else on Earth. But my days are so intensely structured, day after day after day, that I do not have any clue how to simply relax and do nothing.
I absolutely do not know how to do this. I have no clue.
This stems from years and years and years of battling depression and suicidal tendencies and mental illness. Keeping myself on a productive schedule, forcing my mind to stay occupied with creative things, has literally kept me alive.
However, now that the whole world has come to a standstill, this rigid schedule is starting to have a little bit of an opposite effect — that whole “Groundhog Day” thing, where everything feels exactly the same as yesterday, and so I wake up each day, wondering whatNick Cave is wearing wondering what am I going to work on today, what am I going to have for breakfast, will I do yoga or Booty Core later, etc., and it all feels eerily the same.
Since I don’t want to inch even minutely in the direction of depression, my Inner Being apparently advised me to let go of the rigid structuring for a change of pace.
So, what might seem crazy to you, feels like a godsend to me!
And it occurred to me that maybe right now isn’t the best time to be working on In the Shadow of Narcissa, since it’s not something I want to post online anymore — or not regularly. And my blog readers really like erotica, so maybe I should just work on something erotic, that I can post online? Maybe something for Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse?
So I’m thinking about that — about switching gears for today. (Or maybe even for the duration of the pandemic.)
And I also want to thank you guys who are buying my books right now, even the titles that are not on Smashwords and that are not on sale. I really appreciate that, since these are not new books.
And I am struggling with this idea of whether or not I should continue to self-publish, in order to get my new work in the pipeline sooner.
I honestly just don’t know. I chose to self-publish Freak Parade, after 5 years of publishers telling my agent that they couldn’t categorize an anti-hero like Eddie Ramirez, so how would they market it? When I self-published Freak Parade, it cost me a good chunk of money to hire someone to design the cover, hire the model, do the photo shoot, and then an editor to professionally format the text. But it did go on to take home the Silver Medal in its category at the Independent Publishers Awards at the Book Expo in NYC that year, so I was really, really proud of that. I was up against actual small presses.
I’m not going to attempt to self-publish if I can’t keep up those types of standards, and then I think: well, if I’m going to invest in that, why not just start my own small press again and publish other writers like me who can’t get small presses to reply to them anymore?
And, of course, the last time I did that, I wound up in Federal Court, looking at prison time and enormous fines…. (Thank God for the ACLU. I really mean that.)
So, as you can guess, it is not an easy decision for me to make, but it’s in my mix of thoughts during the day. And I know it’s simple to format/publish eBooks. I could have Blessed By Light published later today if I wanted only that. But I don’t. I know Blessed By Light is a strange book — it’s just a man talking for 186 pages. But I still think it’s a beautiful book. And I also think it’s a book.
Okay, well, Peitor and I texted a bit last night regarding some Abstract Absurdity Productions stuff and I thought I would share this with you!
No! It is not another new logo — instead, I draw your attention to “our girls.” These are the women who work in our office — they are the power behind Abstract Absurdity Productions who actually get things done!! (We just love these girls!! They lived & loved & worked in Paris in the 1920s. We have no idea who they were, but they live again in our offices!!)
Aren’t they great??!!
More good news!! I was informed during the night that, because I had pre-ordered Nick Cave’s new art book, Stranger Than Kindness, on Amazon UK, I actually saved money on the final price. So a book that was going to originally cost me $17 million US Dollars, actually came to just under $30 when it was all said and done! So, pre-ordering the book saved me $16,999,970 US dollars. Quite a significant savings, if you ask me!
(I just can’t wait to get the book! I saw on Instagram that people in Europe began getting their copies in Monday’s mail.)
And speaking of Instagram — whether or not you follow me there, my current Instagram posts are always visible here on the blog. If you follow my blog on a computer and not a phone, that is. That weird photo today is of a bald eagle feeding a baby eaglet in its nest yesterday! I was actually trying to copy video footage but it came out as a still photo and you can’t really see what it is. But it was taken in a park over in Granville yesterday.
I was so excited to see that. The people in Granville have worked really, really hard to bring back the population of eagles in the parks over there. (By the way — the header at the top of my blog, with the autumn leaves and the church spires — that is Granville. Not Crazeysburg.) (Granville is a really beautiful small town — and a very expensive one!! It’s 25 miles from where I live. And even though it is a small town, it is still 5 times larger than Crazeysburg.) (My friend Kara lives there.)
Okay.
Nick Cave sent out a Red Hand Files letter this morning. As you can maybe guess, it dealt with the virus and Life these days. You can read what he said at the link there. It is, as always, very compassionately stated.
Today, it is going to be sunny and mild here in Crazeysburg. Later today, I will more than likely open a window or two so that the cats can get a better look at all the many birds flying hither and yon — still just starlings and robins, mostly. But there are a lot of them!
And it’s a Booty Core day, so I’ll be doing that later, too. And then I’ll be figuring out what I feel like writing, because I have been informed by sources who are in the position to know these things — that my day does not have a blueprint I need to follow or anything. So we’ll just see!
Have a very good Wednesday, wherever you are in the world, gang. Thanks for visiting! Stay hopeful. Don’t let your mind drift to the dark places. Stay creative, in whatever ways that speaks to you, okay? Or maybe just take a nap. Or four. Or seven…
I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning! One of the few Bee Gees songs that is actually really uplifting and not sad at all! “More than A Woman.” It is a really joyful song that I have some great memories of being a wee frisky 17-year-old girl attached to. (I actually did know some really wonderful guys in high school — crazy, insane, funny, kind.) The song was a huge hit during my senior year in high school, when the movie Saturday Night Fever was the most popular movie at the box office. (I think I saw the movie about 5 times — back then, movies hung around in the theaters and played for months so you could always go back and see them, usually for $1.) Enjoy, gang. I love you guys. See ya!
“More Than A Woman” (from “Saturday Night Fever” soundtrack)
Oh, girl I’ve known you very well
I’ve seen you growing everyday
I never really looked before
But now you take my breath away
Suddenly you’re in my life
Part of everything I do
You got me working day and night
Just trying to keep a hold on you
Here in your arms I found my paradise
My only chance for happiness
And if I lose you now I think I would die
Oh say you’ll always be my baby
We can make it shine, we can take forever
Just a minute at a time
More than a woman, more than a woman to me
More than a woman, more than a woman to me
More than a woman, oh, oh, oh.
There are stories old and true
Of people so in love like you and me
And I can see myself
Let history repeat itself
Reflecting how I feel for you
Thinking about those people then
I know that in a thousand years
I’d fall in love with you again
This is the only way that we should fly
This is the only way to go
And if I lose your love I know I would die
Oh say you’ll always be my baby
We can make it shine, we can take forever
Just a minute at a time
More than a woman, more than a woman to me
More than a woman, more than a woman to me
More than a woman, oh, oh, oh
My day here sort of derailed. And if you saw my earlier post, I decided it was more uplifting to just delete it. And, actually, I’m more than happy to be your little dog — if you saw the post; if not, well, then that makes no sense!
My Abstract Absurdity Productions meeting bit the dust today. My partner there in LA is exceedingly stressed about the toll the virus is taking on the world. So we didn’t work today, which, you know., upset me because even though I’m healthy and happy here in Crazeysburg, I have absolutely no one to talk to.
But, you know, we all have to make adjustments right now. And try our best to allow the people we care about to adjust to things in their own way. And in their own time.
So, I decided to stop being a crybaby and just get back up on my little pony and ride.
I hope you guys have a good evening, wherever you are in the world. Stay inside, if possible. Wash, wash, wash (and water can be fun, if used discreetly — I’m just saying!!). And try to focus on things that make you feel hopeful and even happy, okay? You gotta do that, otherwise you’re going to tear your hair out. (And it’s gonna take a long time for it to grow back in.)
All righty. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya!!
The good news of course is that China is out of lockdown now and, as predicted recently by the US showbiz news sites, movie theaters there have begun to re-open. Life is getting back to normal there.
In the rest of the world, now 96% of all confirmed cases are considered mild, and 103,395 people have recovered (as of 3/24/2020).
And even my dad said on the phone yesterday that he’s trying to keep the TV off, so miracles are happening everywhere!
I need to regale you with the new coffee mug that’s on its way to me!! It reads: “I like pretty things and the word Fuck”
Just in time for Spring, right??
Also, I was informed over the weekend that my copy of Stranger Than Kindness, the companion book to the currently postponed Nick Cave art exhibition in Copenhagen is on its way to me!! I’m really excited, gang.
They sent me a photo of my book on the actual boat it was loaded on to, so I feel very encouraged that it will reach Crazeysburg sometime this year!
Slow boat from China, bringing me my much anticipated Nick Cave art book! You can’t see it too clearly here, but that guy way over to the far left, is holding up my book!
Once more, I apologize if you’re viewing this post on your phone and the images are skewing the text. I really don’t know why it sometimes does that now.
Anyway!
Today, of course, is Abstract Absurdity Productions day. I believe we are working on the synopsis today, perhaps even the pitch deck, for “Lita måste gå!” (aka “Lita’s Got to Go!”). (It actually does have those 2 titles, which is why I always post it like that.)
I have not resumed work on the web site in the past few days, just because: a.) I didn’t have all the information I needed yet; and b.) it was making me fucking crazy.
I still have the handy-dandy “To-Do” list posted on the wall in front of my laptop, though, which lists everything that still needs doing on the web site. But the good news is that I am now able to completely overlook that list, 24/7. My eyes can look right at the list and yet not transfer any of the information that’s on it to my brain. Almost as if the list no longer exists!! Yay!!
I did manage to nail down the structure I needed for In the Shadow of Narcissa yesterday. I’m not sure why it was being so elusive, but I’ve got it now and I hope that now I can just move forward with writing the rest of the pieces for the chapbook.
Sadly, I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep posting the pieces to my Narcissa web site — or, at least, not all of them. The book pirating problem being what it is now, I don’t want the entire chapbook available online before the book even gets published, you know? (I’ve already seen signs that the existing pieces have already been illegally copied overseas.) But if/when I do post excerpts, I’ll let you know about it here on this site.
And you can always sign up for updates directly through the Narcissa site. (Scroll to bottom.)
And just in case you were curious, it has been nearly one year since quite a few small presses have had my query and/or manuscript regarding my novel Blessed by Light, and only one publisher has responded (and that one publisher responded immediately, said they loved it, but that it was too short for them to publish). Not a single other small press has responded at all. Narry a peep.
So different from the old days before the financial crash, when small presses gave you a yay or nay, usually from an actual person, within 6 weeks. (And plus nowadays, you often have to use “submittable” to submit your query/manuscript, which means you have to pay for them to read it and not reply to you forever.)
Meanwhile, on we go!!
All righty, gang! Thanks for visiting!! Have a terrific Tuesday, wherever you are in the world. I hope you’re continuing to find great ways to enjoy your lockdown. (I’m still streaming re-runs of DCI Banks in the evenings.) Remember to stay fit and eat right and do the things that will help you keep your spirits up!! Keep in mind: just a few more weeks of this and then we’ll all be looking at just another few more weeks of this!!! And then – SUMMER!!!!
Okay. I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning, “Get Ready for Love” from Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds’ truly incredible 2004 double-album, Abattoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus. (It’s kind of unfortunate, though, that they released a double-album that has two titles that are kind of hard to spell…) But enjoy, gang, and play it loud. I love you guys. See ya!!
“Get Ready For Love”
Get ready for love! Praise Him!
Get ready for love! Praise Him!
Get ready for love! Get ready!
Well, most of all nothing much
ever really happens
And God rides high up in the ordinary sky
Until we find ourselves at our most distracted
And the miracle that was promised
creeps quietly by
Calling every boy and girl
Calling all around the world
Calling every boy and girl
Calling all around the world
Get ready for love! Praise Him!
Get ready for love! Praise Him!
The mighty wave their hankies from their
high-windowed palace
Sending grief and joy down in supportable doses
And we search high and low without
mercy or malice
While the gate to the Kingdom swings
shut and closes
Calling every boy and girl
Calling all around the world
Calling every boy and girl
Calling all around the world
Praise Him till you’ve forgotten
what you’re praising Him for
Praise Him till you’ve forgotten
what you’re praising Him for
Then praise Him a little more
I am definitely not a germ-o-phobe by any stretch, but this virus is starting to push the limits of my non-germ-o-phobia, that’s for sure.
I did three teeny-tiny loads of laundry yesterday, only because I kept wondering which clothes the clothes I was wearing might have touched or brushed up against, even by accident, when I came in from my big trip to town yesterday. (If you’re using google translate, good luck with that paragraph.)
And then I kept washing my hands — did I touch that when I came in? Oh, but now I’ve touched it for sure, should I wash my hands again? Better safe than sorry.
And then: Is my throat sore? Am I getting a sore throat or does my throat always feel like this? I seem fine but my throat feels like it might be getting sore…
All fucking day. I did manage to keep it from getting out of hand, but still. Just that one quick trip into town to go to the market and my mind started to unravel.
Luckily, I am only going to have to make one trip into town each week.
Here’s something I’m going to tell my dad today and I’m sure he’ll be pleased as punch to hear it: the World Health Organization has issued a recommendation that people not listen to the news more than twice a day. I’m sure he’ll point out that he only turns the news on once and then turns it off, however, in the middle of that is the entire day.
Anyway, I’ll give it a shot and we’ll see how it goes.
I did have sort of a rough evening last night. I watched the second half of Agatha Christie’s The Pale Horse (BBC, 2019) and I saw why people gave it such bad reviews. I still enjoyed it overall, but the second half had a lot more violence in it, and the ending was so rushed it was almost incomprehensible. It would have benefited from being a 3-part show instead of a 2-part show. And I wound up feeling like the original version the BBC did probably about 15 years ago or so was a lot better, even though it veered widely from the original story.
Then I switched over to the reruns of DCI Banks and, oh my god, the episode that started streaming automatically started out so bloody and creepy and then turned out to be all about rape. Which you can guess, I just enjoy the hell out of. (And it isn’t so much the actual rape stuff that bothers me, it’s the fact that everyone cares so much that the rape happened and they all need to band together to get the rapes to stop because it is just so terrible and it’s enraging everyone; whereas in my own experience, no one at all cared in the slightest bit that I had been raped — and more than once. Culturally, nobody gave a shit about rape back then. That’s the part that is hard for me to handle, even after all these decades.)
I finally made myself turn it off, but I was only 20 minutes from the end of the show. So I had sat there for quite a while last evening (nearly 3 hours), creeping myself out and wondering the whole time: is my throat getting sore?
But I slept great and I am very happy today, and my throat is absolutely not sore and I’m not stressing about anything at all. I’m planning to get some good work done on In the Shadow of Narcissa today, too.
Oh, plus, I forgot to thank whoever that was on Saturday night who downloaded a free copy of Twilight of the Immortal!!!! That was really nice to see. Thank you.
I’m not going to keep posting all the numbers re: the pandemic, but I will say that over 100,000 people have now recovered from the virus, and overall, we are still holding at 95% of the active cases worldwide being mild. So, you know, keep washing, but it’s in the process of moving through. Never lose sight of that.
I thought you might like to see a photo of the inside of my refrigerator. I had my phone with me at the kitchen table this morning and when I opened my fridge, it was almost too much. it’s just so fucking healthy, who the hell wants to eat anymore?
Inside my boring fridge!!
Okay. On that lofty note!
I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning! Thanks for visiting, gang, and have a wonderful Monday, wherever you are in the world! Try not to get stressed. Stay focused on the miracle of the human body, and on the undercurrent of love that runs throughout our very beingness; let it all work its unfathomable miracles in this crucial time, okay? I love you guys. See ya!
Marilyn's Room 