Tag Archives: Novitiate by Marilyn Jaye Lewis

We Have Nothing To Wear But Fear Itself!!

This is, of course, a play on Roosevelt’s famous advice to Americans during WWII: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”

And Roosevelt’s advice is indeed quite timely today.

What we know about the v*rus is that there is no p*n d*m *c. It’s fake. It’s manufactured to scare people, to bankrupt them if at all possible, and to remove their constitutional rights.

And all of the scientists and researchers who write papers or give announcements about the proof that this virus p*n d*m *c is fake, get blocked and censored here in the US by social media and mainstream media.

(If you are new to the blog, you can scroll through the past couple of weeks and get links to all of those papers and videos  in places where they have not been blocked.)

Yes. There are indeed a bazillion more people allegedly testing positive, allegedly all over the world. Although more and more people have stories of testing false positive (meaning they immediately test negative) and then only the positive test is reported. Even nurses are seeing it. And saying — in utter exhaustion — “what the fuck is with these crazy tests?”

And most importantly, there are not tons of people dying from the virus. They are dying from other stuff, and sometimes the virus is part of it.

There are at least 4 therapeutics that will cure the average person of the virus. The virus is basically the flu.  And even the CDC’s statistics here in the US do not bear out that this is a p*n d*m *c. It is a flu, and people who would be compromised by the flu are in danger of getting really sick from C* VID. But if you’re an average person, you have a 99.997% survival rate, even without therapeutics.  It’s a flu.

And of course, we now have 2 very effective vaccines ready to hit the market. With a third (Oxford in the UK) gaining in effectiveness.

But there is, of course, a worldwide fear that, along with getting the vaccine, people will have a chip introduced into their bodies that will make them track-able by whoever it is out there that is seriously trying to control us through fear and by trying to violate our rights to free speech and to assemble (also known as m* sks and l* ck d* wns).

I personally do not take vaccines. A lot of people don’t because they have become deregulated (you can’t sue the kind folks who make them if something goes horribly wrong…). But a lot of people still believe in vaccines. It eases their fears. And so they have the right to have access to them.

However, yesterday, I heard two horrifying things. One was from the UK — that even with the 95% effective Pfizer vaccine that the UK has already approved, people in the UK should be prepared to continue wearing m* sks “for years.”

Okay. So. Rather than believe that insanity, that fear-mongering and that depression shit; instead, ask yourself whose payroll  that guy is actually on, and if he isn’t being bribed, is he being blackmailed?

Those are the only two questions we should all be asking now. The only two. Because everyone knows — the dictators and tyrants especially (here in the US, they are also called by titles such as “Governor” and “Mayor”) — that this is not a p*n d*m *c, it is fake, otherwise they would be too frightened to constantly break their own m* sk and l*ck d*wn rules.

A case in point — as always — is out in Los Angeles. This short video made me cry yesterday. This poor woman! It is similar to the video I posted yesterday about the restaurant owner in Michigan.

The virus is really, really smart. It knows to infect only small businesses and not huge movie studio companies.

People, this has got to STOP. Actual lives are at stake. And not from any virus.

And here’s a quick follow-up on the Staten Island protest, where it details how in  Airstrip One, if you voted for Tr**p, your establishment is in l*ck d* wn. If you didn’t, you get to  stay open (because that darn virus knows who votes for whom…).

The other thing that I found horrifying yesterday was that there is a new proposal here in the US from Federal Democrats re: that stimulus bill (which tyrants and dictators created the need for, since Tr**p left it up to the States to decide how to “manage” the virus), that if you are willing to take the vaccine, you could get a $1500 stimulus check.

Yes. They’re going to pay people — bribe them with maybe some money to buy food or pay some rent — if they will take the vaccine??!! Otherwise, you don’t get the money.

It made me truly fear, for the first time — what ARE they going to try to administer along with that vaccine???

Why do they want to pay desperate people to take it??

And the always charming, endearing, selfless Mayor of Ch* c*go is intimating that she wants to make the vaccine mandatory in Ch* c*go… (unconstitutional, btw).

TWO QUESTIONS, that’s all. Just two fucking questions:  Whose payroll is that woman actually on, and if she isn’t being bribed, is she being blackmailed?

FOLLOW THE FUCKING $$$

Well, after I listened to the X*2 R* p*rt last night, and once I got to approximately the 33 minute point in the podcast (posted down below), the fake virus information got seriously alarming. So I did some research on which article he was talking about.

You can do it, too. The article is readily available but I strongly suggest using d* ck d* ck go.

The article is all about the 22 internationally-based scientists who are currently asserting that the R T * P C R test that was “developed” specifically to test for C* VID, was purposely developed to create an 80 -97% false positive:

[…]due to a non existent gold standard which would be the virus itself.

[…] At the heart of the controversy lies the fact that the creators of the most commonly used test, the R T-P C R, published instructions for how to test for S* RS C* V 2 “without having virus material available,” in their own words, relying instead on the Ch* n* se scientists’ genetic sequence published on the internet.

[…] Dr. C* rbett, a Ph.D., and retired RN elaborated: “There are 10 fatal errors in this Dr* sten test paper. Public Health England is a co-author on it. All the public health authorities across the EU have co-authored this paper. But here is the bottom line: There was no viral isolate to validate what they were doing. The P C R products of the amplification didn’t correspond to any viral isolate at that time. I call it ‘donut ring science.’ There is nothing at the center of it. It’s all about code, genetics, nothing to do with reality, or the actual person, the patient.

You have to read the article, gang. Please. It is not long. It is right here. And the scientific details of it will enrage you.

It also sites an article I posted a link to here several days ago, about the paper out of Wu h*n that studied over 9 million test cases and determined that:

Virus cultures were negative for all asymptomatic positive and repositive cases, indicating no “viable virus” in positive cases detected in this study.

If you live in Germany, you likely already know all about this fake P C R test that was created to generate false positives,  because there is a team of lawyers suing the Government there, as well as starting a Class-Action lawsuit here in the US and in Canada, and probably Australia, as well. But the German lawsuit maintains that 2 of the 3 main perpetrators of this fr*ud are from Germany. The 3rd perp being the head of the W H O…

(And Tr**p pulled the US out of the W H O. Go figure…)

Please make time to watch the video directly below. It has been around for a month already, but other videos that interview this lawyer have been blocked already on Y *u T * be.

He has successfully sued Deutschbank and VW  in the past , and won, so he is not just a small-time lawyer. He is working with three other lawyers — together they are suing Germany for perpetuating this fake p*n d* m*c.

He goes into details about the fake positive test, how it got started and by whom and why, and he identifies who the puppets are, but we still need law suits to find out who is really pulling the strings. Thankfully, lawyers all over the world are preparing lawsuits against their own governments now, as well, based on all this information that the mainstream media is trying hard to block from you.

And my guess is that, whoever is behind the virus fr*ud is also behind the US el*c t*on fr*ud.

FOLLOW THE FUCKING $$$

Also: LISTEN!! He explains it all again here — there is NOTHING to be afraid of! Except the fucking vaccine!!!!

 

Nothing But Good News Around Here, Gang!!

Of course, that’s because I’m really good at finding the bright side to stuff when I really, really want to.

But, honestly, things in general seem to be getting more encouraging, in that more and more evidence of e*l*ction fr*ud is coming to light, along with the unbelievable amount of c*ns* rsh* p going on in this country; and more and more people are finding out that the virus is no longer a threat, and so more and more people are questioning what the actual reasoning could be behind forcing us to be muzzled (i.e., m* sks) and not gather in groups where we could easily share information and maybe get really, really angry

And so, in a sense, all of that is good.

And on the vaccine front — both the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are on a fast track to getting approved and reaching the US public. And the Oxford vaccine has apparently reached a 90% effective rate in the UK.

The Oxford vaccine is the one funded by AstroZeneca, wherein a video went viral on F B re: the use of an aborted fetus in the vaccine.

This was a hoax, people — as I had tried to warn some of the women I knew who were falling for it.  I believe it was purposely aimed at Christians to keep them afraid of the vaccines, and therefore under the thumb of the powers that be who continue to want the masses to be controlled by the fake virus p*n d* m*c.

The Oxford vaccine is based on a chimpanzee adenovirus vaccine vector — an adenovirus that causes the common cold in chimpanzees…

So, um, that might not make you feel any happier. Still, we need to support these vaccines and get them to market as soon as they are deemed effective and safe. Having the vaccines is the only way to break the worldwide stranglehold they are placing on us with the fake p*n d* m*c.

And since there are now four therapeutics to cure the average person of the virus there’s no real need to take a vaccine unless you are still afraid of catching the virus.

Two videos below explain this very well. (X*2 R*p *rt and Tucker Carlson.)

And in v*t*r fr*ud-lated news, D*n B*ng*n*’s video goes into great detail about those urban v*te dumps that happened in the contested States.

So it won’t be much longer, gang, that the mainstream media will be able to keep insisting that it was a free and fair el*c t*on.

On other, sort of related fronts…

Nick Cave sent out a Red Hand Files yesterday addressing the BBC’s decision to censor words from the amazing Christmas song by The Pogues, “Fairytale of New York” (1987), on the radio.

A lot of non-Irish, non-NYC-Americans do not know this 33 year-old song, but it is a truly amazing song. And from Nick Cave’s response, I’m guessing the chief word the BBC wants to censor is the word “faggot.”

It’s kind of amazing to me to think that anyone, anywhere might accidentally hear that word in a legendary, 33-year-old song on the radio and have it completely destroy them, psychologically, for the rest of their lives. I mean, why else would you need to censor something?

In my experience, I’ve heard far worse things said about women in wildly popular rap songs and, rather than listen to them and have them scar me psychologically for the rest of my life, I simply turn them off.

You can read Nick Cave’s always eloquent response here, if you so choose. Among other things, he says:

“One of the many reasons this song is so loved is that, beyond almost any other song I can think of, it speaks with such profound compassion to the marginalised and the dispossessed.”

And Cave Things sent out a new item that would (seriously) make a great Christmas gift for me, so feel free to, you know, buy it and send it to me!!

It only costs £40 plus shipping!!!!! (I have been assured that in US dollars, this currently equals a mere $53.36, plus shipping….) (Yes, a book of Nick Cave quotes that you can also keep track of birthdays in. Yes, a sort of journal. Like the kind you can buy at the dollar store for, like, a dollar! But without any pre-printed Nick Cave quotes — you would have to add the quotes yourself to the dollar store version. So I think that a little over 50 x $1, plus shipping is a terrific price for a book with pre-printed NC quotes, which is allegedly handmade by monks in Denmark!!!!) (Honestly, buy it for me. I would love to have one!!)

Okay. So.

We did get snow during the night!!!! It looks kind of pretty!! It’s enough snow to be all over the lawns and the cars, but not enough to stay on the streets or sidewalks so there is no fear that I might have to break my “no-shoveling” rule!! Yay. So that’s pretty great.

And other than that, gang, there is just so much news going on right now that I have had little else on my mind. But I do have to start getting some more writing done here, because I have 3 short stories due in January, and I need to finish “Novitiate,” in order to turn in The Muse Revisited Vol. 4 to the publishers, and then get back to work on the new novel, Thug Luckless: Welcome to P-Town. (And then finish Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse and turn that in, and then finish In the Shadow of Narcissa and self-publish it….)

So, you know. Lots to do here.

Okay, I’m going to get moving here. Thanks for visiting, gang! I love you guys. See ya!

If you have school-aged children, this video will not make you happy but please watch it anyway, it’s only about 7 minutes:

Both of these were awesome. Try to listen to the whole thing:

Terrific, as always!!

The Best Way to Live Life!

Yes, I mean, of course — don’t watch the news!

Yesterday (and this morning) I have simply steered clear of the news.  I know darn well that if there is something I really, really need to know about, it will get my attention.

Otherwise, I decided to just enjoy my really lovely day yesterday.

The weather was simply awesome. And promises to be the same today. I took a really beautiful walk to the post office — and mailed out my many promotional postcards for the online reading of Tell My Bones, coming up in 17 days. Something that has been in the works for nearly 14 months, is now only 17 days away. I honestly can’t believe it.

However, it is true. And I got a copy of the rehearsal schedules for the actors yesterday. A thing like that makes it feel more and more real, gang.

And I truly hope you  are planning to watch it – whether on the night of the premiere (RSVP here), or during the days following. I really want you to see it!! Plus, I promised I would love you forever if you watched it, so you might want to weigh that very carefully… (Because on the day when I accept my Pulitzer Prize for Tell My Bones, you can say to your friends: “That girl there, getting that Pulitzer — she promised to love me forever.” It will feel really nice.)

Okay, this morning, on Instagram, there was a really cute video by Cave Things of the tee shirts you can buy that are designed by Nick Cave. If you are a member of Instagram, you can watch the video here. It’s about 15 seconds long.

Other than that, right now on Instagram, I try really, really hard to only look at photos and videos of alpacas, birds, intensely unusual insects, goats, baby sheep, baby cows, and panoramic nature shots. Otherwise, there is just too much intensity out there right now, and I need to hugely filter all of it. I can handle reality in very, very small doses only. And those small doses of reality are accompanied by an intake of CBD oil — my new best friend. So, all is well.

My friend Kevin is indeed back from Montana. However, the Village of Crazeysburg has decided to tear up the road and do construction at the corner of Basin Street and Frazier Alley, which is the exact corner where my barn is located. So Kevin cannot get his vintage 1965 VW camper van out of my barn yet. But I have been able to talk to him on the phone, and he might even stop over just to say hello. Which would be so nice. (He lives 20 miles away, so it’s not like he can just stroll over.)

And in the meantime, my whole street is blocked off and I get to look at quite a number of very attractive young road-construction workers! So it could be worse.

Well, I did not get anything new done on “Novitiate” yesterday, however I did read over that erotic short story, “Score,” that is a finalist in the Volonte short story contest. I had not read it since I’d written it, back in August. So it was that feeling, like — who wrote this? I don’t remember this.

My usual intense, crazy erotic story. However, this one is actually short — under 2000 words. It will eventually be published (in English) by Volonte, so I will keep you posted.  (They are out of Sweden, but this is all part of the English-language website.)

So I am managing to stay really happy, gang. Just focusing on the personal things, trying to keep the larger scope of the world out of my field of vision for right now. Because I know that, at any moment, everything could explode. Including the virus, which is starting to reach Code Red again in nearby counties.

So just taking it one moment at a time here. I know that a lot of my readers are in lockdown again. I hope that you are finding ways to pass the time and that you aren’t struggling in some sort of awful way.

Here, over the last couple of months, things have skirted the edge of being really dire, but then eased up again. But I do know how it feels to run out of food, run out of money, worry about keeping my house and my car. However, through the grace of others, everything improved at the final moment here, but I do know how it feels. Even in a county that has been blessed by very low numbers of the virus, we have also dealt with the financial blows of the pandemic.

However, today is shaping up to be another really good day. I hope it is feeling likewise for you, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting.  Take care of yourselves!! I leave you with the song that was singing in my head the moment my eyes sprang open this morning at 4:17am — “Good Good Day,” (2001) by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds. I’ve posted it here before, but here it is again! From off of their 2005 collection, B-Sides & Rarities. Enjoy, gang. I love you guys. Have a nice Friday. See ya.

“Good Good Day”

See the little cloud up in the sky
It’s a good good day today
See the little cloud pass on by
It’s a good good day today
Mary comes now, let Mary be
Can you see her down on the street?
Mary’s laughing ’cause Mary sees
That she’s a-wearin’ that dress for me

There can be times
Yeah… When all things come together
Yeah… Under a clear sky and you can believe
Yeah… You hold your breath for this moment
Yeah… But do not breathe for this day I know
Is a good day, yes I know
It’s a good day, yeah I know
Today…
Hear her feet skipping up the stairs
It’s a good good day today
She is the answer to all of my prayers
It’s a good good day today
Mary comes now, she don’t knock
‘Cause she’s runnin’ on her own little clock
Mary’s laughing ’cause Mary knows
That this day was made for us
And any fool knows… yeah
And any fool sees
That the future… yeah
Is a-down on its knees
But let ’em all cry, let ’em weep
Let those tears roll down their cheeks

‘Cause I can believe in the one
That is standing in front of me
Oh this day, don’t you know
Is a good day, yes I know
It’s a good day, I told you so
Today…
See her breasts how they rise and fall
It’s a good good day today
And she knows I’ve used that line before
It’s a good good day today
Mary’s laughing, she don’t mind
‘Cause she knows she’s one of a kind
Mary’s happy just to be
Standing next to me
And any fool knows
Yeah…
That the wind always blows
Something to someone
Yeah…
Once in a while, so let it rain, let it fall
Let the wind howl through your door
‘Cause right now for this moment
I’ll forever be
Standing next to her
On this day, which I know
Is a good day, yeah I know
Oh, it’s a good day, I told you so
Today…

© 2001 Nick Cave

A Beautiful Morning

Even while the last several days have been really harrowing in my personal life — not even counting the Internet going out! — I am super happy to announce that my erotic short story, “Score,” that I wrote back in August, was announced as a finalist this morning in the Volonte erotic short story contest.

It was just the little boost of joy I needed to hear.

“Score” is a gay male erotic short story, which is not my usual genre, so it made me doubly-happy.

And the gay male characters in the story are video gamers in their early twenties, which is not part of my general stomping ground anymore, so that made me triply-happy.

So. That news made it a lot easier to leap out of bed with a little bounce today.

I will steer clear of the unsettled election stuff on this blog if at all possible, but rest assured it has almost my complete attention. Although today, I am going to try to redirect my concentration back to working on “Novitiate,” ( the new erotic short story in progress).

(However, I will direct you to Balladeer’s Blog post from post-election morning, for some very interesting facts & comments. You will find the numbers illuminating. Truly. You will. And if you get actual news coverage (meaning if you don’t live in the United States of America) and you see all the stories about voter fraud, and mysterious weirdness with thousands of absentee mail-in ballots appearing and/or disappearing, and places like Wisconsin having 110,000 more votes cast than actual registered voters… And you see that record numbers of Latinos, African-Americans, Jews, and white women abandoned the Democratic Party and voted Republican. And also that  Republicans swept the House of Representatives and the Senate and State Governorships, you will likely think: Hmmm. I wonder why a Republican didn’t sweep the Presidency, as well?)

Indeed.

So. [No! That was not me posting about politics on my own blog; I was posting about the politics on Balladeer’s blog…]

ALL RIGHTY!!

Today is shaping up to be a very good day. At least weather-wise. I’m going to make a trip to the post office to mail out my promotional postcards announcing the staged reading of Tell My Bones.

Please don’t forget to RSVP for the premiere of the reading. It is FREE!

Visit this link and register: tellmybones.eventbrite.com

And I will love you forever!

Again, this is a staged reading, not an actual performance of the play, but the talent on board is incredible, gang. please don’t miss it!

Okay, I’m gonna scoot. Got laundry going on here right now and I also want more coffee. What could be better on this sunny Thursday morning?  I hope all is well in your part of the world today.

I leave you with nothing today, because I haven’t really been listening to very much — my personal life really had my complete attention and it completely exhausted me.  (This had nothing to do with politics, btw.) So I’ll just say thanks for visiting! And I love you guys. See ya!

 

A Cold Rainy November Day in Crazeysburg!!

Tonight, it’s going to get really cold — colder than it’s been so far — so I’m guessing the petunias are not going to survive much longer. Although it’s been truly amazing how well they’ve been doing so far.

The morning glories died out with that first frost we had several weeks ago. So the petunias are really just so hardy.

I spoke with Valerie for a while yesterday and she said that her petunias are still blooming, too. (In Brooklyn — 500 miles away from here.) So maybe it’s just the way petunias are.

Plus, as she and I were talking, all the many little trick-or-treaters were out and about, heading to the town hall to get their candy (yes — the very same town hall that Nick Cave steadfastly refused to hold a Conversation in last year, even though at least fourteen people would have showed up!!) (And because I not only staked my reputation on how great the show would be, and all 14 Crazeysburgers were so  severely disappointed by his no-show that they will not speak to me anymore, plus I had even ordered a really nice Fazoli grand piano from Italy to have in the town hall for him and I had to put $238,000 on my credit card — anyway, because of that, I am forced to post this photo of Nick Cave here on the blog):

Of course, I am just kidding about all of that.

And not only am I just kidding, but I also digress.

So.

While Valerie and I were talking on the phone, and while all the many, many trick-or-treaters and their moms and dads were heading to the town hall to get their candy, they were forced to wade through an unbelievably enormous amount of dead leaves that have accumulated on my front side walk, and I felt really guilty because of my “No-Raking” policy (which is also an “I’m too lazy to rake” policy)…

And so Valerie convinced me that I should get a leaf blower/vacuum/mulcher like she has!

She guarantees they are easy to handle, they are now electric, and often even cordless. And lightweight.

Worx Trivac 2-Speed Blower Vac Mulcher with Bag - 9506451 | HSN

I had no idea about this because in the old days, they were super noisy and ran on gasoline. But Valerie has convinced me that all that has changed and so I will stop into the Home Depot next week and see what’s in stock. They are super affordable now, too. (For instance, I can buy 3,553 leaf blowers for what I spent on that Fazoli grand piano…)

Oh my god. Okay! The coolest thing happened to me yesterday.

It was a gorgeous day here. A little cool but just so sunny and just so perfect for the last Saturday in October. And I decided to go to Subway (a fast food sandwich place — we have a Subway and a Dairy Queen here in Crazeysburg) to buy my lunch/dinner. Because they have vegetarian options there that are actually good and sometimes I just get so tired of eating the same darn healthy organic non-GMO things over and over and over and over…

And so I walked past the house where the cute teenage blond boy who has the motorcycle lives. And two men were in the driveway working under the hood of a white pickup truck. And one of the men was an older, nearly exact-replica of the teenage boy… I don’t know if it’s his dad or maybe an uncle or what, because the blonde-haired mom  came out the front door and called for the second man to come into the house for something. So maybe the woman and the second man are married — I don’t know.

But on my way back from Subway’s, only the blonde man was in the driveway working on the truck, and as I walked passed, he made the horn give a quick little honk.

I was secretly and quietly thrilled! (I am ridiculously shy around men when I find them attractive.) But it was clear that I existed and that he had hormones.

Oh man, gang. It was too cool. However, I will not let my imagination wander because one thing about this area is that everybody is married.

Okay.

I will tell you a secret about how I achieve my stellar success as a writer: I usually do not write when Mercury is retrograde. I find it to be a very difficult mental atmosphere to write anything new in, or to even edit anything in because I never like what I come up with and I constantly change my mind.

Mercury goes direct again tomorrow and I am  already feeling the creative change inside me, so I might get back to work on “Novitiate” today!! (The new erotic short story that will round-out Volume 4 of The Muse Revisited, which I will be sending over to Black Lotus Books when it is complete.) So I feel really good about that.

It just feels like a nice November Sunday, all the way around. Plus, today is the day we turned our clocks back an hour, so we get a nice long lazy rainy day here today.

I did sort of celebrate Halloween last evening, by watching the blaxploitation movie from 1972, Blacula, while doing yoga by candlelight.

I love Blacula and own it on video, but it’s actually free to stream in HD on Amazon Prime so I did that instead.  The movie is just so very 1972, gang.  It’s very sexy and fun and even a little creepy/scary. So that was my Halloween.

Other than that, I was really saddened to hear that the UK is also going back into lockdown this coming week.  Just unbelievable, this fucking virus.

Here in Crazeysburg, we are still holding at zero active cases. Schools and churches and stores have been open for several months now, although masks and social distancing are practiced. However, we are in the great wide open here and very few people actually live here (1300 people).

Okay. I’m going to get going here. I hope you have a nice Sunday, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning – yes, I’m back to The Monkees. Their huge hit: “Daydream Believer” from The Birds, The Bees, and The Monkees (1968).  It made for a nice, cheery little breakfast at 5:11am. So listen and enjoy!! I love you guys. See ya.

An Odd But Lovely Little Morning in Crazeysburg!

The good news is that the official publishing contract for 1954 Powder Blue Pickup came through during the night, so it is now signed and returned!!! I am just super excited about that, gang. I really love that crazy little book.

It is filthy as hell, with a minimal story arc — although it does have a couple of character arcs, so that’s pretty cool! But seriously, I absolutely love that book. And even if I hadn’t written it, I would read it and think, Wow, this is the best book I’ve ever read!! And then I’d wonder, Wow, who wrote this amazing book? And then I’d get on Kickstarter and start a fundraiser to make a documentary film all about the obscure writer of 1954 Powder Blue Pickup, the best book ever written.

You know, this is kind of interesting. Many years ago, I wrote an erotic short story, published by an underground zine in San Fransisco, and it was loosely based on a boy I used to babysit when I was 16, who had a serious crush on me. And he was like the horniest little kid, ever.  Which presented a serious challenge to me because I am absolutely 100% not a pedophile. And even at age 16, I was extremely maternal.

The last I had heard about him, back in the 1980s after I moved to NYC, was that he had joined the Navy and I remember thinking how odd it was that they allowed 10-year-old boys to join the Navy — because I simply could not believe he was already old enough to join the Navy. But the story I wound up writing stemmed more from that thought that he actually was old enough to be in the Navy.

Anyway, I found out a couple weeks ago that he is still alive, and still lives in Ohio, although he lives up in Cleveland now — AND — he’s a really powerful State Supreme Court Judge. I found that really just astounding and really kind of amusing. Remembering what he was like as an indescribably horny 10-year-old.

Ah well. Life does indeed go on. But I saw a photo of him and he has all this grey hair now, but he looks really kind and compassionate. Like he is probably a very good Judge.

Well, my dinner last night with Kevin did not happen because the worst storm imaginable suddenly blew in out of nowhere. Torrential rain, thunder, lightning, and really strong winds. The wind was blowing everything, everywhere.  So we postponed the dinner, which disappointed me because I really wanted an update on my play, plus he has those promotional postcards ready for me to start sending out. But the cool news is that I saw 3 rainbows while the storm was in the process of passing over.

Literally, 3 rainbows. And I have not seen a rainbow since I was about 9 years old. It was so cool.

And my other friend Kevin is supposed to fly back from Montana today, although he isn’t planning on staying in Ohio for very long. So I’m not sure when he’s planning to come out here and get his 1965 VW camper van from out of my barn. But whenever he does make it out here, I know he will be impressed with the barn’s new roof, and the new barn door! Plus, it will be really nice to see him.

Well, that’s kind of it around here today, gang. I’ve had sort of an odd morning here.  As usual, I’ve been up and out of bed since 4am, but for the most part, I sat on my bed in the dark, drank my coffee and stared out the window at the wind blowing the branches of the maple tree outside my window. Even with that terrible wind last evening, most of its leaves are still on the branches. So it was sort of hauntingly beautiful to look at.

And while I sat and stared, I listened to “Insider” by Tom Petty (with a supporting vocal by Stevie Nicks, 1981), over and over. I’m not a huge Stevie Nicks fan at all, but I do love how she sounded when she sang with Tom Petty.

Anyway, I listened to that for quite a long time and I grappled with reality — but mostly the reality that other people consider “reality,” not necessarily the reality that I call reality. And I guarantee you, those are two distinctly parallel lines that will never meet. So I either go crazy trying to see the world the way other people see it, or just mind my own business and keep to myself and let life happen and just sit here and write and go less crazy. Even though that version is extremely lonely.

So it’s a weird morning here. But I do hope to spend some time focusing on “Novitiate” (the new erotic short story in progress) and maybe even making some good progress with that. We shall see.

Meanwhile, have a nice Saturday, wherever you are in the world, gang. Thanks for visiting. I leave you with my sitting-in-the-dark-drinking-coffee-and-staring-out-at-the-tree music from this morning, in those wee hours before dawn! Listen, ponder, enjoy!! I love you guys. See ya.

“Insider”

You’ve got a dangerous background
And everything you’ve dreamed of
Yeah you’re the Dark Angel
It don’t show when you break up
and I’m the one who ought to know
I’m the one left in the dust
Yeah I’m the broken-hearted fool
Who was never quite enough

[Chorus:]
I’m an insider, I been burned by the fire
And I’ve had to live with some hard promises
I’ve crawled through the briars — I’m an insider

It’s a circle of deception
It’s a hall of strangers
It’s a cage without a key
You can feel the danger
And I’m the one who ought to know
I’m the one you couldn’t trust
I’m the lonely silent one
I’m the one left in the dust

[Chorus]

I’ll bet you’re his masterpiece
I’ll bet you’re his self-control
Yeah you’ll become his legacy
His quiet world of white and gold
And I’m the one who ought to know
I’m the one you left to rust
Not one of your twisted friends
I’m the one you couldn’t love

[Chorus]

© 1981 Tom Petty

How Do We Get Back There?

First, I want to say once again that I love Instagram. I really do. The degree to which I despise Facebook is the degree to which I love Instagram. And beyond.

People — total strangers — on Instagram are so kind. The same young man who has that page that quoted Neptune & Surf the other day, sent me a meditation download early this morning because I’d had a terrible night — mostly because of pain in my leg where I fell the other day, but also just stress. And this afternoon, I’m being interviewed on one of M. Christian’s podcasts, and we’ll mostly be talking about The Guitar Hero Goes Home.

And all the pain and lack of sleep and stress left me feeling remarkably brain dead. And not in the best shape for an interview.

So the guy (he’s very private so I won’t say too much about him), sent me this wonderful MP3 file to help me meditate and get in better mental shape for the interview. It meant so much to me, you know.  He is always so kind to me, and I’m easily old enough to be his grandmother (okay, well, maybe a really young, youthful, incredibly vibrant grandmother with a seriously bruised thigh…).

And we’ll probably never, ever even meet because he lives far, far away. In the Middle East, in a country where American Jews (by birth, anyway — I don’t practice it anymore) are not likely to ever travel to anymore. Ever. Such is politics.

Anyway, his constant kindness means a lot to me. Especially on this particular morning, which is the anniversary of my friend Paul’s death. 21 years ago today. I miss him so much. He was my best-est friend in the whole entire world, from age 17 on. He was always there for me, always had my back, never ever once fucked with my head or played any fucked up games with me.  And he was also the first in line to let me know when he thought I was going down a bad road, or making a bad decision, or being bitchy. He was always just totally honest with me.

And he was so fucking funny. I miss all of it, so much. There is no one in my life who has come close to taking his place.

When we first found out that he was dying, I began spiraling downward immediately and didn’t come out of it for years.  It took him 7 years to actually die. He deteriorated slowly. But I started in with bourbon immediately. Bourbon in my coffee in the morning, bourbon in the afternoon, cocktails at night. And I started smoking with a vengeance, too. And I hardly ate. And I lost a ton of weight, even though I wasn’t overweight when I started. But I only behaved that way when he wasn’t around. If he was around, I tried to act like I was totally brave, you know?

He lived in a beach house on Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina. And toward the end of his life, he and I walked along the beach one winter morning, and he wanted to make sure I was going to be okay when he was gone.

Of course, I lied. I wanted him to feel okay about dying. But I knew I was never going to be all right.

Well, I take care of myself. I survive. I go on. I create, etc., etc. But in all honesty, it has never been the same.

And this is not the frame of mind I want to be in before an interview you know?? I don’t want to go on record saying that life sucks…

So I am trying to get myself together here today.

Well. Blixa Bargeld released a video discussing his upcoming writing plans.  You can watch it on his web site. Or here:

And you can also support his many projects by being a contributing supporter. (€10 a month.)

Also, Nick Cave sent out a Red Hand File today, wherein he discusses catastrophe, suffering, the pandemic, creativity, life on Earth and trying to survive it. (I am greatly paraphrasing. You can read it for yourself here, though. It was quite sobering.)

Okay, so. I need to go over some extensive notes Peitor sent me from West Hollywood yesterday, as we get ever closer to resuming production/writing for Abstract Absurdity Productions. And after the interview for the podcast (it’s being pre-recorded — when it is available to download I will let you know!!), I will focus on trying to make some significant headway with “Novitiate.” (My new erotic short story, in progress.)

And I really, really hope I can salvage this weird, weird morning. (Plus, I am once again trying to come to terms with a decision I have to make — that is only going to break my own heart. But I feel like it’s the right thing to do.  But it is hard enough to keep the color in my world as it is. But onward…)

Okay. Have a really good Thursday, wherever you are and with whatever you might be grappling with out there in the world.  I leave you with the song that helped me survive yesterday. (I take it one day at a time, most days.) Even though it made me miss everybody who has passed away, including Tom Petty, it still helped. “Keeping Me Alive” (1982), from off of his posthumous An American Treasure album  (2018). He is so full of life here. All of it was still ahead of him. So enjoy.  All righty. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya.

“Keeping Me Alive”

They said love was a thing of the past
That these days nothing ever lasts
This old world is moving too fast

Well sometimes we ride around
She plays her radio up loud
If I was sad, well, I’m happy now

And it feels so good to know
I got you where you belong
Here in my heart, right by my side
Honey you’re getting me by
Yeah you’re keeping me alive

I got a job, I work hard
These days the money don’t go very far
It’s hard enough keeping gas in the car

But sometimes we ride around
She plays the radio up load
If I was sad, well, I’m happy now

Yeah and it feels so good to know
I got you where you belong
Here in my heart, right by my side
Honey you’re getting me by
Yeah you’re keeping me alive

And it feels so good to know
I got you where you belong
Here in my heart, right by my side
Honey you’re getting me by
Yeah you’re keeping me alive
Yeah you’re keeping me alive
Yeah you’re keeping me alive

© 1982 Tom Petty

It Was Just One of Those Days Here in Crazeysburg!

Because I fell and bruised my thigh beyond my ability to comprehend (if you are on your computer, you can see my Instagram photo from yesterday down below, which shows the awesome bruise and just how swelled up it got), I wound up spending a huge portion of yesterday in bed.

Not because I couldn’t walk, but because the pain was excruciating.

But today, even though the bruise is obviously still there and still swollen, the pain is really minimal.

And, while CBD oil did nothing to stop that kind of pain, it did calm me the fuck down and made everything in my world seem manageable. And by “manageable” I guess I mean  “just go to bed and stream The Monkees and forget about everything else in the world. ”

Oh, and I should mention here that I wound up liking that documentary, Hey, Hey We’re The Monkees, which I had started watching the other day. It was very informative and emotional.

Anyway. I also slept a lot yesterday, seeing as how I was already in bed. I didn’t get out of bed until after 5am today, which is later than I’ve been doing for quite a few weeks now.

So nothing new has been done to the new short story “Novitiate.” And at this point, if it is getting confusing:

  • The Guitar Hero Goes Home is now available in print with the corrected cover and the corrected text. (Also eBook — Amazon)
  • “Half-Moon Bride” will be available as a stand alone eBook in a few weeks (with my new publisher)
  • 1954 Powder Blue Pickup will be coming out in print before the year is over,  also with my new publisher
  • “Novitiate” will be part of what I currently call The Muse Revisited Vol. 4, which will also include my more popular “taboo erotica” short stories and novellas from the scope of my career. That will come out in print with my new publisher, as well, but probably not until early 2021 (especially if I don’t quit falling down on my kitchen porch).

So that’s what’s going on there, in erotica land.

In non-erotica land, the staged reading of my play, Tell My Bones, will premier online on Sunday evening EST, November 22nd. It will be free, but you will need to RSVP at an eventbrite link, which I will give to you when I have it. And if you miss the premier, you will have a window of maybe 3-5 days to watch it anyway.

Okay!

So Cave Things announced yesterday that you can pre-order the following really cute picture discs, each have one song on them from Idiot Prayer: Nick Cave Alone at Alexandra Palace, which is being released as an album and also a film in November. Here are the picture discs, drawn by Nick Cave (I believe they are each £30, except that there are only 500 copies in each title, so you need to pre-order right away).

And with that, I’m also gonna close. So have a really nice Wednesday, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang!! I love you guys. See ya!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Gentle Little Sunday in the Hinterlands

Okay, gang. Happy Sunday!

It is so quiet and lovely and autumnal around here this morning. I am really in “slow” mode, just taking it easy.

Oh, guess what? After refusing to get on my bathroom scale for a couple of months now because of all that frustrating COVID 19 weight that I couldn’t seem to budge, I decided to weigh myself today and I’m at my goal weight. The weight I prefer to be at all the time  when there is no fucking virus going around. This means I lost 13 pounds without even trying. So even while the virus is starting to spike again the world over, I lost my stupid COVID weight. Yay.

Before I forget, M. Christian has a reading of a brand new queer/BDSM/cyberpunk story, “Kintsugi,” that just went live on the Nobilis Sci-Fi Erotica Podcast. (Chris is not reading it, Nobilis is reading it.) You can listen to it here:

And speaking of erotica… it was slow-going with “Novitiate” yesterday. (My current erotic short story that is in progress.) (Oh, I also noticed that many typos occur, and one occurred in the excerpt I posted here the other day — where I suddenly call “Paula” by the name of “Paul,” which makes for an interesting and rather abrupt plot twist. However, it is actually just Paula, throughout! I’ve made the correction to the excerpt.)

Anyway, I hope I make better progress with the story today. I know what I want to say, but so many scenes seem to want to collide in my head at once, and not all of them really need to be in the story. So I am having trouble sorting it all out and then getting it onto the page in a way that I actually like.

On a different note, last evening I began streaming a re-edited documentary on The Monkees. (Hey, Hey We’re the Monkees, originally made in 1997.) I’m not sure if I’ll keep watching it or not. Two of the Monkees are now dead (Davy Jones and Peter Tork), and who knows if the remaining two have now changed their view on the whole experience. But I think I might just like to keep enjoying the reruns and remembering how happy that show made me in my childhood.

Amazon.com: The Hey, Hey We're the Monkees: The Monkees, Davy Jones,  Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork, Micky Dolenz, Paul Mazursky, Ward Sylvester,  Peter Noone, Don Kirshner, Bobby Hart, Jeff Barry, Chip Douglas, David

I did already know that the actors were not 100% happy with the experience of being a “Monkee”, but I’m not sure I need to know every single bit of it. We’ll see, I guess. (For instance, Mike Nesmith has maintained over the years that the album More of the Monkees was one of the worst albums in the history of the world. When, in fact, it is one of the best. And back in the early 1980s, when I was a folksinger in Greenwich Village, Peter Tork sometimes played one of the clubs I played at, and he was really just a basket case, mentally, at that point in his life. And it stemmed from the whole Monkees experience.)

And I never did get to finish watching the Ronnie Wood documentary last week, which kind of sucks. Because it wasn’t my fault that the darn stream kept buffering until it finally just froze up. And then I never got time to get back to it during that window of 72 hours. However, I did really love the Bill Wyman documentary, and that Brian Jones documentary, sad as it was. So I guess I’ll survive!

Okay. I think that’s really it for today, gang. I guess I will get my Sunday morning started here (I’ve actually been up for 6 hours already, so that gives you an idea of just how slow I am taking things today!) I hope you have a wonderful Sunday going on, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting.  I leave you with a song I’ve left you with many times before, but it always makes me feel really good about Tom Petty, so here it is again. “You and Me,” from off of his Last DJ album of 2002. All righty, enjoy. I love you guys. See ya!

Still Alive & Well!!

Yes! I am talking about the petunias!

There is a layer of frost on my grown-up car this morning. There is frost on the rooftops. Frost on the lawns and on all the autumn leaves lying all over the lawns. And yet, the petunias are doing just fine.

I guess it has to be a real killer “killer frost” to faze these petunias.

So that was a sort of little happy burst of wonder when I went downstairs for breakfast this morning at 4am.

I also saw that another new song was dropped for the upcoming album, Idiot Prayer: Nick Cave Alone at Alexandra Palace. And this one is actually a new song — “Euthanasia.” It was in my Amazon music library this morning. I just love this song. It is so pretty.

And while I’m thinking of it, I forgot to post yesterday that Nick Cave sent out another Red Hand File on Thursday that was very interesting, regarding a reader’s concerns about Narcotics Anonymous and stemming the seemingly endless tide of heroin addiction. You can read it here.

And also this morning, someone from Europe that I follow on Instagram, who only posts photos and quotes (in English) of various  writers and poets from all over the world, asked if he could quote me on his page today. I was so flattered. In all honesty, I love his page because I have found out about some really interesting writers and poets from South America and Europe by following his page.

He quoted from the ending of Neptune & Surf, and I sent him a photo of me, taken by Valerie while we were at Coney Island. This was during the years that I was actually writing Neptune & Surf. (N & S takes place on Coney Island in 1955.) (The photo is from 1994 or 1995.)

Since I now know how to capture people’s Instagram feeds, I share it with you here. (I really was so touched, gang.)

So my morning has been off to a pretty good start around here today.

I’m planning on just spending the day working on the new erotic short story, “Novitiate.” I’m at one of those junctures where the story begins to just go off the charts in terms of the eroticism, so it requires 110,000,000 % of my concentration.  (Luckily, I’m not prone to exaggerate, otherwise I’d probably throw some really huge number out there…)

Okay, now, on a more serious note.  I have to very soberly question what’s up with the new Tom Petty album — Wild Flowers & All the Rest. Slavish devotee of Tom Petty’s that I am, he (and Rick Rubin, the producer) had said over the years that there were something like 25 additional songs that were not included on the original album, but that Tom Petty had wanted to release on a follow-up to Wildflowers some day.

And this new album has been touted for many, many months (years?) as that album. However, even while there are 54 (!!) songs on this new album, there are only 6 (!!) songs on this collection that I would consider to be actually new, never-heard-before songs.

There are many songs that are never-before-heard versions of songs we already know — meaning they are his home demos. Or perhaps songs with their original lyrics, that wound up changing when the songs were eventually released on other albums. Or “live” versions of songs, etc.

But there are only 6 songs that I don’t recall ever hearing before, ever.  So where are the other 19 or so “brand new songs”?

I’m wondering if, next October, when we once more commemorate the anniversary of his death, they will be releasing the all-new Oops We Forgot to Include These follow-up to the follow-up of Wildflowers

I’m not 100% super happy about this, gang.

Anyway.  On we go, right?

Okay, sometime next week, I think I will finally be a guest on one of M. Christian’s podcasts (he co-hosts two podcasts), discussing The Guitar Hero Goes Home, and probably also talking positively about sex-positive topics. I will keep you posted!! I will try hard to speak like a grown-up. We shall see if I succeed or not. (Although I have already told them I will discuss anything except politics and the virus. So I’m not sure if there are any grown-up topics left…)

Regardless, I’m excited!!

Okay, let me get started here, folks. I hope you have a great Saturday underway, wherever you are in the world! I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning. I was once again back to More of The Monkees! This one, another great tune penned by Mike Nesmith, a member of the group, “The Kind of Girl I Could Love”.  I truly love this song, it is so upbeat (well, I love the whole album). Play it loud. And enjoy. Thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys. See ya!!

“The Kind Of Girl I Could Love”

Girl, you look mighty good to me
And I know that you’ve got to be
The kind of girl I could love.

You’ve got the sweetest pair of eyes
And your kiss would be paradise
The kind of girl I could love.

You do something to my soul
That no one’s ever done.
If you’re looking for true love
Then let me be the one.

Girl, deep in my soul I’m sure
And my heart has no doubt that you’re
The kind of girl I could love.
The kind of girl I could love.
[Repeat and fade]

© 1967 Michael Nesmith, Roger Atkins