The Best Way to Live Life!

November 6, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Yes, I mean, of course — don’t watch the news!

Yesterday (and this morning) I have simply steered clear of the news. I know darn well that if there is something I really, really need to know about, it will get my attention.

Otherwise, I decided to just enjoy my really lovely day yesterday.

The weather was simply awesome. And promises to be the same today. I took a really beautiful walk to the post office — and mailed out my many promotional postcards for the online reading of Tell My Bones, coming up in 17 days. Something that has been in the works for nearly 14 months, is now only 17 days away. I honestly can’t believe it.

However, it is true. And I got a copy of the rehearsal schedules for the actors yesterday. A thing like that makes it feel more and more real, gang.

And I truly hope you are planning to watch it – whether on the night of the premiere (RSVP here), or during the days following. I really want you to see it!! Plus, I promised I would love you forever if you watched it, so you might want to weigh that very carefully… (Because on the day when I accept my Pulitzer Prize for Tell My Bones, you can say to your friends: “That girl there, getting that Pulitzer — she promised to love me forever.” It will feel really nice.)

Okay, this morning, on Instagram, there was a really cute video by Cave Things of the tee shirts you can buy that are designed by Nick Cave. If you are a member of Instagram, you can watch the video here. It’s about 15 seconds long.

Other than that, right now on Instagram, I try really, really hard to only look at photos and videos of alpacas, birds, intensely unusual insects, goats, baby sheep, baby cows, and panoramic nature shots. Otherwise, there is just too much intensity out there right now, and I need to hugely filter all of it. I can handle reality in very, very small doses only. And those small doses of reality are accompanied by an intake of CBD oil — my new best friend. So, all is well.

My friend Kevin is indeed back from Montana. However, the Village of Crazeysburg has decided to tear up the road and do construction at the corner of Basin Street and Frazier Alley, which is the exact corner where my barn is located. So Kevin cannot get his vintage 1965 VW camper van out of my barn yet. But I have been able to talk to him on the phone, and he might even stop over just to say hello. Which would be so nice. (He lives 20 miles away, so it’s not like he can just stroll over.)

And in the meantime, my whole street is blocked off and I get to look at quite a number of very attractive young road-construction workers! So it could be worse.

Well, I did not get anything new done on “Novitiate” yesterday, however I did read over that erotic short story, “Score,” that is a finalist in the Volonte short story contest. I had not read it since I’d written it, back in August. So it was that feeling, like — who wrote this? I don’t remember this.

My usual intense, crazy erotic story. However, this one is actually short — under 2000 words. It will eventually be published (in English) by Volonte, so I will keep you posted. (They are out of Sweden, but this is all part of the English-language website.)

So I am managing to stay really happy, gang. Just focusing on the personal things, trying to keep the larger scope of the world out of my field of vision for right now. Because I know that, at any moment, everything could explode. Including the virus, which is starting to reach Code Red again in nearby counties.

So just taking it one moment at a time here. I know that a lot of my readers are in lockdown again. I hope that you are finding ways to pass the time and that you aren’t struggling in some sort of awful way.

Here, over the last couple of months, things have skirted the edge of being really dire, but then eased up again. But I do know how it feels to run out of food, run out of money, worry about keeping my house and my car. However, through the grace of others, everything improved at the final moment here, but I do know how it feels. Even in a county that has been blessed by very low numbers of the virus, we have also dealt with the financial blows of the pandemic.

However, today is shaping up to be another really good day. I hope it is feeling likewise for you, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting. Take care of yourselves!! I leave you with the song that was singing in my head the moment my eyes sprang open this morning at 4:17am — “Good Good Day,” (2001) by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds. I’ve posted it here before, but here it is again! From off of their 2005 collection, B-Sides & Rarities. Enjoy, gang. I love you guys. Have a nice Friday. See ya.

“Good Good Day”

See the little cloud up in the sky
It’s a good good day today
See the little cloud pass on by
It’s a good good day today
Mary comes now, let Mary be
Can you see her down on the street?
Mary’s laughing ’cause Mary sees
That she’s a-wearin’ that dress for me

There can be times
Yeah… When all things come together
Yeah… Under a clear sky and you can believe
Yeah… You hold your breath for this moment
Yeah… But do not breathe for this day I know
Is a good day, yes I know
It’s a good day, yeah I know
Today…
Hear her feet skipping up the stairs
It’s a good good day today
She is the answer to all of my prayers
It’s a good good day today
Mary comes now, she don’t knock
‘Cause she’s runnin’ on her own little clock
Mary’s laughing ’cause Mary knows
That this day was made for us
And any fool knows… yeah
And any fool sees
That the future… yeah
Is a-down on its knees
But let ’em all cry, let ’em weep
Let those tears roll down their cheeks

‘Cause I can believe in the one
That is standing in front of me
Oh this day, don’t you know
Is a good day, yes I know
It’s a good day, I told you so
Today…
See her breasts how they rise and fall
It’s a good good day today
And she knows I’ve used that line before
It’s a good good day today
Mary’s laughing, she don’t mind
‘Cause she knows she’s one of a kind
Mary’s happy just to be
Standing next to me
And any fool knows
Yeah…
That the wind always blows
Something to someone
Yeah…
Once in a while, so let it rain, let it fall
Let the wind howl through your door
‘Cause right now for this moment
I’ll forever be
Standing next to her
On this day, which I know
Is a good day, yeah I know
Oh, it’s a good day, I told you so
Today…

A Beautiful Morning

November 5, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 2 Comments

Even while the last several days have been really harrowing in my personal life — not even counting the Internet going out! — I am super happy to announce that my erotic short story, “Score,” that I wrote back in August, was announced as a finalist this morning in the Volonte erotic short story contest.

It was just the little boost of joy I needed to hear.

“Score” is a gay male erotic short story, which is not my usual genre, so it made me doubly-happy.

And the gay male characters in the story are video gamers in their early twenties, which is not part of my general stomping ground anymore, so that made me triply-happy.

So. That news made it a lot easier to leap out of bed with a little bounce today.

I will steer clear of the unsettled election stuff on this blog if at all possible, but rest assured it has almost my complete attention. Although today, I am going to try to redirect my concentration back to working on “Novitiate,” ( the new erotic short story in progress).

(However, I will direct you to Balladeer’s Blog post from post-election morning, for some very interesting facts & comments. You will find the numbers illuminating. Truly. You will. And if you get actual news coverage (meaning if you don’t live in the United States of America) and you see all the stories about voter fraud, and mysterious weirdness with thousands of absentee mail-in ballots appearing and/or disappearing, and places like Wisconsin having 110,000 more votes cast than actual registered voters… And you see that record numbers of Latinos, African-Americans, Jews, and white women abandoned the Democratic Party and voted Republican. And also that Republicans swept the House of Representatives and the Senate and State Governorships, you will likely think: Hmmm. I wonder why a Republican didn’t sweep the Presidency, as well?)

Indeed.

So. [No! That was not me posting about politics on my own blog; I was posting about the politics on Balladeer’s blog…]

ALL RIGHTY!!

Today is shaping up to be a very good day. At least weather-wise. I’m going to make a trip to the post office to mail out my promotional postcards announcing the staged reading of Tell My Bones.

Please don’t forget to RSVP for the premiere of the reading. It is FREE!

Visit this link and register: tellmybones.eventbrite.com

And I will love you forever!

Again, this is a staged reading, not an actual performance of the play, but the talent on board is incredible, gang. please don’t miss it!

Okay, I’m gonna scoot. Got laundry going on here right now and I also want more coffee. What could be better on this sunny Thursday morning? I hope all is well in your part of the world today.

I leave you with nothing today, because I haven’t really been listening to very much — my personal life really had my complete attention and it completely exhausted me. (This had nothing to do with politics, btw.) So I’ll just say thanks for visiting! And I love you guys. See ya!

Life Goes On

November 4, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Indeed, it does.

I have to say, it was a very interesting feeling, having no Internet access in my house for the first time in a really long time. Just that reminder about how much of my life is now online. But also how quiet it is when there is no Internet.

It is a somber day here in the US, of course.

All I will say is that these last 4 years –even while I didn’t vote for Trump in 2016 — were the best years of my life here in America. I could easily afford a home. I could afford my taxes. I could afford to lease a nice car. Absolutely everyone I knew had access to good jobs. Everyone’s income flowed.

And the other thing I’m going to say is that Nixon was impeached over far less criminal behavior than the allegations looming in Senate Investigative reports over Hillary, Biden, and Obama. But the people vote for them anyway.

I’ll also say that it was a frightening feeling, to wake up this morning in an allegedly free country and not have access to any actual news. And my Internet has been completely restored, so it’s not that the devices I own can’t receive news, it’s that for the first time in my lifetime here in the US, I could not access any real news on a decidedly important morning.

Scary shit.

Let’s just hope that whichever powers end up being in charge, they won’t renew their antagonism towards pornographers.

I hope you are all having a good day, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya.

“American Girl”

Well, she was an American girl
Raised on promises
She couldn’t help thinkin’ that there
Was a little more to life somewhere else
After all, it was a great big world
With lots of places to run to
And if she had to die tryin’
She had one little promise she was gonna keepOh yeah, all right
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night (Make it last all night)
She was an American girl

Well, it was kind of cold that night
She stood alone on her balcony (Ooh)
Yeah, she could hear the cars roll by
Out on 441 like waves crashin’ on the beach
And for one desperate moment there
He crept back in her memory
God, it’s so painful when something that is so close
Is still so far out of reach

Oh yeah, all right
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night (Make it last all night)
She was an American girl (Ooh)

Well Unfortunately

November 2, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

My Internet is out for the next 36 hours….

I just discovered, though, that the bank’s parking lot has excellent WiFi!!! However, much as I’d like to, I can’t live in the bank’s parking lot. So I will see you guys on Wednesday!!

Enjoy your days in the meantime and thanks for visiting! I love you guys. See ya! 🌹

A Cold Rainy November Day in Crazeysburg!!

November 1, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis 2 Comments

Tonight, it’s going to get really cold — colder than it’s been so far — so I’m guessing the petunias are not going to survive much longer. Although it’s been truly amazing how well they’ve been doing so far.

The morning glories died out with that first frost we had several weeks ago. So the petunias are really just so hardy.

I spoke with Valerie for a while yesterday and she said that her petunias are still blooming, too. (In Brooklyn — 500 miles away from here.) So maybe it’s just the way petunias are.

Plus, as she and I were talking, all the many little trick-or-treaters were out and about, heading to the town hall to get their candy (yes — the very same town hall that Nick Cave steadfastly refused to hold a Conversation in last year, even though at least fourteen people would have showed up!!) (And because I not only staked my reputation on how great the show would be, and all 14 Crazeysburgers were so severely disappointed by his no-show that they will not speak to me anymore, plus I had even ordered a really nice Fazoli grand piano from Italy to have in the town hall for him and I had to put $238,000 on my credit card — anyway, because of that, I am forced to post this photo of Nick Cave here on the blog):

Of course, I am just kidding about all of that.

And not only am I just kidding, but I also digress.

So.

While Valerie and I were talking on the phone, and while all the many, many trick-or-treaters and their moms and dads were heading to the town hall to get their candy, they were forced to wade through an unbelievably enormous amount of dead leaves that have accumulated on my front side walk, and I felt really guilty because of my “No-Raking” policy (which is also an “I’m too lazy to rake” policy)…

And so Valerie convinced me that I should get a leaf blower/vacuum/mulcher like she has!

She guarantees they are easy to handle, they are now electric, and often even cordless. And lightweight.

I had no idea about this because in the old days, they were super noisy and ran on gasoline. But Valerie has convinced me that all that has changed and so I will stop into the Home Depot next week and see what’s in stock. They are super affordable now, too. (For instance, I can buy 3,553 leaf blowers for what I spent on that Fazoli grand piano…)

Oh my god. Okay! The coolest thing happened to me yesterday.

It was a gorgeous day here. A little cool but just so sunny and just so perfect for the last Saturday in October. And I decided to go to Subway (a fast food sandwich place — we have a Subway and a Dairy Queen here in Crazeysburg) to buy my lunch/dinner. Because they have vegetarian options there that are actually good and sometimes I just get so tired of eating the same darn healthy organic non-GMO things over and over and over and over…

And so I walked past the house where the cute teenage blond boy who has the motorcycle lives. And two men were in the driveway working under the hood of a white pickup truck. And one of the men was an older, nearly exact-replica of the teenage boy… I don’t know if it’s his dad or maybe an uncle or what, because the blonde-haired mom came out the front door and called for the second man to come into the house for something. So maybe the woman and the second man are married — I don’t know.

But on my way back from Subway’s, only the blonde man was in the driveway working on the truck, and as I walked passed, he made the horn give a quick little honk.

I was secretly and quietly thrilled! (I am ridiculously shy around men when I find them attractive.) But it was clear that I existed and that he had hormones.

Oh man, gang. It was too cool. However, I will not let my imagination wander because one thing about this area is that everybody is married.

Okay.

I will tell you a secret about how I achieve my stellar success as a writer: I usually do not write when Mercury is retrograde. I find it to be a very difficult mental atmosphere to write anything new in, or to even edit anything in because I never like what I come up with and I constantly change my mind.

Mercury goes direct again tomorrow and I am already feeling the creative change inside me, so I might get back to work on “Novitiate” today!! (The new erotic short story that will round-out Volume 4 of The Muse Revisited, which I will be sending over to Black Lotus Books when it is complete.) So I feel really good about that.

It just feels like a nice November Sunday, all the way around. Plus, today is the day we turned our clocks back an hour, so we get a nice long lazy rainy day here today.

I did sort of celebrate Halloween last evening, by watching the blaxploitation movie from 1972, Blacula, while doing yoga by candlelight.

I love Blacula and own it on video, but it’s actually free to stream in HD on Amazon Prime so I did that instead. The movie is just so very 1972, gang. It’s very sexy and fun and even a little creepy/scary. So that was my Halloween.

Other than that, I was really saddened to hear that the UK is also going back into lockdown this coming week. Just unbelievable, this fucking virus.

Here in Crazeysburg, we are still holding at zero active cases. Schools and churches and stores have been open for several months now, although masks and social distancing are practiced. However, we are in the great wide open here and very few people actually live here (1300 people).

Okay. I’m going to get going here. I hope you have a nice Sunday, wherever you are in the world. Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from this morning – yes, I’m back to The Monkees. Their huge hit: “Daydream Believer” from The Birds, The Bees, and The Monkees (1968). It made for a nice, cheery little breakfast at 5:11am. So listen and enjoy!! I love you guys. See ya.

Happy Halloween!!

October 31, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

I have to say that Halloween means absolutely nothing to me. But if you’re someone who likes to celebrate it, I hope you have a really great night!!

Here, the weather is cold but sunny. We had yet another killer frost all over the ground, the cars, the rooftops — and, yes, my petunias are still alive. They are just amazing, gang. They have almost bloomed themselves out, but they are indeed still alive.

I did get a chance to listen to the Licking Non-Vanilla podcast. Mostly, we talk about erotica — then & now. But if you aren’t interested in erotica, you can tune in just to hear how intense I always fucking am!! About absolutely everything…

It was fun and I will be doing a different podcast with M. Christian soon, on another show. I will keep you posted!

Well, I don’t actually have much to say today. I’m really tired or depressed or something. I’m not sure what. But I still wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. The one and only day that’s perfect for wearing our COVID masks! So have fun.

And if you don’t celebrate, then have a happy Saturday, wherever you are in the world!! Thanks for visiting.

Yesterday Was Odd Here in Crazeysburg

October 30, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

As my lofty post from yesterday indicated, my day started off with a weird tired sort of energy and it just never got better.

And then, quite suddenly — in one of those oh fuck!! kind of head-slapping moments — I remembered I was meeting Kevin, the director of Tell My Bones, for dinner last night!

I was just so tired and so out of sorts. I texted him to see if we were still “on” since the weather was so cold and rainy. And he said “Yes! Definitely!” So…

I washed my hair, put on my eye makeup. Wore something that was actually pretty and not my usual baggy-this and baggy-that, which I hang out in all day when I’m at home. But I was still in a really worn-out frame of mind. And the drive to Lucky Bamboo, where we were meeting for dinner, was 25 miles away, on a dark, rainy, highway, etc.

But once I got to the restaurant and saw Kevin, my whole mood changed. I snapped right out of whatever it was that was weighing me down. And we had a really great time.

Plus, he had a coffee mug made for me, with a painting by Helen LaFrance on it!! I was so thrilled!!

The painting goes all the way around the cup, but I couldn’t figure out the best way to photograph it.

Anyway, you can maybe see that it is a really bright and cheery mug, with perfect fall colors. Plus, it’s Helen’s art. I was just so delighted.

So, my whole mood shifted, just having someone fun to talk to, and also we talked mostly about how the staged reading of the play is shaping up, so it was just a really great evening.

And then I got home and discovered that the podcast I did with M. Christian and Ralph Greco Jr. was now “live”.

I have NOT had a chance to listen to it yet, gang. But it is posted below. My interview is approx. the first 45 minutes. And I was really, seriously touched by what they had to say on their blog last night:

MJL is the bomb! She was so warm, welcoming, and fun to talk with; Chris and I couldn’t have asked for a bigger star and a nicer guest!

Obviously, it was a really nice perk to end my evening by. And I want to stress again, that we really just ended up chatting. It’s a very informal interview. And I have no real recollection of everything we talked about, but I will find out when I listen to it!!

Oh, and then, as I was posting a photo of my new coffee cup to my Instagram Stories last night, I suddenly saw that George Vjestica had been looking at my Stories. I cannot even imagine why. I have followed him for years on Instagram, but I have no clue why he suddenly was looking at my Stories. I’m guessing he was extremely bored and just scrolling all over Instagram, looking up all the various people who “like” his posts.. (He is the guitar player for Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds.)

So the evening had a much better energy than the rest of the day had.

And today is another dark, rainy, cold autumn day here. I’m guessing the kids around this whole area are a little depressed because I think they had to cancel “trick or treat” last night because of the weather. Here in Crazyesburg, though, they do the “trick or treat” thing on the actual night of Halloween — like you’re supposed to do!! So here in Crazeysburg the kids will probably be happy, since tomorrow, the weather is supposed to be splendid. (Another reason why Crazeysburg is the Land that Time Forgot… It is so traditional here and everyone just seems to be really happy about that.)

All righty. Well. I am going to close this. Get my day started and maybe listen to that podcast — or I might wait until later, when I can actually relax. First thing in the morning is not usually the best time to get my complete attention.

And so, I leave you with my breakfast-listening music from today, another Monkees song. This one has been playing in my head for several mornings running when I first wake up, so I finally stuck it in the CD player today. And it was actually my older brother’s favorite Monkees’ song when we were little. There are a lot of horns on this one — “Listen to the Band” from The Monkees Present (1969). Another one sung and written by band-member Mike Nesmith. Okay! Thanks for visiting, gang. I hope you have a really nice Friday underway, regardless of any weather. I love you guys. See ya!!

“Listen To The Band”

Hey, hey, mercy woman, plays a song and no one listens,
I need help I’m falling again.

Play the drum a little louder,
Tell me I can live without her
If I only listen to the band.

Listen to the band!

Weren’t they good, they made me happy.
I think I can make it alone.

Oh, mercy woman, plays a song and no one listens,
I need help I’m falling again.

Play the drum a little bit louder,
Tell them they can live without her
If they only listen to the band.

Listen to the band!

Now weren’t they good, they made me happy.
I think I can make it alone.

Oh, woman, plays a song and no one listens,
I need help I’m falling again.

C’mon, play the drums just a little bit louder,
Tell us we can live without her
Now that we have listened to the band.

Listen to the band!

A Perfect Rainy Day Here in the Hinterlands!

October 29, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

For some reason, the rainy weather seems to have made me really sleepy today. I’m moving at a snail’s pace here. However, the rain is really lovely to look at, since the autumn leaves are now everywhere.

Laundry is now well underway here, and the morning will be spent going over the edits for “Half-Moon Bride,” so that I can get those back to the publisher ASAP. This will be my first time working with this editor so it will be interesting to see the types of changes they suggest making.

I usually just let editors go with whatever they want (within reason, obviously). Writing & reading are just so subjective, and I’d much rather that an editor feel okay about seeing my name in their inbox over time. As an editor myself, over the years you start to really appreciate writers who are receptive and not difficult or too opinionated. And in the long run, a word change here or there, a sentence change — it really doesn’t add up to much if it’s a good story to begin with.

That said, though, if an editor is just really horrible to work with from the start then you absolutely need to get out of your contract. Nothing good is likely to come from that relationship, ever.

Okay! So. First off, due to lockdown restrictions, cinemas in Germany, France, Belgium and Italy have had to close again. The Nick Cave website sent out this link this morning so that you can stay updated about when the film version of Idiot Prayer – Nick Cave Alone at Alexandra Palace will be rescheduled in your region.

Crazeysburg is not at all affected by the lockdown. Currently, the active virus cases here are still at zero. We are, however, affected by the fact that there is no cinema anywhere close to us for about 50 miles… so Idiot Prayer – Nick Cave Alone at Alexandra Palace will not be showing here anytime soon, with or without a virus.

I’ll try to stick this in here so that it won’t get flagged — if you are not accessing a news outlet or a social media platform that is allowing you to keep abreast of Tony Bobulinski, you can always use duck duck go to find out about it. This is a man who is now fearing for his life and the lives of his family. No joke.

All righty!

Back to Nick Cave… He sent out a Red Hand File yesterday that was quite beautiful, about his opinion on the state of the world right now. You can read it at this link here if you so choose!!

Okay, I guess I better scoot, gang. Sorry this is so short. But it feels like everything is just taking forever around here! And the morning is racing by.

Have a lovely Thursday, wherever you are in the world!! I leave you with something lovely to listen to if you, too, have lovely autumn leaves tumbling down where you reside. Nat King Cole, singing “Autumn Leaves.” (Televised, around 1954 or so.) Listen, dream, enjoy. All righty. I love you guys. See ya!

“Autumn Leaves”

The falling leaves drift by the window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sun-burned hands I used to hold

Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I’ll hear old winter’s song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

C’est une chanson, qui nous ressemble
Toi tu m’aimais et je t’aimais
Nous vivions tous, les deux ensemble
Toi que m’aimais moi qui t’aimais
Mais la vie sépare ceux qui s’aiment
Tout doucement sans faire de bruit
Et la mer efface sur le sable les pas des amants désunis

FINALLY!! Thank God!!

October 28, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

Wow, gang! Finally!

My erotic novellas, novels, and short stories WILL NOT have pictures of naked women or girls in their underwear on the covers!!

I have literally waited a lifetime for this.

Yesterday, the publisher emailed me a sample of the cover art for “Half-Moon Bride” and I am really, really happy with it. Not only is it pretty, but it actually has SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE STORY!!!

WHEN you read the story, you will see why this is totally a great cover.

Wow. I am just so happy.

Cover art for my new erotic short story, coming in November from Black Lotus Books

And the publisher also said that all of my titles with them are going to have similar covers, in order to get a sort of visual brand for me.

I am really just so happy about that. I can’t tell you how many book covers I’ve had over the years that I have absolutely hated…

I have had a total of four that I’ve actually liked. And that’s four out of many, many dozens of books published here, in Europe and in Japan over a 30-year period. So I really have waited a long. long time for this.

(Although, I have to say that I did always like this one!! The first time Neptune & Surf came out in French-translation in Paris. The cover photo references the middle novella in the book, titled The Mercy Cure.)

Neptune & Surf, Editions Blanche, Paris 2001

Other than that, yesterday was an intense day. That phone call I mentioned I had to make wound up being a sort of “phone call from Hell.” And I really, really try to be patient with people. I really do. I even try to suffer fools gladly, when time allows. But yesterday — well, I kept my opinion to myself, but inside I was Mount Vesuvius exploding. And it was sort of hard to recover a decent morning from that experience of bullish stupidity, but I eventually did and wound up having a totally decent day. And by evening, I was actually back to being in a really good mood and really excited about my upcoming stuff!! (The play, my new books, etc.)

And here is something else that made me so happy!

Three months ago, I ordered a strange little sextoy from an online company that I had seen on Instagram. I was intrigued enough by the post on Instagram, to look up their website on my computer and I saw this strange little — rather expensive — thing. And it was on sale. And it was one of those retail sites that had a “spin the wheel” dial, where if it was your first purchase with them, you spin the wheel to see what your added discount would be if you purchased something right at that moment.

Well, between it being on sale and the huge additional discount I got, I bought the little thing. And was very, very excited. I could not wait to receive it and see what the heck it really did.

And then a few days later, they emailed me to say that my package was on its way!!!!

From fucking Singapore!!

And I was, like — what??!! How did I manage to buy something from a sextoy company clear around the world?? When there are tons of really good ones right here in the United States of America?

So I looked them up on google and there were a lot of US customers claiming the site was a scam. Not a real site, etc. So I thought, oh crap. Not only was it money down the drain, but I was never going to get to try out my little toy and see if it actually did what it claimed it was going to do…

However!!

Yesterday, when I opened my little mailbox, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a rather beat-up little package, sent from clear across the world, 3 months ago…

It had arrived!!! I was so excited!! It was not a scam!!

Right away, I plugged in its USB thingie and began to charge it. It’s red light was blinking merrily, so clearly it was actually going to work!!

However, it is a little bit “hi tech” and most of the instructions are in Chinese so I haven’t figured out yet how to use it. But I feel confident that I will!! Perhaps even later today!!!

But I was just so happy that it actually existed. And now it is mine!

Okay, well. On that happy note…

I’m gonna get the day started here. I hope you are enjoying your Wednesday, wherever you are in the world! Thanks for visiting, gang. I leave you with my post-apocalyptic-phone-call listening-music from yesterday. I hadn’t listened to this album — or song — in a bazillion years, gang. It really did end up calming me down considerably. So I leave you with it today. “Let It Be,” the titular song from The Beatles’ final album, Let It Be (1970) — quite a huge album from my wee bonny girlhood in Cleveland. (And “Mother Mary” is not Jesus’ mother, btw, but Paul McCartney’s mother, Mary, who died when he was a boy. And since I am not a believer in the divinity of Jesus’ mother, I was actually hoping Paul’s mother was visiting me while I was listening to the song… Perhaps she did. I’m not really sure about that. But something calmed me the fuck down.)

Anyway.

So listen, enjoy, calm down, be happy if at all possible. I love you guys. See ya.

“Let It Be”

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be

For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Welcome to Tuesday!

October 27, 2020 marilyn jaye lewis Leave a comment

First of all, I just had to share this.

Kevin, the director of my play, Tell My Bones, sent this image out on Instagram yesterday — a wonderful painting by Helen LaFrance. I’m guessing this is about 30 years old.

I just love her use of color, light, and perspective.

If you click on it, you can get a better idea of her amazing details. And in case you didn’t know, Helen was taught how to paint when she was about 3 years old, by her mother who used berry juice and old-fashioned laundry bluing as paints, and twigs for paint brushes.

Beyond that, Helen was a self-taught artist, with next to no formal schooling. She never used “live” models — she always painted from memory. (She is still alive, but she is 100 years old, paralyzed from a stroke and in a wheel chair.)

Anyway, I just love that painting. And when I saw it yesterday, it reminded me of why I needed to write about her life. I just wanted everyone to see how wonderful her paintings are.

Plus, she didn’t get true acclaim as an artist until she was in her 80s, when Gus Van Sant Sr. saw her paintings, fell in love with them and became her manager.

Okay, well. I hope things are good wherever you are in the world. My world is just barely holding together but I am doing a really good job at staying positive and doing my best to make it through every single day. I know that the fallout from this virus is taking a really heavy toll on a lot of people all over the world, and I hope that a.) you’re not one of them; and b.) if you are, then you are finding ways to hold on until all of this passes.

One thing that actually really helps me disconnect from my urge to panic, is looking at photos of alpacas and baby goats on Instagram. Man, they are cute. Anything to distract me right now, you know? Anything.

But honestly, if I can get through a day feeling better than I did yesterday, not panicking, and knowing for sure the future holds some really great things, then I feel it was a good day.

Having the staged reading of my play coming up, and the new multi-year publishing deal are keeping me going. Not financially (yet), just in terms of my hope for the future.

I think that even little things like that can have a big impact on our frame of mind and our willingness to keep moving forward. So, if you are having any trouble today, just think of even a small reason to have hope for the future and just sort of dwell on it. And things will improve from that starting point, little by little. They really will.

I have nothing new to report here. I’ll say, though, that I met some older women recently who are just remarkable. And they are the kind of women that I always wished my adoptive mother would have been (meaning, a woman who actually wanted to be a mom). I used to make excuses for why my adoptive mother was so abusive — the primary one being that culturally, she was sort of forced to take on the role of motherhood. It was expected of her by her family and by society, even though she regretted adopting children. But now I think of it more along the lines that she should of had the courage to just give us back if she didn’t really want us, rather than abusing us for our whole lives…

Anyway. It is really nice to be around women who love their children and hearing about the harrowing things they went through with raising them, but that love mattered most. And so everyone eventually got through it as a family.

I always, always, always wished for that. But even to be around women like that at my age now, is a sort of emotional vindication for me.

It’s hard to explain. But it means a lot to me.

Okay, on that note, I have to go because I need to make an important and nerve-wracking phone call. Have a really good Tuesday, wherever you are in the world. Don’t try to make sense of things if they seem too horrible; just look at the good that is left and the good that is still coming. It costs nothing and it can actually help. I leave you with my listening music from last night. Yet another Monkees song, but this one is from The Birds, The Bees, and The Monkees, from 1968, “I’ll Be Back Upon My Feet.” It’s super upbeat. So listen and enjoy. And take care of yourselves. Thanks for visiting. I love you guys. See ya!

“I’ll Be Back Upon My Feet”

Girl, I know the grass is greener, just around the bend.
Got to say, “Goodbye!” but don’t you fear.
Though the road is dark and I might fail to find the end
I won’t disappear.

I’ll be back upon my feet.
I’ll be back upon my feet.
Chase the moon and sun to find my one and only you.
I’ll be back upon my feet.
I’ll be back upon my feet.
Looking high, I’m looking low.
When I find my boots I know I got to go.

Maybe I will be a star, or maybe just a clown.
Girl, I’ll never know until I try.
Maybe I will meet a girl who’ll try to keep me down.
But you don’t have to cry.