All posts by marilyn jaye lewis

writer, editor, publisher, thinker -- all-around joyful gal!

Social Without the Media!

May 15, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

As of yesterday, I made it so that my Instagram account is no longer private. We’ll see how that goes.

I like to keep track of who’s following me, because when I don’t do that, a ton of (allegedly) single men — most of whom I think are scammers — start following me and then immediately start hitting on me in a seriously personal way, and I am so not into that.

However, when I went into my settings to make that change, I noticed that I am now following over 800 people — about 10 of whom are actual friends who almost never post anything, ever.

The rest are film festivals and production companies, bird and animal photo feeds, painters, photographers, bands I’ve never heard of, a ton of (apparently) really famous musicians that I’ve also never heard of; a small handful of famous musicians that I have actually heard of and have followed (in real life) for decades — and I cannot believe that they are in their 60s now, with grown children (??!!) (like, when did that happen?) — guitar gods, like Joe Satriani and Steve Vai, both of whom I still think of as being about 32 years old.

But now that I’m following them on Instagram, where they actually interact through video clips, etc., and you can see their grown families and stuff — I realize that this is so not the case. (It’s sort of mind-bending, because, of course, then that makes me feel really old.)

Steve Vai | DiMarzio — Steve Vai, no longer 32 years old

Joe Satriani admits to being "shamed back into my woodshed by so ... — Joe Satriani, no longer 32 years old, either

Well, my point is that apparently I follow over 800 people, and my constant Instagram feed is still almost entirely photos of Keanu Reeves. I’m not kidding, either — and not exaggerating. It is fucking ridiculous.

Keanu himself is not on any social media at all, so these are all just fans posting photos of him endlessly into their feeds. And I mean endlessly. So I’m wondering, if I go ahead and stop following the Keanu hashtag, will amazing things finally get into my feed??!!

I also think it’s interesting that a couple hundred people follow me, but maybe about 10 of those people are actually following me. (I don’t really post much of anything — just my yard, the sky, my cats — so I doubt I’m getting into most people’s feeds anyway.) (Especially if they’re following #Keanu.)

But I find all this stuff interesting.

Some people have to really, really work their social media accounts, all day long, because they’re either famous and wish to stay that way, or they want to get famous, or successful, or whatever. And so they want those numbers and the numbers are important to them.

It’s the same here on WordPress, with people following blogs that they never, ever read. It’s just numbers. I totally don’t understand the point in that, but a whole lot of bloggers seem to think that that’s what blogging is — getting followers. And I’ve noticed that a ton of people give up on blogging relatively easily. By that, I mean, a couple of days, a couple of months, maybe even a couple of years, and then they’re just done. They go off somewhere and have a life, I guess.

Not me!!

I’ve been “blogging” since 1998, and I can’t imagine not doing it, but at the same time, I’ve seen just the constant, constant shift in “followers.” It’s sort of like a meandering stream, you know? The readers are always there, but 95% of the readers change over time — sometimes even over a period of a few months. So I just don’t see the need to hunt down potential followers for anything, you know?

They’ll come and then they’ll go, ad infinitum.

But it’s still all very interesting to think about — what our culture has morphed into; that extremely short attention span. I actually love Instagram, a lot. And I love TikTok — although that’s a really different type of social media. It seems to be more about performing. (As near as I can tell, most of the people on TikTok are trying to gain enough followers who will follow them over to YouTube or Spotify, etc., that will then garner them a way of monetizing themselves.)

In my opinion, that is a tough switch — to follow someone for 25 seconds at a time and then swipe up, versus actually finding them on YouTube and watching them for much longer than 25 seconds, so that it will count as a “view.” I love a lot of the people I follow on TikTok, but so far, @TylerJarry and hi.this.is.Tatum (a rescued pit bull who has a funny human voice) are the only ones I’ve liked enough to want to watch more of on something like YouTube.

Raspberries created by hi.this.is.tatum | Popular songs on TikTok — hi.this.is.Tatum

Still I do find it all really interesting — this whole shift in the culture. And our new unwillingness to focus for very long (myself included now).

So. I still have not figured out which foreign language I want to study this year (see yesterday’s post re: my unexpected auto-renew of the mondly language app). I do kind of like thinking about it, though — pondering the various languages that are out there. You can study basically any language at all on the mondly app. And — yes!!– it takes 5 minutes a day!!

Too funny.

Well, okay.

So, yesterday, none of the phone calls I was expecting came through. Yet again. But I am now getting accustomed to this new coronavirus approach to work, where everyone’s schedules are just up in the air, and everyone’s lives are suddenly so different. Now I never know any more if I will be working with anyone from one day to the next, so I’ve stopped waiting around for phone calls. And I got a ton of editing done on The Guitar Hero Goes Home, so I was really happy about that.

I still have more to do on that, and plan on doing that today (so today will probably be the day when all the phone calls come in and everyone wants to work!!).

And tomorrow, my lawn care guy — who is having some lawn mower issues — is planning to come by and at least help me get rid of a ton of weeds, and poison ivy, and Virginia creeper, out back by the barn!! So that will make me feel at least a little better about my crazy yard.

I now have signs up everywhere saying that I need someone to mow my grass. So we’ll see what happens with that. You have no idea how bad my yard has gotten. It’s a total disaster.

All righty. Well. Much of Ohio starts opening up today, even though more and more people keep getting the virus — I guess because now there are more than enough quick tests available, so more people are finding out that they actually have it. Nothing is allowed to open to full capacity, but at least places are opening back up. So we’ll see.

Maybe that new normal we’ve been hearing so much about will finally begin happening around here!! Me — I’m just waiting for summer.

Okay. I hope you enjoy your Friday, wherever it leads you and wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you today with a great song for rejoicing, for driving really fast out on the highway and watching all the birds soaring through the sky. A great song for thinking about life — past and present. And even a great song for wondering what the afterlife is like and what we might have to learn about (all over again) when we get there: “Learning to Fly” — from Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers’ 1991 multi-platinum album Into the Great Wide Open. (Lyrics are in the video.) Listen, dream, wonder and enjoy! It’s all over in a heartbeat anyway, right?? Okay. I love you guys. See ya!!

Who Knew I’d Turn to Ronnie Wood for Serenity??!!

May 14, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

If you don’t know who Ronnie Wood is, he’s a guitar player who’s been a member of the Rolling Stones since the mid-1970s, and was a member of the British group, The Small Faces, & then just The Faces, with Rod Stewart, before that. He ‘s had a life-long reputation for being intensely “fun loving” (drugs, alcohol, high energy, funny). But several years back, he became clean & sober. And now, on Instagram, during this pandemic, he frequently posts little videos for other members of AA or NA about serenity and taking it one day at a time.

I’m not in any type of substance-abuse healing program, but I have always been a huge fan of Ron Wood’s so I enjoy watching his little videos. And I think it’s just so sweet (I honestly do) — you know, all these years later, this frenetic rock & roll guitar player is helping us find serenity…

Keith Richards and Ronnie Wood, 1980 – LA MAISON REBELLE — Keith Richards & Ronnie Wood, pre-serenity…

All righty!!

Well, guess who has inadvertently signed up for another year of the Mondly app?? Yes, that (really fun) app that was teaching me Italian for about 9 months, until I gave up on ever learning Italian in this life time!! (And as it turned out, the writer’s retreat, that I was supposed to be hosting in Italy this Spring…. well.)

So, yes!! The Mondly app auto-renewed itself because I wasn’t paying attention, even though I was actually looking at the app icon on my phone the other day, and really missing it. And sort of wishing that I hadn’t let the app expire…

Good news!! I didn’t….

Yeah, well. Actually, I thought that was kind of cool when I saw it on my bank statement, even though I wasn’t expecting it. But I don’t think I’m going to try to keep studying Italian, because I just don’t seem to have a head for it. I suppose I could go back to studying French and really try to learn conversational French, instead of that sort of “formal business letter-writing French” that I actually know.

But it sort of feels like a wide-open playing field right now. An entire year in front of me to study a foreign language! I’ve studied French for most of my life, do I still want to keep studying it? Through the course of my life, with varying results, I’ve studied German, Portuguese, Spanish, Mandarin Chinese, Biblical Hebrew, and, of course, Italian. And French is the language that I keep coming back to. But I just don’t know.

Anyway, it’s kind of exciting to think about.

Well, yesterday was interesting. I did spend several hours with my friend Kevin, which was nice — and it was such a beautiful day here. But he is very depressed about all this COVID 19 stuff and how it’s changing everything and how pretty much every area of our lives now is up in the air.

I’m not sure why it doesn’t depress me, but it just doesn’t. (I guess Ronnie Wood has me feeling too serene…) Seriously, though. I just take everything one day at a time. We have no clue what’s ahead — it could wind up being just spectacular, once everything settles where it will and life moves forward for those of us who are still here.

So I tried to encourage him and make him feel better. After all, he’s taking off for Montana in a few days, and it’s so beautiful out there and he lives out there every year until October.

Then I did my grocery shopping, came back to Crazeysburg, called my dad and he announced that he’s not moving to Florida. He changed his mind. So that was very nice to hear — and totally unexpected.

Peitor also called to talk for 3 minutes about the sets he needs to build for our film shoot in the cinematographer’s studio in Alabama, and then he explained the idea he came up with to make it more affordable when we have to shoot on location in — Sweden (he’ll shoot in Paris if he has to, but he’d rather keep it authentic and shoot in Sweden).

(Yes, that’s right — on location in Sweden, or in Paris, if we absolutely have to, for an 8 minute film.)

And I’m, like, “Well, this all sounds really good, but we still need to get the budget together and see who’s paying for all this.” (In addition to everything imaginable involving the shoot, actors also have to be flown to and accommodated in Alabama and Sweden…)

It’s probably hard for you to imagine that I’m actually the level-headed one in the production company. Still, I do share his vision for perfection. I really do. And I do research everything, constantly. Just constantly. And I’ve taken 6 webinars already about the best way to approach this financially, from all angles.

So, we’ll be talking more at length about all of that today.

On another topic entirely….

I’ve had more time to listen to the new Bob Dylan song, “False Prophet.” I do like it — I like it better than “I Contain Multitudes,” but still, nothing comes close to “Murder Most Foul.”

Which unfortunately reminds me that a colleague in NYC and I were talking about “Murder Most Foul” back when it first came out, and he had the audacity to point out to me that Dylan was singing about Nat King Cole’s famous jazz song, “Nature Boy,” and not Nick Cave’s song of the same name. And I was extremely crestfallen about that. Of course, I could see he was right about it, still. I guess love is not only blind, but deaf, as well. And in my mind, forever, it will still be Nick Cave’s song mentioned in “Murder Most Foul”…

Overall, though, that new Dylan album should be very interesting. (And his tours, of course, in support of the new album have now all been cancelled.) (Which makes me wonder, where does Bob Dylan actually live? He’s always, always, always on the road, in that unending tour he’s been doing for the last 20 years… I know he got another divorce at some point, so where does he live?? I’d assumed he just lived in some sort of monster bus. Hmm.)

Well, all righty. I guess that’s it for today. I’ve got work to do here. I hope you guys have a nice Thursday in front of you (or on it’s way out, depending on where in the world you live!). Thanks for visiting. I leave you with my favorite Faces song, from 1973, Ronnie Wood was one of the writers on this great song — “Ooh La La,” from the album of the same name. (A song that never goes out of date, as it turns out, because those gosh darn women never change!) Enjoy and have a terrific day. I love you guys. See ya!!

“Ooh La La”

Poor old Granddad
I laughed at all his words
I thought he was a bitter man
He spoke of women’s ways

“They’ll trap you, then they use you
Before you even know
For love is blind and you’re far too kind
Don’t ever let it show”

I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger.
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger.

The Can Can’s such a pretty show
They’ll steal your heart away
But backstage, back on earth again
The dressing rooms are grey

They come on strong and it ain’t too long
Before they make you feel a man
But love is blind and you soon will find
You’re just a boy again

When you want her lips, you get a cheek
Makes you wonder where you are
If you want some more then she’s fast asleep
And leaves you twinkling with the stars.

“Poor young grandson, there’s nothing I can say
You’ll have to learn, just like me
And that’s the hardest way
Ooh la la”

I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger.
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger

Yeah, Baby! More Laundry Than You Can Even Imagine!!

May 13, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Seriously. Today is already SO MUCH BETTER than yesterday, that it can’t even be compared.

You know, like, what was yesterday, anyway? Some sort of strange partial reality, wedged into a dead-end probable universe or something?

It’s so weird, because today couldn’t be better, but I didn’t do anything different, really. Except, I guess, to decide that today was simply going to have to be better.

Also, this is that first day of the gateway to summer. Weather-wise, it’s going to be a perfect day. Which means that windows will be open around here by this afternoon, and that always makes me so happy.

Right now, I’m doing all the bedding that needs to be washed and then stored away in the linen closet until Fall. That’s like, 5 loads of laundry. Just bedding, quilts, blankets, etc. And it really feels just so good to do that because it means that the whole house is soon going to be really airy and sunny and of a summer-weight that always just feels lighter on my whole soul.

So!

NO!! Absolutely no work got done on Abstract Absurdity stuff yesterday, or on the cover design for The Guitar Hero Goes Home. Although I did at least chat with Valerie on the phone for about an hour, but it was not work-related. I was trying to sort through all my complicated feelings about my dad’s announcement that he’s moving to Florida (see post from yesterday).

That whole thing just triggered all these abandonment issues I didn’t realize I actually had — beginning with when he left us for good the summer I turned 13 (and not ending there, by any stretch) (how many times can my parents discard me, you know? It’s astounding). So much horrible shit came up in me yesterday, which I honestly did not know was there.

So Valerie and I talked about that and decided to have the work chat on Thursday, instead.

And today, I just feel worlds better. I honestly do.

Plus, Kevin is coming over this afternoon to drop off his vintage 1965 VW camper-van until Fall! Hard to believe it’s actually that time of year already. And I know he is eager to see the new roof on my barn!

It’s going to be so nice to see Kevin. I haven’t chatted in person with a human being that I actually know as a friend since March 14th. And then I’m going to drive him back into town and go get more groceries. (Oddly enough, he lives 3 minutes from where I do my marketing. He can walk there from where he lives.) And it’s going to be perfect weather for driving 95 MPH on the highway here in Muskingum County today! Yay!!

I think this tai-chi idea that I had yesterday is going to be a really good idea. Tai-chi in the morning, yoga at night. And try not to have to do Booty Core again. I think it’s going to be a lot more relaxing for me. I don’t know why I am such a stressed-out individual. Well — I do know why. But I don’t know why I can’t just let it all go for good, you know?

And I’ve been letting it spill over into my writing lately, which I usually don’t do. The last few days, I’ve been feeling like I just can’t focus right now, and I hate that. And feeling like people are looking over my shoulder while I write — my mind getting super critical of me — and I really, REALLY hate that. But it seems like even a little bit of tai-chi yesterday helped that, so I’m hoping that by keeping it up for a little bit each morning, I can totally re-set myself and get back on track around here.

So, yes, that means my new routine will be to wake-up at 5am, go downstairs to feed the cats, feed myself, do my little Inner Being dialogue journal thing, then my little journal where I pre-pave my day into a positive direction so that I don’t become completely unglued before noon, then go back upstairs and meditate, and now add tai-chi — then post something to the blog and get my day underway. And that’s about a 5-hour chunk of time there — I’m not exaggerating. Have you ever known anyone who had to invest so much time into not losing her fucking mind every day?

Well. So far, it’s working. So I’m going to stick with it. I literally spent 11 straight years (2006 – 2017) on the verge of suicide every single day — and that is an absolutely exhausting way to sort of half-live, even though I was really productive in my work during those years. I wrote 2 novels, a ton of short stories and novellas, developed 2 TV series (still in “development” in LA), wrote an award-winning screenplay that placed well in half a dozen major screenplay competitions in Hollywood, and then developed two musical theater projects that are inching toward production as soon as the virus gets out of NYC — oh, and I went to Divinity School in the middle of all that and got a degree in Ministry (and got ordained, wherein I also took perhaps an ill-advised oath to never smoke again, or do recreational drugs, and only drink alcohol based on Biblical guidelines, which means wine, basically, but only wine that started out as water moments before…) (kidding about that last part; I can drink wine if I want to, but my point is, how the heck do I get rid of my stress??? Prayer, or some weird shit like that???).

Well. Anyway. I jest.

But I did a ton of fucking stuff while on the verge of suicide for 4, 015 straight days…

And I like my life a lot better now. Those years were a nightmare, in all seriousness. So even if I have to get out of bed at 5am in order to have enough time to start my actual day when most everyone else is just starting their days, it’s worth it to me, so I’m just going to stick with it. And add the tai-chi.

So. I’m very, very excited about today. It’s so beautiful outside and I get to see Kevin today — and through some twist of fate my house is actually clean on the one and only day that a human being is coming over!! So all things considered, pandemic-wise, everything’s looking good around here.

I’m gonna go make a little more progress on that laundry now and, yes, get my day underway over here. Have a wonderful Wednesday, wherever you are in the world, gang!! Thanks for visiting. I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning — a song that millions of girls the world over believe that Tom Petty wrote just for them!! And I am no exception!!! “Wildflowers,” the titular song from his multi-platinum album from 1994, Wildflowers. It’s a beautiful song, gang. (And I know for sure that he knew I was going to eventually live out here in the peace and solitude of the Hinterlands and that’s why I know for sure that Tom Petty wrote this song specifically for me!!) All righty. I love you guys. Have a great day. See ya.

“Wildflowers”

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere all bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free

Let’s Just Knock It Out of the Park Today!!

May 12, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Okay?? Okay!!

We’re gonna make it a great day (because it’s kind of, like, sucking right now and I refuse to allow the whole darn day to be ruined) !!

It’s gorgeous here today. So sunny, it is amazing. Still too chilly & damp to rake leaves (darn it), but we’re getting there.

Okay, yesterday was weird. I waited all day for Peitor to call because we were supposed to work on Abstract Absurdity Productions stuff. And I also waited all day for Valerie to call, because we were going to work on the book cover design for The Guitar Hero Goes Home.

While waiting on everybody, hour upon hour, I did manage to get a bunch of housecleaning done. Had my lunch. Had my dinner. Finally gave up on everyone at around 5:30pm, closed the laptop and decided to stream a movie down in the kitchen.

At that point, Peitor texted to say he could call me in about 2 hours… Meaning around 7:30pm my time (Eastern Time).

Even people who know me really well never seem to remember that I’m up and out of bed and starting my days at 5am. By 7:30 at night, I’m not usually feeling like: All righty!! Let’s get started here!! You know? I’m starting to get contemplative and thinking about the Universe and the nature of reality and getting into a general “I wonder what it’s gonna feel like after I die” frame of mind. I’m way into my own zone.

And then Valerie texted at 8pm (and she’s even in my same time zone) to say that she’d lost track of the time…

So that was how work went yesterday. I’m feeling like something similar will happen today, but we’ll just see. I’m going to try to just focus on my own writing and not get into that mental space of waiting around on phone calls.

I also decided to release the experience of Booty Core from my life!! At least, for now. I just don’t like it. I decided that I want to maybe do tai-chi in the morning, and still do yoga in the evenings, and see if my hip joints do okay with that. And if they do, goodbye to Booty Core forever.

Mostly, I just can’t stand that curvy Booty Core look. I really can’t. And I have tried to be open-minded about it, embrace the possibility of a new physical shape, but I simply come from a whole other era. And I’d still rather look like I’ve been smoking and doing amphetamines all day than look like I’ve spent the whole day in the gym….

I’m just a 1970s kind of gal.

So.

The main thing that’s kind of playing with my head here this morning is that my dad announced (to me – although I think my stepsister already knew this) that he wants to move to Florida. Not only that, but he’s already looking at potential properties. and not only that, but I get the feeling that the thing he sent me in the mail last week — to choose which of his art pieces I was interested in having in the event of his death or in case he had to downsize and go into a nursing home — was actually part of his wanting to move to Florida but he hadn’t said it yet.

Plus, he wants to move to northern Florida which is sort of a weird part of Florida to want to move to when you’re 90, so it makes me think he wants to live closer to my stepsister and her husband and their kids. He has always had a really good relationship with them, and also I think it would help him feel like my stepmom was still in his life in some way. To have that part of “his family” closer to him again now that she’s gone.

I honestly don’t believe that anybody owes anyone anything in life. I mean, ideally, I have a way I would love life to be. But still, I believe it all comes down to choices. Making choices that have value to us, individually, and not based on what we might think we “owe” people, because we just have our lives to live, you know? And if they aren’t meaningful lives, then being here, living something meaningless, helps no one.

So I don’t really feel I have anything I can really say about this. He’ll be 90 in a handful of weeks. He should live a life that makes him happy. I honestly believe that, and I’ve always tried my best to accept that his being happy didn’t usually involve me. You just can’t force things, right? What is the point in that?

Even though it makes me really sad — it makes me feel defeated more than anything else — I just don’t want that to set the tone for my entire day today. I am trying to get into a better place about it. So we’ll see how that goes.

Nick Cave sent out a Red Hand Files letter- thingy this morning that was very interesting. About one of his songs that I love (“Night raid”), and a specific song lyric that has put in a number of appearances in other things he’s written over the years and I guess — if he dies, like, today — it will be on his tombstone, too. And he also talked about the overall plans for Bad Seed TeeVee, which continues to expand and blossom into all kinds of videos clips — not just songs but interviews and all kinds of stuff.

Okay, I’m gonna do some tai-chi here and see if that transcends my morning into something way more productive than, I don’t know, thoughts of suicide, I guess.

I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from today — which is usually a song I play when I am thinking about committing suicide. But I do not believe he intended this song to be used for that!

I’ve posted this song here a bunch of times — Tom Petty’s song “Only A Broken Heart” from his wildly multi-platinum album, Wildflowers, from 1994. Even though he wrote this song because he was wanting to divorce his first wife and couldn’t figure out how to do that — and even though when he finally did figure out how to do that, it destroyed him for awhile, turning him into a reclusive heroin addict, etc. (and the creator of the album Echo (1999) — an intensely beautiful but very difficult album to listen to). His decision did eventually open up his whole life, and made it possible for him and his second wife, Dana, to fall in love and get married and enabled him to write probably his most accomplished songs/albums in his 40-year career.

So. The point is not to focus on how terrible things feel today, but focus more on how change can open up all sorts of amazing possibilities down the road. It’s just that maybe you can’t see it just yet. (Meaning “me”, of course — not necessarily “you”.)

With that in mind, have a good Tuesday, wherever it finds you, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang! I love you. So much. See ya.

“Only A Broken Heart”

Here comes that feeling I’ve seen in your eyes
Back in the old days, before the hard times
But I’m not afraid anymore
It’s only a broken heart

I know the place where you keep your secrets
Out of the sunshine, down in a valley
But I’m not afraid anymore
It’s only a broken heart

What would I give, to start all over again
To clean up my mistakes

Stand in the moonlight, stand under heaven
Wait for an answer, hold out forever
But don’t be afraid anymore
It’s only a broken heart

What would I give, to start all over again
To clean up my mistakes

I know your weakness, you’ve seen my dark side
The end of the rainbow is always a long ride
But I’m not afraid anymore
It’s only a broken heart

Me, Around the House!!

May 11, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 1 Comment

No, I’m serious! Look :

Just one of the many delights of my kitchen!!

Of course, I don’t bake anymore because I live alone now and would just eat everything all by myself and then be as big as — if not bigger than — my whole house.

But I used to be a really good baker.

In fact, back when I worked at the Museum of Modern Art in NYC in my 20s, for a while I was the assistant to the Pastry Chef there. And I also slept with the Pastry Chef there. Although I don’t recall that either one of us ever actually slept… And while sexual activities between employees was rampant there (as well as among the guests of the museum — frequently the guests would have sex in the bathroom stalls there during various sunny afternoons), it was still technically frowned upon by the boring fuddy-duddy Management and Security personnel. And so she (the Pastry Chef was a ‘she’) used to say this thing that still cracks me up . If/when we were screwing around somewhere in maybe a storage room in the bowels of that heady museum, and it seemed like some sort of “Boss” type person was coming, she’d get her shit together very quickly and say, “Watch it. Furtive lurkers are about.”

That always made me laugh so hard. We never got caught at anything, but we always looked like we were up to something. (Management there loved her, though, but most of the Management did not love me. I was opinionated, outspoken, and the Shop Steward for the Local Union there.) (Still — since it was the 1980s and Manhattan was still incredibly wonderful, she and I would take our break together at the bar next door to the museum, drink as heavily and as quickly as we could, fool around in the bathroom stall at the bar, and then light up our cigarettes and head back for Round 2 at the museum!)

Anyway!! Yes!! I digress!!

I am not baking anything here today, but we did get a colossal wind storm here last evening and some of the siding blew off from around my kitchen window, so I’ve already been out there with a ladder, a hammer and some nails, and got everything back in place.

(And if I had a ladder that was ten times as tall, I would clean out my gutters, too. But alas, I don’t have that kind of a ladder. Plus, I’m afraid of heights…)

It’s a good thing the roof on my barn was already fixed last week because that wind yesterday would have blown the rest of the roof right off it. The winds were at 65 MPH.

Even though it’s overcast here today and cool, it looks like it is going to be the last one of these types of days — by mid-week, we go up into the 70s Fahrenheit and beyond. So it will really be Spring and I can start cleaning up the yard and the porches and get the flowers planted in their flower boxes and clean up the porch furniture and just get ready for, hopefully, the best Summer ever.

Okay, today is an Abstract Absurdity Productions day! Peitor should be calling here later on. And then hopefully I’ll also be doing some more work over the phone with Valerie in Brooklyn regarding the book cover layout for The Guitar Hero Goes Home. And other than that, I’m just planning on writing and editing at my desk today. So it should be a nice day.

I hope you guys have a great Monday, wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting, gang. I have no breakfast-listening music from this morning, but I leave you with this! It cracks me up. I wrote about this a couple weeks ago after watching it on TikTok: Tyler Jarry’s “Dads talking about the weather.” It’s so perfect. (In my life, anyway. This is just totally my dad.) Okay. Enjoy! Have a wonderful day. I love you guys. See ya!

Cheers, Baby!!

May 10, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 2 Comments

And a very happy little Mother’s Day to my birth mom, Cherie.

I’m guessing she will celebrate today with a 6-pack of beer and a pack of Pall Malls and some old style Country & Western music, as she contemplates how she survived giving birth to four babies by the time she was 19 years old…

Okay!!

Mother’s Day is not my favorite day of the year, that’s for sure. It’s just sort of a reminder of how difficult it was to try to make my adoptive mother happy when I was growing up — especially on Mother’s Day.

When I was a wee bonny lass, I used to get a weekly allowance from my dad. This was back in the 1960s, when money went a lot farther. Still, for most of my childhood, I only got 25 cents a week (1 quarter). When you consider that a candy bar only cost 5 cents back then, a quarter wasn’t the worst thing to have when you were 7 years old.

Of course, the only thing I ever wanted back then was record albums. And those were just impossible to afford. Even to buy a 45 RPM was about 3 weeks’ worth of allowance money. But every year on my birthday, an aunt of mine would mail me a birthday card with a $5 bill inside, and that was absolute heaven to me! It meant I could go straight to Woolworth’s and buy a rock & roll record album, which, back then cost about $3.99.

We had lots of record albums in the house because my parents loved music, but they were all jazz, classical, or Broadway musical albums. And a Top 40 radio station was always playing in our kitchen, or in the car, and I loved Top 40. But I really, really loved The Beatles and The Monkees (a TV show). So, once a year, I had to choose: I could buy one of their albums. For instance:

The rest of the year, I had to rely on girlfriends who had older sisters who had way more records than we did.

Then, when I started babysitting when I was 11, I finally hit paydirt and could afford to start buying a lot more albums. My taste in records at age 11:

Anyway. That was a digression. One of the worst Mother’s Days in my memory was when I was about 7 or 8 years old, and I was able to buy a beautiful blooming red geranium for my (adoptive) mother for Mother’s Day from a florist around the corner from our house in Cleveland. I could get there on my bike. The geranium was inexpensive enough that I could afford it with money from my own piggy bank. And I was so thrilled. Just thrilled — it was the first Mother’s Day that I didn’t have to borrow money from my dad. And when I gave the geranium to my mother, she looked at it with actual disgust and said, “I hate geraniums.” Then she immediately stuck it on the steps out in the dark garage and then, later, threw it into the trash.

Obviously, I have never forgotten that.

And, btw, she did not hate geraniums — she had plenty of geraniums over the years. She just wanted to be mean to me. (It worked.) (Then multiply that times every day of my life with her…)

Anyway. So, I’m not a big fan of Mother’s Day.

Still! I did send my birth mom a pretty card replete with messy glitter, full of gushy sentiments of love.

All righty.

So. Yesterday, I had the best chat so far with the director of Tell My Bones, and the arrangements for the Zoom staged reading just keep getting more and more exciting for me, gang. At this point, it’s going to be June before it will be taped/performed. But that’s really just around the corner, and a ton of stuff has to be organized by then.

I was reluctant, at first, to go the Zoom route but now I’m seeing that there are a lot of options to Zoom that can give it a higher quality than what I’m used to seeing. So I am really getting excited.

Okay. Well. Today I’ll be chatting with Valerie for a while in the early afternoon, but other than that, my only plans are to sit here at my desk and focus on two things: Some editing on The Guitar Hero Goes Home (aka Blessed By Light), and do some new writing on Thug Luckless: Welcome to P-Town. (Plus drink a lot coffee. I hate that it’s gotten so cold again and all the windows need to be closed. That fresh air last week was really helping my brain work again. But, in a pinch, I’ll resort to coffee. Or maybe tea.)

Enjoy your Sunday, wherever you are in the world. If you are separated from loved ones today because of the pandemic, I hope that this time next year arrives in a heartbeat and that all will be well in your worlds once more.

Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with my rather unexpected breakfast-listening music from this morning. It’ s kind of a sad song, but it’s still really beautiful to listen to, and I’m not sad today; I just wanted something pretty to listen to. So I leave you with “Foi Na Cruz” from Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds The Good Son album (1990). Enjoy! And have a wonderful day. I love you guys. See ya!

“Foi Na Cruz”

Foi na cruz, foi na cruz
Que um dia
Meus pecados castigados em Jesus
Foi na cruz
Que um dia
Foi na cruz

Love comes a-knocking
Comes a-knocking upon our door
But you, you and me, love
We don’t live there any more

Foi na cruz, foi na cruz
Que um dia
Meus pecados castigados em Jesus
Foi na cruz
Que um dia
Foi na cruz

A little sleep, a little slumber
A little folding of the hands to sleep
A little love, a little hate, babe
A little trickery and deceit

Foi na cruz, foi na cruz
Que um dia
Meus pecados castigados em Jesus
Foi na cruz
Que um dia
Foi na cruz

Dream on ‘till you can dream no more
For all our grand plans, babe
Will be dreams forever more

Foi na cruz, foi na cruz
Que um dia
Meus pecados castigados em Jesus
Foi na cruz
Que um dia
Foi na cruz

Here’s Hoping Today is Splendid, Gang….

May 9, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Because yesterday fucking sucked.

I’m guessing the full moon had a lot to do with it. And I had awoken in such a great mood yesterday, but then it was all down hill after that.

I’m not the type of writer who posts negative criticism of the work of other writers. If someone comes to me and wants my honest opinion as an editor, or if I’m teaching a student or something like that, I’m always honest about what I really think. And I try to be as helpful about it as I can be. But if it’s just my opinion on another writer’s work and it’s negative, then it’s just my opinion and I keep it to myself.

I will say, though, that when I expect amazing work out of a writer because I want to feel that thrill you get when someone’s work really inspires you, really moves you, and even makes you want to live a better life — and then you get the opposite. It is so disappointing to me, gang. It’s like waking up on Christmas morning and not only do you have no presents waiting for you, but someone stole your tree during the night, too. Just amazing disappointment for me.

Especially when writers just want to give you their anger about life, without sublimating it somehow.

I have plenty of reasons to be angry about my own life, but finding the underlying reasons to still be joyful is what sublimates my whole approach to staying alive. Leaving that part out, in my opinion, makes art meaningless to people who aren’t you — meaning, the readers.

By the end of the day yesterday, I was so disgusted with everything and was really having a lot of questions about my own work, that I couldn’t write anything new.

So I gave up and went downstairs and then I streamed the Joker movie (2019) on Amazon, because, oddly enough, that movie calms me down. Even while it’s nothing at all like Heath Ledger’s Joker in The Dark Knight (2008), which was just a phenomenal film, there’s something about this new Joker that actually feels like real life to me.

I don’t want to end up killing people. I honestly don’t. And I really don’t see it happening if I haven’t resorted to killing people by now, you know? But I totally relate to what it feels like to have pain upon pain upon pain just heaped on to you, for years; and struggling with mental illness on top of it — and then that’s supposed to be your “life.” And then, after running around helplessly in that dead-end maze, you come to a horrific understanding about your mother, on top of it all.

People can suck big time, without ever having a clue how hard you keep trying — or even just keep trying hard to smile, right?

Totally the Joker.

I try to work my issues out with people by being a writer, obviously. (And by living as far away from humanity as I can possibly get these days, and only “showing up” in the world when I feel completely ready for it.) But there’s something really psychologically comforting to me when Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker takes a whole other approach. And I also love that so much of society ends up being on his side, too. And helping him, even when it’s by accident.

I also love how much he fucking smokes in that movie. Jesus. One of these days, I am just going to have to start smoking again. The only reason I don’t like to smoke anymore is because it makes my heart race now and makes me feel like shit the following morning. I never actually had a smoking habit. I smoked when I wanted to and that was it. Nowadays, I want to smoke constantly, but I just don’t want to have the awful feeling in the morning.

Well, anyway. So I streamed Joker last evening down at my kitchen table and loved every moment of it (including every moment of Frank Sinatra singing Sondhiem’s “Send in the Clowns” as the closing credits rolled). But then the moment it was all over, I was still left with having had just a lousy day.

That feeling, like: What am I doing any of this for? What the fuck is the reason for all of this? Who am I, anyway? I just can’t figure anything the fuck OUT.

And that’s, unfortunately, the frame of mind I had when I went to sleep.

And today, I awoke in a not so good mood — at all — however, I’m hoping the reverse of yesterday might occur!! And that a not so good morning will lead to a day that just gets better and better as it unfolds.

It’s quite sunny today, but it got really super cold here. In fact, I got up during the night and put the flannel nighshirt over top of my pajamas. I was absolutely freezing, even with the heat on and two blankets still on the bed.

And now that the virus seems to have completely left me, I’m back to not needing very much sleep at night. So that’s good, and it gives me more energy so I hope the brain just shifts into high gear today, and I can get some good work done on Thug Luckless. (And maybe take up smoking again.)

All righty. Well. I hope today is good to you, wherever you are in the world. And I hope the full moon hasn’t been vexing you the way it’s been vexing me around here. Thanks for visiting, gang. My breakfast-listening music today was once again “Time Out” by the Dave Brubeck Quartet, which I posted here recently. So I think I’ll just post the true musical high point from Joker (I won’t include spoilers of what’s happening on the screen) — when Frank Sinatra is singing “That’s Life.” Lyrics are in the video.

Enjoy, gang. But don’t shoot anyone, okay? Try to figure out a better way of looking at everything — and if nothing else works, just call me. We’ll figure something out! Okay. I love you guys. See ya!!

Thank God It’s Whatever Day It Is Now!!

May 8, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 1 Comment

Okay, so here’s something funny.

You know how I can never figure out how to save other people’s Instagram photos to my own private photos on my phone?

Well, of all the photos I have absolutely loved over the last couple years, and couldn’t save, yesterday I accidentally managed to save this one!! And while I do love it, and consider it a motto to live by, I’m not sure I actually need it on my phone. How on earth did I do it? (And can I repeat it? — is the most important question!!)

I so fucking LOVE this. The best 17 words ever. This saves me from having to actually write my memoirs…

Okay! On a similar happy note… I got great writing done yesterday on Thug Luckless: Welcome to P-Town. I am really happy with the tone of it and with where it’s heading. I am still only on Chapter One because I am totally re-writing what I had originally written last fall, or whenever it was that I began writing this novel. But it’s like night & day — the difference in the tone of it.

Other good news — the mourning dove eggs have hatched! There are now little chirping baby mourning doves, in the nest that’s in the rafters of the roof overhanging my front porch. And one heck of a busy mom, darting back & forth, and back & forth, all day long, trying to keep them fed.

It’s a rainy day here today. But, of course, I’m not planning on going anywhere. This afternoon, online, is that fundraiser for Marcus Books in Oakland, CA. (Noon, Pacific Time/ 3pm Eastern Time.) A live poetry reading. (If you want to attend it, the details are here. They ask you to purchase a ticket, at whatever you can afford, because it is, of course, a fundraiser.)

I also have a couple of private invites to watch some short subject films premiering online today. So I’ll do that, too. But other than that, I’m just going to work on the new novel. And probably do yoga.

Bob Dylan dropped another new song yesterday. This one titled “False Prophet.” And they announced that his new album is coming this summer, titled Rough and Rowdy Ways. It is available for pre-order wherever you get your music from.

I like “False Prophet” but so far, I have only listened to it one time and, once again, while I was doing something else. So I wasn’t really listening that closely to the words. I’m not really sure what it’s about yet. But I loved the feel of it — blues. And the sound of his voice.

Okay, so I just went into my storage closet to find a Neo/Matrix McFarlane action figure from 1999, and instead I found my collection of Olympia Press Paris first editions (!!!) that Richard Kasak had given to me as a gift a couple of decades ago. (Gift meaning, absolutely FREE.)

They are all first edition Olympia Press Paris titles, but a couple are also actually first editions that ever appeared in print, anywhere — and, at the time of publication, were still illegal in the US and the UK. Including:

Isn’t that amazing?? Kasak was in publishing for so many decades — starting at Grove Press — that he didn’t even care about most of what he had anymore. Obviously, he knew what Maurice Girodias and the Olympia Press meant to me and one day he just gave me all of those books. I think there are about 10 titles in the collection. And none of them have ever been read.

Well, that was an unexpected little digression!

Okay. I guess I’d better get started here today, gang. I hope you have a nice Friday, wherever you are in the world. I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from today. I think I posted it here once before, a few months ago. “Something’s Gotten Hold of My Heart,” from the Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds cover album, Kicking Against the Pricks (1986). (Oh my god, 700 million people keep texting me. I am so serious. I really gotta close this and get to work here.) Okay, gang. Enjoy!! And thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya!!

I knew this chick was a liar, but come on….

May 7, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Yes, I’m sorry!!

I said I would be back here to post again yesterday but I lied.

But I’m here now, so let’s just move on! All righty??!!

Well, the sad news first: Today is that dreaded day that comes once every 3 months, when I have to go down into my super scary, 119-year-old unfinished basement and change the filter in my furnace.

I can’t tell you how much I don’t look forward to doing that. Even though, once I’m down there, it’s never as bad in reality as it is in my imagination. It’s just that forcing myself to go down those stairs at all is the really hard part.

Well, okay. Just had to stop and have a phone chat with the director of Tell My Bones. I was going to post here today about how happy I am with how the plans for the Zoom staged reading of the play are progressing!! So I will just go ahead and say that right now:

I’m really happy with how the plans for the Zoom staged reading of the play are progressing!!

I really am, gang. I am getting so excited. Even though it’s not the whole play, and all the music is being taken out to simplify the reading, you will still be able to get a good feel for the overall play. Plus, I personally can’t wait to start hearing actual people reciting the dialogue, you know??

Between the four years it’s taken me to adapt this play from the film script version, and then the few years that I was focused just on the film script version — that’s a long time to have this story in my head and never hear a single other soul speaking a single one of these lines of dialogue. So I am getting really excited.

The other good news, of course, is that they finished putting the new roof on my barn yesterday. And I am so happy, gang!! Unfortunately, the back alley and one segment of Basin Street are now littered with the bodies of neighbors who died from heart attacks yesterday afternoon because they didn’t think I was ever gonna fix that roof, but oh well. That’s the trade-off, I guess.

Of course, I jest! No one died. But I did indeed notice people noticing it, that’s for sure. So it is a huge relief for me to finally have that barn looking more presentable. It still needs re-painting, but the worst part of it is now over.

And not only am I starting to make some interesting progress on the new novel, Thug Luckless: Welcome to P-Town, that is making me feel really happy, but I am also coming into a new relationship with Blessed By Light, which is now indeed going to be officially titled The Guitar Hero Goes Home. (So, as of today, I will no longer be calling that novel by its old title, okay? Hopefully, it will not be too confusing.)

It’s really interesting how, having the virus completely gone now, is making my brain work again.

Valerie in Brooklyn sent me a link during the night to an article in a NYC newspaper, where they interviewed people who had recovered from the virus to find out what the virus had felt like. It is the darnedest thing — how differently it affected different people. But there were two people interviewed who had the exact same experiences that I had: mainly, the weight of an anvil on the lungs, inability to breathe, overwhelming fatigue, and inability to think straight. (I also had the loss of the senses of taste & smell.)

Anyway. It just feels so great to be back to normal. And also to be able to work out again. Yoga especially feels so good now.

All right, well, the day before yesterday, Nick Cave sent out another Red Hand Files letter. It was one of the sadder ones, where he replies to people who are struggling with the deaths of their own children and he talks about how he and his wife continue to manage their grief over the death of one of their sons. You can read what he says at the link there. It’s enlightening.

Well, it’s another beautiful day here, but a little chilly. I did make a quick trip into town yesterday to buy more groceries and — YES — to buy yard waste bags in order to start raking up all those dead leaves outside my backdoor. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll do it today or not, only because it’s cold out. Not because I’m (still !!!) being incredibly lazy.

I did notice, on the trip to town and back, that traffic is back to normal now around here. A lot of Ohio is coming out of lockdown, though not all of it. (And you still have to wear a mask pretty much anywhere you go.) But there was plenty of traffic. It’s no longer a ghost town anymore. And the gas prices are inching upwards. It felt good to see that. Although in the county where my dad lives, they are getting new confirmed cases of the virus every day. So the more populated urban areas of the State are still having issues. But it was good to see that for a lot of us, we are now entering that light at the end of the tunnel. For now.

Okay, I’m gonna close this because I want to get started on some writing and editing here today. I leave you with three options. My music-listening from last evening — an old song by Shaggy from 20 years ago (!!) that they play on TikTok constantly and the chorus always just cracks me up. Talk about infidelity, right? “It Wasn’t Me” (2000, from his album Hot Shot): “But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)/ Saw me bangin’ on the sofa (It wasn’t me)/ I even had her in the shower (It wasn’t me)/ She even caught me on camera (It wasn’t me)…” 😂

And then this morning, my breakfast-listening music was from an upcoming new album by Joshua Redman, Brad Mehldau, Christian McBride, and Brian Blade: Round Again. The song is “Right Back Round Again.”

And then this one will give you sort of an idea of what some of the music to Tell My Bones will eventually sound like!! This is a vintage recording from Smithsonian Folkways Records of Ella Jenkins and the Goodwill Spiritual Choir of the Monumental Baptist Church!

All righty. Thanks for visiting, gang. Have a great Thursday, wherever you are in the world. Enjoy that Super Flower Moon in Scorpio tonight!! Assuming you live with someone you don’t have to stay 6 feet away from, this is supposed to be a very, very sexy full moon, so enjoy those vibes! (Since I live alone and dearly love myself, perhaps tonight I will, I don’t know, take up smoking cigarettes again!! Yay!) (Remember that old joke about cigarettes and sex? HE: “Do you smoke after you do it? “ SHE: “I don’t know, I never looked.”)

Okay, on that happy note. I’m outta here. I love you guys. See ya!