I can’t tarry on the blog today because I am almost finished with Letter #8 for Girl in the Night: Erotic love Letters to the Muse.
I got so much done on it yesterday, gang. I was at my desk for 11 hours — in 90 Fahrenheit degree heat, so it was a bit exhausting. But I’m happy with how it’s going. It’s going to be one of the longer chapters.
In the middle of all my progress yesterday, I got a text from Peitor wanting to know if I was available for a “quick” conference call with the line producer (they are both in LA).
ME: I'm in the middle of another project right now -- how long will it take?
HIM: 10, 15 minutes the most.
ME: OK. but no Zoom, I don't want to be on camera
Well, an hour and fifteen minutes later… it actually was a great conference call, though, and I’m so happy we had it. I just keep getting more and more excited about Abstract Absurdity Productions, gang. Even though it’s still going to take a while to get things up and running and filming. Just some really talented and enthusiastic people are getting on board and they are being so helpful. We are so blessed.
Meanwhile…
Loyal readers of this lofty blog will no doubt recall the 4th of July coffee mug!! It comes out once a year. (It doesn’t look it here, but it’s way too small; instead of 3 refills of morning coffee, I get about 17!!) (Which also means going up & down the stairs 17 times…).
But there you have it — my first cup of 4th of July coffee out on my kitchen porch at 6am this morning. It’s yet another gorgeous (hot) day here in Crazeysburg.
All right. I’m gonna close now. I want to get back to work on Letter #8.
If you live Stateside, and still like being an American, I hope you enjoy the 4th.
If you live elsewhere, have a great Saturday!! And thanks for visiting!!
Since so many Americans seem to hate America right now, I will forego anything patriotic and leave you, instead, with “La Marseillaise”. Who can find fault with that, right?! (Especially that final verse!! Yay!! Just an all-out testament to tolerance.) (If you don’t know “La Marseillaise,” it’s the French national anthem. They actually taught us this in elementary school in Cleveland. Nowadays, I don’t think they even teach our own national anthem in our elementary schools, let alone the national anthem of any other country’s…)
Well, all righty!! Enough!!. I love you guys!! See ya!
Last night was the night that Crazeysburg did our fireworks in honor of the upcoming July 4th weekend. And living here, I have to say, you’d never know there was any unrest in the world in any way at all.
I’m guessing that over at the ballpark, where they set off the fireworks, they asked people to at least observe social distancing. I didn’t need to go over there because I could see everything from my kitchen porch. So I don’t know for sure. But everywhere else, it just felt like a regular, low key and wonderful, small town 4th of July holiday getting underway.
And I have to say that the full moon that’s getting underway now, too, was so beautiful last night that it was hard for me to focus on the fireworks! The moon was peaking through the really tall, 100-yr old pine tree in my neighbor’s backyard. And gently rolling clouds were setting off the moon like some sort of painting. It was just lovely. (And down on the ground, the fireflies were once again putting on an amazing display of their own.)
The little kids across the street — and they are really little — would scream every time a firework boomed really loud. It was so cute. (Not so cute for my poor cats, though. When I came inside, all 7 of them were hiding in my bedroom closet! It was so funny to see them all come spilling out of there about an hour after the noise was finally all over.) (The door to my bedroom closet doesn’t close all the way, so that’s their favorite place to hide. It’s a good-sized closet and easily fits 7 cats.)
Anyway. I’m gonna scoot for now because I made really great progress on Letter #8 for Girl in the Night yesterday and I want to continue the momentum. I might stop back and post again later.
Enjoy your Friday, wherever you are in the world!! Paul Weller’s new album, On Sunset, finally dropped today, after many delays due to the virus causing shortages in the stuff they use to press vinyl records. But it’s out now and it is a really lovely album, gang. I leave you with the song “Village,” which actually dropped back in May, but I still really love it. Especially the way my life feels these days.
Okay, thanks for visiting!! I love you guys. See ya!
“Village”
Here I am, ten stories high
Not a single cloud in my eye
Not a thing I’d change if I could
I’m happy here in my neighborhood
And all the things I’ve never been, I’ve
Never seen, I don’t care much
And all the things I’ve never done, I’ve
Never won, I don’t care much
I never knew what a world this was
‘Til I looked in my heart
And saw myself for what I am
Found a whole world in my hands
And all the things I’m supposed to be
And all the things that you want from me
I don’t know why, I don’t know why
I don’t know why, I don’t know why
I don’t need all the things you got
I just wanna be who I want
I don’t need all the things you hold
In high regard, they mean nothing at all
And all the things I’ve never been, I’ve
Never seen, I don’t care much
And all the things I’ve never done, I’ve
Never won, I don’t care much
This village is where I’m from
It’s one place that I call home
You wanna show me another side
But I’ve got heaven in my sights
I never knew what a world this was
‘Til I looked in my heart
And saw myself for what I am
Found a whole world in my hands
And all the things I’ve never been, I’ve
Never seen, I don’t care much
And all the things I’ve never done, I’ve
Never won, I don’t
The Nick Cave website announced this morning that on July 23rd, a “live stream” concert with Nick Cave, performing alone at the piano in Alexandra Palace in London, will stream on the DICE app!!
It will stream in 3 different global time zones so check that link above there for details. I don’t know what the global exchange rates are, but for the US ticket, it was only $20. (And seating is only limited by the number of people who can sit on your phone at once!!)
As luck would, of course, have it, July 23rd is my dad’s 90th birthday and I will be driving home from Cincinnati that evening, but oh well. It’s always best to have nothing whatsoever to do for months, and then cram all upcoming events into the same day. (My life seems to excel at that, with or without a pandemic.)
But I am, of course, very excited, and will endeavor to not speed more than my customary 95 mph the entire 100 miles that it is between my dad’s place and my home.
Yay!!!
I got some more good-ish news yesterday. Sandra called to tell me that she’s having a phone conference today with the theater company in Toronto that will be producing our play (this one is mostly her play, about her life; but I’m a contributing writer on it and we’ve been collaborating on it for something like 7 years now. Literally. It was supposed to be produced in Toronto this Fall, however, as we all know too well by now, 2020 no longer exists in the abstract, only in the immediate upfront here & now, day after day after day, hour after unpredictable hour …)
Anyway!! I will be super excited to hear what they chat about. I’m guessing our production date will be reset for 2021, but no clue yet exactly when. (And rest assured, gang, that there are still a TON of rewrites needed for that play!! So I can’t wait to be indescribably super busy again. It will finally feel like real life around here.)
Today is the day I’m supposed to chat with my accountant in NYC re: Abstract Absurdity Productions, but he never actually confirmed a time, so I’m not certain if it’s happening today or not. We’ll only know for sure if the phone rings…
Meanwhile. Yesterday did not pan out as planned. Kevin (the Director of Tell My Bones) had to cancel our dinner plans for the Granville Inn, and instead, we’ll be going there on Sunday evening. I was really disappointed because it has been 3 and 1/2 months since I socialized in any way and I was so excited for the chance to not only go out with someone but also to go to Granville, but that’s how life seems to go these days. We’ll do it on Sunday, instead.
Granville Ohio in the summer
After I got off the phone with him, I went outside and took a walk — just to sort of focus on something else. It was just a gorgeous day. I took a bunch of photos during the walk and posted them to my Instagram account, but here are a couple them.
Across the street from my house, looking east.
The first one is of the train tracks in front of my house, but looking East this time — in the direction of Coshocton County, which is just a really beautiful county, gang. (You can’t see it from here, it’s too far away. I’m just saying that it is really beautiful there.)
Looking west, from the main road in and out of town
And the second one is of the main street through the village. If you look way in the background, that hill is where there are always a bunch of cows grazing. By the way, by the time you’re at that hillside, you are already over Wakatamika Creek and well out of the village.
I know the street looks deserted, but I actually waited for a bunch of cars to drive by first.
Plus, it was 90 degrees Fahrenheit yesterday and not a lot of folks were outside at midday.
Okay, well, gang. I guess that’s it for today!! I hope you have a terrific Thursday planned for yourself, wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting!!
I’ll leave you with the song “Idiot Prayer” — the title of Nick Cave’s upcoming streaming event. It’s a song I really like but I won’t say why I like it so much. It’s from the album The Boatman’s Call — Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, 1997. (This is a really beautiful album, gang, if you aren’t familiar with it. Some real heartbreaking gems on this album, plus the title is really easy to spell.)
So, listen and enjoy! I love you guys. See ya!
“Idiot Prayer”
They’re taking me down, my friend
And as they usher me off to my end
Will I bid you adieu?
Or will I be seeing you soon?
If what they say around here is true
Then we’ll meet again
Me and you
My time is at hand, my dove
They’re gonna pass me to that house above
Is Heaven just for victims, dear?
Where only those in pain go?
Well it takes two to tango
We will meet again, my love
I know
If you’re in Heaven then you’ll forgive me, dear
Because that’s what they do up there
If you’re in Hell, then what can I say
You probably deserved in anyway
I guess I’m gonna find out any day
For we’ll meet again
And there’ll be Hell to pay
Your face comes to me from the depths, dear
Your silent mouth mouths, “Yes”, dear
Dark red and big with blood
They’re gonna shut me down, my love
They’re gonna launch me into the stars
Well, all things come to pass
Glory hallelujah
This prayer is for you, my love
Sent on the wings of a dove
An idiot prayer of empty words
Love, dear, is strictly for the birds
We each get what we deserve
My little snow white dove
Rest assured
Here in Crazeysburg, the cocks — excuse me — the roosters are out and about, which is always exciting, and it is yet another incredibly beautiful day!!
(I’m kidding about the roosters, gang. They don’t actually allow you to keep chickens and such here in the Village of Crazeysburg itself. You have to take 14 steps out of the village if you want to do that.) (And I’m not kidding about that part.)
But that reminds me: A million years ago, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers did a live radio broadcast out of Chicago, where they did just a killer (sexy) version of Howlin’ Wolf’s “Little Red Rooster”!
(This whole broadcast is actually really great. It totally kicks A. I don’t think it’s on an actual album or CD, but there is an MP3 download of it that you can get everywhere.)
Okay!! So!!
Today’s kind of a big day for me. Today is my big foray into Granville, Ohio, to have dinner with Kevin (Director of Tell My Bones) (in some future make-believe land, that is. All theater in NYC is shut down until 2021. I’m guessing NYC will never get back to normal, at this rate.)
Anyway. Kevin and I are having dinner at the Granville Inn and I have not done anything social, let alone been to the inn, since March 14th. I’m not entirely sure that I remember how to behave in public, but we’ll find out. Plus, this will be the first time I will put on my eye make-up in 3 and 1/2 months. So weird.
But I’m excited!! And also nervous. Because life is just plain different now. I’m guessing that if I let go of believing in anything I ever knew before, I should do all right.
Yesterday, I was working on Girl in the Night, and I guess I’ve just been doing too much typing these last few days, because the bones in the tops of my hands started to really hurt. So I took one extra-strength Tylenol and within minutes, my hands felt great but I was so sleepy I couldn’t even sit at my desk anymore! I had forgotten that those darn pills make me sleepy.
So the bulk of the day was not entirely productive, although I did have a nice day, regardless. And the lawn guy came to cut the grass, so the weeds — yard — is looking really spiffy.
And of course, by 9pm, I was quite perky and wide awake. And remained that way for a few hours, but I didn’t really feel like working at that point. So, after streaming another episode of Professor T., I just laid around on my bed in the dark — well, with the lights out. My bedroom is never actually dark because of the streetlights outside my window.
But I laid around on my bed in the dark, stared out the window at the truly beautiful night, watching the blinks of the fireflies wane, and I listened to Phoebe Bridgers’ new album, Punisher.
It’s kind of a depressing album, but it’s still beautiful and the lyrics are great. If I were closer to her age and not old enough to be her grandmother, I would likely relate to it a bit more, but I still really love her way with words. (Although the entire album makes me think of the song “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol. So I ended up playing that beautiful, non-depressing song over & over, and then finally fell to sleep.)
But back to listening to Phoebe Bridgers — I was thinking, once again, how incredible it is for young women nowadays to be able to make any kind of music they want to; to write any kind of songs they want to and have them sound however they want them to sound. Because it definitely didn’t used to be that way.
Plus there’s room now for so many more women musicians and songwriters and performers. They used to sign about one or two per genre, and then get behind them for about 2 albums, as long as they proved to be massive hits. Of course, back then, there was so much more money at stake for the various music industry gatekeepers, and all that’s been thoroughly “disrupted” now by everyone wanting so much music for free (and I won’t get political today, I’ll just say, that Socialist tendencies are so great, gang; it helps make everybody equally poor).
However!!
I do genuinely think it’s so great that women in music nowadays have so much more freedom to express what they want to express, however they want to express it. And I think that’s just so beautiful.
And something else that is amazingly beautiful, is the Red Hand Files thing that Nick Cave sent out today. You don’t even have to know his music, or know the album Ghosteen, to be able to appreciate what he has to say about love today. You can read it here if you are so inclined.
On that note, gang, I’m going to get started here. I’ll leave you with both the beautiful song “Punisher,” by Phoebe Bridgers, and the equally beautiful though very different song “Chasing Cars,” by Snow Patrol. Relax and enjoy!! (Or float off into the stratosphere is probably more like it!!) But either way, thanks for visiting! I love you guys! See ya!
“Punisher”
When the speed kicks in
I go to the store for nothing
And walk right by
The house where you lived with Snow White
I wonder if she ever thought
The storybook tiles on the roof were too much
But from the window, it’s not a bad show
If your favorite thing’s Dianetics or stucco
The drugstores are open all night
The only real reason I moved to the east side
I love a good place to hide in plain sight
What if I told you I feel like I know you
But we never met?
And here everyone knows you’re the way to my heart
Hear so many stories of you at the bar
Most times alone and some looking your worst
But never not sweet to the trust funds and punishers
Man, I wish that I could say the same
I swear I’m not angry, that’s just my face
A copycat killer with a chemical cut
Either I’m careless or I wanna get caught
Ooh, I’m not
What if I told you I feel like I know you
But we never met?
It’s for the best
I can’t open my mouth and forget how to talk
‘Cause even if I could, wouldn’t know where to start
Wouldn’t know when to stop
So far, it’s been just an amazing summer. The weather, I mean. And today is going to be yet another gorgeous day!
Before I forget, I did post another chapter yesterday on the In the Shadow of Narcissa website. This one is titled “I See God Everywhere.”
Also, yesterday — remember, a few days ago, I posted that photo of my new Val Kilmer coffee mug, with the Doc Holliday movie quote? I had also posted that photo on my Instagram feed and apparently Val Kilmer saw it, because he sent it out on his own Instagram feed yesterday. (The limited edition mugs are only available until tomorrow — July 1st.)
Well, that was a totally unexpected little thrill, however, it sent quite a number of scammers to my Instagram feed yesterday. Now that I’ve made my account public, anyone can follow me. But I patiently go through every single follower and block anyone that seems like a scammer, and they were coming all day yesterday.
And it was fun to have my picture posted there, too — the cup is sitting on the cafe table out on my kitchen porch:
My trip to town yesterday was splendid! I have never seen the Honda dealership so empty. I think there were maybe 5 people sitting in the waiting room (myself, included). Most people wearing masks, but not everybody. But the seats were all placed 6-feet apart.
I kind of liked it, actually. Usually, it’s a mob scene in the Honda waiting room! And it can take forever for them to finish your car. I was there less than 30 minutes, and they had changed the oil, topped the fluids, rotated the tires, and even washed the car. So, you know, one of the sort of “nice” things about the virus, I guess.
Tomorrow evening, Kevin (the director of my play) and I are finally going to go have dinner at the Granville Inn. I have missed that place so much, but I’ve had my trepidations about going there while it was easing out of lockdown because everyone has to wear masks. And I’m sort of afraid to see it like that.
Those non-mask days of yesteryear…
But, tomorrow, we’re going! I’ve been hearing that it’s crazy busy there — meaning, busy while remaining at 50% capacity. So we’ll see. I haven’t been there since St. Patrick’s weekend.
Then on Thursday, I have a phone conference with my accountant in NYC, because Peitor and I have to formally set up Abstract Absurdity Productions. I always love talking to my accountant because he is always a straight shooter and I get off the phone sort of in renewed & devastating shock over just how fucking much every single fucking business-related thing costs.
Still. It’s better to know than to be surprised when you can least afford it.
And then sometime later this week, Peitor and I have a conference call with the line producer in LA to see just how we might be able to come up with a budget that doesn’t undersell our film but that doesn’t make all of us fall out of our chairs, either!!
Other than that, life is pretty much quiet around here. I’m going to be tackling Letter #8 again for Girl in the Night. I’m hoping that the unexpected detour into In the Shadow of Narcissa will help Letter #8 seem fresh & brand new today!! I do love the 3 and 1/2 pages I’ve written (and re-written and re-written) so far, but I really, really would like it to finally finish itself, you know? It’s dragging on forever.
So, on that note, I will take my leave, gang! I hope you have a terrific Tuesday, wherever you are in the world!! Thanks for visiting. I leave you with one of my favorite songs from my wee bonny girlhood (mentioned in my new chapter for In the Shadow of Narcissa — I absolutely loved this song when I was little, gang, although a bunch of children were singing the version I knew back then): “This Land is Your Land” by the late, great Woody Guthrie.
All righty!! Enjoy. I love you guys. Have a great day. See ya!!
I’m heading out early today, gang. Have to drive to one far away town (30 miles) to spend some quality, post-lockdown time with those guys at the Honda dealership! My very grown-up car informed me last Monday (the last time I was actually in my car) that it was time for an oil change.
Then I’m going to drive to the other far away town and get the groceries.
It’s a stunning day here today, gang, so it’ll be nice to do all that excessive speeding on the highway with the music blasting! (And just a quick note to those of you who are new to the blog — there are usually only about 3 cars on the highway out here in the Hinterlands (no exaggeration!), and in the Honda, it’s almost impossible not to speed.) (Plus, you can drive these Hondas for 10K miles now before you need an oil change. I find this astounding.)
Okay!
Well, I did finish that new chapter for In the Shadow of Narcissa yesterday, but I still want to tweak it. So that’s what I’ll likely do when I get back from town.
On that note, though, I gotta scoot! Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with a song that I’ve posted here many times, but I just love it. And something I saw at about 4am this morning on Instagram that took my breath away, has had me singing this song all morning!! “Breathless” by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, from their double-album with two impossible-to-spell titles from 2004, Abattoir Blues / The Lyre of Orpheus.
All righty!! Have a wonder-filled Monday, wherever you are in the world, gang! I love you guys. See ya!
What a lovely Sunday here in Crazeysburg, gang! And even though yesterday was mostly about thunderstorms and torrential rain all day long — that, too, was wild and sort of beautiful.
And the skies cleared up unexpectedly by 5PM. The storms were supposed to go on straight through until today. But the skies cleared and then last evening was sunny again and really lovely.
I streamed two episodes of Professor T. yesterday (the Belgian TV crime series on PBS) — I know, I said I wasn’t going to binge watch it, just sticking to one episode per evening. But the rainy afternoon sort of called out for an episode of Professor T! So I watched an episode in the afternoon, during a thunderstorm, which was atmospheric and wonderful. Then another episode in the evening, when it was just so fucking beautiful outside the screen door in my kitchen.
I also got a lot of work done on a new chapter for In the Shadow of Narcissa yesterday. I might finish it today. (I like to think I will, since each chapter is well under 1000 words.) Then I’ll get back to Letter #8 for Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse.
Things with Valerie in Brooklyn are still exhausting and very emotional for her right now, so any book projects requiring cover art are still on hold.
Oh, and that reminds me. In July, I will once more be participating in the Smashwords Summer Sale. All my eBooks there will be $1.00 and one of the Muse Revisited books will be free. I don’t know which one will be free, I simply agreed to participate and they take care of the rest. (And I think you have to buy at least one eBook this time to get the free one.)
And just a head’s up — once the new cover art is made for The Muse Revisited collection, those manuscripts will be re-edited. The editing in those books right now is not that great. I look forward to editing them myself and completely re-packaging them, not to mention having them available in trade paper for the first time, ever. (The stories themselves have all been in trade paper, many times over. However, the 3-part collection as it is now has never been in traditional print.)
And Twilight of the Immortal will once again be in trade paper, as well. That one did come out with a traditional press several years ago, but has only been available as an eBook for quite a while now.
So, I’m excited!! Because, God knows, I need more stuff to do here at my desk!!!!!
All righty. On that note, I’m gonna get back to work on this new chapter for In the Shadow of Narcissa. I hope you have a really great Sunday, wherever you are in the world!
I’m leaving you with a song I was reminded of on Instagram this morning. “Cassiel’s Song” — by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds. It’s from the soundtrack of a Wim Wenders film from 1993, Far Away, So Close! (A sequel to Wings of Desire.) (The song is also on the Bad Seeds’ album B-Sides & Rarities. 2005)
And oddly enough, just yesterday afternoon, I had taken Judy Stone’s awesome book from 1997, Eye on the World: Conversations with International Filmmakers, down from the bookshelf and had re-read her Wim Wenders interview from June 1988.
It was a really interesting interview because he talked a lot about when he was young and sort of struggling to not only be a filmmaker but to come to terms with his nationality. (You can still buy the book, even though any filmmakers who became successful after the mid-1990s won’t be in it. And a number of the very well known international filmmakers who are in it have passed on now. But if you love international cinema, it is a real treasure. (And huge!! Almost a thousand pages, with 200 interviews with filmmakers from 40 countries.)
Okay!! I’m off!! Thanks for visiting, gang! I love you guys. See ya!
We’ve come to bring you home
Haven’t we, Cassiel?
To cast aside your loss and all your sadness
And shuffle off that mortal coil and mortal madness
For we’re here to pick you up and bring you home
Aren’t we, Cassiel?
It’s a place where you did not belong
Were time itself was mad and far too strong
Where life leapt up laughing and hit you head on
And hurt you, didn’t it hurt you, Cassiel?
While time outran you and trouble flew toward you
And you were there to greet it
Weren’t you, foolish Cassiel?
But here we are, we’ve come to call you home
And here you’ll stay never more to stray
Where you can kick off your boots of clay
Can’t you, Cassiel?
For death and you did recklessly collide
And time ran out of you
And you ran out of time
Didn’t you, Cassiel?
And all the clocks, in all the world
May this once just skip a beat in memory of you
Then again those damn clocks, they probably won’t
Will they, Cassiel?
One moment you are there and then strangely you are gone
But on behalf of all of us here we are glad to have you home
Aren’t we, dear Cassiel?
It’s not terribly hot here today, but we’re going to have nothing but high humidity and rain and thunderstorms all day and on into the night.
The good news (although I actually like rain and thunderstorms), but the true good news is that the problem I was having with my lungs after the virus — catching my breath during days of high humidity — that residual effect from the virus is almost completely gone.
So, apparently, I won’t have that problem for the rest of my life, as I was starting to fear. So that is some truly good news.
I don’t actually have a whole lot to blog about today, mostly I am focused on my writing projects and the (ever-shrinking!!) To-Do list for Abstract Absurdity Productions.
I might actually try my hand at another chapter for In the Shadow of Narcissa. However, as I’ve stated here on the blog before, I’m not sure if I will keep posting the new chapters to the website or not. I am seeing sings (also signs!!) that it is being downloaded in foreign lands, probably by someone gearing up to pirate it. In fact, they are probably annoyed that it’s taking me so long to finish the darn book!!!
I do apologize — my brain has not been working properly since something like early March…
Okay.
I checked out the new Tom Petty video yesterday — the one that is a sample of the upcoming Wildflowers Pt. 2 collection that is at long last in the works. (It’s called something else, though, that’s not the official title.) As I said yesterday, the “new song” that dropped yesterday, is a homemade demo he made of the song “You Don’t Know How it Feels” — a hit from his Wildflower solo album (1994).
I have to say that Tom Petty’s homemade 8-track demos (made when he was extremely famous and very rich) sound remarkably better than any 8-track homemade demos I ever made!!
The demo is okay, but the video, gang — I thought it was GREAT. It was created and directed by Ben “Blaze” Brooks and Aaron Hymes. And I just loved it. And I think that Tom Petty himself would have loved it. It’s posted below for today’s listening music!!
BTW, if you weren’t aware — Tom Petty was also an artist. In fact, he went to art school after high school but was quickly expelled for not attending classes because (according to his biography) he was too busy doing a bunch of, well, sort of intimate stuff with some girl!! Anyway — he drew, he painted. He was very talented in that way, too. So I think he would have loved the video these guys made because it relies on some of the iconic artwork Tom Petty did during his career.
Okay, on that note, I really gotta scoot!! But thanks for visiting, gang. I hope you enjoy your Saturday, wherever you are in the world!! I love you guys. See ya!
Can you believe it’s already late June?? Peaches are beginning to get ripe? A moment ago, it was February…
I have, like, a hard time getting my mind around that. And even though we’re mostly out of lock down around here, and Kevin (the director of my play, Tell My Bones — whenever that manages to get off the ground again, sometime in 2021); well, he and I keep saying we’re going to meet for dinner at the Granville Inn — I keep sort of dragging my feet because I’m not sure I want to see that beloved place with everyone wearing masks.
But of course, if everyone thinks that way, then nothing will get back to normal.
Anyway. It’s late June and I still halfway feel like I’m still in lockdown mode. But part of that is okay because the evenings around here have just been splendid.
By late afternoon, I finally was able to pull myself out of what was happening to me yesterday, gang, but it got really really bad before I was able to do that.
I don’t know why, but sometimes, my triggers get hit so hard (by key people in my life) that the spiraling down just takes over and happens so fast. I get like a zombie; it’s so awful. At its worst point, I went out and took a walk, but I had to absolutely force myself.
I walked into the dollar store and bought vitamins that I didn’t even really need — clearly not someone hell bent on self-destruction, right? Just trying to interact with reality. And with the nice lady behind the checkout counter. She smiled and said, “How are you today?” And I was forced to be fake and say, “I’m good. How are you?” But it helps. It really does — hearing my voice say that. It’s at least something that’s not telling me to die.
Then on my way back home, I ran into two older men (strangers) from the senior living complex, who were sitting on the bench in the town square (that’s really a triangle). One of them was old enough to need a walker, but both of them were just so friendly and so nice. They forced me to remember for a few moments that life is beautiful. That I have every right to live.
Just two of the angels who came to my assistance yesterday. (I rely on some truly beautiful unknown angels; I really do.)
This thing that happens in my brain has nothing to do with how I actually feel about myself here & now. It’s an old program, an old voice, that gets triggered. Usually, I can override it all by myself. But yesterday was one of the scarier days.
You know, back when Tom Petty managed to become a heroin addict at age 50, it dawned on me that it was never too late to become a heroin addict. Or when all those famous movie stars who became alcoholics in their later years, wound up drinking themselves to death, it served to remind me that it was never too late to become an incurable alcoholic. And then, when one of my colleagues — a very well-known erotic photographer — jumped to his death from his balcony in San Francisco a couple years ago, when he was in his late 70s… It’s just that horrible reminder that I never know what my brain is likely to start telling me if I’m not incredibly vigilant.
I did manage to get some work done — focusing on “tasks” kept my mind from doing that horrible shit. At one point, though, I was on Instagram, looking up the suicide hashtag and interestingly enough, when you enter that hashtag, a little gatekeeper comes up with a link to “Get Help.”
That was actually enough to shake me out of my tunnel vision — should I get help? — but I proceeded to the hashtag anyway. To see what people who think about suicide had posted there. But then it actually led me to some Anne Sexton poems, so I decided to follow the Anne Sexton hashtag instead, and that got me to a much better place. And eventually, it got me right back to my desk.
So, I was able to get some work done on Girl in the Night , and also tackle a lot of the stuff on my To-Do list for Abstract Absurdity Productions. That kind of focusing helped turned down the voice in my head a lot.
And then somebody I care about so much came through so unexpectedly, in spades, yesterday, and I was able to completely break the spiral.
Speaking of Tom Petty — the battling Petty clan seems to be coming to some sort of agreement to move forward on those early Wildflower tracks that were never released. And today, at TomPetty.com, the first song from that batch will be debuted. An 8-track version of his song “You Don’t Know How It Feels.”
I’m not sure I need to hear an 8-track version of that specific song, but I am really eager to hear that Wildflowers Part 2 collection, whenever it comes out. (Plenty of unreleased songs that he actually wanted released are supposed to be on it.)
I don’t know if you tuned into the NASA YouTube channel to watch the guys go off on their space walk this morning — at one point, nearly 77,000 viewers were streaming it. Wow, they have to wear so much stuff to go out for a walk in space. But it was still nice to see that Russians and Americans can thrive together way the heck out in outer space!! (If you’re too young to remember the original “space race” — the USA and the USSR couldn’t have been less accommodating of each other back then. To put it extremely mildly.)
Well, all righty. I guess I will get to work here on this beautiful day. Today, I know it’s Friday!! I have all my faculties in working order here today. So I hope you are gearing up for a nice weekend, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang.
Today, I will leave you with Neil Diamond yet again, but a much more uplifting song than yesterday’s (which was also a favorite of mine, even though it was sad). This one today is one that I post here a lot. But it is such a great song! “Sweet Caroline.” Who can ever get tired of it?? And this is such a great version of it. Okay. Enjoy, gang. I love you guys. See ya!
Well, I am going to be brief again today, gang. By late afternoon yesterday, after a couple of phone calls in a row, it suddenly seemed like everything was starting to go very wrong.
In my relationships, I mean. (Of which I have about 3 and a 1/2…)
I woke up this morning and the morning concurred: something is going really, really wrong. In every direction.
So I’m going to stay off line. Try to get my head together here. And if that proves fruitless, I’ll just take a bunch of little happy pills all in a row and sleep until Monday. Or later…. (The Big Sleep would actually be really nice, right about now, but I have way too many freaking cats relying on me.) (I actually think the Universe planned it this way, gang. I really do. It knows that, when worse comes to worst, I am always at least able to find meaning in the lives of every other living thing besides me.)
Anyway, before everything began to really suck, I did make some interesting progress with the flowers and the barn yesterday. Although the window that has no glass in it, and has the old man-made, louvered shutters, and the 8-inch window sill — I was not able to really do anything with it. Although I pondered it for quite a while — how to make something work in that window. But I just couldn’t and since I already had the cloth flower planter and the flowers, the soil, etc., I put it all on the other window of the barn — the one that faces the street:
So now the neighbors can enjoy the flowers, but I can’t see them at all from my kitchen window, which was the original point! But oh well. It looks pretty from the street.
You’ll note that I have restored the “From the Vault” stories for now. Valerie in Brooklyn is having a lot of stress — constantly traveling between needing to look after her mom who lives up the Hudson a ways, and one of her 18-year-old cats dying at home — she has her hands full and cannot concentrate on doing any cover art. So the re-issuing of The Muse Revisited collection (as well as publication of The Guitar Hero Goes Home) is on hold. So the Vault is back until we can get back on track with the POD publishing projects.
Okay. I think that’s it. I no longer have any clue what day this is, but whatever it is, I hope it’s a good one for you, wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya.
“I Am… I Said”
L.A.’s fine, the sun shines most the time
And the feeling is “lay back”
Palm trees grow and rents are low
But you know I keep thinkin’ about
Making my way back
Well I’m New York City born and raised
But nowadays,
I’m lost between two shores
L.A.’s fine, but it ain’t home
New York’s home,
But it ain’t mine no more
“I am”… I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
“I am”… I cried “I am”… said I
And I am lost and I can’t
Even say why
Leavin’ me lonely still
Did you ever read about a frog
Who dreamed of bein’ a king
And then became one
Well except for the names
And a few other changes
If you talk about me
The story’s the same one
But I got an emptiness deep inside
And I’ve tried
But it won’t let me go
And I’m not a man who likes to swear
But I never cared
For the sound of being alone
“I am”… I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
“I am”… I cried
“I am”… said I
And I am lost and I can’t
Even say why
“I am”… I said
“I am”… I cried
“I am”… I said
But there you have it — my first cup of 4th of July coffee out on my kitchen porch at 6am this morning. It’s yet another gorgeous (hot) day here in Crazeysburg.
Marilyn's Room 