Tag Archives: Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

Just Another Crazy Heat-filled Day in Crazeyland!

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What a day, gang!

I am just now getting around to posting to the blog. The internet was out for 3 hours.

I am trying really hard to move my whole life over onto the new laptop. It’s kinda rough. It seems like everything is just slightly in a different language, you know?

I’m doing it. But it’s making everything go so slowly.

And I thought I was going to spend the day blithely working on the first post for the new blog/memoir thingy, In the Shadow of Narcissa. However, WordPress decided to force me to use the new page editor, and the new site builder. Which is not user friendly, by any stretch.

I thought I had the site all ready to go last night, but I was wrong. There were still some wonky things happening, and it only took me HOURS to fix it!

Not only because I couldn’t find my way around the new “user-friendly” streamlined site builder that kept doing nothing that I was trying to get it to do; but because I’m also still trying to get comfortable on the new laptop AND it’s about  95 degrees Fahrenheit in my bedroom today. So what should be minor annoyances feel like they weigh a psychological ton in all this heat.

For instance, what used to be my “delete” button on the keypad, is now where the “page down” button is. So every time I have to delete something, I suddenly jump down half a page instead!! Took me forever to figure out why that kept happening.

For no reason at all, I just want to post this picture here. I don’t know who drew it but I just love it. It is of course based on Tom Petty’s song “Wildflowers,” from 1994.

And White Lunar, the CD of film music composed by Nick Cave & Warren Ellis arrived.  I have not had time to listen to too much of it yet, but I really like it.  So I guess I’m glad that Amazon alerted me that it was apparently missing from my collection… (Amazon is kind of spooky that way, gang.)

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And Sandra finally called me. It only took her about 2 weeks. Seriously. For 2 weeks, I was sending texts out to no man’s land. But at least she did text me on Monday. Anyway. I still can’t go into it on the blog but it is such good news, gang. Just such good news about our theater project in Toronto, Canada.

It’s almost like I can’t even process it yet. (And everything seems doubly hard to process because of all this fucking heat.) But I am super happy.

And then the other thing I got bogged down in earlier was something that was worrying me about my niece – my brother’s daughter. So I texted my sister to see if maybe I was wrong, but I wasn’t. So then my sister & I got into a texting marathon about that. And then I discovered, either by accident or sheer necessity, that I have this weird sort of “parental” thing lurking inside me.

I never knew it was in there.

In fact, when (grown) friends have asked me, out of sheer desperation because they could find no other sitter,  to babysit their very young children in the past, it was always a strange experience.  I’m extremely maternal, you know, but I never had any sort of “authority” bone in my body.  I’m always on the same psychological level as the kid is. And then the parents would come home and say, “My god, Marilyn, what happened here?!”

ME: “She said she was allowed to do it.”

THEM: “Marilyn, she’s four. Of course she’s going to say that. But you’re the grown up here. You’re supposed to set the rules.”

Anyway. I never think of myself as “parental,” mostly because I don’t have any kids. So I was very surprised to see where I was heading with this whole thing with my niece.  I honestly don’t want to live her life for her, or live anyone’s life for them, for that matter. But I suddenly found myself texting her: You’re gonna come here, and you’re gonna listen to me and you’re gonna do what I say.

HER: “Okay.”

ME (stunned, thinking): Wow. That was easy.

I know I can get on my family’s nerves when I get it into my head to tell people how they ought to live. It totally ruined the relationship I had with one of my sisters. She made sure I had nothing to do with her daughter the whole time my other niece was growing up. So I’ve tried hard to sort of mind my own business since then.  But at the same time, I’m not one of those people who can just keep the family skeletons hidden away in the closet.

I think denial and avoiding things hurts younger people, especially, more than it helps them. So I’m guessing I’m going to piss everybody off. But I would rather my niece be able to make choices about her life and who she is, with her eyes open. If she wants to.

So I guess we’ll see. I just hope I don’t say something horrible, like, “I’m so disappointed.” Aaaarrrrgh….

Okay, gang. Even though I made no headway whatsoever in what I was hoping to do today, I’m still closing up shop, walking away from the desk, and going downstairs to watch another episode of “Z: The Beginning of Everything.” F. Scott Fitzgerald has finally sold his novel, This Side of Paradise, and so the Jazz Age is getting ready to officially begin!!

Have a wonderful evening wherever you are in the world. It’s frustrating for me to not be able to tell you where Nick Cave is tonight and what he’s wearing, but he is steadfastly refusing to post his own private life to Instagram so I am helpless here until his Conversations resume.

Meanwhile, I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning. A totally hot little rock & roll love song from Tom Petty’s skinny, angry, cynical, attitude-filled years! ” A Thing About You” from my own personal favorite Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers album, Hard Promises. (Play it loud or it doesn’t work, gang!!)

Okay, Thanks for visiting! I love you guys! See ya!

“A Thing About You”

I’m not much on mystery
Yeah you gotta be careful what you dream
I thought this might pass with time
Yeah I thought I was satisfied

[Chorus:]
But oh baby let me tell you, I got a thing about you
Baby let me tell you, I got a thing about you
It don’t matter what you say
It don’t matter what you do
I, I, I, got a thing about you

Somewhere deep in the middle of the night
Lovers hold each other tight
Whisper in their anxious ears
Words of love that disappear

[Chorus]

Baby you hold some strange control over me
Yeah it’s so wild it hypnotizes me

[Chorus]

c – 1981 Tom Petty

The Joy of Boys!!

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I saw the coolest guy today.

First, let me say that Ohio is one of those States where helmets are optional on motorcycles. If you want to take your fate into your own hands, and go helmet-less when you ride your motorcycle, you may.

And if you don’t want to ride with your girlfriend seated behind you, you can have your best friend — yes, your dog — strapped in behind you, instead.

No lie.

You’d think that Ohio had been one of the Rebel States, but in fact, it was not. It was so deeply entrenched on the Union side, that a  few famous Civil War Union Generals came from Ohio, including William Tecumseh Sherman and Ulysses S. Grant.

Actually, it isn’t until you start getting deeper in the Hinterlands that you truly encounter this rebel attitude. And by rebel, I’m not talking about KKK-type, Confederate flag-type stuff; just the general attitude of “you can’t tell me what to do.” Whereas,  if you go deeper into the cities, you find that mentality where everyone basically tows the line and deeply wishes you to do the same thing and will look disapprovingly at you the minute that you don’t.

However. Out here, as I said, I saw the coolest guy!

He was riding his motorcycle, no helmet.  He had long, straight brown hair that wasn’t pulled back at all. No jacket, just a tee shirt. A pair of shades.  He did not look older than 30.

He was coming from the other side of Wakatamika Creek, out where Black Run Road is.

At first, I just thought he was cute. I was turning onto the highway, as he was going past me in the other direction. But then suddenly, he appeared on the Old Highway 16, which is a twisty-turny, winding and beautiful 2-lane highway and sometimes runs parallel to the new  highway, and man, was he going fast. I was already going 85 mph and he was easily a little ahead of me.

His hair was blowing back in the wind. His tee shirt was even blowing halfway up his back. He was very clearly looking around for the Highway Patrol, but you could just see that he was the freest human being on the entire planet. It was breathtaking to watch him. But then the Old Highway veered up into the hills and he disappeared.

Of course, I’m very maternal, and right away, I was hoping that his mom had no clue what he was out there doing — going at that speed on that winding road with no helmet on, because even without having any clue who she is, I know her heart would have dropped down to her feet to see him like that. But at the same time, maternal instincts aside, it was just incredible to watch him in all his fearless glory. It really was. He was just beautiful.

I hope he stays young (at heart) and fearless forever. Whoever he was.

Okay, gang! Good news arrived from Sandra today re: our other theater project that’s going on in Toronto, Canada. I cannot blog about it yet, but it is sufficient to say that if I thought I had a tad too much on my plate before I got out of bed this morning, I now have great big heaping piles of incredible awesomeness. And I have to somehow tackle it.

I know I will.  I just have to stay focused. But it seemed like I was getting to a place where I was going to have some breathing room, but such is not the case.

But, still, I couldn’t be happier, gang, even though now I am just stupidly busy.

Well, okay. I don’t usually post songs from Mojo, however, it is probably the best Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers album, ever. It was their 2nd to last record before he died, although the final album he did was a Mudcrutch album that had a few of the Heartbreakers on it, as well.

In terms of their musical prowess, their maturity, the songs on Mojo are really just off the charts good.  It is decidedly the “older/calmer” Tom Petty ( he was 60 years old when it came out). Not the scrappy, angry, skinny, attitude-filled and much younger Tom Petty that I usually listen to. This is the much more laid back one, but the album is just killer. If you like more blues-based rock & roll, that is.

I played this song about a zillion times this morning. “Running Man’s Bible.”  I get the feeling that he wrote it sort of as a tribute to himself and the Heartbreakers and their 40 years of being on the road together.  Of course, I could be wrong because I was never very good at guessing what Tom Petty was ever really writing about.

But, anyway, it’s a great song and it was great music to listen to while that cool motorcycle guy went flying past, in all his youth with all his fearlessness and all those unanswered questions still way out ahead of him on that highway somewhere. Okay! Have a great evening, gang. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys! See ya!

“Running Man’s Bible”

You’re with me tonight on this dark highway
We’ve run it together
So many times
We’ve run it for money
We’ve run it for music
We’ve run it to pay for our innocent crimes

I took on my father and I’m still walkin’
Took on all comers in some shape or form
And I see with the eyes of somethin’ wounded
Somethin’ still standing after the storm

Here’s one to glory and survival
And stayin’ alive
It’s the running man’s bible
I been next in line

I been next to nothin’
Been next to bystanders
Who shoulda said somethin’
It was not in my vision
It was not in my mind
To return from a mission
A man left behind

Here’s one to glory
And survival
And stayin’ alive
It’s the runnin’ man’s bible
I don’t speak of the times I’ve nearly died

I don’t speak of out lastin’ those who are gone
Or the things I’ve done
I care not to remember
Or the desperate measures
That might have been wrong

Honey here’s one to glory
Here’s to bad weather
And all the hard things
We’ve been through together

Here’s to the golden rule and survival
And to stayin’ alive
It’s the runnin’ man’s bible
Here’s one to glory and survival
And stayin’ alive
It’s the runnin’ man’s bible

c- 2010 Tom Petty

Buongiorno, Bella!!

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Wow, gang. Yesterday was quite the amazing Instagram day!

The Raconteurs new album, Help Us Stranger, opened  at the top of the Billboard charts! I think it sold something like 88,000 copies in it’s first week.

Nick Cave made an appearance at the Glastonbury Music Festival, reuniting again with Kylie Minogue to sing their famous murder ballad from a million years ago, Where the Wild Roses Grow.

Really fantastic photos from that, gang. He should consider holding that gal in his arms for the rest of his life because I haven’t seen him look that happy in a long, long, LONG time. Just lovely.

Dana Petty uploaded a video from a concert Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers did on their final tour, 2 summers ago. It was footage of the song “Learning to Fly” where Tom is not even singing because the thousands and thousands and thousands of people in the audience are doing all the singing for him, and really joyfully and really loudly. It was wonderful. He looked really happy, too.  I think Dana had taken the video with her phone. (And he would be dead within, like, 90 days from an accidental overdose of pain meds, so of course, hindsight makes it all very poignant.)

Ronnie Wood was all over Instagram with before & after show footage from the date the Stones did in Canada. He was really adorable. Also a very happy guy. I think his wife was taking the videos with her phone.

Yesterday was also the month-ending review in my Italian lessons and I only got one wrong answer out of 100, so that was really cool. I have no clue how I did that, gang. But it was exciting.

It is a stunning day here. Some of the edits for Blessed By Light have come in from NY so I will focus on that and then, perhaps, just think about life! I’m supposed to teach piano later today but I’m not sure if that’s happening or not, because of it being a holiday week here. But we’ll see.

Meanwhile…

As promised, the Smashwords Summer Sale begins again today!  For the entire month of July, you can download any/all of my eBooks that are published on Smashwords — for FREE.

Posted below are the direct links. And, as always, here is my Extreme Cautionary Warning to those readers who have only known me as a script writer:

Freak Parade and The Muse Revisited Volumes 1-3 are exceptionally explicit (award-winning!) literary erotica, often with bisexual BDSM themes and with overtones of what is now termed  “questionable consent” (i.e. consensual rape). These titles are not aimed at the average reader and could be considered upsetting or extremely offensive.

However, Twilight of the Immortal is historical fiction, not literary erotica.

If you’d like to know more about any of these titles before downloading, use the drop down menu on the  upper right of this page, under “About Marilyn Jaye Lewis”.

Here are the links to my titles on Smashwords:

All righty! I’m gonna get an early start here. I leave you with this today. From Hypnotic Eye, Tom Petty’s final album with the Heartbreakers, from 2014, “Sins of My Youth.” I think it sort of sums up a lot of what happened all over the place yesterday.

Have a great day, wherever you are in the world!! Thanks for visiting, gang! I love you guys so much. See ya.

“Sins Of My Youth”

You will find no wicked way in me
Look me over, you will see
You will find no weary change
I’m worn and wounded,
but still the same

Whoa……
Let me tell you the truth
I love you more
Than the sins of my youth

When the past gets up in your face
Memories slide out of place
All those things that were hidden away
Ain’t so bad in the light of day

Whoa……
Let me tell you the truth
I love you more
Than the sins of my youth

You say you love me
wish you’d like me more
I’m no angel that’s for sure
Said you forgave me,
each time I was caught
But you still paint me as somethin’ I’m not

Whoa……
Let me tell you the truth
I love you more
Than the sins of my youth

I love you more
Than the sins of my youth

c – 2014 Tom Petty

All Good Things

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I had one of those out of body things during my morning meditation today.

I was suddenly standing on the side of a huge hill that was absolutely covered with huge drifts of untrodden white, powdery snow. The sun was coming up at the top of the hill and the snow became blindingly white.

It was really beautiful. I was the only person, anywhere.  I decided not to try to make it any farther up the hill, and I turned to the right, and kept walking in that direction, until I came to the edge of a precipice and the view was astounding. A great divide. A canyon of some kind.  Surrounded by enormous snow-covered cliffs for as far as the eye could see.

And it felt futile to try to go on. There was simply too much “nature” to contend with, yet at the same time, it gave me a true sense of peace about being exactly where I was, because everything was so beautiful.

And then the meditation music ended, right then. And I came right back & opened my eyes (to a very warm and sunny morning).

It was, I guess, a good way to start the day. I do feel like I’m in a new era now, because the novel’s done.

I read it from start to finish last evening. It took about 4 1/2 hours. I did find one typo, but I’m still awaiting the official edits/comments from NY.

I was kind of overwhelmed by the book – in a good way. Although I’m not happy with the second to the last line. So I’m going to look at that today. And then try to really get a grasp on the whole thing, the complete picture of it, you know? It is such a strange novel. It’s beautiful, though.

I woke around 4a.m. today and felt a little sad because the book was over.  Gradually the birds started singing, and that pulled me out of it. It’s not like my life is over. I’m excited to get to work on the upcoming play. And once those revisions are done (for the time being), I can get back to work on Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse. It should be fun to write hardcore erotica in the overwhelmingly oppressive heat & humidity of deep summer!!

I’m sure I will keep you posted…(in between cold showers).

Okay. Truth be told, I still have not completely set up that new laptop, so I will probably make some time to give it my complete attention. It’s really a wonderful laptop and it’s stupid to not be using it. But I just hate migrating all the old stuff into the new stuff and finding out what’s not going to upgrade or which passwords I’ve hopelessly forgotten, or which software I have to reload, and how to get all my favorite URLs back in my browser, etc.

Just tedious, mind-numbing, potentially frustrating stuff.  And I’ve noticed that lots of people use stealth browsers now and I’m not sure if I want to start doing that — go into some brave new world, or just stay here on the old browser where it’s beautiful & happy.

I do have one stealth browser that I use if I’m going on Yandex or something, because the one time I went to sites through Yandex, boy, did my little laptop become a target for stealthware, or whatever you call it.

I don’t want stealthware on my laptop, but I honestly don’t care if the Russians are spying, or anything like that. I expect the Russians to be spying. And I expect us to be spying on them, too.  It’s just how we are, I guess. NYC, in the 80s especially, was full of spies, from all over, not just Russia. I dated a couple of spies and they were both exceptionally interesting men. Talk about fearless, you know? Jesus.

The Russian spy was a race car driver from what we once affectionately called “Yugoslavia.” He worked in tandem with some communist Chinese spies (always very, very nice to me), and he had quite a few illegal Irish girls spying for the Russians, too (they were sort of wretched, unhappy creatures, though). He was always trying to get me to spy for the Russians. I was very noncommittal about it.  I was in such a strange place in my life back then.

A very good friend of mine was on leave from the Marines at one point, and came to stay in my apartment for a few days. He found issues of Guns & Ammo in my apartment, and that’s never been the kind of zine I was known to have read.  Ever.

We were eating bowls of cereal, watching PeeWee’s Playhouse on the Saturday morning cartoons, hanging out in bed in our underwear; easy -breezy.

HIM (noticing the magazines): “What are you reading Guns & Ammo for?”

ME (somewhere in the clouds): “Oh, some guy I’m dating wants me to spy for the Russians. Wants me to learn how to use a gun.”

HIM: “Are you out of your fucking mind???!!! You get the death penalty for that, Mare!! It’s a capital offense.”

He then made me call the guy and tell him that I wasn’t going to see him anymore – and why. ME (on phone): “Because I don’t want to get the death penalty.”

(I actually said that, gang. The guy accepted it, too. He said something like, “Okay. I get it. No problem.” And I didn’t see him anymore.)

But anyway.  I don’t know that I want to commit to a full-time stealth browser because I kinda like being tracked (by non-Russians) on the Internet! It helps me get right back to where I was before. 1700 less things to try to remember.

I guess we’ll see.

Okay.

Not too many photos out of Liverpool last night, but still getting some really wonderful photos posted to Instagram from Nick Cave’s Conversation in Nottingham, 2 nights ago. I don’t know, it just looks like it was a cool show.

Of course, on Instagram, they all look like the exact same show. They honestly do. If you saw all these photos I save on Instagram, you’d think I was out of my mind, because they all look exactly the same. However, sometimes, you just get the feeling that one show or another was particularly amazing. Just judging from thoroughly identical Instagram photos, I still think the Luxembourg show seems like it was off-the-charts special.

Okay. I’m gonna get going here gang and try to fix that 2nd to the last line of the novel and see if I can’t sign off on it and move forward into some sort of new era of my sometimes wonderful, always engaging LIFE.

I leave you with the breakfast-listening music from this morning, “Time to Move On.”  It was wistful. I did not cry, although I kind of wanted to. Mostly, I guess I’m just willing to walk into the future, come what may.  I hope I’ll see you there! Thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys. See ya!

“Time To Move On”

It’s time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It’s time to move on, it’s time to get goingBroken skyline, movin’ through the airport
She’s an honest defector
Conscientious objector
Now her own protectorBroken skyline, which way to love land
Which way to something better
Which way to forgiveness
Which way do I go

Time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going

Sometime later, getting the words wrong
Wasting the meaning and losing the rhyme
Nauseous adrenaline
Like breakin’ up a dogfight
Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I’m losing my mind

It’s time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going

c- 1994 Tom Petty

Summer Fun Has Officially Begun!!

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Yes! I am of course talking about the new laptop arriving and all the summer FUN involved in setting up that fucking thing!

I’m trying to think – is there anything I hate MORE than setting up new computers??!!

Hmmm.

Don’t think so!

It’s a really nice laptop, though.  I’m glad I bought it. I just need to patiently stare at it for a while and just slowly do everything it’s asking me to do, instead of trying to keep rushing through it and getting annoyed.  I hate that, though. All I ever do on my laptop is type, so how come I can’t just plug it in, open it and type??

ME (like I’m some kind of OLD person): “Grumble, grumble, grumble…”

I also got a new guitar capo yesterday! One of those kinds that looks like an alligator – a gator capo. It made me think of Tom Petty so I had to have it.  (He was from Florida, so he was all about “gator” this and “gator” that.)

The gator capo is actually ridiculously easy to use. I would have really loved one of these a million years ago, when I was still playing music professionally.

I don’t know what happened to my other capo. I only know that I put it somewhere, thinking: Surely, I’ll remember putting it here, in this very weird spot…. And then that was it. I haven’t found it since.

For some reason, I often think that putting something in the top drawer of the buffet in the dining room is a good idea.  It’s only a good idea, though, if you like that feeling of surprise when, a year later, you finally find that thing you were hunting endlessly for and go, “Wow, so this is where I put it! Wonder why I put it here?!”

But the guitar capo was not in there. I checked. And, in fact, I was relieved to discover that I have stopped putting things in the top drawer of the buffet in the dining room that don’t belong in there.

I did, however, find the Peter Rabbit silverware. I had forgotten about that.  I know I should probably give it away, along with the Cow Jumped Over the Moon dishes.  We bought that stuff for the baby that ended up not coming, back during my second marriage.  I’m not gonna post all that awfulness on such a carefree, upbeat blog as this! It is sufficient to say that I got a divorce instead of the baby and I will let it rest. Long time ago, right?

Clearly, though, I still have a lot of anger about all that and I only reconnect with the anger when I happen across the Peter Rabbit silverware and the Cow Jumped Over the Moon dishes and no child to go along with them. So it seems like I ought to just get rid of it, but I just can’t.

Anyway, when I die at age 123, having outlived by decades and decades, everyone I ever knew, and some poor creature is saddled with that task of having to go through my endless, endless, endless supply of dishes, and they come across the Peter Rabbit silverware and the Cow Jumped Over the Moon dishes, they will stop and ponder and then think, I wonder why she had this stuff? She never had a baby.

At that point, I will likely come back from the dead and say, “No I didn’t, but let me tell you a little bit about that story.” Having, of course, taken all my lovely anger to the grave…

Yes, indeedy!

Which of course reminds me, that my second husband had a birthday a few days ago and he turned 65. And my first husband had a birthday yesterday and he turned 63. I find these facts incomprehensible. I do not understand how I could have 2 ex-husbands who are old men when I am still only 12 years old!

Really, it just astounds me. Mostly Wayne turning 65.  When he told me how old he was the other day, I was just flabbergasted, you know? He doesn’t look 65, or anything, or even act it, really. Still, he was 38 when we met and that was last week, right? At least that’s how it feels. It really does.

The first husband turning 63 is not really such a shock to me, even though we met when he was 24 (!!).  However, loyal readers of this lofty blog no doubt recall that for 20 years I had thought he was dead, so when he suddenly came back, that shock completely overrode how old he was, you know? But he is sweet. A real sweetheart. Really just adorable. We mostly email, but we do chat on the phone several times a year and he always makes me laugh.

It all really is just a number, gang. This whole thing about getting older. I’m absolutely not kidding when I say that I still feel 12 years old. I honestly do – just a blither, happier 12! And when I see all this silver hair in the mirror, I think, What the hell?! I still think of myself as a brunette.

Okay! Well, I actually have to get a little work done here before I have my phone call with Peitor out there in Los Angeles. We will be once again back to work on the micro-short videos.  So I’m looking forward to that. The way his mind works really just amazes me.   It’s sort of cinematic.  I’m not sure how my mind works, but it feels more linear, or something.

Well, have a super Saturday wherever you are in the world!! Thanks for visiting. I leave you with the breakfast-listening music from this morning. That incredible song that Tom Petty wrote for Stevie Nicks a million years ago, “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”.  I really just love the lyrics to this song, gang. He did such an awesome job. The words to this song still get to me, even all these decades later (closing in on 40 years). Mike Campbell, of course, did a great job on the music, too. He’s pretty incredible at that kind of thing – haunting stuff. God, they worked so great together. It really makes me hate what Tom Petty’s daughters are trying to do re: “the Heartbreakers,” but onward…

Okay, gang. I love you! See ya!!

“Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”

Baby, you’ll come knocking on my front door
Same old line you used to use before
I said yeah, well
What am I supposed to do?
I didn’t know what I was getting into

So you’ve had a little trouble in town
Now you’re keeping some demons down
Stop draggin’ my
Stop draggin’ my
Stop draggin’ my heart around

It’s hard to think about what you’ve wanted
It’s hard to think about what you’ve lost
This doesn’t have to be the big get even
This doesn’t have to be anything at all

(I know you really want to tell me good-bye)
(I know you really want to be your own girl)

Baby, you could never look me in the eye
Yeah, you buckle with the weight of the words
Stop draggin’ my
Stop draggin’ my
Stop draggin’ my heart around

People running ’round loose in the world
Ain’t got nothin’ better to do
Than make a meal of some bright-eyed kid
You need someone looking after you

(I know you really want to tell me goodbye)
(I know you really want to be your own girl)

Baby, you could never look me in the eye
Yeah, you buckle with the weight of the words
Stop draggin’ my
Stop draggin’ my
Stop draggin’ my heart around

Stop draggin’ my heart around

c – 1981 Tom Petty, Mike Campbell

Yes, I Will Endeavor to be There!!

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Well, PBS informs me that my favorite show (and now the only show I watch on television – or actually I stream it on my iPad) returns with a new season tomorrow!

That’s right, Endeavor starts up again tomorrow!! I cannot believe it’s been a year already! (Which means it’s been a year since I’ve actually watched TV!)

I have no idea how I’m going to find time to watch/stream it but I will. I just love that show.

Loyal readers of this lofty blog no doubt recall that Grantchester was also a huge favorite that I would drop everything for, but I’m not clear on whether or not it’s returning, plus that last season they did (2 years ago now) was not my favorite one. It was really going in a direction I wasn’t crazy about.

Of course, if I had time, I would watch every single British crime/mystery show out there. There are a ton that I have watched & really loved, but these days, I just don’t have time to even watch one show.  But Endeavor is just too cool. I will somehow make time to watch that.

Okay. If you went looking for Chapter 24 from Blessed By Light, I had it up for several hours yesterday (and thank you to those readers who responded to it) and then I pulled it back down because I’m still working on it. Plus, now that it’s getting towards the end of the novel, I have to stop posting it. Because it’s giving away the ending.

I am supposed to work on scripts with Peitor over the phone here this morning, but in a highly uncharacteristic move, he didn’t reply to my text yesterday to confirm. So we’ll see. I know for sure he’s back in Los Angeles, though. He had a birthday the other day and posted lovely, smiling, tanned & happy photos of it on Facebook. So he can’t hide from me… I know he’s out there!

All right, gang. For some reason, I am absolutely exhausted again. I think it could be emotional.  My morning “Inner Being journaling” is revealing some more interesting stuff about how my mind works. And I tell you, it is a full time job trying to change how I react to my own thoughts, you know? On paper, it sure sounds easy. Doing it, however, requires just a constant vigilance. Thoughts come so quickly and just proceed merrily down a familiar groove. Staying on top of it all and trying to herd those thoughts down a new path that is more beneficial to my mental health is like trying to keep track of 2000, 3-week old kittens all day, you know?

And when I’m not actually talking to someone, physically — you know, in person, a living human being and not just texting them  — it’s a lot harder to keep track of all these free-flowing thoughts I have. A lot of them go unnoticed by me until they are well underway and starting to shut me down (emotionally, I mean) because I am always alone.

Texting, though, is just so darn easy, isn’t it? I kind of hate that so many of my relationships now center around texting because I’m not truly interacting with people.  And when I’m not truly interacting with human beings, it is so much easier for my mind to do all that weird shit it sometimes does to me when I’m alone. (I think it’s happening more right now because I’m stressed from so many projects going on at once.)

And yet… Without texting, I wouldn’t be able to keep in touch with anyone at all, you know?

I was working on Blessed By Light yesterday while texting with one of my nieces, which made me have to text my sister (her other aunt – my niece is my brother’s daughter) to ask her a question about what my niece was texting me about, and then my sister and I started texting about a woman she is seeing now (my sister is a total butch dyke kind of gal and so her sex life is of the utmost interest and importance to me! I must drop everything if she needs to reveal something lurid!!) And I kept hoping that I wouldn’t accidentally send a lurid text meant for my sister to my somewhat young niece instead. Although my niece is gay, too, and seems to be into butch gals, too – I’m basing this solely on, you know, meeting the gal she lives with. However, I would not want to find out what my niece is actually into by accidentally texting her something I would only say (rudely) to my sister.

And I did all of that while I was, indeed, working on Blessed By Light. I couldn’t possibly have done that if either of those women were right here, talking to me in person. I would be tearing my hair out and shouting, “Leave me alone! I’m trying to write!!” So at least I do have texting. It keeps me sort of in touch with the outside world.

Well, anyway. The point is that I’m exhausted. So I’m just gonna sit and stare and drink coffee for awhile until I see which direction my morning is gonna go in. See if Peitor is gonna call or not.

Have a great Saturday, gang. Wherever you are in the world! I leave you with this odd song. Not that the song is so odd, but it’s an odd choice to suddenly remember and want to listen to.

It’s from the 1991 Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers album, Into The Great Wide Open.

This was in that little era when Tom Petty was incredibly sexy.  I mean, clearly, I always thought he was sexy. But from, like 1987 to 1991, he was sort of off the charts sexy. He was in his late 30s- early 40s.  Having hit after hit after hit – as a solo artist, with the Traveling Wilbury’s, and with the Heartbreakers.

He seemed really happy in this period, too. So that was probably making him just really sexy.  As the 90s went on, even though his songwriting kept evolving and going into these amazing places – he was really growing as a musician in the 90s – he clearly was getting less and less happy as the decade went on, until he was a heroin addict by the end of the 90s and living alone in that weird chicken shack thing.

Even though I can listen to the album Echo, and I really, really love it even though it’s an intensely sad album; I can’t watch any of the videos or live concert footage that comes from that whole heroin era of his. Even though he sings great, plays great, and the songs are really good, the light is out of his eyes for sure and I can’t stand to watch that. He just looks lost.

Anyway. This is from an album that had nothing to do with unhappiness at all.  That amazing song & HUGE hit, “Learning to Fly” came from this happy album. This particular song is one of those hypnotic ones, rhythmically. A great song to drive around to, as the video sort of shows. “All the Wrong Reasons.” Listen & enjoy!! Thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys. See ya!

All The Wrong Reasons

Trouble blew in on a cold dark wind
It came without no warning
And that big ol’ house went up for sale
They were on the road by morning
Oh, the days went slow, into the changing season
Oh, out in the cold, for all the wrong reasons

Well she grew up hard and she grew up fast
In the age of television
And she made a vow to have it all
It became her new religion
Oh, down in her soul, it was an act of treason
Oh, down they go for all the wrong reasons

Where the sky begins the horizon ends
Despite the best intentions
And a big ol’ man goes up for sale
He becomes his own invention
Oh, the days go slow into the changing season
Oh, bought and sold, for all the wrong reasons
Oh, down they go for all the wrong reasons

c – 1991 Tom Petty

Here’s Hoping Today’s Wonderful!!

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Because yesterday —  hmm, not so much.

It was another cry baby day. Even though I got good writing done,  I’m just not wanting Blessed By Light to end.

I’ve never experienced these types of feelings before with anything I’ve ever written. Usually I can’t wait for something to get out of me and onto the paper and out into the world. It’s a pretty joyful thing.

However, these last 10 months of writing this novel (albeit, with a ton of other projects stuffed in there, too) have been the most magical 10 months of my life. They really have.

Of course, it doesn’t mean the magical life ends because the novel gets completed. I’d like to think that once the novel is out of me, my life will get even more magical.

I have other projects directly on the heels of Blessed By Light that I will be focusing on next. And they’re all pretty exciting: 2 plays, the string of micro-short videos with Peitor for Abstract Absurdity, my Erotic Love Letters to the Muse, the magic realism murder mystery Down to the Meadows of Sleep (the Hurley Falls thing), and I’m still working on the TV pilot projects.  And then getting together that writers retreat in Perugia Italy for next year.

That’s a whole lot of stuff there. And all of it is exciting to me. It really is.

Still, the whole process of writing Blessed By Light has been so different from anything else I’ve gone through. It has just felt so beautiful and so unexpectedly personal, or intimate, really.

Last evening, after spending several hours on the novel yesterday, I got into my cry baby mode and could feel myself shutting down.

By shutting down, I start rejecting everything, emotionally turning my back on everything. And I really, really wanna stop doing that, forever. (I rarely let those things spiral anymore, but if/when I do, those are the things that lead to those horrific suicidal depressions and I just don’t ever want to go there anymore.  It’s all just old garbage, you know? Garbage that’s attached to people who supremely sucked.  I just don’t have any room for it.)

I finally forced myself to focus on my Italian, which is always really distracting and fun, and then I turned out the light and stared into the space of the summer night outside my open window. It was raining real quietly so that was nice. But I still felt a little like I was losing track of everything; the days are really just zipping by.

I’m forgetting birthdays, losing track of holidays, only remembering to pay bills at the last minute. Stuff like that. Everything is speeding past.  And pretty soon, you know, I’m actually going to be dead.

Not tomorrow or anything (I don’t think), but it’s now sort of being lifted up like scenery on the far horizon: the ending of this life. And I know it’ll be here in a heartbeat, even if it’s still 30 or 40 years away. Years are simply barreling past.

I recall vividly being in my late 20s and realizing for the first time, really, that at some point I would go through menopause and not be able to have children. At that juncture, I was dating 3 different men, each of whom really, really wanted to have a baby with me.  Even though I was attached to each of them in different ways, I couldn’t see myself committing to an actual child with any of them. even though I really, really wanted to have a baby.

And at that point I saw that women don’t just have an indefinite amount of time to make that kind of decision about having children. And it frightened me, you know, to realize for the first time, that time flies and things permanently change. But I was still singing with my band, and just starting to become a published fiction writer. I was poor. And, more importantly, I wasn’t in love.

And then in a heartbeat, a fleeting heartbeat, gang, it was all over for me. I went into perimenopause at 40 and was done with the whole process by age 46. WTF, right?

Unbelievable, how fast that came at me. It was so depressing.

And so now when I look at age 59 and realize that, even though I still feel 12 years old, I’m not. The last half of my life is well underway. And lots of my colleagues died in their 60s.  I don’t think I’m going to die in my 60s, but regardless, time just barrels on. And there are things I want to do in this life. Not just projects, but things I want to feel.

And when I feel myself losing track of so many things, it gets scary.  And I start to feel like the time is as good as gone and maybe I should just give up on everything. That I fucked-up this life and maybe I’ll do better in the next one, and I should just let time fly and not even try to keep up with it and find “happiness.”

And that’s sort of how I was feeling last night when I fell asleep.

Then I had a very interesting dream.

One of those dreams that you know for certain comes from that higher place – the Higher Self, Inner Being, God, whatever label you want to give to that personal Source that sustains you. The dream came from that place. I was with Tom Petty and I was deconstructing the Bluebird of Happiness.

Isn’t that kind of amazing? I mean, just how specific is that?

The Bluebird of Happiness was sort of put together like a wooden birdhouse and Tom Petty was helping me carefully take apart all the pieces so that I could really examine them. Then I put it all back together again and I was very happy with the result, because I knew that my happiness had meaning.

And then an actual bird began singing outside my window and woke me at 4am – which I believe was a way to ensure that I would remember the dream.

Loyal readers of this lofty blog perhaps recall that right before I bought this house and moved here to Muskingum County, I was taking a walk in a park over by that house that I rented for awhile from a friend – back when I was trying to decide if I was going to move back to NY or not, and then decided not to.

I had had that series of weird near-death experiences, 2 of my beloved cats had died, I was muse-less and not expecting any more muses to arrive, ever.  I was working on a couple TV projects and 2 plays with Sandra, but I was thoroughly uninspired. I really just thought my life was over. That I was going to just sort of drift in vague contentment and eventually be done with it.

And that day, walking in the park, for the very first time in my life, I saw a bluebird. An actual bluebird. I’d seen millions of blue jays in my life, but had never seen an actual bluebird. It landed right at my feet.

And it was a beautiful summer day. I took it as a sign. A literal sign that this was the Bluebird of Happiness. Not to give up. That happiness could still come.

And right away this strange little village in Muskingum County came into my life and this wonderful old house that, in and of itself, made me so happy. The house and the town were filled with spirits that were so conducive to creating. And then I suddenly started writing Blessed By Light last August. And then in the early fall, BAM, you know? The muse arrived on all cylinders and absolutely took over my life.  Everything changed.

And so I took this dream last night as a sign. A true sign. That my happiness is viable, even up to the very end.

Even if I only live to be 65 or 70 (which I have no clue, I might live to be 117), even so, the years are going to fly. But it’s still important to fill those speeding years with joy and delight and desire, because I’m still here, you know.

I don’t imagine I’ll ever get married again; I don’t actually know. But I’m certainly not going to have children.  And even if all I do is put joy out in the world in the form of projects – you know, whether it’s erotic joy or spiritual joy, depending on the project. It’s still worth it.  And I might even fall in love. It could happen.  My private world could end up being about more than just living with 7 rescued feral cats who wish I would just go away!

All right. Long post here today! I’m gonna scoot now.  I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from today. The original version of “Trailer” by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers from 1984 (not the version he did in 2015 with Mudcrutch).

Very upbeat and SO very fun! Addicting.

Okay. Have a terrific Thursday wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya!

I graduated high school
I bought her a trailer
In a little park by the side of the road
I could’ve had the army
I could’ve had the navy
But no I had to go for a mobile home

Yeah I guess I gave it all for you babe
There wasn’t room in that trailer for two babe

I kept up with my interest
I kept up with my payments
She never said goodbye
I never asked why
Man we used to dance to Lynyrd Skynyrd
Boy she used to look so good at times

But I guess I gave it all to you babe
There’s not room in no trailer for two babe

Well I guess I gave it all for you babe
All for you and your trailer too babe

c- 1984 Tom Petty

Blissed Out!! (Brain Like Mush!)

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Good morning, glories!!

Yes, I overslept again. I am not sure why. I think it was because I got up in the middle of the night and closed most of the upstairs windows. It had gotten into the 50s (meaning, of course, the 1950s! And many a capella doo-wop groups had gathered down on the street below my window, making quite a racket!).

No, of course what I really mean, is the 50s Fahrenheit. It got chilly. So I closed the windows and apparently missed the daily wake-up call of the Muskingum County Bird Chorus and so slept straight through until 6:25am.

The sun was filling my glorious bedroom and I awoke totally blissed-out, gang. In no hurry whatsoever to get out of bed. Just totally digging cozy sheets & cuddly pillows and the wave of Eros that was all over me yet again.

However, get out of bed, I did. Cats were looming impatiently. Their opposable thumbs have still not arrived, even though I have Amazon Prime and they guaranteed 2-day shipping…

Yes. So. I had to get up, open cans of cat food and feed the cats. They don’t give a hoot about waves of Eros.

And so here I finally am and it is a beautiful morning out there today. And I feel terrific but, curiously, my brain feels mushy. It wishes me to go right back to bed and not do anything today!

However, that is so not gonna happen. I am going to dutifully work on Blessed By Light.  I’m in a challenging segment of Chapter 22, where it is basically all about sex. But unlike all those earlier chapters, when these 2 did not really know each other yet, it was a lot easier to find ways to deal with the sex.

I say “deal with” because this whole novel is written in 2nd Person. And if you’re going to write a passage about having sex in the present-tense and in 2nd Person, this means that the guy has to talk all through the sex!

I need this section to be present-tense (meaning, he’s not referring to “the sex last night” or something like that, where he can talk about “what happened”) because things are getting extremely emotional for him.  So it has to be “in the moment.” And even if he were a great orator like Billy Graham, you still don’t want him talking all through the sex!

Although, actually, no disrespect intended to the late Billy Graham, but I bet that would have been incredible – to be orated to by Billy Graham while having sex with him. He was quite the dynamo in that department (the orating, not the sex). (Although, perhaps he was really good in bed, too. I actually have no clue.) ( And when he was young – wow, he was certainly in earnest. All tall and magnetic. If you watch any of his really early TV appearances on Youtube, from like 1959 or 1960 or something like that. He definitely had an overpowering and charismatic way of honing in on what he was saying. I mean, plenty of people found God while listening to him, which would probably make for unbelievable sex.)

Well, anyway. I digress.

It is sufficient to say that I am being challenged by this segment of Chapter 22.

On an unrelated note…

Instagram made me so sick yesterday. I am so disgusted by this whole Tom Petty Trust/Estate thing.  I really am. I know it isn’t actually any of my business, but just as a fan, he was always Tom Petty “AND THE HEARTBREAKERS.” Those men meant a lot to me, too. A lot. Even when he did solo records, or Mudcrutch records, there were “Heartbreakers” in there, too, along with tons of other really talented musicians & songwriters. He was never “alone.” And to try to erase these men now just disgusts me.  Tom Petty put the lyric to the melody, for sure, but he always brought those songs in to everybody else to add to them and build on them and turn them into the hits they were. What is going on now just wreaks of greed and ego and narcissism and all that crap.

Anyway. I had to keep going onto Instagram yesterday, even though it was making me sick, because I needed to know what was going on in Sweden, for godssakes!! Where Nick Cave was having a Conversation!!

Man, the Swedes are big Instagram-posters. I mean, it’s like they had barely left their seats and they were already posting. Mostly in English, too. And in color – which, based solely on, you know, Ingmar Bergman or something like that, you’d have perhaps expected tons of artistic black & white. But no. Swedes apparently live in the here & now and know all about full color.

So that was cool.

The one thing that, of course, jumped right out at me was someone posting that “Nick Cave was in the house.” (And not the customary comment that “God was in the house.”)

Now, you’d think this meant that this particular Swede was breaking ranks and not calling Nick Cave “God.” Yet, if you ponder this more closely – as you know I did – what this Swede was really saying was diabolical indeed! Because he/she (I don’t recognize gender in Swedish names) was in fact saying that GOD HIMSELF has a new name, and it is Nick Cave.

So you can probably readily see now how this has jumped the track and is getting, well, blasphemous! Indeed!!

Too funny.

Anyway. Everyone seems to have really loved it, yet again!!

All right. I gotta get moving around here, gang.  I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from, well, breakfast. Since I was so blissed-out, I listened to one of my favorite “music to listen to while blissed-out” songs, over and over and over!! And that is, Simon & Garfunkel’s “Only Living Boy in New York,” from around 1970 or something like that. I was a wee bonny lass in Cleveland when it came out, I know that much for sure.

So have a blissed-out Saturday if you can, gang, wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya!

Of Gods & Men & the Undecided

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Man, the stuff with the new music material is getting so interesting. I am discovering just how much I already know but that I am now gaining conscious access to in a completely different way.

Everything is getting so much more simplified. (I don’t know – can something get “more” simplified? Wouldn’t it just be “simpler”? You figure it out and get back to me. My brain’s not completely awake yet.)

I cannot wait to see how this material actually works with someone who knows nothing about music. I think it’s going to be extremely interesting, and probably gratifying.

I’m having weird sinus stuff in my head today – well, since last night. I guess pain is the correct word for it. I rarely get headaches of any sort, so when I get weirdly intense, pressure-based ones deep in the center of my head, my first thought is always that a tumor is growing. But some sort of more rational voice (a voice I rarely ever listen to, so I usually don’t give credence to it) is telling me that it’s more likely all this relentless rain and humidity over the last 5 days that’s causing it.

Whichever: Life-threatening tumor or sinus headache; all I know is that my brain is functioning at less than ideal capacity this morning.

I wasn’t even going to blog today. I was going to save my creative brainstuff for the novel, since the writing went so well yesterday. But it seems that I have to get this stream of other words out first, before the Voice from the novel kicks in.

On Instagram yesterday morning, Dana Petty posted the most amazing photo of Tom  that I had ever seen. And he was a man who had thousands and thousands and thousands of pictures taken of him in the course of his 66 years of life. And this one was simply unbelievable to me.

He looked like a Spirit.  He truly did. Like a luminous Spirit. It was taken by Dana in a hotel room in Amsterdam a few years ago. It’s actually his reflection in an enormous mirror, while he’s sitting on the end of a king-sized bed. It looks like it’s the middle of the day. He seems to be intently watching an old black & white movie on a television that seems to be just a little bit above the mirror. It’s hard to figure out in the photo because the TV is reflected on something above and behind him. The whole thing is just ghostly, really.

He looks larger than life and yet not even part of life at the same time. I couldn’t stop looking at it.  All day long, I would go back onto Instagram and look at it – pondering it to no end.

It’s weird to think that I was actually a lot taller than he was, because, in my mind, he really was larger than life. All those rock & rollers from my girlhood that I absolutely worshiped – it turned out that I was a lot taller than all of them. Even when I wasn’t wearing heels, and I’m definitely a gal who likes to wear heels of some sort.

Even Cher, who I’d loved since I was about 5 years old – I thought of her as being the tallest woman ever. And I wound up towering over her, too.  Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, too. A woman of mythical proportions, frankly. And she was just a wisp of a woman.

It does weird things to you, when you’re just towering over all these people who, in your private mind, should have been enormous.

Robert Redford. I mean, my gosh. I never worshiped him, or anything close to that, but he was iconic. An iconic actor from my girlhood! And I totally towered over that guy, to the point that I felt like I needed to back away. I simply didn’t want to know that I was way too tall to be standing next to him in public. And I wasn’t wearing heels, either. And I really don’t think of myself as that tall.  It was too freaky.

Thank goodness Keanu was taller than me – even when I was wearing high-heels. I met him at a party once and he was taller than me. Even though Keanu doesn’t actually mean anything to me, personally or emotionally; for some inexplicable reason, I just don’t want to be taller than Keanu.

This height thing I have is also why it’s been impossible for me to ever have any sort of “kittenish” demeanor, you know? Especially when I’m wearing heels. I’m always greeted more, like: Oh god, here comes trouble.

Many’s the time, folks, that I’ve wished I could be greeted more as “kittenish.” For sure. (Of course, part of it is my mouth; no one ever knows when I’ll be in a foul mood and cursing like a sailor. I have a real problem with the “f” word, even on a good day.)

Well!

In addition to the music material being really incredible yesterday, the Italian lessons went up a notch, too. So that was cool.  They are no longer just throwing words at me, with the occasional phrases.  They are sneaking grammar in now, too.

I’m glad that I already did study some Italian a long time ago, and of course, I’m relying a lot on my knowledge of French, too, so none of this is too difficult. Yet. And so it keeps it really fun. It’s not stressing me out, at all.

Which is good, because I have no shortage of areas within my life that heap stress on me if I so desire them to! At any given moment of any given hour of any given day! Or night!

Plenty-O-Stress, if I want it!

And I really do want to learn Italian this time around.  It’s funny, but it occurred to me recently that the reason I was trying to learn Italian 35 years ago was because Peitor and I had become friends and he wanted me to go to Italy with him.  But I gave up on Italian very early on because I found it too difficult.

(And yet I taught myself to read, write, and speak Mandarin Chinese, so that’s really weird, right? Who the hell knows what goes on in a brain – mine, specifically.)

When Peitor and I met, it was one of those things where we became instant friends – and very good friends. And, obviously, true friends since it is now 35 years later and we couldn’t be closer. We bonded immediately, and not in any sort of amorous way. We came to the conclusion that we were likely brother and sister in another life, since there is no erotic attraction between us at all, but we’ve been incredibly close since the absolute moment we met.

Anyway, all these decades later, I will likely be going to Italy now because of him but not with him, and I’ll be speaking Italian. Isn’t life strange?

Okay.

On that oft-regaled topic here of Nick Cave’s Conversations in Europe… He was in Belgium last night.  For 3 hours. Well, on stage for 3 hours. I’m guessing he was in Belgium a little longer than that, but I guess if all these people are right, and he is actually God, then maybe he’s good at teleporting or something.

HIM (as God): Into Belgium, out of Belgium, 3 hours, total.

I really just don’t know.

I do keep pondering this, though. Because so many people – in Europe, especially – refer to him in some way as God.

I woke up at 3:56am today and my first thought – aside from the aching headache that plagued me with fears of tumors – my first thought was: Does he want to be thought of as God? On some level? Maybe he is subconsciously perpetuating this idea. I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I don’t actually know.

And I don’t actually know that he isn’t God. I have no ready proof, or anything.  But I just keep coming back to this thought that he’s not God. And why would he want to be? It seems like it would surely be hard enough just being Nick Cave. (Or beautiful enough.) (And you are not the only ones I pester with these questions, gentle readers. I pester him with these questions, too.  I leave no stone unturned in my ponderings.)

However, that said. Someone posted another fantastic photo of him last night, again in black & white.  And just beautiful. But most of the postings were in Dutch so I have no clue what anybody said, except for the “3+ hours” part that he was on stage. That was in English.

All righty!!

I’m gonna take a look at Blessed By Light now. See where we’re going with that.  And I hope this headache just goes the fuck away because all I really want to do is go right back to bed.

I didn’t have any breakfast-listening music today because of the headache, but I did have staring-out-the-open-window music from last night. Another true gem (excuse the pun) from The Last DJ:  “Like A Diamond.” I streamed it about 20 times before drifting off to sleep.

And based on that ghostly photo of him that plagued me all day yesterday, it was a fitting end to the evening. It’s such a haunting sort of song about, well, not dying. Ever.

Have a good Thursday, wherever you are in the world, gang. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys! See ya.

Madmen crawl
Across the wall
Knight gets away
Kings all fall
And queens chase men
And saints all sin
And good things
All must end

But she goes on forever
She goes on forever
Yeah, she’s gonna shine forever
Like a diamond
In the sunlight

Big full moon
Above the road
I’m a long long way
From tomorrow
Gotta light my way
Down this highway
To get to her

‘Cause she goes on forever
She goes on forever
Yeah, she’s gonna shine forever
Like a diamond
In the sunlight

Deacons steal
And Ma can’t feel
If you’re lonely
And behind the wheel
When the ground gives way
You have to pray
To the unknown
And hope it’s real

But she goes on forever
She goes on forever
She’s gonna shine forever

She goes on forever
She goes on forever
Yeah, she’s gonna shine forever
Like a diamond
In the sunlight

c – 2002 Tom Petty

Summer Can Officially Begin

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It only took about 5 hours, but I got it all done.

The mayor came by and posed for pictures on my leafless front walk and, frankly, the whole village was astir. They had forgotten what my sidewalk actually looked like under all those piles of dead leaves. They decided to take some of those photos of the mayor on my leafless front walk and seal it in a time capsule that they then buried on the grounds behind the old abandoned elementary school.

Just kidding, of course. But it sure does look a lot nicer out there. And the statue of St. Francis looks delighted to be surrounded by blossoms again.

And it didn’t rain again until long after dark.

In fact, it was the most perfect evening.

A couple weeks ago, I posted the cover art for one of my books-in-progress, Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse. The original photo for the cover was taken from my bedroom window at night – the window right across from my bed.

The view from my bed at night.

The photo was taken in late fall, just as a train was arriving. Since it was fall, though, it doesn’t capture how it feels to be hidden behind all of those amazing green leaves that are out there now, but you get the idea, I hope.

The streets are usually just incredibly quiet in the evening. Except when suddenly a freight train goes barreling past with its whistle screaming. (My whole house shakes then. It can be kind of frightening but I still just love that train.)

And I also just love to lie across my bed in the dark and listen to music and stare out my open window at that view. It’s kind of ancient, you know? The village is nearly 200 years old, and it’s surrounded by old burial grounds that are a couple thousand years old. From before the Native Indians were even here. There’s a feeling, a spirit, that comes through my open windows at night that is palpable. It really is.

It’s sort of an erotic feeling, but then, apparently everything in the known universe is erotic to me.  (And I’m guessing that the unknown universe — once I get to know that, too — is going to feel off the charts for me.)

Yes, it’s safe to say that God, Himself, is erotic to me. It started when I was a little girl.  He was all I had, really. I knew I had “real” parents out in the world somewhere, and I missed them terribly. Throughout my whole childhood.  And in their absence, the feeling I clung to instead was God.  He became everything to me, and, to my mind, everything I felt or thought about was just naturally part of Him.

Anyway. I digress.

Last evening was just beautiful. While I was working on that new teaching material on my guitar, and marveling at how ethereal those new Black Diamond strings sounded, it made me think of Tom Petty’s song, “Dreamville,” and I got sort of dreamy myself.

I eventually put the guitar down and called it a night, even though it was still light out. It’s at that point in the year where it stays light out now until about 9:30pm. I laid across my bed, stared out at those empty streets that are so oddly filled – to overflowing – with life. And I streamed “Dreamville” repeatedly until, yes, long after dark.

As I was listening, it occurred to me that it was the last time Tom Petty had that “young Tom Petty” quality to his voice. Even though he was already 52 when he wrote that song, and on the rest of the songs on that album (The Last DJ) he has his older Tom Petty voice. For some reason, his youth is captured once again in that specific song. And it never was again.  I’m guessing it’s because the song is such an exquisite song about his childhood.

I was just in a trance, you know? For a couple of hours. Life just felt so intensely beautiful: the here & now; whatever’s coming; and all the beauty that came and passed. All of it together – I could feel it in the night outside my window. And I was so grateful for all of it. Even the “Tom Petty being dead now” stuff – I was just grateful last night that he had lived.

Shortly after I fell asleep, the rains came like crazy. Thunder, lightning, the works. It woke me, of course. I had all the windows in the house still wide open and I just didn’t care to get up and close any of them.  It was just too perfect, being alive in all of that “God-stuff.” So wild & joyful.

Okay. It’s sunny here right now, but more rain is heading our way.  (Oh, somebody took the most amazing photo of Nick Cave in the Netherlands last night. They posted it in black & white but it was still incredible. He was just standing there, listening, looking up at a guy who was asking him a question. It was kind of frustrating that I could only view it on my phone, because it was really a stunning shot.)

I’m guessing I’m just  going to hang out all day at the desk and work on Blessed By Light, especially since I now might need to have it done & off by July… But I don’t want to stress.  I just want to let life come, however it chooses to come. Thanks for visiting, gang. Have a terrific Tuesday, wherever it finds you! I love you guys. See ya.

“Dreamville”

Goin’ down to Lillian’s music store
To buy a black diamond string
Gonna wind it up on my guitar
Gonna make that silver sing

Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
A million miles away
All the trees were green
In Dreamville

I keep wakin’ up all by myself
With a bluejay in my brain
Flappin’ his wings, makin’ me sing
It was just about to rain

Like it was Dreamville
Where I was born
Light years from here
And the air smelled good
In Dreamville

Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
Light years from here
And the trees were green
In Dreamville

Ridin’ with my mamma
To Glen Springs Pool
The water was cold
My lips were blue
There was rock and roll
Across the dial
When I think of her
It makes me smile

Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
A million miles away
All the trees were green
In Dreamville, in Dreamville

Yeah it was Dreamville
A long time ago
Light years from here
And the air smelled good
In Dreamville, in Dreamville

c – 2002 Tom Petty