Tag Archives: Bad Seed TeeVee 24h

Just Something Promising to Look At…

Well, the news continues to disturb and distress, doesn’t it, gang?

You know, if you aren’t American and have no idea where or what Minneapolis is — it always seemed to me to be a city that had a very open-minded and tolerant reputation. And it’s a northern city, to say the least. (Northern cities usually have a reputation of being more tolerant, in general, and Minneapolis is probably the largest northern city we have.) (Of course, I grew up in Cleveland, which is also a northern city, and all throughout my childhood, there were violent race riots and massive protests and the National Guard being sent in and fires set all over the place that destroyed lives, etc.)

I don’t know. Maybe Minneapolis’ reputation for tolerance was a little erroneous, or even subjective.  Or maybe the tension of the lockdown on top of the tragic, racially-charged killing, just caused the whole city to explode.

Just a great big horrible, awful mess. (And it’s interesting that so much of Instagram wants to blame Trump for what happened. I seem to recall all kinds of similar awfulness happening throughout Obama’s reign. And of course, I just mentioned how, nearly 60 years ago, this kind of awfulness was happening all the time, and Trump was still growing up out in Queens, so… It gets hard to follow the regrettable chain of ideas that springs simply from hate.)

A well-known writer from the rock & roll days that I follow on Instagram is a serious Trump hater.  Like, beyond your ability to comprehend. He blames Trump for absolutely everything imaginable. He even made a statement the other day that Trump dodged COVID 19 the same way that he dodged the Vietnam War. What the heck? This writer is old enough to have served in Vietnam, too, and didn’t, so, like why’s he even bringing that up?

I guess to give the impression that he’s blinded by hate.

And even though I’m not  a Republican — although I am definitely no longer a Democrat, since they became the Party of Supreme Intolerance — I have no issue with how Trump handled COVID 19.

During the peak of the crisis, even while I had the virus, I watched the President’s press conference every single night. The Federal Government seemed to be doing an amazing job of staying on top of the horror, daily — and it was intensely revealing to see how these alleged “journalists” would take the President’s answers to their intensely-politically-motivated questions and then turn the answers into headlines the following morning that were meant strictly to incite emotions and to not deliver actual facts.

I saw it happen again and again in the NY Times and with CNN — two news outlets that I used to swear by, you know? I saw it with my own eyes; heard it with my own ears: Wait, I saw that press conference and that’s not what the President said.

It was scary to see all that hate heaped into the NY-based news outlets by “journalists,” while all those New Yorkers were trapped in the quarantined epicenter and already struggling against so much tragedy caused by that Virus.  (New York City is also the epicenter of Trump-haters — followed closely by Los Angeles– so the headlines seemed to just be exacerbating the city’s fears.)

Anyway, here was this NYC-based rock & roll writer, spewing so much hate in his Instagram feed, while I was actually faring just fine with the Federal Government’s handling of the pandemic.

Because I’m a writer, I have to file a Schedule C every year with my taxes, meaning I am also responsible for paying for my own healthcare, at a premium rate.

Health insurance is ridiculously expensive in America — most Americans simply cannot afford it without assistance of some sort, myself included. And I don’t believe in health insurance — while I do believe that it is unconstitutional to force Americans, by law, to buy health insurance. That was Obama’s legacy, btw, and he was allegedly a Democrat (that I voted for) (but he was actually a Socialist).

Anyway, because Obama forced into law something that was unconstitutional, I joined a Christian healthcare cooperative, that costs me next to nothing every month and keeps me within the law.  But because we were in lockdown, the Federal Government started sending out special weekly payments to people like me who are alone and have to handle all kinds of expenses — i.e., ridiculously expensive health insurance — with next to know opportunities for money to come in until the lockdown is completely over.

Because of the Federal Government, I have survived just fine — but, then, I don’t have to pay for health insurance. The pandemic has been beyond “regrettable,” but Trump didn’t cause it — Trump, a Republican whom I didn’t vote for. (Whereas Obama, a Democrat whom I did vote for, did in fact create this horrible economic situation where Americans are forced by law to have health insurance that most of them cannot possibly afford, with or without the added awfulness of the pandemic.)

So it is, indeed, a great big mess for a lot of people right now. But I do honestly believe that a huge portion of the national media makes things a whole lot worse — purposely feeding people emotionally biased “news,” intentionally manipulating them, until feelings and facts have become hopelessly blurred.

And unfortunately, I have found that I did have to jettison CNN  and the NY Times, in order to find out what was actually going on in the world.

So, well, I guess that’s how I feel about that. (“And other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, did you enjoy the play?”)

Oh — and here’s something I realized the other day — when Abraham Lincoln was heading by train to Washington DC for his inauguration as President, he traveled on the Baltimore & Ohio rail lines, and stopped overnight at the Buxton Inn in Granville, Ohio. (The Buxton Inn is across the street from my beloved Granville Inn –itself a National Landmark, but nowhere near as old as the Buxton Inn.)

But it occurred to me the other day that, even though my house wasn’t here back then, the railroad tracks were, and Crazeysburg was already here, and I’m thinking that Lincoln’s train probably was on those very train tracks that are outside of my house! Just so cool, right?? (Assuming you don’t also hate Lincoln — a Republican– which I don’t.)

Well, all righty!! I know I try not to get political on this blog, but some days I just have to give in.  It really just gets to be too much sometimes — how all the faces change, and the sides rearrange and the issues have different names, but the bad news stays exactly the same.

Today is going to be full of thunderstorms, so that should be suitably dramatic and will see if my breathing becomes once again affected by the intense humidity of thunderstorms. I still have to do a ton of editing on Peitor’s new book. Then meet with him for a few hours over the phone and work on Abstract Absurdity Productions stuff. And then also do some more work on Letter #8 for Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse.

I’m guessing the day will be over in a heartbeat. Currently, I’m streaming Behind the Curtain — a movie made in 1929, which is technically a Charlie Chan movie, but I’m halfway through it and so far, Charlie Chan hasn’t put in an actual appearance. It’s more about Scotland Yard getting help from Charlie Chan, via overseas letters, in solving a local murder. It is actually a really good movie. And it’s “pre-Code” so it has its salacious elements right out front. No innuendo needed.

Okay. I’ll close this and get on with my day, gang.  Thanks for visiting.  I hope Friday is okay to you, wherever you are in the world. I leave you with something I happened to see on Bad Seed TeeVee last evening and then was reminded of on Instagram this morning! Rather timely, as it were. I sure hope the tragedy in Minneapolis can find some sort of balance before more people die and the whole city  goes up in flames. Okay. I love you guys. See ya.

“In The Ghetto”

As the snow flies
On a cold and grey Chicago morn
A poor little baby child is born in the ghetto

And his mama cries
Cause there’s one thing that she don’t need
Is another little hungry mouth to feed in the ghetto

Oh people don’t you understand
This child needs a helping hand
He’s gonna grow to be an angry young man some day
Take a look at you and me
Are we that blind to see?
Do we simply turn our heads and look the other way?

And the world turns
And the hungry little boy with the runny nose
Plays in the streets as the cold wind blows in the ghetto
And his hunger burns
So he starts to roam the streets at night
And he learns how to steal and he learns how to fight in the ghetto

Then one night in desperation
The young man breaks away
He buys a gun and steals a car
He tries to run but he don’t get far
And his mama cries
A crowd gathers round an angry young man
Face down in the street with a gun in his hand in the ghetto

Oh people don’t you understand
This child needs a helping hand
He’s gonna grow to be an angry young man some day
Take a look at you and me
Are we that blind to see?
Do we simply turn our heads and look the other way?

And as her young man dies
On a cold and grey Chicago morn
Another little baby child is born in the ghetto

c – 1969 Mac Davis

Summer is Basically Here, Gang!!

Yesterday was just amazing! Such a beautiful day. I was able to keep the windows open all through the night.

And for me, nothing beats that feeling of waking up just before dawn to wide-open windows. All that fresh air.  All those birds singing. All that peace.

Loyal readers of this lofty blog no doubt recall that I am in love with the silver maple tree in front of my house. My house is 119-years-old and I’m guessing the tree is about the same age — it is easily twice as tall as my house.

The front part of my house is totally shaded by the tree — including my bedroom. Here is a view of the tree right now, as I’m leaning out from one of my bedroom windows and trying to look up. I’d say this is still only, maybe, 1/4 of the way up the tree.

My silver maple. God only knows how many people have been shaded by this tree in this bedroom over the past century.

My house is what’s called a “salt box” style house, so the front of it is flat — straight up and down. The ceilings inside are high, so the second story, where the two bedrooms are, is up pretty high.  It’s very difficult to see into the windows of the second story from outside — you have to be pretty far down the street to do that. In the summertime, the tree makes it just about impossible to see up into the windows from any angle, yet I still have an amazing view of the outside because the windows are really tall. All of the main windows in the house (10 out of 21 of them) are 6-ft, 4-inches tall.

The combined amount of privacy I get in my room from the enormous tree and the old-fashioned style of the house is kind of magical, gang.

Just one of the many reasons why I love living here. (And also why I hate raking leaves now — there are just a ton of them in the fall. It’s insane. I used to love the meditative process of raking leaves in autumn, but now it’s like — you’re kidding, right??!! Jesus.)

Okay!!!

Another great thing that happened yesterday — I sat down at my desk to do some more editing on The Guitar Hero Goes Home, and suddenly — and I mean truly from out of nowhere — Letter# 8 for Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse started to come out!!

I mean, it was not even on my mind, in the slightest way. And suddenly the words started coming. A whole stream of them.

I was literally in the process of editing Chapter 7 of the Guitar Hero, when a bunch of words came into my head. And they were kind of provocative, so I stopped what I was doing and wrote them down in my notebook. But suddenly a bunch more words came out, and a title: “The Choice to Kill.”

And I was, like — whoa; this is Letter #8 for Girl in the Night.

In total, about 8 paragraphs came out all at once. So I stopped editing Guitar Hero and gave my attention to Girl in the Night: Erotic Love Letters to the Muse. I hope to have it finished today but it’s kind of an intense section (as perhaps the title of it implies) so I’m not sure how long it will really take me.

I hadn’t even thought about Girl in the Night since February (when I wrote Letters #6 & 7) because I was so busy revising the play (Tell My Bones) at that point. And then, of course, I got completely wiped out by the coronavirus for nearly 2 months.

So this is exciting, gang.

(That whole time I was sick, I really struggled with thoughts that I was never going to write again. And so, now, to have it just spring up again — feels like old times!!)

Okay. Well, today is Bob Dylan’s 79th birthday. And in honor of that event, I went over to YouTube to find a song to post here for the occasion. However, I can never log onto YouTube without first checking to see what’s playing on Bad See TeeVee. 

This morning, I logged on just in time to hear Warren Ellis give an impromptu commercial for the channel over the phone, while, visually, there were these great little animated line drawings of Warren and Nick Cave “dancing” provocatively in their Y-fronts.

(That’s why I can’t ever get onto YouTube without checking Bad Seed TeeVee first, because you just never know what the heck you’ll be looking at!)

And then it went into the video for “Red Right Hand”, which is just so great — the video as well as the song (from the incredible Let Love In album, 1994). So I’m going to leave you with that song today, in addition to a Bob Dylan song, in honor of his 79th birthday.

I have chosen a song of Dylan’s that I absolutely LOVE — it won the Oscar in 2001 for Best Original Song — from the movie Wonder Boys, which I also totally love — to pieces!! (I think most writers loved that movie; it really captured just how fucking insane it is to be a writer, and also to struggle with the politics of academia, if you ended up choosing that route.) (I didn’t. I was always just a “hit the ground running” kind of writer, hoping I wouldn’t starve to death…) (I didn’t.)

All righty!! So, as the sun shines in on me, I’m going to close this now and get going. Have a great Sunday, wherever you are in the world — and continue to enjoy the holiday weekend if you live Stateside! Thanks for visiting, gang. I love you guys. See ya!

“Things Have Changed”
(from “Wonder Boys” soundtrack)

A worried man with a worried mind
No one in front of me and nothing behind
There’s a woman on my lap and she’s drinking champagne
Got white skin, got assassin’s eyes
I’m looking up into the sapphire-tinted skies
I’m well dressed, waiting on the last train

Standing on the gallows with my head in a noose
Any minute now I’m expecting all hell to break loose

[Chorus:]
People are crazy and times are strange
I’m locked in tight, I’m out of range
I used to care, but things have changed

This place ain’t doing me any good
I’m in the wrong town, I should be in Hollywood
Just for a second there I thought I saw something move
Gonna take dancing lessons, do the jitterbug rag
Ain’t no shortcuts, gonna dress in drag
Only a fool in here would think he’s got anything to prove

Lot of water under the bridge, lot of other stuff too
Don’t get up gentlemen, I’m only passing through

[Chorus]

I’ve been walking forty miles of bad road
If the Bible is right, the world will explode
I’ve been trying to get as far away from myself as I can
Some things are too hot to touch
The human mind can only stand so much
You can’t win with a losing hand

Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet
Putting her in a wheelbarrow and wheeling her down the street

[Chorus]

I hurt easy, I just don’t show it
You can hurt someone and not even know it
The next sixty seconds could be like an eternity
Gonna get low down, gonna fly high
All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie
I’m in love with a woman who don’t even appeal to me

Mr. Jinx and Miss Lucy, they jumped in the lake
I’m not that eager to make a mistake

[Chorus]

c – 2000 Bob Dylan

Finally!! Real Life!!

Yes, that’s me!! In my real life!!

Well, I mean, minus all those people. Just the yard work. That’s my real life.

Yes, I spent 4 hours at it yesterday. And I was already at it this morning for two more hours. But at least the backyard is now  done.

It filled ten 30-gallon yard waste bags. And, yes, I’m exhausted. And, yes, I can no longer breathe again, and, yes, I’m thinking I will have the residuals of COVID 19 for the rest of my fucking life. But oh well. I can’t just wait around and let the yard just get utterly insane.

And my new lawn care guy came yesterday!! Yay. The old one is no longer even replying to my texts. So I guess that’s that. But I did manage to find a new guy who lives only a few blocks away, and all he does for a living is grounds maintenance, so he’s not gonna disappear on me. And the lawn looks great!!

And all the neighbors were out last evening, celebrating my beautiful lawn!! They were having cookouts, and smoking reefer, and riding their bikes, and walking their many dogs, and playing on their bouncy trampoliney-type things!! And — well, maybe they were just celebrating the awesome weather last evening, plus it was  a Saturday night. Maybe it had nothing at all to do with my grass having finally been cut. But still.  My at last normal-looking lawn made me feel incredibly happy last evening, and it was just a beautiful night.

I was upstairs collapsed on my bed during all of it, barely able to breathe, but all the windows were open, and there was a warm breeze, and the sounds of the neighborhood and the birds singing were wafting up through the windows. And I was streaming a really great old movie from 1937 — Think Fast, Mr. Moto, starring the inimitable Peter Lorre. So I really was very happy.

And all the weeds out back by the barn and by the old dead tree are gone now. And all that’s left to do around here is get rid of a small amount of dead leaves around the front porch, but I won’t have anymore yard waste bags until Tuesday, so I’m done for now.

And the porch furniture is all washed down and ready for summer. All that’s left to do is buy the flowers and put them in the flower boxes and get them out on the porches and then summer can begin.

Interestingly enough, though, my barn door is now lying down flat on the ground. It finally completely fell off the (extremely old) rollers. I think, in all honestly, the rollers were from the 1930s or so — really old. Rusted. And after Kevin and I struggled with it on Wednesday, the rollers finally gave way completely. So the incredibly HEAVY barn door, was sort of propped up against the opening when Kevin left here on Wednesday.

Here’s what it used to look like when the rollers still worked. Yesterday morning, I discovered the door had fallen backwards and is now lying flat on the ground. Thank god it’s still on my property and not hanging out in the alley, because I cannot budge it. It weighs a ton!

So I have yet another project that needs a chainsaw and no one to do the job, even if/when I buy the chainsaw. So, rather than sell the house and move away, I’m just going to ignore the whole thing for the time being and hope that my neighbors will just continue to bear with me, as little by little and inch by inch, I try to get this place back in shape.

Okay! A quick bird update!! I’ve got one starling still sitting on her nest in the eaves outside my backdoor, but I have three other nests in various places around my roof where the eggs have hatched and now lots of busy mommies are flying back & forth, trying to keep everybody fed. And the nests that have baby starlings in them have those amazingly eerie sounds coming from them — those sounds that hungry baby starlings make, which sound like they come from another planet or something.  They definitely do not “cheep” like other baby birds. But it makes me so happy to have so much life around here.

All righty. Well, the COVID 19 business — I did read how Vitamin D was helping people recover more quickly, so I bought a high dosage Vitamin D supplement the other day and it does seem to be helping. (Doing tons of labor-intensive yard work did not seem to help, however. So, luckily, that’s over for now.) But I cannot tell you how sick and tired I am of all this. Except for the continued breathing issues, I feel totally fine. But the breathing issues are unbelievably annoying. So I’m hopeful that the Vitamin D supplements will finally make it just go away for real. It’s been 2 months now that I’ve been dealing with this damn virus.

And speaking of annoying things — I did finally unfollow the Keanu hashtag on Instagram and my feed hasn’t changed all that much. The only difference is that I no longer get 700 million photos of Keanu all day long. (Even though some of those photos were really nice.) But perhaps, over time, other more interesting things will now have room to make their ways into my feed. We shall see!

And as for non-annoying things! This little village of Crazeysburg is a really nice place to live. It honestly is. And even though the village is tiny, and only about 1300 people live here, and even though we seem to be lost in some long ago time warp (or perhaps because of that), when a house goes up for sale or up for rent now, in a heartbeat, the house is once again occupied.  Even during this pandemic, where life, in general, is supposed to stop.  A house on my street went up for rent on Thursday and I noticed last evening, that someone was already moving in. It’s kind of incredible, really. Especially since nobody I know has ever even heard of this place…

Other than that — well, I guess that’s it. If I can regain some energy here, I will hopefully get some more editing done on The Guitar Hero Goes Home. If I can’t regain my energy, I guess I’ll just hang out in bed for awhile and stream some more Mr. Moto movies on YouTube. I love those movies. Peter Lorre was such an incredibly watchable actor. And when those run out, I’ll switch over to Bad Seed TeeVee !! (There does seem to be a lot of new content in that stream, btw.)

It is such an amazingly beautiful day here today that whatever I end up doing or not doing, I know I’m going to be really happy.

Thanks for visiting, gang. I hope your Sunday is just as lovely for you, wherever you are in the world. I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from today. Another very old song, and another very favorite song of mine from my wee bonny teenage-girlhood, growing up in Ohio (also known as Bruce Springsteen country).

This song still breaks my heart — it is just so American. But it is nearly 50 years old already. I’m guessing parts of America (certainly Ohio is) are still like this, what this song depicts — especially in the summertime. I listened to it this morning and could not believe how old it already was. Where the fuck did the time go??!!

All righty. Well, I leave you with “4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)”, by Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band, from their now legendary album, The Wild, the Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle (1973). Enjoy, gang, and have a wonder-filled day!! I love you guys. See ya.

“4th Of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)”

Sandy the fireworks are hailin’
Over Little Eden tonight
Forcin’ a light into all those stony faces
Left stranded on this warm July

Down in the town the circuit’s
Full of switchblade lovers
So fast so shiny so sharp
As the wizards play
Down on Pinball Way
On the boardwalk way past dark

And the boys from the casino dance with their shirts open
Like Latin lovers on the shore
Chasin’ all them silly New York virgins by the score

And Sandy the Aurora is risin’ behind us
Its pier lights our carnival life forever
Oh, love me tonight for I may never
See you again
Hey Sandy girl
Na na baby

Now the greasers
Ah they tramp the streets or get busted
For sleeping on the beach all night
Them boys in their high heels
Ah Sandy their skins are so white

And me I just got tired of hangin’ in them dusty arcades
Bangin’ them pleasure machines
Chasin’ the factory girls underneath the boardwalk
Where they all promise to unsnap their jeans

You know that tilt-a-whirl down on the south beach drag
I got on it last night and my shirt got caught
And they kept me spinnin’
Didn’t think I’d ever get off

Oh Sandy the Aurora is risin’ behind us
Its pier lights our carnival life on the water
Runnin’ underneath the boardwalk oh with the boss’s daughter
I remember Sandy girl
Na na na na na baby

Sandy that waitress I was seeing lost her desire for me
I spoke with her last night
She said she won’t set herself on fire for me anymore

She worked that joint under the boardwalk
She was always the girl you saw bopping down the beach with the radio
The kids say last night she was dressed like a star
In one of them cheap little seaside bars
And I saw her parked with lover boy out on the Kokomo

Did you hear the cops finally busted Madame Marie
For tellin’ fortunes better than they do
For me this boardwalk life’s through
Babe you oughta quit this scene too

Sandy the Aurora’s rising behind us
Its pier lights our carnival life forever
Oh love me tonight and I promise I’ll love you forever

Oh I mean it Sandy girl! Na nah na nah na na baby
Yeah, I promise Sandy girl, sha la la la la baby

© 1973 Bruce Springsteen

Let’s Just Knock It Out of the Park Today!!

Okay?? Okay!!

We’re gonna make it a great day (because it’s kind of, like, sucking right now and I refuse to allow the whole darn day to be ruined) !!

It’s gorgeous here today. So sunny, it is amazing. Still too chilly & damp to rake leaves (darn it), but we’re getting there.

Okay, yesterday was weird. I waited all day for Peitor to call because we were supposed to work on Abstract Absurdity Productions stuff. And I also waited all day for Valerie to call, because we were going to work on the book cover design for The Guitar Hero Goes Home.

While waiting on everybody, hour upon hour, I did manage to get a bunch of housecleaning done.  Had my lunch. Had my dinner. Finally gave up on everyone at around 5:30pm, closed the laptop and decided to stream a movie down in the kitchen.

At that point, Peitor texted to say he could call me in about 2 hours… Meaning around 7:30pm my time (Eastern Time).

Even people who know me really well never seem to remember that I’m up and out of bed and starting my days at 5am.  By 7:30 at night, I’m not usually feeling like: All righty!! Let’s get started here!! You know? I’m starting to get contemplative and thinking about the Universe and the nature of reality and getting into a general “I wonder what it’s gonna feel like after I die” frame of mind. I’m way into my own zone.

And then Valerie texted at 8pm (and she’s even in my same time zone) to say that she’d lost track of the time…

So that was how work went yesterday. I’m feeling like something similar will happen today, but we’ll just see. I’m going to try to just focus on my own writing and not get into that mental space of waiting around on phone calls.

I also decided to release the experience of Booty Core from my life!! At least, for now. I just don’t like it. I decided that I want to maybe do tai-chi in the morning, and still do yoga in the evenings, and see if my hip joints do okay with that. And if they do, goodbye to Booty Core forever.

Mostly, I just can’t stand that curvy Booty Core look. I really can’t. And I have tried to be open-minded about it, embrace the possibility of a new physical shape, but I simply come from a whole other era. And I’d still rather look like I’ve been smoking and doing amphetamines all day than look like I’ve spent the whole day in the gym….

I’m just a 1970s kind of gal.

So.

The main thing that’s kind of playing with my head here this morning is that my dad announced (to me – although I think my stepsister already knew this) that he wants to move to Florida. Not only that, but he’s already looking at potential properties. and not only that, but I get the feeling that the thing he sent me in the mail last week — to choose which of his art pieces I was interested in having in the event of his death or in case he had to downsize and go into a nursing home — was actually part of his wanting to move to Florida but he hadn’t said it yet.

Plus, he wants to move to northern Florida which is sort of a weird part of Florida to want to move to when you’re 90, so it makes me think he wants to live closer to my stepsister and her husband and their kids. He has always had a really good relationship with them, and also I think it would help him feel like my stepmom was still in his life in some way.  To have that part of “his family” closer to him again now that she’s gone.

I honestly don’t believe that anybody owes anyone anything in life. I mean, ideally, I have a way I would love life to be. But still, I believe it all comes down to choices. Making choices that have value to us, individually, and not based on what we might think we “owe” people, because we just have our lives to live, you know? And if they aren’t meaningful lives, then being here, living something meaningless, helps no one.

So I don’t really feel I have anything I can really say about this.  He’ll be 90 in a handful of weeks. He should live a life that makes him happy. I honestly believe that, and I’ve always tried my best to accept that his being happy didn’t usually involve me. You just can’t force things, right? What is the point in that?

Even though it makes me really sad — it makes me feel defeated more than anything else — I just don’t want that to set the tone for my entire day today.  I am trying to get into a better place about it.  So we’ll see how that goes.

Nick Cave sent out a Red Hand Files letter- thingy this morning that was very interesting. About one of his songs that I love (“Night raid”), and a specific song lyric that has put in a number of appearances in other things he’s written over the years and I guess — if he dies, like, today — it will be on his tombstone, too. And he also talked about the overall plans for Bad Seed TeeVee, which continues to expand and blossom into all kinds of videos clips — not just songs but interviews and all kinds of stuff.

Okay, I’m gonna do some tai-chi here and see if that transcends my morning into something way more productive than, I don’t know, thoughts of suicide, I guess.

I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from today — which is usually a song I play when I am thinking about committing suicide. But I do not believe he intended this song to be used for that!

I’ve posted this song here a bunch of times — Tom Petty’s song “Only A Broken Heart” from his wildly multi-platinum album, Wildflowers, from 1994. Even though he wrote this song because he was wanting to divorce his first wife and couldn’t figure out how to do that — and even though when he finally did figure out how to do that, it destroyed him for awhile, turning him into a reclusive heroin addict, etc. (and the creator of the album Echo (1999) — an intensely beautiful but very difficult album to listen to). His decision did eventually open up his whole life, and made it possible for him and his second wife, Dana, to fall in love and get married and enabled him to write probably his most accomplished songs/albums in his 40-year career.

So. The point is not to focus on how terrible things feel today, but focus more on how change can open up all sorts of amazing possibilities down the road. It’s just that maybe you can’t see it just yet. (Meaning “me”, of course — not necessarily “you”.)

With that in mind, have a good Tuesday, wherever it finds you, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang! I love you. So much. See ya.

“Only A Broken Heart”

Here comes that feeling I’ve seen in your eyes
Back in the old days, before the hard times
But I’m not afraid anymore
It’s only a broken heart

I know the place where you keep your secrets
Out of the sunshine, down in a valley
But I’m not afraid anymore
It’s only a broken heart

What would I give, to start all over again
To clean up my mistakes

Stand in the moonlight, stand under heaven
Wait for an answer, hold out forever
But don’t be afraid anymore
It’s only a broken heart

What would I give, to start all over again
To clean up my mistakes

I know your weakness, you’ve seen my dark side
The end of the rainbow is always a long ride
But I’m not afraid anymore
It’s only a broken heart

© 1994 Tom Petty

Help Me!! Please!!

Okay, now this totally sucks!!

There is now a 24 hour Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds stream on YouTube. And it’s totally addicting. (Bad Seeds TeeVee). I have stuff I need to do, you know? I need to lie around and stare out the window and sometimes read. I have to scroll mindlessly through silly cat & dog videos on TikTok. I have to scroll through Instagram.  Watch 9-minute episodes of “Agua Donkeys” on Quibi.

In fact, I even have to write this blog post and I keep switching over to the window that is now always running Bad Seeds TeeVee

I can already see that this is sort of going to become a problem.

All right. I paused it.

Good news on the Amish front! He is coming next week to discuss my roof options and then we will proceed from there. (I can’t decide whether I want another metal roof, or a shingle roof.) I am so excited, gang! A new roof on my barn. Finally. After two years of living here, already. God bless those high winds that removed segments of my roof for me and blew them off into my backyard, or I would probably have just kept putting it off.

Plus, last week, from one of my bedroom windows, I watched a house across the street get a beautiful new roof. And I mean, it is a beautiful roof. And the roofers did it in under two days. And I just sort of watched their speedy progress, and I watched the gorgeous roof become a reality. And I thought to myself, Oh god, that is what I need for my barn! I have got to do something about this. Where are the Amish when you need them?!

Of course, my barn is the fraction of the size of a house. It’s a small horse & buggy barn. The side where the horse used to be kept is now more of a garage, but the insides of the barn are exactly as they were when it was built in 1910.

The side that was meant for the buggy is where I want to put together a sort of potting shed. I store all my gardening stuff in there in a sort of heap right now (including my beloved rake (!!) which I am going to have to actually use once I can safely start moving around again). The raccoons got in there during the winter and pushed through some of the wooden slats of the outside wall. They didn’t actually do any damage, they just loosened the boards. So it has to be fixed up a little bit, but I am getting there. Finally. And I am super excited!! I love that barn.

I am now on Day 4 of feeling almost better. In fact, yesterday, since I went into town to get groceries, I obviously got dressed and then I stayed dressed for the entire day. That was the first time in 21 days that I actually was able to stay out of bed for the whole day. So I am indeed getting better.

I am sure hoping this breathing problem is not going to last for the rest of my life. It feels like it will, though. It’s a little discouraging.

My biological dad lost half of one of his lungs in the Vietnam War. He was injured on a flame thrower during a skirmish on the Mekong Delta.  And especially in the mornings, he had trouble breathing. I  always think about that now and I wonder how he stood it for all those years. (Plus, he kept right on smoking. I can’t even imagine it.)

Well, exciting news on the Tell My Bones front, regarding the staged reading now moving to the Zoom platform. The director and I had another long chat on the phone this morning, regarding his ideas and some technical people he wants to bring on board. I am feeling really positive about it. I’m going to have to do some minor editing to the script — just to scale it back for a reading. No actual rewrites. But I am pleased to announce that I will not be involved in any of the on-camera stuff for the Zoom reading. The director will handle all the on-camera stage directions, background info, etc.

I have no problems being on an actual stage, but I hate to be photographed, and even worse — I hate being on video in any way. I just can’t stand it. It makes me nuts. So I feel doubly excited that this reading can get pulled together with my staying completely in the background. It is a huge relief to me.

And all of that stuff is going to start coming together this weekend. Isn’t that insane, how quickly things get pulled together? (We still don’t have any actors yet besides Sandra.  I just mean the technical stuff is going to be pulled together over the weekend.)

Well, I guess that’s kind of it. It’s Friday, which is usually an Abstract Absurdity Productions day, but we haven’t worked in over a week, so I don’t know if we’ll work today or not. I just sort of leave it up to Peitor right now. And of course eventually, I’m going to have to get back to working on that website — which technically I can do now, since I no longer have to stay in bed all day.

Okay, well! I’m gonna scoot. I hope your Friday is a  good one, all things considered, wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with my breakfast-listening music. I am a huge fan of all the early Emmylou Harris records. I know them backwards & forwards; every note, every nuance. She sang with some incredible musicians back then; worked with incredible songwriters. “If I Could Only Win Your Love” is an old song, written by the Louvin Brothers. It was on her Pieces of the Sky album, from 1975. Enjoy, gang. She sings like a country angel!! Okay. I love you guys. See ya.

“If I Could Only Win Your Love”

If I could only win your love
I’d make the most of everything
I’d proudly wear your wedding ring
My heart would never stray when you’re away

If I could only win your love
I’d give my all to make it live
You’ll never know how much I’d give
If I could only win your love

Oh how can I ever say
How I crave your love when you’re gone away
Oh how can I ever show
How I burn inside when you hold me tight

If I could only win your love
I’d give my all to make it live
You’ll never know how much I’d give
If I could only win your love

Oh how can I ever say
How I crave your love when your gone away
Oh how can I ever show
How I burn inside when you hold me tight

If I could only win your love
I’d give my all to make it live
You’ll never know how much I give
If I could only win your love

© 1958 Charles & Ira Louvin