Tag Archives: The Guitar Hero Goes Home Marilyn Jaye Lewis

Snow!!!!

December 17, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

It has arrived. An actual snow storm that accumulated quite a big bit!!

It was so lovely here last night and first thing this morning, before the sun was even up.

Here is a wistful comparison.

The hydrangeas at the height of summer, and how the bush looked this morning!

It’s sometimes hard to believe it’s the same plant. But it always comes back…

Okay, gang.

Yesterday was quite a big news day. Much of it kind of depressing, as more and more information comes to light.

More and more ironically-timed “leaks.” All of it is below.

One of the more promising things is that all those swing States that were unbelievably loaded with v* t*r fr* ud have now certified their fraudulent b* ll ots and are now officially on record as being part of the c * up.

I wouldn’t want to be any one of them for anything in the world.

And Z * ck *r b*rg? What do you suppose the inside of his stomach looks like right now? $500 million and documents to prove he was influencing the el * ct* on in worse ways than initially surmised…

Funny how, now, all of the sudden, t w * tt *r is reversing their recent c*n c* r ship decisions… A little late. (I get the distinct impression that a heck of a lot of people are going to prison.)

And on Christmas Eve, no less. (upcoming E O)

Of course, I could be wrong about that. But everything is just getting crazier and crazier — Bill B* rr is not “resigning” but “stepping down” on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with his family?? Being replaced by prosecutors with military experience and experience with the death penalty??

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” quite like that, gang. WTF, right??!!

And speaking of Orwell’s 1984 (I wasn’t speaking of it just then, but in a sense, I am always speaking of it nowadays): how about that certain Lincoln High School in San Francisco, trying to get renamed because Abraham Lincoln didn’t do enough for the lives of black people…

Holy fucking McMoly. (Hopefully, you already have a ring in your nose because it’s gonna be so much easier for them to lead you around by it.)

Remember what the main guy in 1984 does for a living?? He constantly rewrites history so that no one ever knows what really happened in the past…

If you think it’s annoying that I keep telling you to either read or re-read 1984, this is why, gang. It is all happening right in front of our very eyes.

But we still have time ~~to douse everyone in gasoline and set them on fire, burn baby burn!!~~ — oops! I meant to say: we still have time to change all this!

Yes.

That’s what I did, indeed, mean to say.

All right. Well, so far it’s a peaceful morning here in the Hinterlands (where 99.9% of the people don’t wear m* sks, do carry guns and voted for Tr** p). Snow everywhere here. The laundry is almost done. And I’m getting ready to make another pot of soup!! Yay!! Perfect weather for that. And then I will do a little bit of writing. So it should be a nice day, all things considered.

Please, people. If you live in Airstrip One (NYC), do not give in. If you choose to take the vaccine, there is no way that it takes 8 or 9 months to be truly effective; and that you still have to wear a mask and/or stay at home. Turn off the fucking mainstream news. Stop buying the NY Times. They truly are the pathway to Orwell’s Big Brother. They are purposely trying to break your spirit, and to bankrupt you, and to dis-inform you.

Hospitals across the US are nowhere near full capacity. There are no infected dead bodies piling up in the streets. There is no p* nd* m*c. There are only m* sks to muzzle us and l* ckd* wns to keep us from freely comparing notes about all of it with our friends and families.

But remember this all-important fact:

- New York’s indoor dining ban isn’t stopping Gov. Andr *w Cu* mo from filling a campaign war chest or celebrating his birthday in style. [article here]

- Cuomo is celebrating his 63rd birthday after an order forcing New York City restaurants to close for in-person dining: High rollers who raise or donate $10,000 will get a code to join a half-hour pre-party Dec. 17, along with “flex tickets” that friends can use to join the main reception later on. [full article and video]

AND, of course, THIS:

Okay, folks. It’s all true. It’s all horrific. It all has to stop.

Thanks for visiting, gang. Have a good Thursday, if at all possible. I love you guys, see ya.

Guess who else is in bed with you-know-who??

The leaks just keep on leaking, gang!

“Disneyland in Sh* ng h ai” + “Concentration Camps in Ch* n*” = a no-brainer great move for fun-loving America!! How do these fucking people sleep at night? Watch this one, gang. You will not believe it.

Awesome stuff happened yesterday, gang. A brief recap:

This will make you absolutely sick. But still watch it anyway:

Holy McMoly. It’s always worse than we expected:

Watch this again and ask yourselves: How are these people managing to not be in prison?? I mean, for real.

Reasons to Celebrate!!

December 16, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Don’t quote me yet, but it looks like Nick Cave and Warren Ellis (and presumably the other Bad Seeds) might have a Grinderman 3 album in the works right now!!!

Yes, even as I type!!

Grinderman, aka testosterone on speedballs, (well, okay, they’re only known as that by me, but still…) have made some truly awesome songs. So I am seriously excited by the prospects of round 3.

Yay!!

I will keep you posted, or you can keep me posted, as the case may be!!

Also, Cave Things announced this morning that pre-ordering for those cool Dread Tiles is now available. £20 plus shipping (each).

Here’s one!

I am getting a really late start here this morning, because I am in the process of transferring all my g mails to the new secure server and it turns out that it is not exactly an intuitive process. But it is now occurring.

In case you weren’t aware, g m a i l had yet another suspicious outage during the night! This makes 2, not counting the outage of Y* u t* b* and g* * gl* from Sunday night. So I am just getting worried, gang. And wanted all my old emails to be safe.

The outages could be a trial-run for the upcoming social m* d*a blackout (anticipated, at least). Or it could be white h*t h* ckers hacking their way in, but either way, best to just move to a safer corner of the online galaxy until the c* up has c o u p ‘ed itself out…

All righty. Since my morning is just about gone here (!!), I must scoot. I hope you have a good Wednesday, wherever you are in the world. Don’t forget the solar storm is supposed to begin today!! If you start getting wonky satellite reception and/or weirdly-acting electronics, keep it in mind. (And if night suddenly falls on the Earth for 6 days, it’s not the Devil — the solar storm is why…)

Okay. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya!!

This one requires a strong stomach, gang. (I may never go back to LA)

Curious Network Outages and Bill B*rr is Resigning:

The Eagle Has Landed! Don’t miss this one, gang!! It is a must!!

Curiouser and curiouser… The President de-regulates just about everything!

Sobering, as always!

Fore-Warned is Fore-Armed!!

December 15, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

All righty, gang.

Wow. Yesterday had almost too much news. But a lot of it — assuming you’re getting the actual news — was very promising indeed.

WI, MI, AZ all had very, very interesting v*t* fr*ud -related news.

A really great, brief and succinct overview is here:

And other things are also brewing…

First off, I want to mention 2 important things that are celestially- based!

On the 21st, Saturn and Jupiter are supposed to align for the first time in something like 2000 years. Well, a really long time. People say this will create a truly magnificent bright “star” in the sky. Other people are saying that this occurrence could be what the 3 Wise Men saw when Jesus was born. (Although, whether or not you believe anyone at all, besides Jesus’ family, knew he was being born when he was born, and/or whether or not you adhere to Jesus’ traditional birth date (in January), or you believe that Christmas Day was his birth date — whichever scenarios you believe could, of course, influence what you believe about stars and Wise Men, etc., today!)

Anyway. It is supposedly going to be quite a breathtaking sight, with or without frankincense, myrrh, barns, and babies.

However, seeing it might hinge on how much dust is in the sky that night…

Most of you probably know that from December 16th through December 21st, we are supposed to be having very intense solar storms. I believe NASA describes them as hurricane-strength storms, up there in outer space. Causing all sorts of debris and dust to block out most of the sun. Maybe even blocking as much as 90% of it — making it feel almost dark outside for 6 days.

I heard one report that said NASA is suggesting you have enough food and water at home, in case it is hazardous to go out. But I have no clue if that is factual or not. It could just be one of those “better safe than sorry” things. They are also saying it could effect our electronics, our satellite reception, and all that.

Which is where it gets really interesting.

You’ll want to listen to the (longer) X*2 R* p*rt from last night, because he goes into detail about how the D** p St* te could use the solar storms as a way to pretend that all banking systems are down and compromised in some way, and use that as their new excuse for the great r*set, since the fake p* d* m*c is losing steam all over the world.

They need a new crisis in order to tank the economy. You’ll want to listen to how he explains it. It will be really interesting if we do indeed start hearing that the “banks went down”…

The other truly interesting thing is that the report for the E O from 9 1 2 1 8, is due Friday — while the solar storms will be allegedly underway. A good time for that full-on social m* dia blackout, don’t you think??? The E O report. Solar storms.

However, also in last night’s X*2 R* p*rt, he believes the E O report has already been turned in and that this is why we are getting so many extremely interesting (or alarming — it depends on your take on all this) leaks about security problems, with full-color photos of who’s involved. Just to name a few:

- H* nt*r B* den ‘s huge problem with that laptop
- emails where he specifically talks about his dad being in on all of it
- the ever popular F*ng F*ng
- then the awesome database leak detailing just how many C * P agents have infiltrated big business and governments around the world — especially here in the U S
- the data breach of S* l* r w*nds software and everything that the US Rangers uncovered in Austin T X

These are just from the past couple of days, gang. And each of them, on their own, is huge. All of them together — wow.

Anyway. I guess — don’t be surprised if truly astonishing shit starts hitting the fan between, like, right now, and Christmas Eve (the next E O goes into effect 1 2 2 4 2 0).

Okay, on another one of my favorite topics.

The vaccine is now available in the U S. Whether or not you want to take it is up to you. But the fear – factor of the fake p* d* m*c can now subside. No reason to fear. With or without a vaccine, the CDC clearly states that the average person has a 99.97% survival rate. And there are cures for the virus. Problem solved. In record time, p*n d*m*c-wise.

Oh wait — how come the Mayor of Airstrip One is now calling for stricter l*ck d*wns?? How come Bill G*tes thinks we’ll be in l*ck d*wn through 2022???!!

Vaccine. Cure. Astoundingly high survival rate… Equals stricter L*ck dwns?

Remember Orwell’s math equation from 1984, folks: 2 + 2 = 5

And doooooon’t you forget it!!!!

And if you heard the report on the breakdown of the CDC stats on the U S death toll over the last 5 years, you will have already noted that in 2020, we actually had somewhat fewer deaths in the U S than in the previous 4 years…

Overall, approximately 2,800,000 people die in the U S every year, from all sorts of things. And 2020 was no different, and in fact, it was a little less. (This is based on public CDC stats.) (I can’t help but wonder where it was, exactly, that the virus was killing people in record numbers…)

(What’s truly enraging are those numbers out of Italy, gang. Where they now estimate that something like 164 people under age 40, who had no other medical complications, died strictly from C* VID, with no co-morbidities (I’m estimating that number, gang, but it was really minuscule, although it was certainly still sad for the families of those people who died). Anyway. They fucking put Italy through hell for that. And then started more l* ckd*wn nonsense in the fall.)

Okay. Well, in case you didn’t know, you can always visit The B*n g* n * R* p*rt for updated news, all day long. Also, The Ep * ch Times. (But to get the full news there, you have to pay something like $1.)

I bring those sites up because, since word press is owned by g** gl*, it could likely go down in the blackout. And so my blog will disappear…

Meanwhile, on we go… Thanks for visiting, gang. Have a terrific Tuesday, wherever you are in the world. I love you guys, see ya.

Breakfast-listening music from this morning!!!!

Do not miss this one!! I am so serious!!

Gold is pushing back up. Great re-s e t is falling apart…

More about the solar storm, hacking, and the upcoming attempts to provoke worldwide panic.

More astounding c*n s*r ship from the mainstream media:

Excellent details about what the heck happened here in the U S yesterday!!!! It was kind of an exhausting news day, gang.

Because I won’t stop sharing this!! Here it is again! Crimes Against Humanity C* VID lawsuits underway.

https://rumble.com/embed/v7zipn/?pub=3r2t9

And this just because it was creepy and cool. A great song from my childhood!! “In the Year 2525” with German subtitles.

https://rumble.com/embed/v98roq/?pub=3r2t9

Our new Manchurian Candidate!

Some Awesome Memories!!

October 23, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 2 Comments

Today is the 4th anniversary of Bunny’s passing — she was such a sweet cat. I swear that I still miss her every day.

I went looking for some old photos of her to post to the blog, and I serendipitously (which I don’t think is actually a word) discovered a bunch of photos that I forgot I had.

So it’s Memory Day again, here in Marilyn’s Room!!

First of all, I found a wonderful photo of Paul at Christmas, 1996. Paul was my best friend who died, whom I blogged about yesterday.

He was already really sick here, but you can see that even while he was dying, he was just such a good-natured human being.

Here are two photos of Bunny right after I rescued her and her brother, Buster, from a NYC cat shelter in Times Square. They were a few months old already when I adopted them. Bunny is the larger cat, Buster, was the grey and white cat. I loved both of them so much, it was almost unbelievable.

Bunny and Buster on the dining room table on West End Avenue, NYC.

Wayne was not happy that I adopted two cats to replace Kitty after she died. But the rescue place wanted me to have this brother & sister pair, even though I had gone in to adopt a different cat. They insisted that I have these two instead and they wound up being such a joy to me.

When Wayne and I thought we were having a baby, we decorated the nursery. But no babies came, so it eventually turned into my office. So my office on West End Avenue was half-nursery. This is right after Bunny & Buster were adopted.

I could not believe I found this photo!! This is the house my family lived in from 1964-1966, in Cleveland. I took the photo decades after we lived there, but this was our house! I have so many memories from this house. I could write an entire book just about that. I found out years later that both of my parents disliked this house, but my dad bought it because it was really close to the school — just down the block. And both me and my older brother started school when we lived here.

The house Mikey Rivera and I lived in together.

I did not even remember that I had this photo!! Mikey Rivera and I were going to buy this house in Easton, Pennsylvania. It was owned by a priest who rented it out. We were “renting to own” when my mom got sick and we wound up moving back to Ohio. We lived in it for 6 months.

This was my office in that house. The house was really old — well over 100 years old. I edited a couple of anthologies in this office and wrote a few short stories, but didn’t live there long enough to write much more than that.

My office in the apartment in Pennsylvania.

This was my “office” in the apartment Mikey & I rented when we left NYC together, before we moved into that house above. We rented a small one-bedroom apartment in an old Victorian house that was on the Delaware River in Pennsylvania, in the foothills of the Pocono Mountains. We were less than 2 hours from NYC, so it was an ideal location. I could easily go back & forth to Manhattan to meet with publishers and other writers, etc., and Mikey could go visit his son, who was only about 6 years old (!!) at the time. (He’s now well out of college…).

My “office” was in a corner of the living room. He and I lived there for 3 years. I wrote 3 novels in that little corner — including Freak Parade, which I wrote about Mikey Rivera. I also wrote three novellas and many, many short stories in that little corner. I also edited 4 fiction anthologies. All in that little corner. I was extremely creative there.

Naturally, Mikey and I shared the tiny apartment with Buster & Bunny! And according to my lease, I was only allowed to have one cat. So we always had to hide Buster from the landlord. Luckily, the two cats looked enough alike, that if one would sit in the front window, you couldn’t really tell if it was a different cat. The only problem was to never let both cats sit in the front window at the same time. The landlord only lived a couple blocks away, so I was constantly worrying that he was going to see both cats at the same time. Luckily, my little desk was not far from the window, because I mean it was a constant chore to keep both of them out of that window at the same time. (It was a beautiful bay window, looking out over the river.)

Okay! That’s my little trip down Memory Lane for today.

Well, the podcast recording went very well yesterday, although I barely even mentioned The Guitar Hero Goes Home! We talked about a bunch of other stuff, instead. Mostly the state of the erotica publishing industry now compared with its heyday, when we all first met. (Me, M. Christian, and Ralph Greco, Jr.) I will let you know when you can listen to it on YouTube.

And today, I am feeling better all the way around. The bruise on my thigh is a hideous mass of vibrant colors now, but almost all the pain is completely gone. And this evening, I’m meeting Kevin, the director of my play, for dinner, so I’m really looking forward to a chance to get out and socialize again. Yay!! And we’ll be discussing all the things that are going on with my play, so I’m very eager to hear about all that.

Nick Cave’s official web site sent out an email this morning, announcing the screening dates for the extended film version of Idiot Prayer – Nick Cave Alone at Alexandra Palace. To purchase tickets, you can locate your area here. (I think. I might have just given you the link that says you can’t yet buy tickets to see the film in Crazeysburg, but I’ve been assured the film is coming here soon!) (Just kidding, of course. Nothing comes to Crazeysburg!!)

Okay, that’s it!! Have a terrific Friday, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with “Euthanasia,” the new song by Nick Cave, which is in that film mentioned above. Enjoy. I love you guys. See ya!

Day #2 On the CBD Oil !!

October 14, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 5 Comments

The neck pain is absolutely gone. Yay. And I’m not quite as “relaxed” as I was yesterday morning, but I am still very relaxed and in an incredibly great mood. So we’ll just see how it progresses.

Anything to stay off of Advil and Tylenol.

The best news of all, though, is that we FINALLY have the cover art fixed for The Guitar Hero Goes Home, and the formatting is also fixed. So that didn’t take too long, right? Just a couple of fucking months.

But I am just so happy, gang. Even though the eBook has been fine from the beginning, I am finally feeling like the “book” is actually done. Another “baby” alive in the world for me. To live indefinitely. I never get tired of that feeling.

The first time I went from being published in underground zines, to being published in an actual book, was when I sold the story “The Birthday Party” to Masquerade for an anthology called The Unmade Bed (1997):

And I was so excited. What an incredible thrill. And it wasn’t my best story — it was really tame compared to what I normally write — but it did seem to be popular, and it went on to get published a few more times over the years. But I can’t remember where. I know Alyson Tyler published it in The Happy Birthday Book of Erotica, or something like that. And it’s in one of the Muse Revisited collections.

(I’m a really great sales person, aren’t I? “It’s out there somewhere, all you have to do is find it. Let me know how it goes.”)

When my first book came out, (Neptune & Surf, also from Masquerade), I was over the moon!! And since for whatever reason, Wayne (my husband at the time) wasn’t willing to celebrate with me, I went out for drinks with Christy Cassidy and Nan Kinny — and Nan was one of my absolute heroes, a true role model for me. I just loved her. (She’s not dead, they just moved away and I haven’t seen either of them in ages.) Nan was one of the founders of the legendary On Our Backs magazine, the first hardcore dyke BDSM porn magazine. It was out of San Francisco. And I just worshiped her and what she had accomplished with that magazine.

Anyway, Christy and Nan were both really happy for me. And it was the very best feeling, having a book come out. And I never get tired of the feeling, gang. I absolutely never do.

Although, one thing I will say is that, usually, no one celebrates with me. The only people who are excited for me are people who are colleagues in some way — in the industry. “Regular” people — friends and family –always distance themselves from my books. Even people that I’m very close to — friends/lovers who might have stories or whole books dedicated to them, or serve as the inspiration for some of my early stories. No one wants to be publicly connected to what I write. Which makes me sad, but I’ve gotten used to it. And I find ways to celebrate on my own. So this is how I celebrated last night!! (We’re drinking CBD tea!!) (Just kidding…)

Okay!!

So. I’m going to get started here. It is a really lovely fall day here in Crazeysburg. I hope it’s equally lovely wherever you are in the world today! Thanks for visiting. I’m leaving you with two things — the same song, but two different titles, and two different singers. “Weeping Annaleah” by Tom Jones, and “Sleeping Annaleah” by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds. (A song written by the great Mickey Newbury and Dan Folger.) Contrast and compare!! And enjoy. All righty. Have a great day, wherever you are! I love you guys. See ya.

We’re Gonna Try Again Today

October 3, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 3 Comments

Yesterday was intense, gang.

I don’t know if that full moon was factoring in to things, or not. But emotionally, I was all over the place yesterday.

The happy stuff was that my lunch with Kevin, the director of Tell My Bones, was so much fun. He had some initial casting questions, regarding actors, but other than that, we just talked about all kinds of stuff and laughed a lot and had a really nice break from the intensity of our lives.

And then, almost the moment I got back home, my ex-husband in NYC called to chat. He actually bought the print edition of The Guitar Hero Goes Home and was reading it!!

He said he would give me his feedback when he’d finished reading it, but he asked, “How can people think there isn’t a lot of sex in this book?”

Well, by the standards of “erotica” there’s not a lot of sex in it. By anyone else’s standards, I guess there’s a ton of sex in it… (I do have it listed as “appropriate for over 18 only”)

I give up, though — trying to figure how to market anything I write. There’s always either too much sex or not enough.

But it was so nice that he actually bought the book.

And then my other friend Kevin called! The one who lives in Montana most of the year (and the one who my ex-husband visited while on his vacation out West this summer!). It was so nice to chat with him. He’s planning to come back to Ohio soon, but only for one month and then he’s planning to go off to Chile and Argentina for a while, if COVID doesn’t get in the way of that. So I’m not sure if that vintage 1965 VW camper van of his will remain in my barn indefinitely or not.

So that was really just great — to have all those people to talk to you yesterday, including actually seeing another human being!

But in between all that, I would sink rapidly back into a depression. For a few reasons, many of which involve people who are not getting back to me about things that are very important to me (some other things I wrote, and also stuff related to another play). I’m beginning to feel like I don’t exist.

But part of me is trying to convince myself that “not hearing from people” is actually a good sign…

And I’m still trying to get them to come pick up the 8 yard waste bags filled with dead hydrangea blossoms that are sitting at the curb (since Tuesday). 6 phone calls. Each phone call guaranteeing me that the truck is coming, and it never comes… Yesterday afternoon, the customer support person said the truck came by and couldn’t find any yard waste.

How can you not see 8 enormous brown yard waste bags filled with enormous hydrangea blossoms at the curb? Finally, the last phone call I made to them yesterday to see if they’d get here before the weekend started — the lady told me I’d be better off just putting them in my trash bin and having them picked up as trash on Wednesday.

It broke my heart, you know. Literally. Because I’m neurotic and I can’t treat all these beautiful blossoms like “trash.” But now I have to. So I stuffed them into my trash bin and now there’s no room left for my regular trash between now and Wednesday.

I actually cried doing that — not only because that’s how fucking sensitive I am, but because, you know, why didn’t the guy who picked up the trash on Wednesday — yes, the very same guy who moved all 8 yard waste bags one foot away from my trash bin — just put them in the garbage truck, since he was actually holding them??

I hate when things make no sense and then I’m the one who ends up feeling crazy.

Well, one nice thing — I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner and trying to stop streaming that Brian Jones documentary because it keeps making me so fucking sad: I saw a woman walk by on the sidewalk and then she stopped and pulled one of the yard waste bags from out of my bin and took a whole bunch of those hydrangea blossoms home with her. I don’t know if she’s going to dry them or what. But I felt so happy that someone was going to use them, probably as decorations in some way.

I can’t bring anything like that indoors because all 7 of my crazy cats destroy that kind of thing over night.

Another nice thing is that the little house across Basin Street is finally going to get some inhabitants!

When I first moved in here, the woman who owned that little house was in a nursing home, and she has since passed away. Her son comes by periodically to take care of the grass, etc., but it’s been a totally empty house. But the son has been getting it ready for some people to move in — an older couple, it looks like. It will be so nice to finally have some life over there.

Here is the little house, this morning, as the full moon was just barely visible through the fog. It looks like a really weird house from this side of it, but it’s actually really cute. And has 2 porches and a deck.

At one point, I was hoping my birth mom could either rent that house, or we could buy it for her. But my sister didn’t want her living that far away, and I don’t think my birth mom wanted to live that close to me, 24/7 — because I’m sort of crazy, in case this blog has not alerted you to that.

Whereas, both of my sisters are intensely not crazy. They’re super grown up and serious about everything. (And I’m actually the eldest.)

Well, okay.

Last night, I was listening to some lovely Morgana King music in the dark, in my bed. Trying to seek out reasons to be really happy about all these people who are treating me like I’m invisible. (This song in particular, is so lovely):

And then I started poking around in my music, and I discovered that Bruce Springsteen has actually dropped another new song for his upcoming album, Letter To You. It’s called “Ghosts,” and it blew me away for 2 reasons: one, being that it was that anniversary of Tom Petty’s death yesterday and it made me think a little bit of Tom Petty.

But it also made me think of The Guitar Hero Goes Home — my new novel. It really did. It just kicked my heart so hard.

Because, you know, it’s always just me and the thoughts that are in my head. It’s been like that for as long as I can even remember. I’ve always been very isolated by my thoughts, even as a really little girl. And then at some point, my thoughts make it on to paper and go out in the world, and they either sell or don’t sell, but then I’m always right back to being alone with the thoughts that are in my head.

But even though The Guitar Hero Goes Home is fiction — I made it up, it just came to me out of the blue two summers ago, when I was so in love; but even though he’s fiction, that guy in that novel is so real to me. Just so real. For me, he lives. And I love him like he’s “real.” And so that new Springsteen song “Ghosts” just hit me so hard.

And not in a bad way, but a very intense way, and it reminded me of how isolated I really am. And I don’t guess that, as this point, it’s going to ever really change. I guess that this particular lifetime is just all about managing alone.

Okay, well. I’m going to get started here. Yoga and then put some more of those thoughts down on paper and call it a short story.

I hope you have a great Saturday underway, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting!! I love you guys. See ya.

“Ghosts”

I hear the sound of your guitar
Comin’ from the mystic far
Stone and the gravel in your voice
Come in my dreams and I rejoice

It’s your ghost moving through the night
Your spirit filled with light
I need, need you by my side
Your love and I’m alive

I can feel the blood shiver in my bones
I’m alive and I’m out here on my own
I’m alive and I’m comin’ home

Old buckskin jacket you always wore
Hangs on the back of my bedroom door
Boots and the spurs you used to ride
Click down the hall but never arrive

It’s just your ghost moving through the night
Your spirit filled with light
I need, need you by my side
Your love and I’m alive

I can feel the blood shiver in my bones
I’m alive and I’m out here on my own
I’m alive and I’m comin’ home

Your old Fender Twin from Johnny’s Music downtown
Still set on 10 to burn this house down
Count the band in, then kick into overdrive
By the end of the set we leave no one alive

Ghosts runnin’ through the night
Our spirits filled with light
I need, need you by my side
Your love and I’m alive

I shoulder your Les Paul and finger the fretboard
I make my vows to those who’ve come before
I turn up the volume, let the spirits be my guide
Meet you, brother and sister, on the other side

I’m alive, I can feel the blood shiver in my bones
I’m alive and I’m out here on my own
I’m alive and I’m comin’ home
Yeah, I’m comin’ home

Coffee, Sunrise, Fall

October 1, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 6 Comments

What could be nicer, right?

I’m trying to not notice the lack of summer around here and focus only on how beautiful the morning is here in Crazeysburg. And it is actually really beautiful. And it’s already gotten up to a walloping 50 degrees Fahrenheit!! Yay!

Anyway.

Yesterday was so weird.

I got a lot done. Finished the rather complicated manuscript formatting they needed for 1954 Powder Blue Pickup and then sent it off. I will keep you posted!! (I never like to be 100% sure about something until I have the signed contract.) (I did get the signed contract back for “Half-Moon Bride” on Tuesday, btw. So that’s a go!)

Then I FINALLY fixed the formatting for the print edition of The Guitar Hero Goes Home !!! And I uploaded it. Hallelujah!! However… the new cover design Valerie did that fixes the problem of the old cover art skewing once it was in the Amazon template, was saved in a format that was enormous. And I mean, enormous. The only thing that fit into the template when I uploaded it yesterday was the barcode. Seriously. That’s how huge it was. The entire cover was a giant-sized version of the barcode.

So, since Valerie is obviously not working these days (her mom’s funeral is today), I left the original cover art for now. But the inside of the book finally looks perfect. I was so happy.

But then, for some reason, when the trash pickup truck came to collect stuff yesterday, they didn’t pick up all the clippings from the hydrangea (8 bags worth). And this really upset me because I don’t want to keep looking at all those dead hydrangea blossoms — they make me so sad. So I called the company and they said that a different truck was picking up yard waste and would be over before 5:30pm, but I just knew that they weren’t going to come, and they didn’t.

So they are supposed to come today and get them — and they were really nice about it. But for some reason, it just made me so sad yesterday. I couldn’t really snap out of it. (The amount of windows I have in the house makes it almost impossible to not see 8 yard bags filled with dead hydrangea blossoms sitting out by the curb everywhere I go in the house. Plus it was drizzling rain all day, and cold. And I kept feeling like the flowers were blaming me for killing them and tossing them to the curb…)

And then I wanted to set up the web site for Marilyn’s Room Books yesterday, but I have to wait until Oct. 5th before I can redirect the domain to WordPress, and mapping the domain instead just got way too complicated. So that didn’t happen.

And then I decided to re-watch that Brian Jones documentary, which I’d forgotten to say was really, really good. Very disturbing, though, since they provide a good argument for saying that Brian Jones did not drown in his (chlorinated) swimming pool from an asthma attack and too much alcohol, but was in fact murdered in the little fresh-water trough at the side of his house by the builder whom he had just fired. (His autopsy does state that there was fresh water in his lungs, not swimming pool water, but his whole case has been mysteriously sealed for 75 years, of which there are still 24 more years to go!) The whole documentary was just really well done. but sad, and I watched it again.

Obviously, none of this is unbearable awfulness, but for some reason, it just contributed to me having a yucky day.

But today just feels world’s better. It really does. Today, I’m going to be working on a new erotic short story for the upcoming Muse Revisited Volume 4 — which will now be “Selected Taboo Erotica” from 1994-2020. (6 previously published stories, and one brand-new one, all of them D/s and pushing the boundary of questionable consent. It will be about 200 pages, 75,000 words.)

So I’m guessing I’ll have a really fun day.

And tomorrow, I’m having lunch with Kevin, the director of my play! So I am really looking forward to that. I have not socialized with a soul since the July 4th weekend, when I had dinner with Kevin and his husband at the Granville Inn.

Since today is October 1st, folks, that means it’s been 3 months since I’ve seen anybody. Well, I mean, anybody that I actually know.

Very early this morning, I had a very interesting dream, though. I dreamed that one of the Nick Cave sites I follow on Instagram posted the lyrics to “The Train Song.” And I was dreaming about the song (and then the train actually went by outside my window, too, which is nowhere near as sleep- disturbing when all the windows are closed).

But the dream was actually really cool. Even though I was back living with my adoptive mom, she wasn’t home. And it didn’t seem as if she was ever going to come back, but she’d left behind all her diamonds — plus she’d left the house in a big mess. (I’m guessing that all symbolizes my consciousness re: her.)

But it was really sunny and I had a big wooden deck out back, with a patio and a big privacy fence around the patio, and it was filled with all these young friends. (Which in itself made for a great dream because I have, like, 3 friends left in the whole world now.)

Everyone was socializing and happy, instead of practicing social distancing and wearing masks. And a young lesbian black woman brought me a gift — a pruned rose bush that was still young — in a flower pot. And she gave me all the instructions I needed for it to bloom. I was so excited. (Roses are my favorite flower, followed closely by lilacs.)

Inside the house, I had a pet bird in a cage. But the bird somehow got out, but I was able to easily get it with my hands and put it safely back in the cage and take it out to the back patio with me. (It was so cool to have a bird that wasn’t afraid of me.) (Plus, when I woke up, I was immediately thinking about that phrase, “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”)

Anyway, I woke up feeling really happy.

And on that happy note…

I’ll get to work here on the new erotic short story. And get the day happening around here. I hope you’re having a nice Thursday, wherever you are in the world. I’m leaving you with “The Train Song” since Disc #1 of B- Sides & Rarities was already in the CD player in the kitchen anyway! How fortuitous! So enjoy, gang. And thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya.

“The Train Song”

Tell me how long’s the train been gone?
Tell me how long’s the train been gone?
And was she there?
And was she there?
Tell me how long’s the train been gone?

Tell me how many coaches long?
Tell me how many coaches long?
What did she wear?
And what did she wear?
Tell me how many coaches long?

Tell me when did the whistle blow?
Tell me when did the whistle blow?
And did she tie her hair?
And did she tie her hair?
Tell me when did the whistle blow?

Autumn Has So Totally Arrived!

September 30, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 2 Comments

48 degrees Fahrenheit; the sun didn’t come up until 7am; the leaves are changing all over the neighborhood; I did indeed prune the hydrangea yesterday morning…. The flowery summer wreaths are off the doors — replaced with the ones for fall. I put away the porch furniture.

Now all I have left to do is wait for summer to get here…

All righty! I won’t get far with that attitude, will I? No.

So instead of wishing that life were totally different, I’m going to spend the day ignoring the world beyond Crazeysburg and just doing non-writing work today:

finish formatting 1954 Powder Blue Pickup and send it off to the publisher today.
fix the formatting on the print edition for The Guitar Hero Goes Home. And then upload it to Amazon and hopefully stop tinkering with it and keep it there once and for all.
set up the web site for Marilyn’s Room Books and get that up and running.

Even though I will no longer be self-publishing any of my new erotica (which I am extremely happy about!), I will still put up the Marilyn’s Room Books site because I want all of my available titles to be in one place, regardless of who the publishers are.

Plus, I’m still planning to self-publish In the Shadow of Narcissa, since it’s not erotic. And also bring out a new print edition of Twilight of the Immortal.

If I’m not mistaken, gang, Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse is going to be brought out in print and eBooks by the new publisher. (So that means I will finish writing it before the end of the year.)

But before that, I’ll be sending them The Muse Revisited, Volume 4 — yay!! But instead of it being strictly a print edition of my selected erotica from 1994 -2012, it’s going to be print and digital, and focus on my previously published hardcore BDSM stories, along with a brand new one that I will write here at any moment!!

So all of it is really exciting to me, gang. It really, really is.

Meanwhile, though, I just now realized (because I’m not dressed yet) that I am still wearing my summer PJs to bed every night. I suppose I have to make an adjustment there. Drag out the fall PJs.

It’s funny, but for most of my adult life, I hated summer — because I lived in NYC and I have a very low tolerance for high humidity. It makes me super cranky and makes my brain feel like it’s going to explode. And NYC summers are usually just the worst.

But ever since I moved into this amazing old house in the middle of nowhere, all of that has changed (mostly because of that man I fell in love with that first summer I lived here who died; he changed summer for me forever) — honestly, honestly, honestly; I cannot emphasize how much in the middle of nowhere this house is, gang. When you get off the highway that leads to the 3-mile, winding back road that leads to my village, there is a really big freeway exit sign and it says “LOCAL ATTRACTIONS” and there is absolutely nothing written on that sign! I’m so serious. It’s just amazing. Nothing is on the sign. It’s just a big blank sign. NOTHING is here, folks!!

However, there used to be a famous homestead out here but it’s been closed down, so they removed the listing but left the huge sign. (In fact, if you were to google my village, you’d discover that it was once home to the world’s largest apple basket — but no more. I have yet to lay eyes on that basket (below) because that homestead was closed down! Yet google seems to think it’s emblematic of where I live!)

So I’m guessing that, once I’m dead, the one thing on that freeway exit sign will be my house that will, by then, be a famous museum… (Probably because I was insanely crazy, had a house full of dead spirits talking to me all the time and had too many undomesticated cats, but I would prefer it to be a standing homage to my splendid writing…)

Yeah, well…

Okay, on that happy note… I refuse to talk about politics or the debate. I refuse to even think about it. I will simply ~~buy a gun~~, I mean, VOTE, and get on with my life.

And now I will even get dressed and get to work around here. (Just FYI, I never sit down at the desk to blog before getting dressed, so I’m not sure what’s up with me today.)

Anyway.

Have a nice Wednesday, wherever you are in the world, gang. Thanks for visiting. I leave you with probably my most favorite Buddy Holly song from my wee bonny girlhood (even though I pretty much liked all his songs), “Everyday” (1958) — because I want to feel hopeful about love, like when I was young (yay!!), instead of depressed by its utter absence around here, now that I’m old (yay!!)! So enjoy. I love you guys. See ya!!!

Does It Get More Exciting??!!

September 24, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

I’m of course referring to the WEATHER!!

The next 3 days in a row, it’s going back up to 80 degrees Fahrenheit and sunny. So I can pretend, however briefly, that it’s not really fall.

Then, of course, as soon as it’s really undeniably fall, and all the leaves have changed and the October sky gets that shade of really deep blue — then I’ll act like “Yay! It’s Autumn!! My favorite time of year!!” And life will go on, ad infinitum.

I was actually conceived in the month of October — it’s the month I consider the moment I chose to come back to Life, so it’s a special month for me. All sad Tom Petty things notwithstanding. And also the death of my best friend Paul happened in October, as well. It’s a month I have a lot of attachment to.

Well, okay. So yesterday was a lot better. I moved forward with 1954 Powder Blue Pickup. I still have a ton of work to do on that gangbang section today. I really walk a fine line between keeping it believable, keeping it erotic, pushing the boundary of questionable consent, and yet not making it so realistic that I make myself sick…

But at least I’m getting there. And once that part is completed, there’s really only one more segment and the novella will be done!!

And then off to the publisher it goes for their consideration…

I forgot to give you a head’s up that the new date for the premiere streaming of the staged reading of my play, Tell My Bones, will be Sunday night November 22nd. Not November 8th. (Since this will be the anniversary of JFK’s assassination, perhaps it’s a lofty & important omen of some kind.) But I will keep you posted as it gets closer. And remember, it will be FREE!!

All right, well, once again, there is not much going on here besides working on the new novella and finally being in a better frame of mind again, too. It was a couple of difficult days, but they have officially passed.

Last evening was so lovely — I had all the windows open again and I just love that feeling that life is permeating the house. And I once again came to that understanding that death is only a transition, and that if anyone is waiting for me on that side of the veil, they’ll still be there when I get there. I don’t have to rush anything just because I’m lonely.

Also, quick update on The Guitar Hero Goes Home. The cover art has been fixed and is ready to upload. Yay!! And now I have to try to fix that formatting problem I have with the layout of the text. And then I’ll reload all of it to Amazon at one time. But that won’t happen until I finish writing 1954 Powder Blue Pickup. Meanwhile, the book is for sale, there’s nothing actually wrong with it — I just want it to look a little different. And, of course, the eBook is for sale, as well. No problems with that layout at all.

(And a huge thank you to all of you who are already buying it. I really appreciate it.)

And now! I will get yoga happening here, and get down to work.

Have a wonderful Thursday, wherever you are in the world and with whatever you’re getting up to! Thanks for visiting. I leave you with my late-night listening music from yesterday– a huge hit from The Monkees, circa 1967, and it is still a popular favorite among Monkees fans: “What Am I Doing Hangin’ Round?” From their album, Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn, & Jones, Ltd. Okay!! Enjoy. I love you guys. See ya!

“What Am I Doing Hanging ‘Round?”

Just a loud mouth Yankee I went down to Mexico.
I didn’t have much time to spend, about a week or so.
There I lightly took advantage of a girl who loved me so.
But I found myself a-thinkin’ when the time had come to go…

[Chorus:]
What am I doin’ hangin’ round?
I should be on that train and gone.
I should be ridin’ on that train to San Antone,
What am I doin’ hangin’ round?

She took me to the garden just for a little walk.
I didn’t know much Spanish and there was no time for talk.
Then she told me that she loved me not with words but with a kiss.
And like a fool I kept on thinkin’ of a train I could not miss…

[Chorus]

Well it’s been a year or so, and I want to go back again.
And if I get the money, well I’ll ride the same old train.
But I guess your chances come but once and boy I sure missed mine.
And still I can’t stop thinkin’ when I hear some whistle cryin’….

Yes, I’m Happy

September 18, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Even though, for some indecipherable reason, I woke up feeling really sad this morning — even to the point of suddenly crying at the kitchen table during breakfast. I don’t think the tears had anything to do with listening to old hillbilly music, but I guess you never really know for sure. (I turned off the music, just in case.)

I slept a lot — straight through from something strange, like, 9pm last night to 5am this morning (I usually only need 5 or 6 hours of sleep). And, at some point, I even had a dream that I had already gotten up and gotten breakfast and gone back to bed so there was no reason to get up. (Weird.)

Anyway. Apparently, I was not in a big hurry for today to get here.

However, that said. Things really are okay here. So I don’t know why I was so sad. I’ve basically signed the contract for “Half-Moon Bride” with the new publisher! Yay!

And I made really unexpected progress with the new erotic novella, 1954 Powder Blue Pickup, yesterday — and by “strange” I mean that it went off into this whole unexpected storyline. To the point where, as I was writing it, I was also thinking: Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me, seriously?

But I’m still really happy with it, however, the work I need to tackle on it today will require really intense focusing (a good old 1950s-style gangbang, which was not the unexpected part). But it will be intense, nonetheless. (So, you know, you probably shouldn’t drop by unannounced today, wanting to just hang out with me…) (As if you ever do!) (I have had TWO visitors since March… two, in six months.) (Yes, I’m aware that there’s been a pandemic that whole time, but, honestly, how long are you going to keep using that as your fall-back line?? None of us here in Crazeysburg have the virus, okay??)

Anyway!!

Early this morning on Instagram, there was a post sent out by Cave Things. It was a very short video of Nick Cave working at his insanely cluttered desk — but you could only see his hands. And I thought it was amusing that he clearly had on a very nice suit, and he had all his gold rings on, but was working at this ridiculously cluttered desk.

Whereas, I have actually a very tidy desk while I’m working (because everything gets dumped on the floor first thing in the morning, then placed back on the desk in heaps when I’m done working at night.)

Still, I need a very tidy desk, or I can’t think straight. Yet I wear the sloppiest clothes you can imagine. Because I simply cannot feel encumbered by anything while I’m writing — and no jewelry, either. I can’t stand to have rings or even a bracelet on when I’m typing. I am always wearing some sort of really baggy tee shirt, and either baggy cargo shorts in summer, or a pair of baggy men’s lounge pants the rest of the year, and nothing on underneath any of that because I absolutely cannot stand to feel constricted in any way, and I am always barefoot at my desk because I can’t even stand to feel like my feet are constrained while I’m writing. (My flip-flops stay neatly at the side of my desk because I put them back on the absolute minute I stand up from my chair…)

I know! It’s almost like I’m neurotic, or something — right??

And add to that vision of loveliness the unlit, unfiltered cigarette that is always dangling from my mouth now whenever I’m at my desk… and the very real fact that I almost never remember to even comb my hair. Although I do brush my teeth twice a day!! But I usually also forget to wash my hair because I’m always in such a big hurry to get out of the shower and be neurotic about something…

Anyway. I did think that little video of Nick Cave’s hands was really cool!

Okay.

A mini-update regarding the print edition of The Guitar Hero Goes Home. Valerie is still trying to get the cover art to behave. And until that gets fixed, I have not fixed the formatting issue I’m having with the printed text, because I want to upload it all at once. You can still read it just fine, I’m just not 100% happy with the layout (it makes me insane, actually). But the eBook version is completely fine. So there are no problems with that. (There was one typo that I fixed last week.)

Anyway. It’s frustrating. But ever-onward we go.

And then yesterday, I got an email from the director of my play (Tell My Bones), wherein he was giving me the link to share in the dropbox that all the various technical director/ producer type people were already sharing in as they do all the necessary work to get the staged reading of my play ready to go.

Well. I was stunned. Literally. Because I had absolutely no clue that all this WORK was already well underway, involving all these professional theater people. I honestly was totally overwhelmed. WTF, right? How long has this been going on? While I’m here at my desk, thoroughly unconstrained by everything imaginable and spending hours and hours and hours and days and days and days writing incredibly intense erotica…

It was a very weird feeling.

Okay, it looks like a pretty day here today, but it’s heading down into the low 40s Fahrenheit tonight and for the next few nights, so the houseplants are coming indoors for the season and I have to once again create that literary barrier between the palm tree and the cats.

Literary barrier awaiting the houseplants!

Meaning, that I have to stack books as precariously as possible all around the palm tree so that the cats get scared away from trying to eat the palm leaves and thus absolutely ruining the poor tree.

It just feels like it’s too early to be doing all this, but I guess it is what it is this year. And on we go.

Okay. I’m going to get started here today. Have a nice Friday wherever you are in the world!! And enjoy whatever you’re wearing and enjoy whatever you’re doing!! I will endeavor to get my mood on a more even keel and try to have a good day here, as well. Meanwhile, I leave you with this morning’s breakfast-listening sad hillbilly music! Stonewall Jackson’s huge Country hit from 1962, “Leona.” (I just fucking LOVE the piano on this song — if it doesn’t make you want to drink and smoke, I don’t know what will.) So, then. All righty, thanks for visiting, gang!! I love you guys. See ya.

Leona

Leona, Leona,
You tell him you’re through
You tell him, Leona, about me and you
You tell him we’re married with a baby of two
You tell him, Leona,
You tell him you’re through.

You laughed as I pleaded, and walked out the door
To meet him, to kiss him, to shame me once more
I knew where to find you
Just follow the sign:
Dancing and dining, cocktails and wine

The sidewalk was crowded in front of the bar
I heard the sirens of the black police car
Two bodies lay crumpled, a woman, a man
His wife stood there by you,
A gun in her hand

Leona, Leona,
It’s over and through
The baby is crying and calling for you
For me there’s no difference
I knew for so long
That some day you’d leave me
And now you are gone