Just A Truly Weird Morning So Far…

Well, I’ve been physically awake since 4:30am, and I’m feeling good, you know — happy, whatever. But my brain has decided to go in slow motion, or something. I’m not sure what’s going on with me.

All morning, I have tried to post to this blog and complete sentences have been very slow in arriving. So this will probably be a short post. And maybe if the brain returns, I will post more later on this evening.

Late last night, I got a sudden text from Peitor. He was in an airplane at LAX, getting ready to take off for London. He even sent a photo from inside the plane (it actually looked pretty cool — sort of purplish lighting.) Anyway. Loyal readers of this lofty blog perhaps recall that Peitor has a habit of suddenly taking off for Europe. Usually London. And usually it means he’s in some sort of a frame of mind. That’s all I can really say about it on the blog, though, because it’s personal to him. But I was thinking, well, okay — will we be working on the script while you’re gone? I mean, this darn script is already taking us forever as it is, and we were supposed to work on it again tomorrow…

Well, I guess we’ll just see. He hasn’t texted again, so I still have no idea why he suddenly took off for London.

I know he was waiting to hear about scoring a film by a director that I absolutely love, who’s based in England. So maybe it was that. I just don’t know yet. But it threw me that not only was he suddenly leaving, but he was already on the plane.

Another friend was acting extremely strange yesterday, too. And since I have so few friends left (btw, I noticed that a ton of you didn’t show up the other day when I was holding open interviews here in Crazeysburg for new friends…). But seriously, I have so few people in my life right now, that when even two of them start acting unpredictably on the same day, it means that 75% of my friends are acting strange at the same time.

Well, anyway. Laundry here is almost done and then I’m heading into town to get the food. My birth mom actually left some deliciously tasty looking yummies in my freezer! Vegetarian lasagna and some sort of spinach phyllo something or other and pumpkin-sage ravioli.  But I’m out of things like fruit and vegetables and my coveted organic Greek yogurt, so I still have to drive into town today.

Here’s hoping that my inability to form coherent sentences has little impact on my ability to drive.

And then I’m going to either work on Thug Luckless or work on notes for the new “letter” for Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse. Perhaps even a little of both, if the brain begins working by then. (I honestly don’t know what’s the matter with me. If you could see the amount of typos I keep having to fix just in this short post, you’d be aghast!)

I have to mention here (again) just how much I love the new speakers I bought for the iPad. They are hard wired speakers — you know, that you plug into the wall. My last speakers lasted 10 years and decided to bite the dust while my mom was here and we were watching The Polar Express. I had to switch them out for the bluetooth speaker, which is cheap and has a short battery life. But these new speakers — wow. I was listening to Ghosteen this morning and just could not believe the sound quality. Jaw-dropping. And I only spent 20 bucks on them! (Plus, they’re made by the same company that made the old — more expensive — speakers. Incredible what 10 years can achieve.)

Oh, and right after I posted to the blog yesterday, Nick Cave sent out another Red Hand Files reply letter thing.  You can read it here. It was mostly about that song “Deanna.” I thought it was very, very interesting. I read it several times, actually. (But, of course that’s me and I’m a bit obsessive…)

So, okay. I’m gonna scoot and get the laundry done and get to town and back so that I can sit right back down here at my desk and hopefully begin thinking straight. I have high hopes, but we’ll see!!

Thanks for visiting. I’m sure I will return! I love you guys. See ya!

(Me, in relation to my head right now…)

More Merriment Has Indeed Arrived!!

I just couldn’t be happier, gang.

Partly because it started snowing last evening and then snowed all through the night, so it actually built up a bit out there and is still all over everything this morning!

It makes me doubly glad that my birth mom came last week and helped me decorate for Christmas, because if she hadn’t been here, I definitely would not have followed through on it — I would have put everything immediately back into storage because I was too overwhelmed by the past once I’d opened all those boxes.  However, now — here in the present — the tree is up and decorations are scattered about and there’s snow outside! Yay.

I recently discovered that I own the video of Cocteau’s 1950 film Orphée. I knew I had seen the film on video, but for some reason, I thought I had rented it.  Long ago. Apparently, though, I had bought it, long ago.

How fortuitous!  Since I had really enjoyed re-watching Cocteau’s other Orpheus-related film a couple weeks ago (see some other post below) and it, of course, made me think of his first one. So now I’m excited to watch Orphée  again!

I found the video when I was going through all my old movies, looking for the Christmas ones so that my mom and I could watch Christmas movies — we wound up watching Kubrick’s The Shining. Not really a Christmas movie (to put it mildly), but it does have a heck of a lot of snow!

And while going through all the old movies, I was kind of astounded by the number of movies I’d forgotten I owned. The Shining being a case in point. In fact, I discovered that I own a boxed set (DVDs) of Kubrick’s “greatest hits,” as it were: Lolita, Full Metal Jacket, 2001, Dr. Strangelove, Barry Lyndon, A Clockwork Orange, and The Shining. Honestly, I had no idea I had all that. All quite excellent movies for watching with Mom (!!), however, the only one we watched was The Shining. Which was excellent enough, thank you.

It’s still such an intense movie, even all these years later. Also intensely long. Probably the only movie in that collection that I actually love, though, is 2001.

Anyway. I’m also happy because my new speakers for the iPad arrived!! They are just what I wanted. (And as an added bonus, I was able to give the empty shipping carton to the cats as an early Christmas present!) (I try not to let the cost of something deter me from giving generously.) (But they do love that empty box. They are already taking turns hiding in it and they are so freakin’ cute.)

So I’m really eager to start streaming a bunch of new stuff over the holidays. My watchlist is really, really long. You have no idea. I’m going to make a serious effort to watch this stuff and not keep circling back to the old reruns of Perry Mason and everything imaginable re: Nick Cave that I’ve seen ten million times. I know for sure, though, that I’m going to watch Charlie Brown and Rudolph over the next couple of days (on DVD) because I just love those movies. In fact, I might even be motivated enough to buy a new flat screen TV just because I love those two movies so much…

Okay, well, we’ll see. I do have to keep reminding myself that I have to go to NYC, Toronto, and LA in 2020 and that will cost me a fortune, when it’s all said and done. A new TV can wait…

So. Yesterday, late afternoon, guess what came to me? Letter #6 for Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse! I was actually pretty surprised by this. I wasn’t expecting it at all because I’m still just working away on the story notes for Thug Luckless: Welcome to P-Town. Plus, since my birth mom left, I’ve just been feeling sort of frustrated, angry, depressed. Wanting things to change in my life. Trying to just be patient; knowing that things are coming. Then. Suddenly, the new “letter” dropped into the forefront of my brain and I was incredibly lighthearted and happy. So that’ll be interesting.

All righty! I’m gonna scoot. I slept in really late this morning — 7am!! So I’m behind here. Thanks for visiting, though. I leave you with the breakfast-listening music from this snow-covered morning!! And if these don’t make you stupidly joyful then nothing will!! Okay! I love you guys. See ya!

What’s Another 18 Years, Right?

I know it probably seems odd that I remember the anniversaries of the deaths of all my previous cats,  yet I do.

Yesterday marked the 18th anniversary of the death of Kitty, the stray kitten that had followed Valerie home one afternoon when Val lived out in Queens. Valerie had 7 cats and, at that point, I had none and so she brought the kitten over to my apartment in the East Village. Kitty lived to be 18 years old.

I thought it was kind of interesting that she lived 18 years and that, as of yesterday, she’d been dead for 18 years.

Gosh, I loved that cat. She was one of those cats that followed me from room to room, slept with me, was always with me. So unlike the feral cats I have now.

Anyway. Just more time, zipping past. I wanted to post a photo of her but the photos are all packed away. I couldn’t find them. But she was a sweet, tiny, mostly black cat with little patches of white. She was devoted to me. She truly was.


Work with Peitor was intense again yesterday. We seem to have reverted back to the original storyline of the script — for the most part. It’s really just taking us forever to write an 8 minute movie. But I still think it’s such a great script!!! Just so unexpected in every way.

Eventually we’ll finish it. Peitor’s already sort of casting it and also meeting potential cinematographers. So we are sort of moving ahead while trying to script it.  But it is indeed taking forever.  We’re still going shot by shot, and the set up for some of these shots will be very complicated when the shot itself might last for about 2 seconds of screen time. The whole film is like this. It literally is going to take us forever.

The next film we want to do will also last about 8 minutes — and the premise for that one is also absolutely absurd.  I’m guessing it’ll take us a year to write that 8 minute film. And then the next one will be about 15 minutes, and that one requires several locations so I’m guessing that film will take us 10 years…

Meanwhile. It’s still really fun. And I imagine that next year, I’m just going to be really busy.

Since today is Saturday, there was another one of those things on Instagram where they post approximately one minute from one of the Conversations with Nick Cave. Again, this one was from one of the Conversations in NY.

I really miss it — those Conversations. I think about them a lot. He has some more coming up in Europe in early 2020.

I can’t imagine being back in NY next year and not seeing Nick Cave talking… Ah well. As usual these days, life goes on.

I don’t  know about you guys, but I get the feeling that next year will be sort of momentous. During my morning meditations this last week, I have felt it in a pronounced way.  So many projects underway over here. Most of them likely to come to some sort of fruition in 2020, or at least be getting underway. It’s going to be so interesting.

All right, well, it’s sort of that time of year: mid-December makes me get very contemplative about life — the path I’m on and where it will lead. My mom said that in the Old Farmers Almanac, they predict snow for this Christmas. I’m not planning on traveling at all, so it will be nice to just be cozy at home, alone in all that snow. Well, alone with 7 cats. Think about life. Watch some movies. We shall soon see what the next year brings!

Kara has been in California, visiting one of her sons. She got home last night and I’m going to see her here soon, so I’m looking forward to that. I missed her! She’s pretty much my only local friend, and even though she’s originally from NY, she’s never heard any of Nick Cave’s music but she lets me go on and on about it and always acts very, very interested!! So, obviously, I’ve missed her!!

All righty, I’m gonna scoot. Hope Saturday’s been good for you! Thanks for visiting. I was listening to those old Robert Johnson recordings at breakfast today.  I leave you with one of my favorites, “I Believe I’ll Dust My Broom.” Okay. I love you guys! See ya!


Separation Anxiety!! Better Late Than Never!!

Yes, the moment my birth mom left here yesterday afternoon, I realized I had separation anxiety! Even at my lofty age!!

And it was real. I felt really un-anchored, frightened, and sort of lost when she left. To the point where I almost slept in the guest room last night, instead of in my own bed, because, you know, that was where she slept for 3 nights. And even while it’s my house and I can sleep wherever I want within it, I convinced myself that I shouldn’t really do that, sleep in the guest room anymore. That it probably wasn’t going to be in my emotional best interests somehow.

But it’s so weird — you know, those are emotional reactions that toddlers have. I was wondering if maybe it was some sort of delayed reaction, since my birth mom didn’t raise me and I certainly didn’t know her when I was a toddler. I was probably just making up for lost time.

When I hugged her goodbye as she was getting into my sister’s car, I said, “Thanks for coming.” And she said, “I’ll be back soon.” It really meant the world to me that she said that, because I think that she saw a little tiny bit of my insanity while she was here, even though I tried really hard to keep it under wraps. However, my insanity is so voluminous that something around the edges is always bound to peek out.

But she did leave some of her stuff in the kitchen, so she really is planning to be back. And it means so much to me — to not be abandoned or discarded. Plus, she’s already planning to be here next year to take care of my cats for me when I have to go to NYC, to Toronto, to Los Angeles.

Something else she did that I just really appreciated — she asked me what I was working on right now, writing-wise, so I told her about Thug Luckless and that whole premise. And she just beamed; she really just smiled and even chuckled a little. And said, “That sounds really good.”

I got the sense, though, that she was trying to talk about Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse — because of the rape stuff. But I absolutely could not go there. I just glossed right over that, along with In the Shadow of Narcissa. I just called them “memoirs” and moved on.

I’m able to say that I was raped, and I’m able to even say that I was raped repeatedly, but I always add that it was a long time ago, and then I drop the subject. For many, many years, I wasn’t even able to say it, or to even think it. I had to keep that information extremely far away from me, and especially from my own ears. I wasn’t able to listen to myself saying it because then I had to claim it somehow.  But that was a long time ago now. I’ve processed all of it. Made art out of a lot of it. I’m okay with it. But I don’t like to “discuss” it because it doesn’t serve any purpose at all. It won’t fix anything or change anything.

Perhaps she wants to comfort me somehow and maybe I’m depriving her of the chance to do that. But  for now, you know, this is how I handle it.

But I do miss her already. Still, it’s back to work over here today.

Peitor is calling from West Hollywood in about an hour and we’ll be working on the micro-script. I also decided that, as part of my need to break out of any isolating routines — I have new hard-wired speakers for the iPad arriving on Monday and once those get here, I’m going to set aside time several nights a week to stream new TV shows and movies. I haven’t done that in over a year. And since I will be helping Peitor develop a new TV series starting in January 2020, I figure I ought to touch base with the current popular writing styles because they seem to change constantly.

This past year has been sort of relentlessly about the outgo of my own ideas, and now I need to make some time for the inflow of other ideas, even while I still have so much of my own writing to get down on paper. But it really did sort of freak me out a little these past few days, to see just how fidgety I got when I wasn’t at my desk, working.  So I want to sort of break up that habit because I don’t want to become completely anti-social, or even a sociopath, which I am fully capable of becoming if I’m not careful…

Okay!!On that chipper note!!

Well, as much as I love Christmas music — especially Johnny Mathis and Andy Williams — it was refreshing to get Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds back into the little tabletop jukebox in the kitchen last evening. However, this morning, I was back to Marianne Faithfull’s Negative Capability. Actually, it was Nick Cave and Marianne Faithfull, because I was listening to “Gypsy Faerie Queen” again, over & over at breakfast. I just love that song, even though it’s not a subject matter that I particularly relate to. I just really love the song. It calms me down. A lot.

So that was breakfast! And now we sally forth into the rest of the morning. Thanks for visiting, gang. I hope this is a happy Friday for you, wherever you are in the world and with whatever you’re up to. I love you guys. See ya!

Always Learning Something Interesting Around Here…

Well. This morning was the first morning in 7 years — when I haven’t been out of town, or out of the country entirely, that is — that I’ve woken before dawn, went down to the kitchen and the cats had already been fed!!

I woke up at 6am, and for some weird reason, Huckleberry was sort of dancing merrily in my bedroom. So I figured I’d better hurry up and get downstairs and feed them before my mom woke up, because the cats scurry and hide and then won’t eat if someone else gets anywhere near the kitchen at feeding time.

But when I got downstairs, my mom was already awake and in the kitchen washing the cats’ bowls because they’d already eaten. I was stunned by this.

I mean, I know she took care of them for that week that I was gone, but I just wasn’t expecting that she would do that. This trip, she’s just visiting, you know?

Well, I thanked her and then turned around and went immediately back to bed until the sun came up. I had no clue what to do with myself at that hour if the cats didn’t need me to feed them. And it occurred to me — well, it’s been occurring to me the whole time my mom’s been here — that I spend an enormous amount of time alone, and it’s starting to throw me when my routine changes. If I’m traveling and I’m staying with people, or interacting with them really early in the morning, I’m okay with that. Because I’m in a different environment. But it’s been nearly 2 years now that I’ve been here alone in this house, in a town where no one knows me at all…

I seriously don’t want to become one of those old ladies whose intensely isolated and set in her ways!! But it felt like it was happening to me.

My mom is really, really quiet. And so am I, normally. The first night that she was here, she had a few beers and that always makes her very chatty. But the last 2 nights, she hasn’t felt like having any beer, so she’s been just super quiet. And I find that 9.9 out of the 10 things that are always in my head only make me sound utterly insane if I try talking about them, so I get really quiet, too.

It added to my fear that I was just becoming really isolated and incapable of talking to people in a normal way and that I was just going to get old and be like that. The full moon isn’t helping. It feels like it’s one of those full moons that’s causing me a lot of free-floating anxiety. Because I’m not sure why I would have all this weird anxiety otherwise.

Part of it is that I really want Blessed by Light to get a book deal, and it’s been 6 months now that queries went out to various small presses. So that’s been on my mind. Other than that, I don’t have any real reason at all to feel anxious. But I feel it anyway.

My dad called & left a message on Tuesday evening and I didn’t have time to get back to him until early Wednesday morning. And when I called back, he answered immediately and wanted to know what had taken me so long to return his call. He was worried that maybe I’d fallen and since I’m alone, I couldn’t get to the phone…

Oh my god, you know? Have I become that little old lady who falls when she’s alone and then can’t get up?? Whoa. Like, what is happening here? It sort of freaked me out. I don’t feel old at all.

But when I told him that my birth mom was here, he was not at all aware of that, so you know, at least he’s not reading my blog…

Then last night, I got a strange email from my ex-husband in Seattle and he was talking about how difficult it will be to get to the grocery store when we get old and how it’s okay to get groceries delivered but that you don’t want other people picking out your produce for you, and public transportation doesn’t always take you where you prefer to shop, etc.

What the fuck??!! Jesus, it sounded so bleak. I wrote back , “You’re exhausting me.” You know, why is he bringing this up? Man. I’m just feeling so weird.

Anyway. I have decided to make an effort to not get too wrapped up in my daily routine and to try to not get too isolated. It was one of the reasons I threw out the old Christmas coffee mug instead of gluing it back together and keeping it as a “reminder.” There are indeed plenty of good things to remember about those early years — my first husband being one of them; my songwriting being another. But overall, I need brand new experiences now. I don’t need to remember 40 years ago in New York.

On a similar note, though, it has felt really weird to not be writing every day. Again, if I’m out of town or something, it’s not a big deal at all to not write. But being here in the house and not writing has felt very, very discombobulating. (Don’t you just love that word?) I noticed that I got really fidgety. I need to get a grip on so many things!

In the past, that would be an ideal time to have a few drinks, smoke some cigarettes, forget about all my cares & woes and either watch movies, or listen to music, or — heaven forbid — hang out with my friends. (Of which I have about 3, at this point, who aren’t gravely ill or you know, already dead. And none of those 3 come anywhere near Crazeysburg.) (So I need new friends, too. I’m accepting applications today at 3 o’clock…) (Just kidding, You needn’t fill out an application. Just show up.) (Roses and chocolate are good things to bring along, though.)

That reminds me! I gave Kara her birthday gifts, which she seems to have loved, and they did indeed make her think of her mom, who passed away unexpectedly last year. But then she turned around and gave me gifts for giving her the birthday gifts! It was the most amazing thing — has anyone ever done that to you?

Anyway, it was what she gave me that was so touching. She gave me little pieces of costume jewelry that had belonged to her mom. She said, “I know how much you love roses, Marilyn, so I especially wanted you to have this.” It’s a tiny pin, that her mom had had since high school. It absolutely melted my heart.

Okay, well. On that note. I still have a house guest here so I gotta scoot!! Thanks for visiting, gang. I hope you have a wonderful day, wherever you are in the world. Try not to get too isolated. Don’t live too far from your favorite grocery store. And don’t fall down without being able to get back up… I love you guys. See ya!

A Cold & Frosty Morning!

It’s definitely feeling like the Christmas season around here, even though there isn’t any snow. It’s 21 degrees Fahrenheit this morning, so I’m happy! (I don’t necessarily need snow at Christmas, but it doesn’t feel like Christmas to me if it isn’t freezing cold out. So that problem’s solved!)

I’m absolutely indescribably exhausted today, gang. Honestly. I got up at 5am to go down and feed the many scampering cats — who are doing reasonably okay with my mom here in the house. They aren’t totally hiding. Just mostly. Last night, she and I were watching The Polar Express on the iPad in the kitchen, and for some reason, I needed to get something from the other room and I discovered a few of them playing together under the Christmas tree in the dining room. Usually, if another person is in the house, they won’t come out from under the bed.

So, they’re being cute. And I love having the tree up. And all the decorations out everywhere. I’ve even made my bed for 3 days in a row now — probably why I’m so exhausted! Before my mom came, I hadn’t actually made my bed in months.

The Christmas bed!

Actually, for most of this entire year, I haven’t made my bed. It seems like I’m always getting back into it several times a day, so I stopped making it. It’s not that I’m always that tired, but it seems like, in between staring at the laptop screen for hours on end, I always end up collapsing on the bed for awhile and staring at the maple tree outside my window.

Anyway, so I stopped making my bed for the first time in probably 40 years. And started making it again 3 days ago…

My mom had never seen the movie, The Polar Express, so it was fun watching it with her. I just love that movie. It’s better watching it on a bigger screen and not just on an iPad at the kitchen table, but it’s still fun, regardless.

Oh — I thought this was funny. Last September, when my mom was here to take care of my cats, I headed off to NY without showing her how to use the little tabletop jukebox I have in the kitchen.  I meant to do that before I left, so that she could play CDs because my mom loves music as much as I do.  The jukebox is not that easy to figure out, because it plays CDs, has a bluetooth thing, and also plays AM or FM radio — and there are no instructions.

She eventually figured out how to get it to play a CD but she couldn’t figure out how to open it and change the CD.

Yesterday, she told me that one night while I was in NY, she discovered one of my CD racks, that’s full of old Country & Western CDs. My mom loves old Country music, so she just became bound and determined to figure out how to open the thing and switch out the CD.  Once she did, she said she stayed up until 4am, drinking beers and listening to old Country & Western CDs.

I thought back to September,  and then said, “Oh man, does this mean you had to listen to Tom Petty’s Greatest Hits for 5 days?!”

She sort of sighed in resignation and quietly said, “Yep.”

I found that really amusing…

Anyway. We took our walk last evening and it felt really great to be out in the brisk air after dark. Walking around. We didn’t stay out too long, because it was actually quite freezing. But here are 2 photos of neighbors’ houses. Of course, I am a terrible photographer, so the houses actually looked way better than this in real life:

Neighbor #1 — I would need a panoramic shot to capture all the various lights they had. Plus, they have a fountain and a little tiny pond in front that was all lit up.
Neighbor #2 — this one looks so great in real life. Just the colors of the lights, mostly.

I guess you can at least tell from these two houses, that the architecture around here is really old. I just love the houses here. No two are alike.

Okay. I am trying to adjust to not writing every day. It does feel a little weird. But it’s probably good for me to be having this break from it. Oh, and also, as I was unpacking all the Christmas stuff from the many boxes, I was looking at the newspapers that I’d wrapped stuff in and it has actually been 4 years that all this stuff has been stored away — not 3 years.

Thinking it had been 3 years had felt bad enough, but once I realized it had been 4 years — it got kind of depressing. Not just the rapid way that time is disappearing, but it was sad how much has changed since that last Christmas, when I wrapped everything up and put it in storage. I had no idea it would be 4 years before anything in my life would get settled again. I need to focus on here & now, though, because I am really happy with how my life is turning out. But unwrapping all that stuff, and suddenly having vivid recall of how sad and awful my life had gotten in the old house — it really took a lot out of me, like, instantaneously. I sat on the floor in the dining room, in the middle of all those boxes and just felt like crying. If my birth mom hadn’t been here with me yesterday, I would have sealed the boxes right back up and put it all back into storage for the rest of my life. I really would have.

Oh, and I decided that the broken coffee mug from Christmas 1981 — my favorite one that I had bought at Macy’s back in NYC — I threw it away last night. I think it’s better than trying to repair it and looking at it that way for the rest of my life. Just keep moving forward. It’s time for everything to change.

Okay. I’m gonna go downstairs and get more coffee and sit at the kitchen table with my birth mom and close down this laptop for the 3rd day in a row! Thanks for visiting, gang!  Have a great day, wherever you are in the world. I love you guys! See ya!

Finished, For Now!

These are only the photos of the dining room, but we did the family room and the kitchen, too. And that’s it. I’m exhausted!!

As soon as it gets dark — in about an hour — we’re going to go take a walk to look at the neighborhood Christmas lights. It’s getting really cold now, so it will feel like Christmas!!

The trees, decorated!

The main tree, with more ornaments on it than you can possibly imagine because the previous tree was a lot larger!

So those are shots of my dining room in there, too. I think it’s funny that it’s decorated so much because not a single solitary soul will see it. No one ever comes to visit me! Here’s hoping the cats appreciate my festive mood…

Okay! Hope you’ve had a good one, gang! There was a Red Hand Files thing from Nick Cave today, but I’m on my phone and don’t really know how to link it. It was about humor.  The necessity of it. And about Conway Savage having been arrestingly funny.

All righty. I love you guys. See ya!

Getting Ready for Christmas, Round 2!!

Today, I will endeavor to summon the necessary energy to finish decorating that darn tree!

I cannot believe how exhausted I was yesterday. By the time I opened all the boxes to see all the Christmas stuff I had packed away 3 years ago… I sat on the floor of the dining room, I looked up at my mom and said really breathlessly & overwhelmed-ly, “Where am I going to put all this stuff?”

She just looked at me non-committal-ly and said nothing.

Yes, I know — I’m making up words today. But sometimes only non-words will suffice!

Well, it was really cool to see all that stuff and to suddenly remember that I owned it, but truly, I have no room for most of it. For any of it that doesn’t actually go onto the tree. So it’ll be interesting. and the only thing that was broken in all those boxes that had been stored and moved and stored and moved again, and then stored here in the new house — the only thing that was broken was, of course,  my very favorite Christmas coffee mug that I bought at Macy’s in NYC, at Christmas 1981.

Absolutely everything else survived unscathed, including a lot of little highly breakable things that only cost me maybe a dollar and held no sentimental value at all. So that was a little disheartening. My mom said to just glue the cup back together and set it out as a little keepsake/reminder. But I wonder if it just means I need to move on? I just don’t know. Do I really need a practically 40-year-old broken Christmas coffee mug? My memories from those years are in good working order; not sure I need some sort of reminder

Well, for now, it’s sitting on the kitchen counter, until I can figure it out for sure.

In keeping with the coffee theme — my mom made me open one of my Christmas gifts yesterday because it was a can of my very favorite coffee of all time:

Related image

So I am in heaven this morning. I haven’t bought Chock Full o’ Nuts in months because I have to go to a particular store to get it — they don’t sell it at the market where I normally shop. And at the local dollar store here in Crazeysburg, they sell the original Maxwell House, which was Tom Petty’s favorite coffee. So, god knows, it’s preferable to drink his favorite coffee over my own actual favorite…

Anyway, really what I am is overworked as well as lazy, so I haven’t bought my favorite coffee since the summertime. I was really thrilled when my mom made me open that present…

And my sister — thinking back to September when I got lost in all those cornfields and it took my mom and my brother an hour of driving around, trying to find me — my sister bought me a GPS for Christmas…

I haven’t opened any of my other gifts, though. I want to wait until at least the tree is up.

For lunch today, we are heading to my veritable home-away-from home, the Granville Inn!

Image result for the granville inn
The Granville Inn, Granville Ohio. Next to my actual home, it’s kind of my favorite place in the world.

Then its back here, to finish the tree (I hope!). And then, once the sun goes down, if it’s not too cold, we want to walk over to 3rd Street and look at all the Christmas lights on the houses over there. That’s the main road through Crazeysburg, so all the houses over there are done up with a ton of lights.

All righty! I’m gonna scoot! Gonna get more coffee and hang out with my mom at the kitchen table. Have a terrific Tuesday! Thanks for visiting, gang! I love you guys. See ya.

Christmas is beginning to arrive!

Well, it’s been a busy day around here! I’m already exhausted and the tree is only part way done.

But cookies got baked, the laundry got done, I finished cleaning the house, washed my hair (!!), and then when my mom arrived, we drove to town to get the groceries and came back and started dealing with all the tree stuff…

I hope your Monday has been a nice one, wherever you are in the world. Sorry this is so short! Having pizza right now with my mom, listening to Christmas music with Johnny Mathis. Then it’s back to the tree. Thanks for visiting! I love you guys. See ya!

Trees in process…


A Day In The (Other) Life

So today marks the 39th anniversary of John Lennon’s murder. I won’t say that it feels like yesterday, because it does indeed feel like forever ago, but the day is still vividly clear in my memory.

Up until then, any of the well-known people who’d been killed in my lifetime were political figures in some way. Lennon was, for me, the first cultural icon that was murdered and he was one of my absolute heroes.

To be honest, I look back on my girlhood and I’m not entirely sure why he mattered so much to me, but he did. I think because he was always someone who struggled with existential truths and seemed to be brutally honest about it.

I know that right when I first moved to NYC, his new album, Double Fantasy, came out and it was really such a great album. I was so excited. And it was such a NYC type of album, too, and so I was doubly excited to finally be living in New York.  I lived there 3 weeks and then he got murdered.  I’ll just say that the word “devastated” doesn’t come close to describing the shock and grief I felt.

I don’t really want to go into all the details from back then, or the memories I have of those first few weeks in NYC because they were momentous on too many levels — meeting Nick the Mafia hit man guy, getting pregnant by him. Having to get away from him. Lennon getting killed. Meeting the man who became my first husband. All of that stuff happened literally within a few weeks of moving to NYC when I was 20.

So I really don’t want to think too much about any of that stuff today. My life is in such a good place right now, I really don’t want to look back. I’ll never forget this date on the calendar, but the details— I don’t know; I don’t want to dwell on it.

Well, on a much brighter note — even though you’re seriously not supposed to do it, someone posted some footage on Instagram today of Nick Cave and Warren Ellis’s event with the symphony in Sydney, Australia from last night and it looks like it was just stunning. Just from what little I saw on Instagram. Wow, gang. I really wish I could have been there. I think there are 2 more shows for Monday (which I think is already today over in Australia). I just— well, I don’t know. I just wish I could have gone. It looks like it was so beautiful.

There was something else on Instagram— not positive if I read it right, but it seems that Nick Cave was the Artist of the Decade on Spotify. Yes, that same music platform that I can never get to work correctly, so clearly, this Nick Cave development had nothing to do with me!!! But if it’s indeed true, I think that is just so fucking cool!!

Okay, one other exciting though wildly unrelated thing: I went to fill my gas tank this morning because I know that once my mom gets here tomorrow, I’m gonna have to drive with her to a couple of places in town, and the gas was only $2.39 a gallon!!! I thought that was amazingly awesome!! I don’t remember the last time it was that cheap. Several years, for sure.

So sometime around noon tomorrow, my sister will be dropping off my mom and I’m so excited. My sister texted earlier to say that my mom was really excited about seeing me and that just makes me feel so great. You have no idea.

I guess that’s it for now. I imagine that over the next 3 days while my mom is visiting, my blog posts will he brief. Hope you have a great Sunday, wherever you are in the world!! Thanks for visiting. I leave you with the song that was just barely becoming a hit when Lennon was murdered. I still think it’s just a wonderful, upbeat song. Okay. I love you guys! See ya!