Are you also feeling that intense foreboding, gang? I absolutely can’t shake it this morning. Even though we are getting comms that the White Hats are winning. Big Time.
“US Commander in Chief reminding digital soldiers and patriots today that this operation is bigger than we can imagine, and it is nearly complete in background_setup_stages. Question: What has <45> been doing the last 72hrs?”
*************
And Dan Scavino posted the very best Ultra MAGA surfing/wipeout meme on Instagram. However, I can’t copy it to the blog. one frame of it is here, but it doesn’t compare to the whole thing. It really was just incredible:
“IT’S COMING!!!🥳🥳🥳”
Meanwhile, Scavino posted this on Truth Social early this morning. I’m having another really rough morning here today, so this helped me alot:
“Comms are shared across many truthers TG accounts.
The comms may be in the form of individual words, specific content, mis-spellings, capitalizations, or even simple type comms like rhyming.
It would be nearly impossible to contact each other without the risk of someone overhearing the conversation, recording the phone call, or disrupting the “plan” in some way, shape, or form.
For those of you that seem to be drawing connections between multple accounts across multiple platforms, you are not very far off.
EDIT: Oh, and let’s not forget Gematira.”
**********************
And this just in from SGAnon — so, yes, Kanye is a White Hat:
“Elon buys Twitter. Kanye buys Parker. Trump creates TS, may later own parts of MSM as well through defamation rulings. Coordinated, MultiDimensional Alliance. The Plan to Save the World.”
*****************
From “Nancy Drew” (& Phil) yesterday:
“Hmmm….this makes me question the World Bank Meeting, we saw Friday. They sure did have many city blocks, closed off for that meeting, and an enormous police presence. Why would there be a need to do that, for just a yearly meeting for every day bankers?🤔 Interesting.”
********************
And that’s it, gang.
Things are just getting really, really intense — and yet we still seem to be on track for this being “over” by the end of this month. (And by “over” I mean things here in the USA could be out in the open for the sleepers, and we will be on to the next phase. Military & White Hats are in control.)
Stay safe, stay alert, have faith. Full armor of God and boots to the ground today!!
“SGAnon goes through a brief breakdown of comms with DJT and Dan Scavino, and also discloses some intel regarding US NG movements.
Nothing Can Stop What Is Coming (53 mins):
And also, if you didn’t see this from the other day , from SGAnon —
“13 Bloodline families (not all are contained in this short TikTok video by this creator)
Who were the Children of Canaan? Children of [CAIN]an? What were the Canaanites? Why did G-D command Joshua of Old, to “utterly destroy” the people of Canaan, “…even to every man, woman, and child”. Why did Joshua FAIL? Who was the 2nd Pope, and why is it significant?
They have fooled, controlled, and waged war on Mankind for thousands of years. They have annihilated entire species, nations, and cultures for money and power.
It is now time for THEIR PA!N.
WWG1WGA.”
The Phoenician Families Who Own/Control the World (27 seconds):
***************
Cafe Locked Out —The No Goat Show asks, has the Tide Turned? Is Their House Of Cards Falling? (1 hr 18 mins):
*************
Nick Alvear at GoodLionTV announces that the pre-order for the entire first season of Pervywood on DVD is now available!
“Lip fillers” “botox” “nose job” “veneers”….lol ive heard it all about me. As usual THE TRUTH vs “what people say” as you can see… I was unbelievably cute from the get go! :D…7 whats the REAL POINT of this post? DONT GET DISTRACTED. One of the “bad guys” that almost NEVER GETS MENTIONED are known as “the whisperer. And they intentionally spread doubt and division in order to allow controlled opposition to gain legitimacy and power. Unity is now MORE IMPORTANT than ever. Heads up! Mask “recommendations” will be coming in a few days and we know what follows after that. We also know they are moving full steam ahead with UBI, digital ID and CBDCs. Remember the lessons you’ve learned and be ready to #justsayno”
“‘Taxes Have Consequences’”’ uses in-depth research to tell the real tax history of the United States. My administration built on this history when we cut taxes in 2017. Here is the full story from over a century of our American past.” Purchase HERE.
“Dr. Reiner Fuellmich on Jerm Warfare with Jeremy Nell – 14 October 2022
Known by his pseudonym Jerm, Jeremy Nell is an award-winning political cartoonist from South Africa, whose work has been featured in numerous publications, in various languages, around the world since 2005. His podcast, Jerm Warfare, in which he discusses counter-narrative ideas, has featured some of the greatest minds in the world, such as Robert Kennedy, David Icke, Victor Davis Hanson, Peter McCullough, John McAfee, and Scott Adams.
GUEST OVERVIEW: Dr Reiner Fuellmich is a German lawyer specialising in corporate fraud. He has gathered extensive evidence to expose world leaders and bureaucrats of crimes against humanity in the response to COVID-19.”
“What happened between the 6th and 10th centuries when the “Dark Ages” occurred in the West?
After the fall of the Western Roman Empire, hundreds of nations poured into the West. There are only brief accounts of a few key figures such as Charlemagne.
Then official history jumps to the early Middle Ages. The period from the sixth to the tenth century remains a blank spot in the historical chronicles.”
There is really no “new” news today, gang. But it feels like the pressure is just off-the-charts intense everywhere — across all formats, on all channels –being applied primarily to people who are still sleeping. It seems also to be aimed at people sleeping primarily in the Western world.
At the same time, Truthers — especially Q Truthers — are giving alerts and a “head’s up” all over the place: “this is happening and then this wil happen and it will seem like a world war and utter chaos but don’t panic.”
And, of course, if you also follow the Q Truthers, you see that this is exactly what is unfolding: utter chaos in the exact ways they “predicted”: Crashing stock market, corrupt DOJ, Ukraine, vax deaths & horrors, threats of energy blackouts, threats of nuclear war, fake Biden imploding, etc.
So the only thing “new” is probably President Trump’s 14-page letter to the Select Committee:
Of course, there is also this, from il donaldo trumpo (same person, different attitude):
“MY NEW SUBPOENA PRINTER WORKS PERFECTO!!!”
**************
Two things that strike me as peculiar–
A huge distraction going on over at Phil’s channel, In brief (go to the link to get the whole story):
“I am hereby offering the sum of $5000 to any private investigator and/or citizen journalist that successfully finds me the real name, business address, and home address of the gentleman known as “Thad Rucker”.
This is not his real name. I have spoke to several of his past business acquaintances, and they have told me his name is “Waylon”.
I need his last name as well, and addresses, as mentioned above.
If no one can find this information in the next 7 days, the reward will increase.
What we know:
“Thad Rucker Designs” is his “business”, which has something to do with automotive painting.
He used to live in Texas (Cypress area), but shut down his business and moved. Not sure if the old business was the same name, but presumably it was not.
When added to SnapChat as a contact phone number, his name shows up as “Thad Rucker”. The phone number listed for that to occur is 281-213-9622.
Anons – PLEASE no harassing.
I just want his full name, business and home address, so I can take this piece of human trash to court for the rest of his garbage life.
Thanks Pham 👊”
****************
And, at the same time, over at SGAnon on Truth Social–
His new audio file (#18) will go up on rumble tonight instead of last night because his “recording was targetted by BootSys hacks.”
I’m not 100% sure how hackers can target a private recording on a computer that presumably has State of the Art protection against spies and malware and all things sleath and evil, etc. But oh well…
Perhaps somebody simply said: “Wait. Stop! Don’t say that until tomorrow!” Who knows, right?
Anyway, I find both of those things kinda strange.
*******************
Meanwhile, another great one from James Tabor, on my very favorite subject of all: James, the brother of Jesus.
James the Just–His Teachings and Tragic Death (13 mins):
*************
And that’s kind of it. Except I’ll now make a brief mention about something that has been going on in my private/career life.
In addition to the play I’m working on with Sandra at a fevered pace, some other really staggering (good) stuff had come up at the same time, regarding two of my TV projects that I’d been pitching for, literally, years.
It was all good, and I’m not going to go into any of the details, but the other day, I came to a decision: I really, really, really don’t want to work in TV or movies or streamers, etc.
So I am letting that opportunity pass.
At this stage in my life, after everything I’ve already been through with my career — both good and intensely challenging — I really just want to focus on Abstract Absurdity Productions, the small micro-short video production company I have with my long-time friend Peitor Angell.
As well as focus on my plays (3 in-progress). And then all my various books that are in progress since before the plandemic — 2 memoirs, 2 novels, a novella.
But it’s been an amazing whirlwind around here for the past 6 weeks, or so.
And then rediscovering all those demos of my songs (literally dozens). Wow. That has been so much fun for me. (Peitor and I have also discussed for several years, getting an album out, once and for all, of all those songs. He is primarily a music producer.)
Anyway. It’s been quite an intense time for me.
Okay. Have a great Saturday, wherever you are in the world!
Thanks for visiting!
I love you guys. See ya!!
I leave you with my driving-home-from-work-on-a-gorgeous-evening-music from yesterday!! The Rolling Stones, from their amazing, legendary double-album, Exile on Main St.: “I Just Want To See His Face” 1972!!!! Play it incredibly loud!! Put ot on “repeat”!! Enjoy the groove!!!
(Click title in the video and it will take you directly to YouTube)
Okay, gang. I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday. I think I’m over the whole shock & horror thing of these last 2 and 1/2 years.
For now, anyway.
I am only keeping track of news that doesn’t seem to be connected to the scare event — whatever that really ends up being. And I’m trying to focus on either things that stand out as interesting or worth watching.
SGAnon will have a new file sometime this evening on rumble, so watch for that. Meanwhile, he had a ton of interesting posts on Truth Social yesterday, but I have trouble posting anything from Truth Social here to the blog, so here is his direct link.
His gives some updates on what’s happening re: those explosions under the FBI building — it lines up with what Phil told us in his live the other night. (Getting rid of the trafficking tunnels/underground city.)
Bank of England (BOE) Announcement!!! They told pension fund managers they have 3 days to finish rebalancing their positions by Friday when the British Central Bank is due to end its emergency support for the country’s fragile bond market!!!
(Remember that Phil said literally thousands of wanted individuals had been hiding in those tunnels under the FBI, etc., escaping arrest, but that the current explosions were forcing them out from hiding — could account for all this massive traffic to Gitmo…?)
“What happens when Remeece asks Chris Sky to work in a music studio with just hours notice and absolutely no pre planning? It goes so well they asked us to make a MUSIC VIDEO even though I was literally in my PJs never intending to be on camera. Lol who knew my voice was so catchy? 😀 let me enter your brrrraaaaiiiiinnnns. You will NOT TAKE THE VAX (or any other shit!) We already know to #justsayno … now you know what to say when they even TRY to talk… “SHUT UP” ! My man Remeece featuring Chris Sky”
**************
And that’s it for now, gang. Trump has been very active on Truth Social but that, in my opinion, is optics. (The latest, of course, is that the Unselect Committee is finally getting around to subpeonaing (spell?) him re: Jan. 6th… and also that Durham is exposing the FBI’s $1 million bounty on Trump.)
Other than that, I guess we just have to stay alert and buckle up.
In other news….
Tonight, Nick Cave is in Cheltenham at the Literature Festival!
And that is it!
Thanks for visiting, gang.
I love you guys. See ya!
Breakfast-listening music! If you click it, you can play it directly on YouTube! CSN&Y “Ohio”.
Thanks for listening to these old tracks, you guys. I really appreciate it!
Here is another one that I can’t believe! It is the original demo of “Try It Real Slow” that I did with my first band back in 1984!! 2 guys from Argentina (a drummer and a guitarist) and a bass player from the East Village. I had forgotten how much I loved this version, because I eventually turned it into a more “country” song.
Anyway. Here it is! (I really love this gadget (Dansrue cassette to MP3 converter). I am able to listen to demos that I haven’t heard in decades, and it turns them into MP3s on my desktop.
Wayne, my ex-husbnad in NYC, had requested that I send him MP3 versions of a couple of my songs that I wrote a million years ago, when I was a singer/songerwriter.
I transferred them from analogue to MP3, and they are just demos (from a long time ago), so the sound quality is not great. But here they are!!
(The first two take a few seconds to start)
Deep into Frost 1988Handful of Pills 1992Such A Thing As Fire 1992
I used to love to drink and drinking used to love me — until I was about 42, or something like that. I don’t know. Somewhere around there, it stopped being fun.
Still, it doesn’t account for something astounding that I discovered yesterday. Because back in NYC when I was a songwriter — I never drank while writing. Nor did I ever do any drugs. I didn’t even smoke. I never wanted anything besides maybe caffeine to assist my brain while I was writing.
Although I’ve always kind of secretly wished I could be like Kerouac, or Philip K. Dick, or Stephen King in the early days, and just get really fucked up and see what came out. Take a bunch of speed and just start churning it, you know? However, I was never like that. Even though I did at times do a ton of speed and a ton of drinking when not writing.
Anyway. I was fooling around with my guitar yesterday afternoon and I couldn’t remember the chords to a song I’d written back in 1984 — a song that I played live for years. I was drawing a complete blank.
So I went to the storage closet and found the files that had all my old songs in them. And it was such a weird thing: there were quite a number of songs in there from the later days of my songwriting that I had no memory of whatsoever. And according to all the set lists I had stuffed in the files, too, I played those songs live a lot.
I even looked at the bottoms of the lyrics pages to see if maybe they were covers of someone else’s songs, but they all had my copyrights on them. Clearly, I’d written them.
It felt so fucking strange. And reading over the lyrics — they were good songs. Although they looked like they leaned more towards country than folk, but still good lyrics. And yet I had no clue what the melodies were that went along with them. It was like I’d never seen those songs before in my life. And yet there were lead sheets printed up and stored in there and everything.
It turns out that every song I ever wrote from 1974 (!!!!!) until 1994 — when I finally stopped the songwriting and focused on fiction writing exclusively — are in those files. There are songs in there from the early 80s that I never actually performed because I didn’t think they were very good — those songs I still remember perfectly — melodies and lyrics. I remember them; I just never really liked them. So the fact that a bunch of songs that I thought were good enough to perform (all the time) in the early 1990s– and I don’t remember them at all?
It felt like maybe somewhere in there, I became another person. You know? Like I split off into some other probable reality. Something like that. I’m serious. It really felt like that. What woman who had my name wrote and sang those songs?
All the songs –except for one — that I wrote between 1970 and 1973 are gone forever because I lost that notebook somewhere after moving to NYC in 1980. The one song that I still have from 1970 (yes, from when I was 10), I still have only because it was actually used in a short film that my Girl Scout troop made about air pollution for a huge conference on the environment that was held in downtown Cleveland that year. And the lyrics were also printed in the school bulletin, which my parents kept and then gave to me years later. (It’s a rather political song, as perhaps you can guess, since it was about the environment. Cleveland had horrific problems with pollution. We had steel mills and the auto industry back then. Cleveland is also notorious for having had an actual river that was so polluted it caught on fire — yes, a river that caught on fire.)
Cuyahoga River on fire in Cleveland, 1969
So that one song survives. And I don’t think I really need to see all the many songs I wrote from when I was 10 until I was 12 that are lost now. It would be cool, I guess. But I don’t really need to ever see them again.
That said, though, the songs I looked at yesterday from 1974 — when I was still only 13 — were interesting enough, thank you. Jesus. And then I found songs in there from 1975 — when I was in the mental hospital for 5 months. That’s when I closed the files and walked away.
Until yesterday, I had no clue any of those really old songs were in there. I’d thought that anything before 1981 was lost for all time. I glanced quickly through the old songs but I didn’t have the stomach to actually read them — especially those ones written in the mental hospital. I was only looking for chords for that one specific song from 1984, anyway — which I never did find. Although I found the original lyrics, which look like this:
Song in progress, 1984. NYC. I even made a note there that my grandfather was in the hospital back home in Ohio and that a cousin was having another baby. Knowing me, I probably wrote letters to them. I was always a big letter-writer (still am), even though almost no one ever wrote me back.
So yesterday was really very interesting. I will probably look over those files again today, because I know the chords to that song must be in there somewhere. And I think I might force myself to read over some of those lyrics from over 40 years ago. Plus, I even found the lyrics to 3 songs that Peitor and I wrote together back in, like, 1986 or something like that. One of those songs is one we always really loved, it’s titled “(I Can’t Help It If) I’m Still In Love With You.”
The demo was quite plaintive and little-girl-sounding. Tons of reverb on my angelic vocal and on his piano, and it had some sort of rain sound in the background, and the ubiquitous drum machine from those days. And the lyrics were essentially: you suck, the world sucks, my whole life now sucks because I met you in the first place and now you left me but I can’t help it, I’m still in love with you.
That kind of thing — but not in those words, of course. Peitor and I had a blast recording that. It was funny to us but, you know, it was actually good. It wasn’t a funny song — just funny to us.
Anyway. I guess it’s good that I saved all this stuff. I can’t imagine what if anything it really means to me all these decades later — to who I am as a writer. But I’m glad I’ve got them.
On the virus front: I’m feeling really good today…So here’s hoping. One of these darn days, I have to be actually really well. Right?? Maybe today will be the day…
Okay. Here is the cover art for the forthcoming Marc Bolan tribute album, AngelHeaded Hipster (produced by Hal Willner who I think just died in NYC from the virus). This is the album where Nick Cave sings “Cosmic Dancer” — and sings it so beautifully. I don’t even know how many times I’ve already watched the video. I just love it.
And I’m still loving that Bad Seed TeeVee. I’m still finding stuff on there that I haven’t seen yet — or even seen before, ever. It’s just so cool.
And on a somewhat unrelated music note– have you noticed that everyone’s buying ukuleles again? I mean, like, everyone’s buying them. And they have all different colors now, all different price ranges, too. Of course, the one I like best is the Epiphone Les Paul tenor acoustic-electric ukulele (below) — I’m not certain of this, but I don’t think there’s a more expensive one out there, so of course it’s the one I love. I’ve come close to buying it several times already…
Anyway, on that note… I’m going to get Sunday underway over here. I hope yours is a good one, wherever you are in the world. I leave you today with probably the most famous/favorite ukulele song, ever. From the late Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwoʻole; “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Enjoy, gang. And thanks for visiting. Make it a good one, okay? I love you guys. See ya.
As soon as I think I feel better, I immediately feel wiped out again. Just tired, though. The weight is definitely out of my lungs now, so I’m not going to complain. I’m just trying to roll with it.
Peitor and I have decided to do Abstract Absurdity Productions work tomorrow instead.
Meanwhile…
Even though 90% of the songs I wrote in the 80s & 90s have not been digitalized, I actually do have an mpg file of one of the earliest songs I wrote after I moved to NYC. I was 21.
This song was actually really popular in the folk clubs and other folk artists covered it, which, of course, was a thrill for me.
It has a very Caribbean feel to it.
Here’s me back then. And this is Stephen, the guy who is playing all the instruments on this particular recording from back then. We made this recording in his bedroom. We recorded a ton of music together in his bedroom, although he was a drummer/singer in a New Wave band. Almost everyone I knew back then was a musician, and almost all of us played a different style of music, in different clubs, different parts of the city. But we all got along really well. (Let’s just say we partied intensely. I seem to recall never sleeping for about a decade…)
Anyway. Stephen was one of the nicest & most talented guys I ever knew. He was from the South, and has long since returned there to get married and settle down.
We are pictured under a statue of Bo Jangles in Richmond, Virginia. 1982. Enjoy, gang! I love you guys.
“SAME OLD STORY”
Well, I’ve got a story that you gotta hear
Oh, come on, sinners, gather near
Well, I promise it’s a story you’ll like real well
About liars
lovers, cheaters
And I’ve a got a secret, do you wanna know?
I’ll tell you all about it, then I gotta go
I’m going down to the water when the tide comes up
And jump over
Up and over
‘Cause I took a journey into paradise
Giving up my freedom was the sacrifice
Oh, but I had a man who said the price
Was worth it
For love
And I believed him
CHORUS
It’s the same old story ‘bout a woman who’s found
That she’s tired of his drinkin’ and his runnin’ around
So she tries to get him into settling down
And he leaves her.
(Not in body, but soul)
I’m not a dummy, Lord, I went to school
Oh, but I took a gamble on a stubborn mule
If I thought I could change him,
I was more a fool
But I tried to
Every chance I got
Soon, he was comin’ in at quarter to three
I tried to pretend it didn’t bother me
Until the night when I saw him
Kiss that dark-haired girl
And he held her
In the back seat of his car
CHORUS
It’s the same old story ‘bout a woman who’s found
That she’s tired of his drinkin’ and his runnin’ around
So she tries to get him into settling down
And he leaves her.
Okay, here’s a demo I haven’t posted before. I wrote & recorded this song in 1993, about a year before I left the music entirely and became a full-time fiction writer. (And, yes, that’s me above in 1993!!) (And I wasn’t actually living in Hell’s Kitchen anymore — I was living with Wayne on the Upper West Side, but we weren’t married yet.)
The song is “Crossin’ By the Levee.”
Remember, gang, if you’re viewing this on your phone, you have to turn it sideways to see the whole post!
Oh my god. You know how sometimes you open your inbox and there’s an email in there waiting for you, and you open it and it makes you just think: what the fuck?
For me, that was yesterday.
Wayne, my 2nd ex-husband, is in Nepal right now, just tramping around. And yesterday, he emailed me from a cafe there. I won’t tell you everything he wrote, but the main thing he said was that he was in a cafe in Nepal, listening to “Breaking Glass.”
He said he would explain when he got back to NYC.
I can’t wait.
“Breaking Glass” was not the first song I ever wrote, but it was the very first song I ever performed as a professional singer-songwriter in New York City. I was 21 years old. It was at Gerde’s Folk City. I performed other songs immediately after singing that one, but, technically, that was the first one I ever sang for an audience. (It was well received and it was the very best night of my life.)
Several months later, the song was recorded on vinyl for Fast Folk Co-op, which was run by the late Jack Hardy. Now all those records are in the Smithsonian and Smithsonian Folkways Records offers them for sale on the Smithsonian website.
I was on two of those records before I left the Co-Op and sought non-Suzanne Vega-pastures beyond the West Village, because she was making my life as a singer-songwriter there exceedingly difficult (also known as “a living hell”). (I won’t use the “B” (female dog) word in regards to her, but I will allow you to think it quietly amongst yourselves, and I will also allow you to wonder if I might not be harboring even nastier words, even allowing you to consider, for a moment, the enormous range of my vocabulary and the sheer volume of nasty words I have access to in my brain… and then the blog post will resume.)
How on earth Wayne came to be listening to “Breaking Glass” while in a cafe in Nepal is really an interesting question. I’m guessing he downloaded it to his iPhone from the Smithsonian website, but I don’t know that for sure.
But then I wondered, how would he even know that song was available for sale online? My folksinging days were all part of my life from long before I even met Wayne. I was married to Foun Kee back in those days. And then I wondered if maybe Wayne had been on my Wikipedia page and found it there. (A page, I might add, that is not at all current and not entirely accurate. And even though I really honestly appreciate whoever it was who created that page, I wish that whoever created that page would go in and update it. Anyway.)
Why on earth Wayne would want to look at my Wikipedia page, I don’t know. After all, he has the full & vibrant, unending gift of having known me in person — my indisputable insanity having overflowed within his very domicile — forever imprinted in his very being now. Why he would want to read about me (somewhat inaccurately) online is a complete mystery.
But then it made me wonder if he’d been to my blog. (This thing you’re reading here.) And then of course, I immediately hit the proverbial “rewind” and thought of all the stuff I’ve posted here publicly about both of my marriages, but certainly about that marriage specifically, and it just made me sort of cringe.
Oops. Um. Well, shoot. Sorry about that.
I don’t know. I am always operating under the majestic delusion that no one I know personally reads my blog.
I know that a stalwart few of you have been reading my blog for a really long time now. This specific blog has only been here on WordPress for a few years, but I’ve been blogging online since 1997, before it was called blogging. And my most popular blog was when Marilyn’s Room was housed at GoDaddy. Back then, I had thousands of readers every day, and a huge portion of those readers were colleagues from all over the world. Another huge portion of those were family members, both estranged and not-so-estranged.
It made me insane. Everyone reading over my shoulder like that. Everybody had an opinion about what I wrote and they would email me and let me know what it was (sometimes not very nicely, either). Eventually, I left GoDaddy, pulled down my web site, and started a very obscure blog here on WordPress.
And I loved it. The mental liberation. I had, like, maybe 2 readers. And because you really had to hunt diligently to find me, I figured those 2 readers actually just wanted to read my blog and not find constant fault with my thinking. Or at least not email me about what they thought my faults were.
Eventually, though, it became excruciatingly clear that blogging in obscurity kept your overall career really obscure. So I put the URL back and sort of became “public” again. I don’t have thousands of readers anymore, because I haven’t published anything new in a long time, but I do have hundreds of readers, every day, from all over the world and yet I still blog away as if no one I’m blogging about is ever gonna read the darn thing.
So that was sort of a rude awakening, and even though Wayne’s email yesterday was extremely friendly, and so it gave me hope that he hadn’t just been reading my blog or he probably would have said something more akin to things he said while we were married (i.e., “I really love you, Marilyn, but you know, sometimes I just want to push you down the fucking stairs”), it was still a sort of warning flag that I ought to maybe think things through a little more before, you know, plastering it to the blog.
Well, I promise to give it some very serious consideration and I will get back to you about that soon.
On another topic…
This morning, gang, was so beautiful. When I awoke, the sun was just barely coming up; it was clear and crisp and gorgeous outside my bedroom windows. As usual my mind was overflowing with the Muse, and Eros was everywhere. However, it was only 58 degrees Fahrenheit. That is quite cool for August. A chill was in the air. I still had all 21 of the windows in the house wide open, you know? So the cats were pretty darn frisky in that chill and I had to put on my flannel bathrobe when I got out of bed and went down to the kitchen.
But the chill was bittersweet. It made me realize that, yes, summer is indeed waning. Fall is just around the corner. And even though fall means Nick Cave in New York City (!!) (yay!!) (his Conversations resume in Finland on Monday!!), it also just plain means the summer will be over soon. I need to get a grip on life. Get it to slow down somehow.
Part of the insanity of spending the entire summer at my desk, trying to re-write Tell My Bones for the 17 hundredth time, is that I lost track of a lot of things — to an escalating degree. Not only did the State send me my new & delightfully updated, delinquent, School Tax bill, but also, on Thursday, it came to my attention that the trash collectors did not collect my trash. I wondered why that was, when they’d clearly collected everybody else’s trash. Crap. Then I remembered that I hadn’t paid that fucking bill. So I had to run to my computer and pay that fucking bill. And then the gas bill came: Did you forget something last month? You’re a little behind here.
Ditto on the electric bill.
Then the local Cub Scout troop came by, to see if I had my non-perishable grocery contribution for the Food Bank… ME: “Is it time for that already? I thought I had until closer to the end of August?”
THEM: “This is closer to the end of August, ma’am.”
(Wow. Welcome to La-La land. I really need to finish the re-writes on this play.)
But I just don’t want August to leave me yet! Loyal readers of this lofty blog no doubt recall how much I love bluebirds and what they symbolize to me (actual happiness – the kind I didn’t have for most of my life but do indeed have now). Well, here is the calendar that’s been on my wall all month. How poetic!! How can I possibly let it go??!!
Yes!! Bluebirds!! Of happiness!! Just for me! I don’t want to turn the page…
Anyway. I gotta get started here, gang. Plays don’t re-write themselves.
I leave you with me, circa Summer 1982. I was an extremely shy folk singer back then. When they asked me to be on this record, I was over the moon. This is me & my guitar, and Mark Dann playing bass — he also engineered it. Jack Hardy produced it.
Okay, thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys. See ya!
“Breaking Glass”
I was doomed to live in New York City
On a block where accidental babies
Went out with the trash;
We shared a two-room apartment,
Tiny and cold
To the tune of a love, by winter,
Growing old
And the sound of an angry young woman
Breaking glass.
I recall our lives were never empty
There were tears enough for the third who entered
And beckoned your past;
The hours you kept were deceitful
And it had to show
The passion of time she burned
I couldn’t control;
I was trapped in my raging fury
And breaking glass.
CHORUS
There’s no telling how the coming of love
Will find us
There’s no guessing in what way
It’s gonna set us free
There’s no doubting that the anger of love
Can break us
When our actions don’t even come close
To the people we wanna be most
And our dreams don’t work out as the glories
They’d promised to be.
Without excuses I left the table
Well, I ran like hell while I was still able
I started anew;
I’ve lost some weight and I’m strong
And happy now
I got over the fiery anger, though
I don’t know how;
The songs we knew, they don’t drive me crazy
Well, I stopped the drinking and being lazy
It’s over at last;
The painful sheer rejection has
All gone past;
The tunes of deceit and loneliness
Fading fast;
Gone are the days of anger
And breaking glass.
CHORUS
There’s no telling how the coming of love
Will find us
There’s no guessing in what way
It’s gonna set us free
There’s no doubting that the anger of love
Can break us
When our actions don’t even come close
To the people we wanna be most
And our dreams don’t work out as the glories
They’d promised to be.
c- 1981 Marilyn Jaye Lewis
First of May Songs, BMI
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